By William Thomas Sherman
1604 NW 70th St.
Seattle, WA 98117
[last updated 8 May 2007]
“The world is a collective madhouse, its inhabitants are merely faking sanity. It is critical to becoming aware of these aberrations, for pretensions can be the enemy of love.” -- John Astin
This initial working draft of "Ghost of the Traitor" is my Christmas and New Years gift to the nation this Holiday Season, as well as being in appreciation of the Social Security disability money you’re paying me for being “touched,”(interpreting this word as you please.) As a gift to the nation, this work belongs to any American citizen who wants it, and you may sell or do whatever with it as you like, only your right to do so is void if you mislead as to authorship, or materially or otherwise very obviously alter the text and its contents without my express approval. If you were to actually go to the trouble to perform it, you are welcome to add scenes of your own to the story – based even possibly on your own knowledge and experiences of the absurdity of these things – as long as doing so doesn’t interfere too much with the basic structure and characters of the story as presented. Credit for such added scenes should be given to whoever wrote them naturally, not myself.
This is an unfinished work or a work in progress, I am not quite sure which. But, as they say, “we'll see.” For this reason also, incidentally, the scenes are not at present numbered.
While largely fictional many of its particulars are based in large part on actual true persons and events. Although what is presented is intended as a comedy, the reality underlying it is not so. Indeed words can hardly express the fact, and it was not without some trepidation and reluctance (for fear of people thinking I was being glib, and being thus misunderstood) that I wrote this. This play should then be seen more as a secondary supplemental sort of source on the topics and kinds of persons it addresses, rather than a more primary and serious one. Yet this recognized, we may, as life allows us, laugh where we may, and, hopefully, maybe learn a few things along the way.
Oliver Snavely, an activist
Julie Champion, “
Debbie West, “
Jasper Pool, “
Fred Folk, “
1st TV reporter
2nd TV Reporter
K-Pax, a crony of Oafmore’s
The Movie Director, another crony
William Blake, a spirit person
Sandor Vanocur, a sprite
Axelrod Leon, “
Goon Goomerton, Ghost-Sorcerer
Dr. Insane, another but more powerful Ghost Sorcerer
Two radio operators
Sir Alec Guiness. a spirit person
Oliver Snavely: Great events are public, but life itself is, mostly, private. Now if only the public will cooperate we can all get on being happy! As it is we live in thralldom to ghosts who know how to trick and scare people – that is people too cowardly, too ignorant, too irrational to fight them back – which is probably most people. It has been often said that humans were superior to animals because they were rational creatures. Well not all of us are, perhaps not even most. If we aren’t rational then what are we? I’ll tell you what we are if we aren’t rational – we are slaves, cattle, and chattel to these greedy, rotten spirit people. Out with Archemago! Out with the Orkonists! Out with and the Goomerists! Down with the lying and deceiving Christianity of Dr. Insane! Which is to say tell the truth. Oh Well as best you can anyway. And only believe people who are capable of being wonderfully happy -- and honest. Remember the victims, the martyrs! Were it possible to tell you the real truth!
But instead I’ll tell you a story. And where might this story have begun? Some few years ago, some friends of mine were out picketing an awards ceremony, awaiting the appearance of the great fraud Oafmore who because of a Faustian bargain with the demonist Goon Goomerton and Dr.Insane had been the ruin or end of so many, all this with the idea that wrong doing would bring him the greatest happiness and success.
[Scene shifts to the outdoor carpeted walkway leading into a Film and Television awards event, with appropriate onlookers, press and media. Stars and celebrity are shown in by an usher after they arrive in limousines. In the midst of the usual crowd is a small group of protestors, and carry signs which read “Tell the Truth,” “Fess up Festidious!,” “The Organization Against Freedom Kills Our Citizens,” “Free Speech.” ]
News reporter: And ladies and gentleman, here now arriving is, you all already know, yes, movie King and Media magnate, Festidious Oafmore,, producer of the 10 times nominated “The Glory and the Tragedy,” accompanied [now smiling as he speaks] by his very recognizable sidekicks. Hello gentleman…
[Oafmore, K-Pax and the Movie Director, all wearing sun glasses, just coming out of their car smile back as they are see they are spoken to. The reporter stops the retinue to speak, then holds the microphone towards them.]
Reporter: Well what do you think the odds of “Glory and the Tragedy” taking home the big prize tonight?
The Movie Director: (slightly laughing) Our money is certainly on it.
Reporter: Do you think this remake of the story about metropolitan city fire fighters befriending people from another space galaxy has more relevance now since the original version you made of this film 15 years ago?
Movie Director: Let’s just say it’s opened new doors to people. That’s what we set out to do.
[Protestors step up to center view]
Fred Folk: Murderer, madman, you don’t fool everyone, we know what you've done!
Movie Director: (groaning) Not these people.
Jasper: We have proof
Oafmore: Tell it to the FBI and the CIA then. We’ve got the money boy that's just the way life is.
2nd reporter: (referring to protestors) Ugh, this is disgraceful.
Oafmore: (addressing protestors) You gotta do what we say boy.
Oliver: (indignant) What do you mean we have to do what you say?
Oafmore: I have the money don't I? So don't give me that. You have to do what we say.
Julie: Huh? Yeah Right!
Oliver: Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold on a second...
