The group walked out to their cars in the church parking lot where they said good-bye. Brian and Sonja left first with Aaron leaving Kevin, AJ, Sarah, and Howie standing at Howie’s truck talking.
AJ said, "So why haven’t you shared that voice of yours with us before, baby?"
Sarah shook her head, "I’m not that good….not like you guys."
"You don’t give yourself enough credit," said Kevin. "You were AWESOME tonight, Sarah."
Howie was holding Sarah around the waist as she leaned against him. "What happened to make you doubt yourself?"
Sarah laughed softly, "You know me too well!"
"Well, what happened?" prodded AJ.
"Russell…that’s what happened."
"That man REALLY did a number on you, didn’t he?" asked Kevin. "What was his problem? I mean, damn, he had one hell of a good woman."
Sarah smiled, "You’re sweet, Kev. No, I was young and foolish and in love. He use to tell me I wasn’t any good and that I’d never do anything with my music. See, I use to want to be in the music business but he kept telling me that I needed to find a job for a woman….IF I was going to insist on working. He had the belief that a woman’s place was in the home, barefoot and pregnant."
AJ and Kevin shook their heads in disbelief as Kevin said, "That kind of thinking went out in the fifties. He REALLY was a jerk."
"That’s why I left him. Oh, having him fool around on me and hit me were the MAIN reasons but his other beliefs didn’t help HIS case any."
"Sounds like a caveman. Me TARZAN…You, Jane," cracked AJ as he beat his chest.
As Sarah yawned, Howie looked at his watch and said, "Let’s go, Angel. It’s getting late."
Kevin and AJ both gave Sarah a kiss on the cheek as they said good-bye and then they all headed their own directions. Sarah thought they were headed home to Cocoa Beach but Howie had other plans. He had to get her to go to sleep so she wouldn’t know what he was up to until he was well on the way.
Fortunately for Howie, Sarah decided to lay down with her head on his lap. She had to use his coat as a cushion where the armrest was but she didn’t mind. With her head on his leg, Howie ran his fingers through her hair and looking down at her when he got the chance.
Softly, Sarah asked, "You really think I’m good?"
"Yes…I thought you were FANTASTIC, Angel. I want you to forget what Russell ever did to you. Your place is BESIDE me, NOT behind me, Sarah. If you want a career in music, let me help you. I’ll do whatever it takes to support you."
Sarah looked up at him, "I never doubted that."
As Sarah lay with her head in Howie’s lap, he headed north towards Jacksonville along I-95. That afternoon, Howie had called Sarah’s dad at her grandparents’ house in the western part of Virginia and learned that it was indeed snowing. He had seen how much she missed Christmases with her grandparents and the snow and had decided to take her to Virginia for Christmas. His sisters and mother had helped him by going to his condo and packing some clothes for them and bringing them to the club. His mother was a little disappointed that they wouldn’t be around for Christmas but she understood. He had also made sure that their responsibilities for the next few days were covered.
By the time he reached the city limits, Sarah was sound asleep. The only sounds in the truck were the radio softly playing Christmas music and the sounds of the road. As he drove, Howie thought about his relationship with Sarah. They had been through so much in the last few months but they had found their way back to each other and he loved her with all he was. She had walked out of his dreams and into his life, stealing his heart as she went. The way she looked at him, the way she called his name when they made love, the way her eyes lit up like stars in the sky when she was happy…they were all the little things that he loved about her. All he wanted to do was take care of her, make her happy, and protect her.
Howie’s first stop was just south of Atlanta and as he pulled into the quiet truck stop, the bright lights woke Sarah. She sat up rubbing her eyes and looked around confused. Sleepily, she asked, "Where are we?"
"Just outside of Atlanta."
Shocked, Sarah asked, "What are you doing?"
"I’m working on one more Christmas present for you."
Sarah looked at him as he grinned trying to be innocent but giving in to laughter. "What are you up to, Howard Dwaine?"
Getting out of the truck, Howie teased, "Oh, about 5’6"."
Sarah got out too, "Oh, you think you’re so cute, don’t you?"
"No…I don’t think, I KNOW I am." Pulling his wallet out, Howie tossed it to her and said, "Get me some coffee, Angel, and whatever you want."
"Are you hungry?"
Eyeing her sexily, "Mmmmm…yeah, for something sweet."
