Some assembly required

  Buffy: "Come on, Stephan. Rise and shine. Some of us have a ton of trig
homework waiting."

Angel: "Is this a bad time?"
Buffy: "Are you crazy? You don't just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You
make noise when you walk. You stomp or yodel."

Angel: "'Danced with' is a pretty loose term. 'Mated with' might be a little
closer."
Buffy: "Don't you think you're being a little unfair? It was one little dance, which
I only did to make you crazy. By the way, behold my success."

Angel: "See? Whenever we fight, you always bring up the vampire thing."
Buffy: "Well, I didn't come here to fight!"
Stephan Vampire: "Rargh!!!"
Buffy: "Ooh! Oh right, I did!"

Buffy: "Gee, I wish people wouldn't leave open graves laying around like this."

Buffy: "Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood."
Xander: "Well, it actually kind of turns me on."
Buffy: "I fear you."

Buffy: "You also might wanna' avoid words like 'amenable' and 'indecorous'.
You know? Speak English, not whatever they speak in, uh..."
Giles: "England?"
Buffy: "Yeah. You just say, 'Hey, I got a thing. You maybe have a thing. Maybe
we could have a thing?'"
Giles: "Well thank you, Cyrano."
Buffy: "I'm not finished. Then you say, 'How do you feel about Mexican?'"
Giles: "About Mexicans?"
Buffy: "Mexican. Food. You take her for food, for which you then pay."

Xander: "So this chair woman, we are talking Ms. Calendar, right?"
Giles: "What makes you think that?"
Xander: "Simple deduction. Ms. Calendar is reasonably dollsome, especially for
someone in your age bracket. She already knows you're a school librarian, so
you don't have to worry about how to break that embarrassing news to her."
Buffy: "And she's the only woman we've ever seen actually speak to you. Add it
up and it all spells 'Duh!'"

Xander: "Now is it time to have a talk about the facts of life?"
Giles: "You know, I'm suddenly deciding this is none of your business."
Xander: "You know, 'cause that whole stork thing is a smoke screen!"

Giles: "Grave robbery? That's new. Interesting."
Buffy: "I know you meant to say 'gross' and 'disturbing'."
Giles: "Yes, yes, yes, of course. Terrible thing. Must put a stop to it. Damn it."

Giles: "Why don't we ask Willow to fire this...thing up and track Meredith down."

Cordelia: "Okay, I'm doing this under protest. It is not fair that they're making
participation in this year's science fair mandatory. I don't think anyone should
have to do anything educational in school if they don't want to."
Willow: "'The Tomato: Fruit or Vegetable?'"
Cordelia: "I wanted to do something I could finish in a weekend, all right?"

Cordelia: "I didn't think yearbook nerds came out of hybernation 'til spring."

Buffy: "Uh, sorry to interrupt, Willow, but it's the bat signal."

Willow: "This shouldn't take long. I'm probably the only girl in school who has
the coroner's office bookmarked as a favorite place."

Cordelia: "Hi, sorry to interrupt your little undead play group, but I need to ask
Willow if she'll help me with my science fair project."
Willow: "It's a fruit."

Cordelia: "Hello? Can we deal with my pain, please?"
Giles: "There, there."

Willow: "It says that Meredith and two other girls in the car were killed instantly.
They were all on the Fondren High Pep Squad, on the way to a game."
Buffy: "You know what this means?"
Xander: "That Fondren might actually beat Sunnydale in the cross-town body
count competition this year?"

Corderlia: "Eeuw! Why is it that every conversation you have has the word
'corpse' in it?"

Xander: "So we dig up some graves tonight?"
Willow: "Oh boy, a field trip."

Xander: "So we're set, then. Say, nine-ish? B.Y.O. Shovel."
Willow: "And I'll pack some food. Who else likes those little powdered donuts?"
Xander: "Me."
Willow: "Cordelia?"
Cordelia: "Darn, I have cheerleader practice tonight. Boy, I wish I knew you
were gonna' be digging up dead people sooner. I would've cancelled."
Xander: "All right, but if you come across the army of zombies, can you page
us before they eat your flesh?"
Cordelia: "Oh!"
Giles: "Xander?"
Xander: "Huh?"
Giles: "Zombies don't eat the flesh of the living."
Xander: "Ha. Yeah, I know that, but did you see the look on her face?"

Willow: "Love makes you do the wacky."
Buffy: "That's the truth."

