Below is a transcript of the "keys to the metal gear" mp3 that's 
floating around the 'net.

Transcribed by Christopher Thomas.

		*		*		*

[Beep beep. Beep beep.]
[Transmission begins.]

[S] "Hello? Oticon.. Oticon, do you read me?"

[O] "Snake? What's the matter?"

[S] "I uh.. I can't find the keys to the Metal Gear."

[O] "What? Snake, where are the keys?"

[S] "I, I swear I had them this morning when I left. Maybe I didn't."

[O] "You can't get into the Metal Gear without the keys, Snake."

[S] "Well thank you, Mr. Video-Game Exposition. I understand that. I was 
wondering if you could, you know, maybe check on top of the dresser, and 
see if I, you know, left them there."

[O] "Gaaah, ok, hang on."

[footsteps]

[S] *whistles the MGS theme*
[S] "Ugh. I should really get a haircut."

[O] "Snake?"

[S] "Whaddup?"

[O] "They're not there, Snake."

[S] "Damn."

[O] "Where did you see them last?"

[S] "I don't know, I think it was..  um.. I think it was maybe when I, um,
when I killed that guy."

[O] "And, which guy would that be?"

[S] "You know, uh, that guy. With the gun. The one I snuck up on."

[O] "Look. Snake - I'm not here to keep track of your stuff. Did you click 
all the way through your inventory?"

[S] "I clicked all the way through my inventory."

[O] "_All_ the way, with the left shoulder button? Did you click all the 
way through the list?"

[S] "Look, brainiac, I clicked all the way through the list. I don't have 
the keys to the metal gear on me, okay?"

[O] "I always tell you to check for your keys before you leave. Don't I 
always tell you that?"

[S] "I didn't call for a lecture, all right? I, I was just wondering,
if you know, maybe, you had seen the keys."

[O] "All right, well I haven't, fine, okay?"

[Transmission ends.]

[Bleep bleep. Bleep bleep.]
[Transmission begins.]

[S] "Oticon?"

[O] "What is it, Snake?"

[S] "I found the keys."

[O] "Oh, okay. Good. Where did you leave them?"

[S] "I left them inside the Metal Gear."

[O] "Oh, good grief, Snake. You didn't lock the doors, did you?"

[S] "Yeah, I uh, I locked the keys inside the Metal Gear. And I left the 
lights on."

[O] "Well... crap. That puts the mission in jeopardy. I can't hack into 
the door locks from here, Snake. We'll have to call Triple-A."

[S] "Call.. Call Triple-A? Ughh..."

[Transmission ends.]

[Bleep bleep. Bleep bleep.]
[Transmission begins.]

[A] "Hello, this is the auto club help line. How may I help you today?"

[S] "Hi, I uh, *ahem*, I, uh, locked my keys inside my vehicle."

[A] *starts typing*
[A] "Okay, we can send someone right out. Can I have you describe your 
location, please?"

[S] "I'm in the hold of a tanker on the east river by 59th street."

[A] *clickety-click*

[S] "58th street."

[A] *clickety-click*

[S] "57th street."

[A] *clickety-click*

[A] "And what is the make, model, and colour of your vehicle?"

[S] "It's, um, Metal Gear. Metal Gear Ray. It's... big. Sort of metal. 
Okay, look - it's, it's a giant robot. ...With lasers. ...And nuclear 
warheads."

[A] *finishes typing*
[A] "And is the giant robot surrounded by terrorists, or has the area been 
cleared of terrorist activity?"

[S] "No, there, there are still terrorists. Some of which have apparent 
super-powers. Many of them have a flair for drama."

[A] "I'm sorry, policy forbids us from sending a truck into a 
terrorist-controlled area. Can you maybe kill them all with stealth?"

[S] "Look, lady, what do you think I've _been_ doing?"

[A] "Well then, I suggest that maybe you load up a saved game. An earlier 
save. From before you locked your keys inside the robot."

[S] "Oticon, what is she talking about?"

[New transmission begins.]

[O] "Of course. Snake, why didn't I think of this before? We'll just 
restore your game, and you'll have the keys again."

[S] "Okay. Okay, I follow. Make it happen."

[O] "Sure thing. Where did you put the PS2 memory card?"

[S] "Hmmm. PS2 memory card. I thought I had it with me when I left this 
morning..."

[O] "Snake?"

[S] "Maybe it's... no, it's... Where did I..

[O] "Snake."

[S] "Where did I put that? Maybe..."

[O] "Snake."

[S] "Maybe when I killed that guy I had that, uh..."

[O] "Oh my god."

[S] "memory card..."

[O] "Snake, I can't... You can't..."

[S] "Could you, uh, maybe check on top of the dresser, and see if you can 
find it there."

[O] "All right, you know what? You know what? Forget it. Just forget it."

*click*

[S] "Oticon? Oticon? Well... Shit."

[Transmission ends.]


		*		*		*

End of transcript.