Sarah looked around. "Well, there’s a hotel just across the
road."
Howie laughed, "I want to have you in Virginia for lunch with your family.
Maybe on the way home."
"I’ll get you something."
Howie watched Sarah walk into the truck stop and feeling himself becoming aroused, he thought, ‘Damn…that hotel sounds pretty good…she ALWAYS does this to me.’
They weren’t at the truck stop long…just to get gas, coffee, and a snack…and then they were headed to Virginia. Sarah had offered to drive but Howie had refused. So, as he drove, she lay back down with her head in his lap and he sang her to sleep.
They reached Virginia a little over twelve hours after leaving Orlando. It was snowing lightly and there was already a good foot on the ground. Howie didn’t have any trouble finding Sarah’s grandparents’ house and her cousins, nieces, and nephews playing in the snow greeted them.
Sarah had been awake for the better part of the morning and when they pulled into the yard, she realized that they were wearing clothes for the warm weather of Orlando. "D, it’s freezing here and we don’t have any clothes."
Howie grinned, "Don’t panic, Angel. My sisters and mother packed us some warm clothes and the bags are in the back."
Surprised, Sarah asked, "How long have you been planning this?"
"Not long," answered Howie as he wrapped his jacket around her. "Come on, your family is waiting for you."
Sarah leaned to him and gave him a kiss, "Thank you!"
Sarah’s family greeted them on the front porch, excited to see them. Some of Sarah’s younger cousins were in shock having Howie there and they both heard her nieces taunting them.
"See….I TOLD you Aunt SaSa was dating one of the Backstreet Boys," sneered Ashley.
Courtney, another of Sarah’s nieces, remarked, "And we’ve gotten to go on a cruise with him."
Sarah thought it was cute but she said, "Okay, you two…don’t be so mean."
Howie said to Sarah’s cousins, "Don’t worry, you’ll get to spend time with me and they won’t be able to tease you any more."
Lunch was waiting for the couple and it was a wonderful mix of Howie getting to know Sarah’s family and them sharing stories about Sarah. Sarah couldn’t believe some of the stories they told and was extremely embarrassed by it all but Howie loved it.
After lunch, Sarah decided to go get a shower and Howie joined her parents and grandparents in the family room. As they sat talking, Howie decided to take advantage of Sarah not being around.
"Mrs. Taylor, I met Alison and Vanessa not too long ago and they mentioned having pictures of Sarah when they were younger. Sarah QUICKLY told them not to show THAT picture. Do you know which picture she was talking about?"
Mrs. Taylor laughed, "I know EXACTLY which one she’s talking about and you’re lucky, I have a copy of it in our photo albums. Would you like to see it or wait until Sarah’s around?"
"I’ll wait until she’s around. I want to see her expression too when I see it."
A little while later, Sarah joined them wearing one of her brothers’ jerseys and a pair of jeans. She had her hair in a ponytail and she was barefooted. She sat beside him on the couch, resting her head on his shoulder as he put his arm around her.
"Aren’t you tired, ‘D’?"
"A little but your mom was just telling me she has some terrific pictures of you when you were little."
Sarah didn’t know that her mother had a copy of that picture so she readily agreed to look at old pictures with Howie. Her mother handed him the first album and he started flipping though it. There were all kinds of pictures of Sarah as a baby and a toddler and they were all in the album in order. When he reached the pictures of Sarah at the age of four, she wasn’t too concerned but then it happened. THAT picture popped out at her.
"MOM!" shouted Sarah as she tried to pull the album out of Howie’s hands.
Howie started laughing as he easily held her back. "Now, now!"
Mr. Taylor said sternly, "Sarah, stop acting so immature. It’s only a picture."
"But Daddy…."whined Sarah.
Howie cringed. "Oh, you HAVE got to stay AWAY from Nick. Now, settle down," he said trying to be stern.
Howie took the photo album as Sarah sat back pouting. There she was with three other girls looking extremely adorable. They were all wearing pink Sunday dresses, black leather patent shoes, and grinning happily for the camera only HIS angel was making herself memorable. Howie picked Sarah out easily…she was the one pulling her dress up for all to see her cute little white lace ruffle underwear.
Trying hard not to laugh, Howie asked, "How old were you then?"
"Four."
"Point out Ali and Ness." Sarah pointed to each one and Howie asked, "I take it the one beside you is Chrissy?"
