Goodbye Iowa

Buffy: "So Maggie sends me down to the sewers, with one of those blasto-guns, and the next thing I know, it's raining monsters."
Xander: "Hallelujah."

Spike: "Got to hand it to you, Goldilocks. You do have bleeding tragic taste in men. I got a cousin married to a regurgitating Froglocsteem that's got better instincts than you."
Buffy: "What does my taste in men have to do with this?"
Spike: "You think Riley was out knitting booties for your future offspring while Maggie was stringing you up?"

Buffy: "No. No. Maggie made sure that he was nowhere around when she sent me on this very special make-Buffy-dead assignment."
Willow: "Plus... Riley? He seems like he wouldn't tell a little white lie, let alone a whole bunch of big dirty ones."
Xander: "That's why they call it the Secret Forces, Will, 'cause they kind of keep the whole lying thing to themselves."

Xander: "I'm guessing the mad scientist isn't too keen on the fact that the entire Scooby gang knows that the Initiative is up to no good."
Buffy: "Which brings us back to the "not safe for any of us" concept."

Buffy: "Okay, everybody grab a weapon. We gotta move."
Xander: "Storm the Initiative? Yeah, let's take on those suckers!"
Buffy: "I was thinking more that we'd hide."
Xander: "Oh, thank god."

Buffy: "Xander, what about your basement? The guys haven't seen us together that much, and there's enough room."
Willow: "Ooh, plus, mirror ball."
Xander: "Cool. Come on down and boogie at Xander's hideaway."
Anya: "Yes. Come boogie."
Giles: "Absolutely not. I will not squat in that dank hole."
Spike: "What, it was good enough for me, but you're above it all?"
Giles: "Precisely."

Giles: "It's very unlikely those Initiative boys are gonna come around here to look for our..."
Riley: (opens door & walks in) "Buffy!"

Buffy: "Maggie tried to kill me."
Anya: "It didn't work, but they're all upset, anyway."

Buffy: "But he's not bad anymore."
Spike: "Hey! What am I, a bleeding broken record? I'm bad. It's just... I can't bite anymore. Thanks to you wankers."

Riley: "What's he doing here?"
Spike: "Leaving you swabs to your dramatics, thanks. I've got my stories on the telly for that."

Spike: "By the by, if you're trying to kill her..." (big smile, thumbs-up gesture)

Adam: "What am I?"
Boy: "You're a monster."
Adam: "I thought so."

Buffy: "That would never happen."
Willow: "Well, no, Buff, that's why they call them cartoons, not documentaries."

Willow: "Well, look who's cranky-bear in the morning."
Giles: "Yes, I can't imagine why I didn't sleep well in my beach ball."
Anya: "Every time you moved, it made squeaky noises. It was irritating."
Giles: "Really? I'm surprised you could hear it over your Wagnerian snoring."

Buffy: "Everything's screwed up enough without you two doing scenes from my parent's marriage."

Anya: "You know, you really should get yourself a boring boyfriend. Like Xander. You can't have Xander."
Buffy: "That was the idea. Riley was supposed to be Mr. Joe Guy. We were gonna do dumb things, like hold hands through the daisies, going 'tra-la-la.'"
Willow: "Poor Buffy. Your life resists all things average."
Anya: "So dump him. But you can't have Xander."
Buffy: "I'll try and remember that."

Buffy: "It's too late, anyway. I'm already at the 'I hurt when he hurts, I smile when he smiles' stage."
Anya: "I hate that part."

Buffy: "When I find it, I'm going to make him pay for taking that kid's life. I'll make him die in ways he can't even imagine. (pause) That probably would have sounded more commanding if I wasn't wearing my yummy sushi pajamas."

Buffy: "And the Spike thing isn't as tweaked as it looked. Okay, maybe it is. But there's an explanation that almost makes sense. Hello? I'm apologizing here. And I think that's pretty big of me, considering I'm the one who was almost made a demon sandwich."

Willy: "You're killing me here!"
Buffy: "Oh, missed you, too."

Willy: "I'm making some changes with my life. I'm getting away from my old image."
Buffy: "You mean as a double-dealing snitch?"
Willy: "Uh-huh."

Willy: "I got one of those deep fryers. These demons just go crazy for chicken fingers."

Willy: "Look, if they see me dealing with you, then I'm just the same old Willy, working both sides of the street."
Buffy: "I'm gonna have to punch you, aren't I?"
Willy: "Just once, and it doesn't have to hurt. Just make it look good."
(Buffy cocks fist)
Willy: "Ow! Oh!"
Buffy: "Not yet - I haven't touched you!"

Riley: "I thought you were supposed to be killing these things, not buying them drinks."
Buffy: "Oh, that's smooth, Officer Riley. They teach you those undercover moves in the Special Forces?"

Willy: "Hey, we got new rules here. No killing."

Buffy: "I don't know, but I'm ready to find out."
Xander: "That's going to be tough, what with Maggie's deadness and all."

Buffy: "Xander, you and I are going undercover."
Anya: "Hey! Remember before - no Xander. Not in a boyfriend way, or a 'lead him to certain death' way."

Anya: "Can't you do something else to help them, like Xerox handouts or something?"

Willow: "With your grace, may we speak of your benevolence. Or not."

Buffy: "Sorry, I'm the only one who can pass the retinal scan."
Xander: "The... ew! I don't wanna see that."
Buffy: "RETINAL scan, Xander."

Buffy: "Well, we'll know in a few seconds if my clearance is still good."
Xander: "Or if we're about to die at the hands of fifty grief-fueled military goons."

Xander: "Why am I not entirely comforted by the arrival of the man-sized microwave?"

Xander: "Holy moley!"
Buffy: "I know."
Xander: "I totally get it now. Can I have sex with Riley, too?"

Buffy: "This is the Initiative, Xander. Military guys and scientists do NOT make out with each other."
Xander: "Well, maybe that's what's wrong with the world. Ever think about that?"

Spike: "Double shot of O-neg, keep. Make it the good stuff. I don't want no freaking orangutan."

Buffy: "Now, I don't generally like to kill humans, but I've learned that it pays to be flexible in life."

Dr. Angelman: "I was wondering when you'd turn up."
Buffy: "Oh, darn. So this isn't a surprise?"

Buffy: "Why? Spell it out for me - I feel an attack of dumb blonde coming on."

Buffy: "We just need to find out what was in 314."
(body drops from above)
Adam: "Me."

Adam: "I'm a kinematically redundant, biomechanical demonoid, designed by Maggie Walsh. she called me Adam, and I called her Mother."

Adam: "Mother wrote things down. Hard data, but also her feelings. That's how I learned that I have a job here, and that she loved me."
Riley: "She wasn't your mother, and she didn't love you."
Xander: "Is that really the issue?"

Riley: "I'll kill you."
Adam: "You won't. You haven't been programmed to."

Buffy: "There's no way I can get near him until I come up with a better plan than just storming in and getting us all shot."
Willow: "Yeah, you might want to work the kinks out of that one."

Buffy: "It was like Maggie designed him to be the ultimate warrior. He's smart and fast. He gave the commando guys the slip with no problem."
Willow: "There's got to be a flaw."
Buffy: "I think the part where he's pure evil and kills randomly was an oversight."