Oafmore: The one with the gold makes the rules.
Oliver: Oh yes but tell everyone how you really got that money?
Oafmore: Don't give me that boy I have the dough you have to do what I say.
Julie: Why of all the….
[Goomerton, a ghost looking like a dirty “Jesus” appears in background behind Oafmore and his associates, and in view to Oliver, but Oliver in somewhat shock is not sure if others see the ghost also, or else is too embarrassed from being surprised to say anything. Ghost then disappears.]
Usher: This way sirs [Oafmore and retinue are ushered inside the building, at the same time a policeman steps up and tells the protestors to move off from the main carpet area. Some bystanders are rather annoyed with the protestors.]
Policeman: (addressing the protestors) Come on, move along, you are not supposed to be bothering these people.
[They oblige him.]
Oliver and rest: All right, all right….
1st Bystander: Where do you people get off making such outrageous accusations.
Oliver: Here read what I wrote.
2nd Bystander: If what you are saying is true then why aren’t these things mentioned in the news?
Oliver: That’s the problem! The O.A.F. have such a stranglehold over the media people don’t even know what’s going on. No, the media haven't forgotten Hell. Their unfeigned indifference is exactly how they deal with it. By controlling the media, Oafmore and the Organization Against Freedom would like to control who we are.
2nd Bystander: Well someone obviously forgot to take their medication I think. This is ridiculous.
3rd Bystander: Sounds like a lot of bunk. You people are the ones who don’t know what you are talking about.
Fred: Do you have any idea what those people have done? That great “Movie King 's” murdered some very fine and good people a while back, made his way back with his partners safely to their hide out afterward, and by next morning proclaimed brazenly to the world their new found good fortune as well as their plans to better humanity. [Trying to get the bystander to take a pamphlet.]
3rd Bystander: A lot of good talking like that will get you (declining the pamphlet) I don’t want to have to end up working at 7-11 (Bystanders laugh)
Debbie: Oh your so funny! You people are so phony. Though you like to pretend otherwise, you aren’t really happy.
[Bystanders are taken aback as if not quite sure how to respond.]
1st Bystander: Yes, it’s not that we aren’t happy it’s just you don’t know about these things a certain way.
2nd Bystander: Yes, people like you are to blame.
3rd Bystander: If you people are so smart how come no one else here agrees with you.
2nd Bystander: Yes, it looks like you’ve been voted out of the group [referring to the crowd around them, most of whom seem in disagreement with the protestors.]
1st Bystanders: WE are the survivors.
Oliver: Survivors on “Reality Television” maybe, but not reality
Jasper: That’s right.
3rd Bystander: (now fuming) Of all the….
[Police officer re-enters]
Police officer: You protestors are causing too much of a disturbance. Your going to have to leave.
Oliver: All right, all right...
[They leave, Julie disgusted, half muttering, half shouting “Cowards, traitors” as they leave.]
[“William Blake,” a spirit person, and “Sandor Vanocur” and “Axelrod Leon,” two sprites or elf like spirit people, are sitting on a height overlooking the glowing city with a starry sky above them.]
William Blake: Why look at how all the stars and planets shine tonight.
Sandor Vanocur: Oh, I don’t like to think about things like that.
Blake: Why not?
Sandor: Well, things like that are so big I am afraid they might crush me or something if I think about them too much.
Blake: By means of rational intelligence I can move the planets. Now ask me what would I move them for and I will tell you about something truly great.
Axelrod Leon: Yes, but what if the planets speak back and say you shouldn't do that?
Blake: Early on the ghost told me that the planets are not persons, and finding out later what a liar he is, I rather assume then that they are persons. So perhaps you are right, and we shouldn't move them without asking first.
Axelrod: It is not the stars and planets that scare me. It’s the Monster Maker. So can you help me?
Axelrod: Why not?
Sandor: Because you cannot fight darkness.
Blake: The devil doesn't own darkness you know he just hides in it. If reason is used to concoct a deception, reason is needed to detect it. Have faith in God and fight the devil with reason.
Blake: Well, certainly by reason we can find him also.
Sandor: Reason can’t tell us what we most love.
Blake: True. But you can use reason to rid yourself of the devil, and in that way have more freedom to see God.
Sandor: Why can't we see God any more?
Blake: Because we cannot see Nature any more
and this because we fear for it.
Nature loves peace.
And there is no peace,
and with Nature gone
we await someone's decision
to bring peace.
Sandor: But whose?
Blake: Only His who is most loving and most just,
who by His word and being
brings about greatest and truest beauty;
He who lies beyond the veil of names.
[Oafmore, the Movie Director are sitting casually on sofas, or otherwise reclining at ease in an office. Oafmore is drinking something, while a servant stands by ready, holding a bottle.]
Oafmore: Which film of ours was it?
Movie Director: I think you're confused. It wasn't one of our movies. Those people really were murdered.
Oafmore: I must be dreaming then
Movie Director: I’m beginning to have different thoughts about Goomerton. I didn’t know how bad these people really are! Can’t you at least give up further tortures and random killings. After all, we’ve made it haven’t we?
Oafmore: Sure we have.
Movie Director: Why do you obey Goomerton if he doesn't even know how to be happy? If he is happy then why does he always need to hurt others? Other people don't seem to have that problem, and they are far more happy than he. Yet you bow to him as authority.
