It was around 10:00 in the morning. Dawn was in school and Willow was at college, Buffy didn't have her shift at the Double meat palace until very late in the afternoon, so she didn't have to wake up that early. However, at 10:05, she jumped out of bed feeling so hyper she had to do something, anything, she needed to move.

It was one of those mornings, when you feel like doing something you never ever do. So she jumped right out of her bed and she said to herself in a quizzical tone as grabbing her own chin. "Uhm, I think this house needs cleaning. Yeah, It does" She immediately answered to herself.

Twenty minutes later, there was a Buffy wearing sweat pants, a tank top, a scarf over her head, and pretty well armed with a broom; decided to turn the place head over feet in order to "clean it". 

This kind of morning obsession was becoming pretty usual to Buffy, it was probably her lack of morning activities or the excess of energy in her body. Anyways, whatever it was, the thing is that almost every other morning, Buffy would wake up feeling like doing something. She even felt like dancing once, and she only stopped doing it, when she realized it was Sunday and that she was being stared at by her sister and friends.

Now she felt like cleaning, so she obeyed her impulses without even questioning them and started cleaning the living room, then the kitchen, the back yard, the garage, her room, Will's room. Everyplace, well, almost everyplace.

With still a very big amount of energy, Buffy glanced at her watch expecting it to be time to take a shower, change, and go to work; however, it was not. It was barely 2:00, and Buffy still felt like cleaning. 

She never questioned her impulses. It was weird at the beginning yeah to feel like doing stupid things, but she never paid that much attention to it, she only did the stuff her body asked her to. And this time, after having cleaned at an amazing speed her whole house, she still felt like cleaning. She sat in the floor and sighed as she looked at the only room that was left to clean, Dawn's room.

The announcement at her door was very very specific, it was a very big "DO NOT ENTER" sign. But regardless of the sign, Buffy contemplated the room, and obeying to her new pathology, she walked towards the knob. She stood in there for a minute or so, analyzing the situation. She concluded afterwards it was no big deal really. One because Dawn was at school, Two because what could she be hiding that Buffy couldn't see? She had been a teenager too, there was nothing to surprise her. So having thought already about it, she entered to clean her sister's room.

After thirty minutes of hard work, she had already annihilated the mess Dawn's room usually was. She thought "Dawn's gonna be so grateful I did this to her room, she won't recognize it when she comes back".

Realizing that she had cleaned absolutely every room in the house, she felt like there was nothing more to clean, and sat on Dawn's bed for a while, but when she did, she had to jump as if she had sat on something. Mechanically, she turned around to se what it was, but it was nothing. She sat again, and again she felt that weird thing under her. She stood up again and touched the spot where she had been sitting on, there was nothing apparently. She looked under the covers, and there was nothing. Then, she looked under the mattress and there she saw a little black box that her curiosity made her take out.

The box was little and kind of cute, she opened it and inside it there were a lot of papers. She wanted to close it again and leave it where it was, but her curiosity had taken power over her already and she started to look at the papers.

She felt really surprised when she saw they were envelopes, all of them closed. But that was not the reason she was surprised. They were letters that Dawn had been keeping. The sender, Dawn Summers and the receiver, Buffy Summers. That was what called Buffy's attention, first of all because both of them lived in the same house and there was no need to use letters to communicate, and second of all because some of them were kind of old, and she never ever gave a single one of her letters to her sister. Buffy would recall receiving a letter from Dawn.

She stared at the envelopes for a while hesitantly. She wanted to open them and read them, after all they were for her, but she wouldn't dare to, would she?. Buffy took out all the envelopes from the little box. She observed they were all ordered by date, and that there was one almost everyday ever since the last six months. No need to say that this looked very weird and suspicious to Buffy. And using as a excuse that this might be something powerful and dangerous, Key or slayer related, she picked the oldest envelope and opened it carefully, She read:





Dear Buffy,

It's been two years already since you came back from heaven and you seem to be doing a very good progress. These years have been very tough for us; mom died, and also did Tara. We've lost two of the most important people in our lives, and we've been through a very challenging moment.

I know you should probably be wondering why I am telling this to you if it is obvious, but most importantly you must be asking to yourself why I am sending letters to you if your room is right next to mine. 

"True" Buffy repeated to herself when she finished reading that line, then, continued reading.

It is probably because paper resists anything at all, but words don't. There are certain things I can't just tell you; however, if I write them, there's always the chance that I get enough courage to get on my feet and give it to you.

"Ok, this is weird" She said, but she never stopped reading.

Even if I gave you the background to all of this, you are still going to think that I'm sick or that I am just joking, but either way I will. You know? As I told you, these past years have been very hard for me to get through, I think that they were for you too. And well, I didn't go crazy just because something, or someone, had enough strength to hold me together and not to let me fall apart. That someone is you Buffy. You're the most incredible and amazing person in the whole world.

"How sweet" Buffy said to herself as she continued reading her sister's unsent letter.

And you see? I have tried, I swear I have tried. I would have also tried to talk to someone, but they wouldn't understand, and I think that neither would you. If mom were still alive, I think she would have probably disowned me, and I think your reaction is going to be quite similar and that you're going to end up kicking me out of the house. 

"Huh?" Buffy frowned without understanding, but hurried back to the letter in order to see what it was all about.

Buffy, you've been so good to me and everything, you've taught me so many things, and you've made me the person I am now. I'm sorry Buffy, I really am, but I think that somewhere in between I got it all wrong, and now I have a crush on you.

Buffy felt a weird energy go through all her body when she read this, it was like goose bumps, yet she didn't feel angry, she only kept on reading.