"Yes."
Howie snickered, "You’re SO cute."
"God….how embarrassing," said Sarah as she buried her face in his shoulder.
"No, I’m glad I saw it. I understand you SO much better, " laughed Howie.
Sarah’s father said, "There are more pictures that I’m sure she
doesn’t want you to see somewhere."
"This is enough to blackmail her with. She misbehaves, I’ll just show it
to the other guys, especially Kevin and AJ."
"You wouldn’t dare?"
"Try me, Sarah."
Sarah looked at Howie and knew he was playing but she didn’t want to take any chances because she knew her father was right. There were more pictures and she didn’t want ANYONE to see them. "Okay…I’ll behave, but you’re NO fun," mumbled Sarah.
Howie and Sarah continued looking at the pictures and Sarah told him about some of them as they went. He laughed when he saw her in a duck costume but she quickly reminded him of his outfit in "As Long As You Love Me" video and he let it go.
When they were done looking at pictures, Sarah went to show him where her room was and where the bathroom was so he could get a shower. She left him there and went back down to be with her family and wait for him. When he never returned, Sarah went to check on him and found him sound asleep, his hair wet from his shower. She pulled a blanket over him, kissed him gently on the cheek, and let him sleep.
Later that night, Sarah went up to wake Howie so that they could go with the other adults sledding. She had gotten her brothers to bring in their bags so that he could get dressed.
"What time is it?" asked Howie sleepily.
"Almost nine."
"Why didn’t you wake me?"
"You were tired, D. You’d been up for more than 24 hours and driven twelve."
"But I wanted to spend time with you."
"That’s why I woke you now. My brothers and their wives are getting ready
to go sledding out back. They’ve got a bon fire going for us and it’s
starting to snow again. Mama saved a plate of dinner for you so come on."
Howie got up but realized he was wearing just a towel. He looked at Sarah and said, "Angel, you’d better go on back down. I’ll be there in a minute."
Sarah laughed, "Getting modest all of a sudden?"
"No, but I want you REALLY bad and I’m NOT about to make love to you in your parents house…not after the cruise and your father’s suggestion of separate living arrangements."
"First of all, this is my grandparents’ house…."
"All the more reason!" said Howie as he gave her a kiss. "Now go on you little tramp. Let me get dressed."
Sarah ran her hands across his chest giving him a pout. "No…I like you the way you are."
"I’m sure you do but I can’t go outside like this," said Howie as he pushed her to the door. "I’ll be down in a few minutes."
Sarah stopped at the door and gave him another kiss. "I love you, Howie."
"I love you too, Angel."
Sarah left and went back downstairs with her grandparents. Her grandmother looked at her as she seemed to float into the room and smiled.
"Sarah, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this. Russell certainly never made you this happy."
"No, you’re right, Mom. Howie is so good to me. We weren’t coming to Virginia at all since Mama and Daddy had joined us on the cruise but he knew how much I missed everyone. We were suppose to go to Mass with his mother today and have lunch with her."
"He gave up his family for you to be with yours? That’s a wonderful man," said Sarah’s Aunt Sandra as she came into the room.
"Definitely. He’s SUCH a family man too. Mom, I have a favor to ask."
"What’s that, honey?"
"Do you have any objections to Howie and me sharing a room?"
"Not at all. I trust you to do the right thing."
Sarah hugged her grandmother, "Thank you so much."
About that time, Howie came down.
"You look more rested than when you got here," said Sarah’s grandfather.
"I feel better too," smiled Howie. "I’m use to the long hours when I’m touring but it’s hard when you haven’t done it in a while."
"Sarah, take him to the kitchen and let him get something to eat before you two go out," said her grandmother.
Sarah and Howie went to the kitchen together holding hands and her mother warmed the plate of food she had for him. They sat with her parents while Howie ate dinner and talked about the church service and the Christmas party for the kids. Her parents were thrilled to hear that Sarah was singing again.
That night, Howie got to see a part of Sarah that he’d never seen, her with her family. They were close and he could tell now that she missed having them close to her in Florida. They laughed, played in the snow, and had a good time together. Howie kept her close to him, wanting to hold her, to let the world know that this was HIS angel and that he loved her.
At one point in the night, Sarah snuck up behind Howie and put a handful of snow down his back. As she tried to get away from him, he managed to grab her and they fell in the snow together. Howie lay on top of her, his hands on the sides of her face as he kissed her.