You know what you've done don't you? You've been listening a mental patient all these years.
Oafmore: I have to do these things a certain way, that’s all
[Blake and the two sprites enter]
Movie Director: You have to do these things it’s true, but only because you've lost your mind to insanity.
Oafmore: (shouting at him) Out of my sight! I don’t want to hear you ever talking like that again
[Movie Director leaves]
Oafmore: Oh I’m so lonely I feel as if the whole earth is lonely..
Blake: That's not true. The earth is by no means lonely! It's that ghost that creates that dire feeling of loneliness when he's around, and sure enough I sense him near.
Sandor: Fight the ape army and demonistic airforce!
Oafmore: (with false piety) But the country's interests…If I don't listen to the ghost…. (pauses) If he [referring to the Movie Director] doesn’t go along with us, he won't go to heaven!
[Goomerton enters looking glum]
Oafmore: What's eating you?
Sandor: Someone must be actually happy, that’s why he feels bad.
Goomerton: Upon the whole, looking at this universe, I don’t think much of it.
Axelrod: Compared to what?
Goomerton: Oh how I have been mistreated and misunderstood.
Sandor: Mistreated? Misunderstood? You are the one who ruined everyone else’s life, including your own.
Axelrod: Villain! He says he has suffered terribly. But the truth is he hasn't even really been punished! If he really had been he would not still be able to be doing such things, and playing kingpin and despot of all things.
Blake: What in creation do you think you are doing? Haven't you murdered and maimed enough already?
Goomerton: I've done so many things, I don't think it matters.
Blake: Yes, but what good does it do you? Sure you get these know-nothings to
go along, but you know full well that most people can't stand you. So what's the point?
Sandor: Hypocrite! Hypocrite! You murdered all those people and animals!
Blake: Yes, he's right. You make it sound like your situation is so unfair. Was it fair for those countless innocents who you treated so brutally?
Goomerton: You know full well that if I do things the right way I will have to live in the most intolerable squalor and misery. I don't think I deserve "it" since I didn't know what I was doing when I got into these things many years ago...
Sandor: As a young bum...
Goomerton: Besides if I do the wrong thing the right way I will get to see and hear beautiful things, like Amelia and the Hutchisen girls for instance. As few people know, I am a person with a great taste and love of what is beautiful, that's why I do these things. If I don't kill and torment all these people and animals, then I will be denied the opportunity to experience what is beautiful. And if that weren't bad enough, I would have to stay down below and suffer digging ditches. You don't expect someone of my standing to endure that?
Blake: If you're smart, you will quit while you're behind. You are only making things worse for yourself.
Sandor: There are people who don't want these things going on.
Blake: Don't say we didn't warn you.
Goomerton: Look, if demonism doesn’t make me a cool person, then why did I do the wrong thing the right way all these years? Tell me that.
Axelrod: Oh ye gods, even if you can't get rid of him for being so evil, will you not do so for his being so tiresome?
You can blog but you can't speak.
You can rip but you can't copy.
If you have a touch tone phone
please Press your selection now
otherwise if you have a rotary phone
stay on the line to speak with an operator.
[Blake and sprites leave. As they do, Dr. Insane, appearing as a glowing “Jesus.” ]
Oafmore: (is startled at first but then smiles) We made that religious picture like you inspired us with.
Dr. Insane: Yes, I know and am pleased. Do not listen to these people second guessing you. You know what you are doing.
Oafmore: But he’s right do we still need to be killing people?
Dr. Insane: Follow your guide (referring to Goomerton.) That’s the destiny appointed you. Follow him and you will meet with favor from me.
Oafmore: Alleluia, I’ll drink to that. [Servant pours him a drink which he sips.]
[Oliver, Julie and Jasper come to see Dr. Ruehl who wearing some strange sort of goggles, is doing something with some scientific equipment]
Oliver: Dr. Ruehl you must help us, Oafmore has a ghost working with him.
Ruehl: You must have seen Goomerton. Yes, he works for that the ghost.
Oliver: He what?
Ruehl: Yes, he works for Goon Goomerton, that’s why he committed those crimes – or has those crimes committed if you like. And that is why also he gets away with committing those crimes.
Oliver: Who exactly is Goon Goomerton?
Ruehl: I have been studying these people for years. Goomerton, a con-artist and sorcerer, is one of the minions of the Monster Maker and his strategic lieutenant Dr. Insane who it is my understanding passes himself as Jesus. Goomerton tries to do the same thing, but Insane is by far more dangerous.
Jasper: And the Monster Maker?
Ruehl: He's their unknown but in his most obvious effects evident Lord and Leader. He gets them to do the wrong thing and by that way gets people to turn themselves into monsters. It's simple. He is obsessed with isolation and damnation that being his fate, and wants you to be like him, alienated from all that's truly good. Yet he has more money than anyone, can bribe and scare us more than anyone else, and hence gets to call the tune, or at least this is what people seem to think. These days it seems like we live our lives these days to escape the Monster Maker. Look did you see these headlines. An illness broke out which I have very good grounds to believe was planted by Goomerton.
Julie: Sounds horrible.
Ruehl: They are the most horrible. One of them certainly. But some people think the Monster Maker is God, so go figure. Basically as best I can determine, many, many years ago he took over what you might think of as a nuclear reactor and has been holding everyone hostage with it ever since.