I know this is so weird, it is for me too. I never thought I could ever like my sister that way, even though you're not really my sister. I mean you are, in my memory, in your memory. But we're not really really sisters. I know you're probably thinking I am only using that to excuse myself for even thinking about this, and probably I am Buffy. But the thing is that I don't know why or when, but I fell for you. You were my best friend, you were the glue that held me together, you were the shoulder I could cry on whenever I was feeling down, you were the one to make me laugh when I was sad… Buffy you were the one, you are the one. And sometimes I think this is pretty much fucked up because I have so found the person I wanna be with, but she is my family, or she is in my memory or I don't know… I, I feel really guilty for what I am feeling towards you now, I know it is wrong in so many levels, and you don't know how much I would give just to hear from anyone that this is not wrong, that I am not sick and disgustingly insane. I wish that somehow you corresponded me , that you understood me, that you loved me like I love you. I know myself too well, and I know I am never going to get the courage to give this to you, so if you're reading it, it is either because I gave it to you and then ran away or because I ran away and then gave it to you.

I don't think you're still reading the letter, so this last part is just for the trash can. Buffy I am really really sorry to hurt you like this. I know you gave me everything, and yet I am paying you in such a bad way. This was not supposed to happen, it was not planned. I didn't mean to fall for you, yet I just can't go back on my feelings. Buffy I love you, and if loving you like I do is a sin, then I am so guilty of charge.

I'm sorry to put you through all of this Buffy… forgive me Please,



Dawn.






Buffy felt terrible after reading that letter. She knew now why that big "DO NOT ENTER" sign was right out her door. She could put things back in place, but she would NEVER be able to look at her sister in the same old way. She regretted what she had done, because there was no way she could ever pretend she didn't read that.

However, about the letter, she was in shock. She had no opinions at all. It was like if her brain was hollow or something like that, because she was still right there. Not daring to believe what she had just seen, or thinking about anything. She just sat in the floor against the bed with the letter in her hands looking at nowhere. But what Buffy wasn’t counting with was that Dawn comes back from school everyday at 2:30, except for Fridays, on which she stays after school for some club. And it was not Friday. 

So, as usual, Dawn came back home, opened the door with her key, and headed upstairs to her room to change. She was expecting to find her room messy as usual, but she had a bad feeling when she opened the door and saw everything was in order. Then, she lowered her head and saw an absent Buffy sitting in the floor reading... “WHATTHEFUCK?”

This made Buffy jump out of her thoughts, try to hide the letter and say “I.. I’m sorry Dawn”

“Buffy how could you?”

“I was just cleaning”

“Well DUH! I can notice, but what the hell are you doing going through my stuff?”

“I..

“Gimme that” Dawn yelled taking the paper out of Buffy’s hand mad.

“We need to talk about it Dawnie, I..

“Don’t Dawnie me now!” Dawn said crying

“Don’t cry Dawn, it is alright” Buffy said taking her sister in arms.

“LET GO OFF ME” Dawn said pulling back angry, then swallowed hard and said “Don’t you see what you just did Buffy?”

“Huh?”

“You know what?! There is a reason I never sent those letters to you Buffy, because I didn’t want you to read them. I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO READ THEM”

“It had to happen eventually. How do you think I feel?”

“I don’t know. I don’t care alright. You, you should just kick my ass and throw me out the house”

“I will never hurt you Dawnie, you got it all wrong, I don’t hate you”

“Yeah you do. Damn Buffy, why can’t you just keep your nose out of my stuff?” Dawn cried hard.

“Dawnie... “ She said grabbing her sister in arms and caressed her hair.

Dawn swallowed hard, shut her eyes feeling an indescriptible pain in her stomach, and sobbing, she whispered “Forgive me”

“Dawnie there’s no...

Then, Dawn interrupted her sister grabbing her head and putting her lips on Buffy’s mouth and moving slowly. It didn’t go much time before Buffy pushed her sister away slowly.

“You see? You hate me”

“DAWN I DON’T HATE YOU. It is just that...

Dawn interrupted her saying “Yeah, that is is wrong, that I am sick, that...” she sobbed and sat on the floor taking her hands to her head.

“Don’t do that to yourself Dawn” Buffy said offering a hand to her sister to get up.

Dawn took Buffy’s hand, held her with all her strenght, and cried for a while.

“Don’t you see I love you?” Said Dawn to herself forgetting Buffy is a slayer and that she can hear her.

Buffy swallowed very hard, and despite that every muscle of her body adviced her against it. She closed her eyes and leaned in to kiss Dawn. Dawn was so surprised she couldn’t move at first, but then, corresponded the kiss begging that Buffy wouldn’t pull away.

When she did pull away, she realized that Buffy was still with her eyes closed. Dawn then realized what a horrible thing she had done, and wanted to go away running. And she did, but when she was in the doorstep, Buffy grabbed her wrist and stopped her.

Dawn turned around, and managed to look at Buffy in the eye in spite of herself. “I... I...

“I hate you” Dawn completed her sister’s sentence.

“No” Buffy interrupted her... “I.. “ she cleared her throat, and then continued her statement “I.. I have tought about it too”

“Come on Buffy. I ain’t in the mood for joking right now”

“I ain’t either” Buffy said holding Dawn and placing another kiss on her lips.

Buffy pulled away at last, and then without breaking the embrace she looked at Dawn’s eyes and told her “I thought of this once or twice, and you can’t imagine how bad I felt. I want you too Dawn, but it is kind of hard getting used to the idea, so please let’s just take it slowly”

“ok” nodded Dawn.



End.

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