The silence was strained as Becca picked nervously at the sheets, avoiding Nick's eyes. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he took her hand in his, stroking the top with his thumb and finally she looked at him. Becca looked in to his eyes, red and swollen from crying and he seemed to have aged in the time since they had brought her into the E.R. Once again her eyes filled and her lip trembled.

"I'm so sorry ." They spoke in unison, and the dam of emotions broke. Both wept as Nick pulled her up into his arms, holding her as she sobbed against his shoulder. He held her tightly against his chest, rocking her gently as she poured out all the anguish and pain she'd been holding in for so long.

Gently he smoothed the hair back from her face, carefully avoiding the patch of gauze that covered her stitches. There were so many things he needed to say, and he had no idea where to start, no idea how to begin, but in the end it was so simple. Kissing her hair, he simply whispered, "I love you, Bec. I love you so damn much."

Becca sat back, searching his eyes and finding the truth in his words. "Me too. Nick, I - I wanta go home."

"We have to talk about this, Bec."

She nodded her head. "I know, but I want to be at home."

"Let me see what I can do." Softly he pressed a kiss to her lips. "Don't go away." 

She snorted. "As if. I'm wearing a gown with no back -" She saw the look he gave her and scowled. "Don't go there, Carter. Besides, I can't walk." Becca tried to move her ankle and winced. "Ow, damn that hurts."

Just then the door swung open. "Well, this is certainly an improvement. You must have heard the rumor that we wanted you to join us for breakfast in the morning." Dr. Peterson grinned, pulling out a penlight to look at Becca's eyes. "Looks good, no sign of concussion, although you'll have a devil of a headache by morning." Looking from one to the other, she continued. "Let's talk, Becca."

Becca leaned back against the pillows, reaching for Nick and scooting over as he sat beside her.

"You're not pregnant." She paused as both Nick and Becca sighed with relief. "However -" she paused, letting them see the seriousness of what she was about to say. "The fact that you're under enough stress to affect your menstrual cycle is alarming, Becca. Something has to be done to your life, your work, whatever it takes, to reduce the amount of pressure you're feeling."

Becca didn't miss the way Nick fidgeted next to her.

"If you DON'T slow down, a fainting spell or two will be the least of your problems. As for your ankle, there's a tiny fracture, but not enough to cast it. We have it wrapped tightly and that should be enough. We'll need to see you back here in two weeks for another set of x-rays. At the same time we can probably remove the stitches in your forehead, all right?"

Becca nodded silently.

"Now . do I need to lecture the both of you about taking precautions with sex?" She paused for effect. "I didn't think so," she said as both Nick and Becca ducked their heads, blushing. "Are you going to be going home alone when I release you tonight?" 

"She'll be coming to my place for a day or two. She can't be walking around, can she?"

"No, she really shouldn't, but that wasn't why I was asking. Becca, I need to give you something to shock your system into regularity again. It won't be pleasant and the cramping could last for several days. I'll send you home with a prescription for pain medication and a mild sedative. Don't be afraid to use it." Looking at Nick she added, "Make her take it."

"Thanks Doc." He pulled Becca against his side, hugging her tightly.

"I'll give her the injection and help her dress. Take this," she scribbled out a prescription, "take this down the hall to the pharmacy and by the time you get back she'll be ready to go."

As Nick turned to go, he saw Becca wince as the meds were injected into her arm and a tear slipped down her face.

"Be right back," he whispered.

****

Howie headed the car to the interstate while Sarah called Brian. They spoke for a few minutes and then Howie took the phone. He hadn’t wanted to drive all the way back to Cocoa Beach tonight given that it was a three hour trip and they both had to get up in the morning. Brian quickly agreed to let the two of them crash at his place so that’s where Sarah and Howie were headed. Howie had considered Kevin’s first but remembered that Sarah had introduced him to Vanessa and AJ was definitely out.

After talking to Brian, Sarah nestled her head on Howie’s shoulder and listened to the radio as Howie drove. The local station played ‘Show Me the Meaning Of Being Lonely’ and Howie could feel her tears on his shoulder. He reached up and tenderly stroked her hair. He sang along softly with the radio and his own tears slid silently down his cheeks.

After several miles of driving, Howie realized that Sarah was asleep. He looked sideways at her and saw she had her hand on her stomach. He had seen pictures of her pregnant with Jesse but he now tried to envision her pregnant with *his* child. She would be about three months along and from past experience with Caroline, he knew she wouldn’t be showing just yet. He whispered softly, "Maybe next year, Angel."

At Brian’s house, Howie woke Sarah as he pulled into the driveway and as they walked to the house, she had her head on his shoulder. Brian was up waiting for them and greeted them sleepily. Sarah gave him a kiss on the cheek and then headed to his spare bedroom.

Howie watched her and Brian asked, "Is she okay?"

"I guess so. It’s just been a long day and she’s tired. Thanks for letting us crash here."

"No problem, D! I’ll see you in the morning."

Howie found Sarah already stripped down and in bed. She was drifting off to sleep as he lay beside her, putting his arms around her. He kissed her softly on the neck and began to sing ‘What Makes You Different’ softly to her. She snuggled closer to him and fell asleep easily.

Several hours later, Howie woke to the sounds of Sarah crying in her sleep. He reached over and gathered her in his arms. "Shhhh....Sarah, it’s okay. I’m right here. It’s just a dream," he said soothingly.

Sarah woke in his arms crying softly. Her body trembled as she remembered the dream. "Hold me, Howie."

Howie tightened his hold as he said, "I AM holding you, Angel."

Crying still, "I can’t feel you."

Pulling her as close to his body as possible, Howie put his leg across hers. "Is this better?"

Sarah nodded ‘yes’ and continued crying as Howie held her close.

When he felt her calming down, Howie asked, "What was the dream about?"

"A combination of several things; Russell, Jesse, our baby, losing you."

"Angel, you aren’t going to lose me. I’m right here and NOTHING is going to take me away from you."

"I have to know why Ali and Ness are here."

"We’ll find out, but Sarah, Russell can’t hurt you. I’m going to protect you."

"You can’t protect me from the hurt of losing my babies."

"No, but I can hold you and reassure you that the pain will lessen. There will be other babies and I know they can’t replace Jesse or ours, but it will help. There’s going to be lots of babies....beautiful little girls with crystal blue eyes like their mothers....."

"And little boys with their daddy’s voice and his eyes and his eyelashes," whispered Sarah.

"That’s it, Angel," whispered Howie as he placed his hand on her stomach. "Beautiful little miracles that will come from a love that is so powerful."

Sarah rolled over to face Howie and he took her face in his hands kissing her tenderly. "Howie, make love to me," whispered Sarah and he did. They made love tenderly and passionately. Howie moved slowly, running his hands over her body, touching all the spots he knew so well. He showered her with kisses where his hands had touched. And Sarah....she held on to him, needing to feel every inch of him, wanting to be one with him, hungry for his kisses, his touch.

The couple fell asleep again entwined in each other, at peace with the love they shared.

Part 30        Prelude Index       The Dance Saga Index