Oliver: This is insane. For God’s sake we have to do something!
Reuhl: We can’t go after the ghost quite yet. It’s too early.
Julie: What should we do?
Ruehl: I have just the idea.
[Ruehl, Oliver, Julie, and Jasper are seen lying as if crawling in a vent duct or shaft. Ruehl with a screw driver proceeds, after some jimmying manages to remove a heavy grate, which done he and the rest climb into the office of the Police Chief.]
Police Chief (reading a newspaper): What on earth? (sees it’s Dr. Ruehl) …Oh hello Dr. Ruehl.
Dr. Ruehl: Hello chief.
Julie: Why is it so hard to get to see you?
Police officer: You know, the problems we’re having with terrorism and all, the extra security is necessary.
Ruehl: Look let’s get down to business. You know what I am here for. Why don't you arrest Oafmore? We have evidence he and his gang are behind any number of murders, torture, and human rights, violations too numerous to mention. He does these things because he’s mixed up with spirit people.
Police: If it’s a ghost involved you know I can’t do anything about it.
Ruehl: No, what you are saying makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Why not just go after Oafmore? He’s no ghost!
Chief: The Organization Against Freedom has rights like any one else, and Mr. Oafmore is a fine and widely respected citizen. No one will believe the accusations you are saying.
Ruehl: No. no I do not understand the reason your giving me. I don’t even think you know what I am talking about. I’m telling you something you need to know. He listens to a ghost who is the very maniac of horror! He can’t stop doing the wrong thing the right way! But then a person like yourself say we can’t discuss these things.
Chief: What you are talking about seems better suited to be discussed by religious people and such. It’s not police business.
Ruehl: And if people cannot talk about spirit people these same victims of theirs will have no voice. Just maybe they want others spared what they went through. Just maybe they want friends and family to know the truth about what really happened, and that it wasn't really their fault what happened. But if others won't let people talk honestly openly and intelligently about spirit people it will be murdering them twice.
Julie: Look at it this way, if you condone or look the other way to torture, human rights abuse, what will you do if you end up in a world where you are tortured? If you turn a deaf ear when others cry out in trouble, what will you do if you end up in a world where others are deaf to your cries? If you stand aside and leave helpless the victims of injustice, what justice will shield you should you find yourself helpless some day? (Etc.) Things have become much too dangerous for all of us. It is long past since we can afford to let our leaders and public officials be less than fully rational, and we need a law which states as much.
Police Chief: Now be reasonable.
Julie: I am.
Police: Orders are orders ...
Jasper ... and some of those very same victims, whose lives were entirely ruined by listening to spirit people or else those who did, may come back as ghosts -- with just grounds -- to get you back for it, and they will have your hide saying "you denied us our voice just when we had the opportunity to speak."
Chief: I’m sorry I cannot help you. Until there is clear evidence my hands are tied.
Julie: Maybe if you untied yourself you could do something.
Ruehl: She’s right. You don’t even investigate. Look and then you will know what’s going on.
Chief: That’s fine for scientist like yourself doctor, but in the mean and dirty streets of life things are done a bit differently.
Ruehl: I see. [He gestures to his fellows.] Come then people I see we’re just wasting our time [and he leads them out the ordinary office door.]
[scene. Oafmore’s office]
Oafmore: [speaking on the phone] I don't like that news anchor, have him fired...
Goomerton: [looking on] That's true, he wants to do the right thing the right way...
Oafmore: [still on the phone] I don't care if he's been at that job a hundred years, get rid of him! By the way, the FBI isn't giving us any trouble now are they?
Goomerton: No, they are willing to cooperate, only they say they insist they have to do the right thing the wrong way.
Oafmore: [turning to Goomerton] Why can't they do the wrong thing the right way, or at least the wrong thing the wrong way?
Goomerton: In due time, in due time. These things can't always happen over night you know.
[Dirty Demon enters.]
Dirty Demon: Bad news. There are people down below don't like what we are doing.
Most of the sprites are now doing every thing they can to get out of working for us. It's the same with a lot of the demons. What should I do?
Goomerton: Tell them if they don't work for us they'll have things done to them,
Dirty Demon: I did but Ultor de Lacy and some of the other sorcerers can't stand us
either, and are helping them get away.
Goomerton: We'll see about that! I'll have to talk to Gomez, after my visions of rapture tonight.
Oafmore: [on the phone] I don't like the way he's acting. Get me the Mayor..[looking to Goomerton]...I'll let HIM know who's in charge...
Axelrod: Oh Brother! Look, just go down below and leave it at that before you end
up making things impossible for everyone.
Oafmore: (after hanging up the phone) So I was thinking of having them call it "nine-eleven." You get it, like nine-one-one.
Goomerton: I see what you are saying.
Axelrod: Sounds like a remake of "Meteor."
Oafmore: True, true...
[K-Pax, comes into the room and throws himself into a chair. He covers his face with his hands as if very weary and frustrated.]
Oafmore: What happened?
Goomerton: (knowing full well what had happened) He was told to do something wrong, and he went out joy riding...
K-Pax: ...and I ended up killing somebody...
Oafmore: [looking to Goomerton] Do the police know?
Goomerton: Yes, but they understand the situation...
[There is a pause.]