Xander: "You know, this might go a lot faster if you femmes actually picked up
a shovel, too."
Giles: "Hear hear!"
Buffy: "Sorry, but I'm an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig
up the corpses and women have the babies."

Willow: "He was a big football star. All State two years ago. He was a
running--he was a running--uh, someone who runs and catches."

Buffy: "And he broke Cordy's heart? Thus possibly proving its existence."

Willow: "By the way, are we hoping to find a body or no body?"
Xander: "Call me an optimist, but I'm hoping to find a fortune in gold
doubloons."

Giles: "All right, then. Go on."
Xander: "You're closer."
Buffy: "Pathetic much?"

Cordelia: "Guys, if we don't get this down by tomorrow, no one's gonna' be led
by our cheers. Practice."

Xander: "So if both coffins are empty, that makes three girls signed up for the
army of zombies."
Willow: "Is it an army if you just have three?"
Buffy: "Well, zombie drill team, then."

Angel: "Cordelia told me the truth."
Xander: "Ha ha! That's gotta' be a first."

Angel: "We found some of them."
Buffy: "You mean, like, two of the three?"
Angel: "I mean, like, some of them. Like parts."
Cordelia: "It was horrible. Angel saved me from an arm."

Cordelia: "Why are there terrible things always happening to me?"
Xander: "Karma!"

Angel: "I think they kept some parts."
Buffy: "Could this get yuckier?"
Willow: "They probably kept the other parts to eat!"
Buffy: "Question answered."

Giles: "What student here is going to be that well-versed in physiology?"
Willow: "Well, I can think of five or six guys in the science club. And me."
Xander: "So, Will, come clean. Promise never to do it again, and we'll call it a
night."
Buffy: "..."
Angel & Cordelia: "..."
Xander: "He joked."

Cordelia: "I have to go home now. I have to take a bath and burn my clothes."
Xander: "You have to go? Aw, too bad. Keep in touch. Buh-bye!"

Cordelia: "I don't wanna' go alone. I'm still fragile. Can you take me?"
Angel: "..."
Cordelia: "Great, I'll drive."
Xander: "How about that? I always pegged him as a one-woman vampire."

Giles: "You understand, in my capacity as a school official, this search is
completely unauthorized. I cannot condone it."
Buffy: "Fine. Your butt's covered. Wanna' grab a locker?"
Giles: "Yes, yes, of course."

Willow: "Nothing in here but back issues of Scientific American. Ooh! I haven't
read this one."

Buffy: "I don't get it. Why would anybody want to make a girl?"
Xander: "You mean when there's so many premade ones just laying around?
The things we do for love."

Xander: "People don't fall in love with what's right in front of them. People want
the dream. What they can't have. The more unattainable, the more attractive."

Xander: "And speaking of love..."
Willow: "We were talking about the reanimation of dead tissue."
Xander: "Do I deconstruct your segues?"

Buffy: "Okay, Giles. Just remember, 'I feel a thing. You feel a thing,' but
personalize it."
Giles: "Personalize it?"
Buffy: "She's a Techno-Pagan, right? Ask her to bless your laptop. Have fun!"
Giles: "Wha? Oh, don't..."
Xander: "Best of luck."
Giles: "...leave."

Ms. Calendar: "Good morning, Rupert."
Giles: "Ms. Calendar?"
Ms. Calendar: "Oh no, please. Call me Jenny. Ms. Calendar's my father."

Xander: "For the love of God, can somebody scratch my nose?"

Buffy: "What if that poor girl is walking around"
Xander: "Poor girls, technically."

Ms. Calendar: "It's just such a rugged contest."
Giles: "Rugged? American football? Heh heh."
Ms. Calendar: "And that's funny because...?"
Giles: "Well, I think it's rather odd that a nation that prides itself on its virility
should feel compelled to strap on forty pounds of protective gear just in order
to play rugby."

Willow: "Eric's was a bust. Nothing there."
Xander: "Yeah, nothing but a bunch of computer equipment and a
pornography collection so prodigious, it even scared me."

Eric: "When you wake up, you'll have the body of a 17-year-old. In fact, you'll
have the body of several."

Xander: "Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. The
vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me.
You ever think that the world's a giant game of musical chairs, and the music's
stopped, and we're the only ones who don't have a chair?"
Willow: "All the time."
Cordelia: "Xander, I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. What you did in
there was really brave and heroic, and I just wanted to tell you if there's
anything I could ever do--"
Xander: "Do you mind? We're talking here. So, where were we?"
Willow: "Wondering why we never get dates."
Xander: "Yeah, so why do you think that is?"