"You’re mean, you know that?" he asked as he pulled back from her.
"Not me!" said Sarah trying to be innocent.
"Yes! YOU! That was COLD!" laughed Howie.
"Oh, the poor Florida boy can’t handle the cold snow?" teased Sarah.
"Oh…I can handle the snow. Question is, can you handle me when I get even?"
Smiling seductively, Sarah said, "Yep….I CAN handle you, D!"
Howie laughed too, "Yeah, you can handle me."
The next day, after most of Sarah’s family was gone, she took him for a walk on the farm showing him everything about her grandparents’ farm. They walked down to the snow-covered pond and through the forest behind it. Howie loved seeing Sarah like this. She practically glowed with happiness.
At one point along their walk, Howie stopped her. He pulled her back to him and put his hands on her waist. Looking into her eyes, he said, "Sarah, I am so glad that I brought you here. I haven’t seen you this happy or relaxed in some time."
Sarah smiled, "I feel better being here….like nothing can touch us."
"Nothing CAN touch us, Sarah. I want to marry you….there’s no secret about that but I want things for us to settle down in Orlando, so you can ALWAYS be like this. It’s going to be hard enough on us with the tour, especially since it’s going to be longer than last time. We don’t need the added pressure of what’s going on."
"But, Howie, if we let Russell keep us from getting married, then he’s winning."
"Not necessarily. He wins if we break up which we’re NOT going to do. Sarah, you’ve got to get help with the bulimia too. I don’t know for sure, but you’ve stopped gaining weight and I have a feeling that you’re still either starving yourself or purging."
Sarah hung her head. She thought she’d covered herself enough to keep Howie from finding out but he knew her too well. In fact, she had purged after dinner the night before with him asleep and now she wasn’t about to lie to him about it. She whispered, "Yes, I’m still doing it….not as much as before."
"Once is too much, Sarah. When was the last time?"
"Last night after dinner…while you were sleeping."
Howie lifted her chin to look into her eyes. She saw the seriousness in his eyes
as he said, "Sarah, I’m NOT going to propose until you get over this.
This is JUST as serious as AJ’s drinking. You can’t play around with
it."
Tears streamed down Sarah’s cheeks. "Howie, it’s hard!"
"I know it is, Sarah, but god, you’ve got everyone’s support….Kevin, AJ, Nick, Brian, Becca…..We ALL want to see you get passed it!! What’s it going to take?"
"I don’t know."
Howie hated what he was about to say because he wanted the time with her before heading out on tour but it had to be said. "Sarah, when we get back to Orlando, I want you to look into the clinic…check in if you have to but I want you to get help."
"Howie, I don’t want to be away from you."
"Neither do I but until you can deal with this……"
Sarah didn’t want to hear any more of what he had to say and she took off for the house at a fast pace. It was tough going because of the snow but she was in fairly good shape.
Howie was in just as good a shape as she was though and he caught up with her easily. He grabbed her by the waist and turned her to face him. "Damnit, don’t walk away from me when we’re talking. Sarah, I love you and I want to help you."
Angrily, Sarah said, "Then don’t give me an ultimatum."
"It’s not an ultimatum, Sarah."
"Then what do you call telling me that you aren’t going to propose until I get things under control?"
Howie knew she was right and he said, "Okay….so I did give you an ultimatum. Sarah, please…..let me help you. Have I put too much responsibility on you?"
"No, that doesn’t bother me. It’s Russell and what he’s doing to me. And every once in a while, it’s the guilt of losing our baby."
"Not to be mean but Sarah, if you hadn’t been doing this and you’d taken care of yourself, you wouldn’t have lost the baby."
"Oh…so you DO blame me?"
Howie shook his head. He really didn’t want to argue with her and that wasn’t what he had meant. "Sarah, WE ARE both to blame for all that. I SHARE the blame for what happened. Angel….all I’m saying is, I want you to get well."
Tears were streaming down Howie’s cheeks as well making Sarah feel that much worse. She knew he loved her and that he wanted what was best for her. She leaned her head against his chest and said, "I know. They have an outpatient program that is more aggressive than the counseling we’ve been going to. I can enroll in that and we’ll still be together. I think they’ll still want you involved."
"I’ll do whatever it takes to help you get well, Sarah. I love you!"