Goomerton: [changing the subject] I think I’ll go do things to Oliver Snavely.
[Just as Goomerton finishes speaking, the Moon looking in from a window speaks:]
Moon: What is it this time? Are you still tormenting Oliver Snavely?
Goomerton: [as if in anguish] If I don't do these things to people like Oliver Snavely,
I won't feel good about myself.
Moon: Come, come, now. You don't need to be doing these things. I have been around long enough to know this kind of carrying on won't do you people any good.
Goomerton: We have to do these things a certain way.
Moon: So you think. Give up this madness, and go down below where you belong.
Goomerton: [Not wanting to face the Moon, and speaking to Oafmore] I’m going over to Snavely’s -- to do things to him. [He exits]
[The scene changes to the home of Oliver Snavely is sitting in his sofa chair sat night smoking a cigar and reading a book, when suddenly from behind him he feels a great pain, as if something, unseen, is striking him. Goomerton appears behind him, but Oliver doesn’t look to see him.]
Oliver Snavely: (groaning in real pain) Oh not again. Not you again....
Goomerton: [mocking] Hunter S. Thompson says they shouldn't do these things to
people like Oliver Snavely.
Radio-operator:[Unseen, but his voice is heard]: Dom Deluise says these are the worst people.
Oliver Snavely: He's got that right. Now will you please get out of my life?
Haven't you caused me enough grief as it is? What do you keep bothering me
Goomerton: We will always do these things to people like Oliver Snavely.
Radio-operator: Exactly right.
2nd Radio-operator: Exactly the right idea.
Oliver Snavely: [non-chalantly] Listen, since you clearly aren’t doing anything very special this evening, why don't you just go kill yourselves?
Goomerton: We don't know why we have to do these things in the first place.
Oliver Snavely: You're just a parasite and a disease, that's what you are. That's just great isn't it? Any body else would have driven a stake through this corpse's hearts, and cut his head off. But Oafmore and company went into business with him. [groaning now as if in physical pain.]
2nd Radio Operator: Righteous man in the world, and he has nothing to live for.
Oliver Snavely: Nothing to live for? You're dead, stupid! Rot in peace already! [He groans again in pain as if struck.]
Goomerton: You don't know how hard it is for those people down below.
Oliver Snavely: If it is hard for those people down below, it's because of people like you. We know we have heard them say so, you hypocrite.
Goomerton: Beautiful man in the world and we have nothing to live for.
Radio-operator: Exactly right, exactly right....
Second Radio-operator: He knows why he has to do these things to people like Oliver Snavely.
Goomerton: Nature Boy Rick Flair is telling people about these people. He is not
someone you want to know.
Oliver Snavely: I don't care what you are talking about, get out of my life....![groaning]
Radio-operator: People don't want to have anything to do with these people, Mr. Snavely, Mr. Snavely, Mr. Snavely.
Oliver: [Shakes a fist at the sky]
Doink of the Zombosphere
The Ape of Demonism
Frenzy of the demonist
of the ages
glamor's serial killer
of the false religion of Dr. Insane,
always in secret
Everyone else gets to live their life
but you must always attack.
The hands of Frankenstein
reaching out to strangle an entire nation!
People sold whole as food to a ghost
by well meaning economists
and deceived people!
Fool, is that riches?
Who is the truth for if not for you?
And why must you live always avoiding it?
What is choice if you don't have choice?
Who has choice if you don't have choice?
You are not to blame you say.
It's all these others.
Yet look at what you've done.
2nd Radio Operator: Righteous man in the world and he has nothing to live for….
[Next morning. Oliver is waking up in the chair when Julie, Fred, Jasper, and Debbie announce themselves and come in.]
Oliver Snavely: I can’t go on like this.
Fred: Good news, we have the solution to our problems. Debbie here is a genius.
Fred: Yes, really. She found this Ghost Disintegration and Electrocution Ray, or GDER. Well, basically, it zaps ghosts. One blast of this, and poof, their gone!
Oliver: Where did you get that?
Debbie: I got it off of Ebay.
Oliver: But where can we use it?
Jasper: Wherever we can find the ghost Goomerton.
Julie: Then let’s go over to the Oafmore mansion.
Fred: We didn’t think you’d miss it for the world.
Secretary: Dr. Ruehl to see you Mr. Oafmore. [Ruehl walks in before anything more is said.]
Ruehl: Well how is it? Are you going let those victims have a voice? How can even you continue to be so hateful and cruel?
Oafmore: Listen these people have been doing things this way for years and centuries. It doesn't seem to bother their mind all that much.
Ruehl: Sure it doesn't bother them, because they know they are in their world. Now of course if you are in their world and in ours no longer, then you'd do very well to think about what you are doing, which from the look of it seems to be something like Nosferatu in reverse.
Oafmore: Nothing will stand in the way of the glorification of Duffus Uffus. And if word gets out about what happened, why our reputations would be in danger, people would suspect our motives.
Ruehl: Whose Duffus Uffus?
Oafmore: I'm Duffus, the Sorcerer is Uffus. We're like a team.
Citizen: A two headed one I see.
Ruehl: Yes, something like that.
Oafmore: I have this sorcerer to protect me.
Ruehl: Yes, but there are people after him as well. You never know when they might catch up with either of you. It might be now or later. But you never know now do you? Your friend -- you think -- but, without thinking twice, he will devour you as you yourself would an animal.
Oafmore: Damn those people to all Hell. They had nothing to live for anyway now did they?
Ruehl: Is that your final word?
Oafmore: That’s my final word.
[Ruehl goes to leave, shaking his head.]
Ruehl: Then be prepared to meet thy maker – the Monster Maker.
[In a room at the mansion. K-Pax, Sandor Vanocur, and Axelrod Leon, are gathered around a very glum looking Goomerton. Oafmore enters carrying a small box.]
Oafmore: Hey everybody I got us all some Zoloff... what's the matter with you now? You don't look so good.
K-Pax: Word is they have this new ghost disintegration and electrocution ray.
Oafmore: I just can't keep up with the information age. What is that?
Axelrod: It's a ray or force field gun that microwaves a ghost in mid air. If he comes through this field it emits, he's zapped! Naturally they are after Goomerton here to use it on him.
Oafmore: Oh, I see.
Axelrod: But that's not all. They are out to get you too. They say if you don't give up the ghost then you will have to give up the ghost.
Oafmore: (gulp) I am not so sure I like that idea.
Axelrod:: Yes, but it could be a lot worse for someone like you.
Oafmore. How so?
Axelrod: You could die peacefully in bed.
[The activists burst in enter, some armed, some prepare to put in place the disintegration gun.]
Oliver: You said you had to do these things, but who said you had to be million, billionaires!!??
[Goomerton, Oafmore and rest flee. The irate citizens are left wondering what to do when suddenly Dr. Insane, appearing as Jesus, floats down from Heaven..]
Dr. Insane: "I am the Resurrection and the life."
Oliver: It's him! Aim the G.D.E.R.
[Just as he and Fred position the weapon, the ghost of “Sir Alec Guiness” appears.]
Julie: Sir Alec Guiness??!!
Guiness: I knew about these people too, but I didn't tell anyone. You see they are not so bad as you think...
Fred: Then you are a fool still. Even into the next life! But we like your movies, so out of the way...
[Guiness exits in terror and dismay.]
Oliver: (speaking to Dr. Insane) Villain! You are nothing but a plague and a curse.
[With the help of a Second citizen he fires the GDER at Dr. Insane, who shrieks in agony and then burns and crumbles to a pile of ashes.]
Debbie: You killed Jesus!
Jasper: That's not Jesus...
[Dr. Ruehl enters.]
Dr. Ruehl: He's right, it isn't. You did the right thing. Given the limits of our senses and knowing, it is far easier to pretend to all existence than it is to all goodness and wisdom. And you people knew this. Even the worst devils can -- in their own mind at any rate -- mean well. This deluded person may have fully thought and believed he was Jesus. But this is merely one more telling illustration of the Monster Maker's extraordinary powers of manipulation and deception.
And should someone come to you who seems to be divine, no matter how over powering they are, always insist that they be rational. It is the easiest thing in the world for a divine person to be, and if they won't then you know right there that they aren't what you might else be expected to take them for. After all, as you have seen for yourself -- the slumber of reason breeds monsters.
Movie Director: I see these innuendos, and sort of resentments you are expressing in these television shows, and the rest. But what I don't understand is, who is your audience supposed to be for all this?
Oafmore: Someone will listen.
Movie Director: Who will listen?
Oafmore: Well, of course the public by and large is made up of ignorant people. They'll listen, and they're the ones that count!
[Scene with Dr. Ruehl, Oafmore, Goomeron, and K-Pax sitting in Oafmore's office.]
Dr. Ruehl. [aghast] You mean to sit there and openly confide to me here that you the one were responsible for all those serial murders?
[Oafmore nods smiling.]
Dr. Ruehl: Then how can you be involved with such a thing and at the same time claim to be promoting the Marx Brothers with this documentary you're preparing?
Oafmore: The world is not so simple as you would like to think, Dr. Ruehl.
Dr. Ruehl: Oh, it isn't is it? Well you tell me.
Oafmore: [After looking knowingly at Goomerton] What would you think, Dr. Ruehl, if I told you the Marx Brothers murdered some people?
K-Pax: And Abbott and Costello too. [Oafmore nods]
Dr. Ruehl: I would say that sounds crazy.
Oafmore: So you and everyone would think. But you don't know how these things really are.
Dr. Ruehl: How do you know this?
Oafmore: [gesturing to Goomerton] These people told me.
Dr. Ruehl: That person is a complete lunatic. How can you trust what he tells you?
Oafmore: You see Dr. Ruehl, we know about these things a certain way.
Dr. Ruehl: Oh yes you had mentioned that.
Goomerton: No, greatness doesn't come cheaply Dr. Ruehl, and there are simply some things it is better the world doesn't know about.
Dr. Ruehl: I'll say.
Devils: [addressing Oafmore] "What’s this? Forgetting your friends already? What then are we supposed to do while you are off having good times with Jesus Christ?"
Oliver: How long has Oafmore been like that?
Dr. Ruehl: Pretty much all his life.
Julie: Will they ever punish him?
Ruehl: Probably not actually because when he finally does comes to and realizes what he's been doing all these years, he'll feel like such a pile of garbage no one will feel the need to.
Oliver: I just can't figure it with these people. If they dedicated themselves heart mind and soul to demonism and doing things to hurt others, what's in it for them?
Ruehl: They get jealous that's why. So..
Ruehl: So they don't want people having to good, and run these brain radios, torment, harass, and in general force themselves on those who won't do things their way -- and then those who do do things their way.
Oliver: Him and Goomerton should be with people like themselves, and not be bothering the rest of us.
Julie: Yes now what's wrong with that?
Ruehl: They can't stand those people.
[Goomerton suddenly appears]
Goomerton: Don't laugh. I have nothing to live for!
Julie: You have yourself don’t you?
Ruehl: I am sure that's what he means.
Goomerton: Very funny all of you! Even as I speak great terrors are being prepared for the three of you. You will live your lives a certain way, adhere to the code of silence, or suffer the consequences!
Oliver: At one time you and Oafmore complained that if you didn't have great wealth and power, how were you ever going to be popular, successful celebrities? Well, you have all the money and power in the world, and for a very long time now. So what's the problem? Why are still having to force yourselves on people?
Goomerton: [pointing to the sky] These things have to be done a certain way. [He then vanishes.]
Julie: Doesn't he give you the creeps?
Oliver: He does me all right.
Secretary: Here's that list you requested Mr. Oafmore of people and animals murdered in the last decade, with an attachment of reputations and careers ruined as well. [Leaves.]
Gretchen: I'm not sure I understand. Does our strength and power ultimately lie in that we are victorious or in that we are deserving of the greatest pity?
Oafmore: Don't be so cynical. I acquired all this fantastic wealth and honors of life for you, for us. Now what then shall we live for?
Gretchen: Oh I don't know...peace, justice, freedom?
Oafmore: Not possible. It'd ruin business. Think of something else.
Gretchen: What? (pauses) I have to go. [She leaves. Oafmore sits down rubbing his head, holding the papers his secretary had handed him. Goomerton appears behind him. Oafmore, without looking at the other, glances at the list.]
Oafmore: It will be all right for these people won't it? Like you said.
Goomerton: You have my solemn assurance that they went to heaven. And if not, don't worry yourself. It doesn't matter anyway. After all if it did then that's where they would have gone wouldn't they?
Oafmore: I see what you're saying.
[Oafmore is sitting down in front of the television, while K-Pax, and the Movie Director loiter in the background.]
Oafmore. Television just doesn't enage me any more. What's this all about?
K-Pax: It's "Celebrity Fear Factor" in which contestants square off in different events to see who's left standing.
Oafmore: What celebrities will they be having tonight?
Movie Director: Those are the celebrities.
Oafmore: I see, I see.
K-Pax: What's wrong?
Oafmore: They aren't going to the movie theater anymore like they're supposed to.
K-Pax: Why not not give away free tickets as a promotion?
Movie Director: We are giving away free tickets but they still won't come.
Oafmore: What about cracking down on thoe websites and that internet. Certainly they must be drawing away much of the audience.
Movie Director: We've already done that.
Oafmore: Boika’s marauders were taking care of that, correct?
Movie Director: Boika’s maurauders, yes.
Oafmore: Oh well, at least there's always the evening news. That's something they will have to watch.
K-Pax: Even the President of the United States.
Oafmore: Even the President of the United States, that's right.
He finds his greatest goodness in tricks of ghosts, mere images, and the drugs angels and spirit people use, knowing nothing of life, reason, and real love.
Now, it's not that you lack good. You have and had tremendous good. No the problem is there's too much bad, and it makes you think you lack what's good (your "Oh woe is me!") But who's to blame for the bad? The good? No, the bad. So why don't you fight the bad?
"Because if I do he says he won't let me have it good."
He wears a mask to hide his face.
"The Phantom of the Opera knew no disgrace!
for how could such be
if his face they cannot see?"
He listens to an ancient ghost,
whose gossip is his greatest boast,
who every time he's shown the door
says he's nothing to live for.
He gave his heart to demonism!
Rumplestiltskin is his name
Being interesting is his game.
And if they don't do these things a certain way,
he's afraid he'll go to Purgatory.
But Oh can anybody tell
why he thinks there is no Hell?
He spies on you, he spies on me
from foreign terrorists we must be free.
Religion, and magic are his favorite shows,
and putting in your head his radio.
He gives our President just the plan
to rid us all of terrorism.
Then an anti-war protest orchestrates
for the very plan he detonates.
He gave his heart to demonism! (etc.)
[from Jan.-Feb. 2007]
I really do think my (unfinished) "Ghost of the Traitor" play has great potential as the basis for a television series; prospectively contemplating which, I've decided to jot down ideas for episodes as they come to me. Here for now, and for starters, are a few:
* Oafmore decides he is going to disguise himself in order to see if people won't like his movies that way.
* Oafmore, in order to show his philanthropic side, decides to specially sponsor, promote and put in the media spot light a contender in the Special Olympics -- but with disastrous results for the poor athlete.
* Oafmore and the Man Without a Face. Although even Oafmore can't stand him, he knows from Goomerton he needs MWAF to keep things going. This episode then concerns the fine balancing act between Oafmore's role of entertainment mogul and his role as accomplice in the gangster violence and terror that helps keep him in power. We also in this episode learn of the MWAF's personal goals and aspirations; but which circumstances have sadly thwarted and frustrated.
* Dr. Ruehl has figured out a way to scientifically prove that Oafmore is using brain torture radios, but meets with all kinds of obstacles in trying to get a hearing from the academic community, and who continue to insist, without explanation, that what Ruehl is saying cannot possibly be true.
* Again with all good intention, Oafmore does for Gretchen much like what he did for the Special Olympics contender; only in this case Gretchen gets her revenge.
* K-Pax and the computer nerds. K-Pax confronts serious moral questions and self-searching when one of the young computer hackers working for Oafmore explains to him that hacking is actually illegal.
* After having it explained to him what it is, Oafmore makes preparations to go and receive the Gene (sic) Hersholt humanitarian award! But wait! Potential trouble brews when police investigators uncover a number of bodies buried on a ranch he formerly owned.
* A Case of Road Rage. Goomerton under the "demonizing influence" goes haywire and, in his devilment, causes all kind of road rage among drivers on the freeway. Faced with alarming number of instances being reported, Oafmore then finds himself having to explain via the evening news what's supposed to be the real cause of what's going on, namely these people are suffering from a certain chemical imbalance -- and for which his pharmaceutical company has just the cure!
* Dorky the Robot Sorcerer. Left with a warehouse of Dorky the Robot Sorcerer toys (a tie in to Oafmore’s movie of the same name) that couldn't be sold, no one wants to tell Oafmore the bad news and who otherwise had been misled to believe they were best sellers. In order to spare him the truth, it's up to the Movie Director and K-Pax to figure out a way of paying people to buy them.
* Oafmore finds himself a victim of his own success when after chasing out tobacco company executives with the usual "persuasion," he manages to take over much of the tobacco industry. As a result lighting up suddenly becomes fashionable; only will the increased smoking sit well with the higher ranking deities Oafmore relies on who are allergic to it?
* Strange and perplexing troubles befall an upper CIA officer; shortly after he starts raising questions with other officials as to why Festidius Oafmore is being granted National Security clearance.
* At various point in the Oafmore story, Oafmore acquiesces to and accomplices (to some point) the cruelties Goomerton perpetually inflicts on others. In this episode we find out that the reason for this is Goomerton can bring him to tears by getting Oafmore to feel sorry for him (i.e. Goomerton), accompanied by Goomerton's sad but well placed references concerning the plight of people like himself who did not get a fair shake in life.
* Oafmore's Eleven. After going through a near death experience in which he sees "Jesus" (really Dr. Insane), Oafmore undergoes a sudden conversion; as part of which, and despite objections from some colleagues and his customers, an effort is made on his part to bring Christianity to his casino and gaming establishments.
Having for many years now become in effect the space alien in my life, you can report back to your leader tell him that you have succeeded in your mission of making me completely miserable. All I suppose that's left for me to say to you now is: rock on, ghost people, rock on.
Such extraordinary riches, power, and dominion! And yet at the price of ultimately having to become something out of an H.P. Lovecraft novel.
"What! No face at all?!"
Well, as far as I could learn, there are two ears, some hair, and maybe a bit of an eye and mouth. But that would be about the best I could say.
A: Look, there is no possible reason that you or anyone needs to run brain torture radios on others in order so that you can live your own life!
Man Without A Face: You say that but these people tell me otherwise.
A: [hands him a picture] Who's in this picture? Do you recognize him?
MWAF: Yes, I do. It's Mr. Magoo.
A: O.K. Now what is Mr. Magoo's problem? [pause] His problem is he doesn't see straight and can't tell what's going on in reality. You have no right making a living by running brain torture radios -- not now, not ever! It doesn’t make any sense!
He came to town;
He's the stranger.
That's right the stranger.
He's the stranger;
That's all he is;
That' all he ever was;
That's all he'll ever be to me.
He's no friend of mine;
No one has greater money or place
As long as someone else
Ties his shoe lace.
"Indulge yourself for years."
"Money kills fear."
When he can live his life without me
Is when he can go on
Speaking so free.
In the olden times
They'd have hanged him.
But because more mercy needs a fool,
We'll only see him sent
To reform school.
Yet if he stays set,
Weirder it gets;
Sprites and angels hover round him so;
Some say it's sorcery,
Some Yugi Oh.
An Imaginary Encounter
1st Citizen: O.K. It's settled then now, isn't it? You have a billion dollars, right? You have all these wonderful people working for you, right? O.K. so no more torture and no more stalking and harassing of people, is that fair?
2nd Citizen: No.
1st Citizen: What do you mean no?
2nd Citizen: We can't do what you are asking us -- it's too hard to mind our own business.
1st Citizen: What do you mean it's too hard to mind your own business? Why people mind their own business all the time. It's a piece of cake. It's easy; believe me. Trust me on this. No, I think the real problem is that you just aren't applying yourself enough.
2nd Citizen: I'm no Christian.
1st Citizen: Who says you have to be Christian in order to mind your own business?
2nd Citizen: You are making me bear a cross.
1st Citizen: No, I am not; on the contrary, minding your own business is the easiest thing in the world. Besides, be reasonable after all; you're getting away with murder like crazy as it is, aren't you?
2nd Citizen: Maybe, but we still have to do the wrong thing.
 In a performance, this character could be changed to another well known person no longer with us. Though obviously the humor and taste of such substitution depends much on the selection.