THE NO-PAY-PER-VIEW...PART 1

MATT: And those with pants too! This No-Pay-Per-View has 10 killer matches with loads of crap happening! ANYTHING can happen and will!

(Private Thought Of Matt: What is that a rip-off of?)

MIKE: And I'm sitting next to O.J. Simpson!

MICHEAL JACKSON: No, I'm Micheal Jackson. There's a big difference. I LOVE YOU ALL!

MIKE: Our first of ten kill @$$ fights is up now! Here's the story behind Leatherface and Jack Frost...

(Leather face looks at Jack Frost)

MATT: That would make anyone fight someone!

MICHEAL JACKSON: Yes, Jack Frost is gay. I LOVE YOU ALL!

MIKE: Will you stop saying that?

MICHEAL JACKSON: Okay, I LOVE YOU ALL!

MJ: He can't move?

MATT: You know, how everyone named Micheal gets they're name changed?

(Jack Frost and Leatherface stare into each others eyes)

(Suddenly, the undeadly Jack Frosts melts 5 feet away)

(Leatherface cuts the s*mb*tch in two with a chainsaw! H*ll yeah!)

MJ: Hey, who's that?

MATT: It's those idiots from last night...

MJ: OH MY G*D, IT'S...

(Hitler rips off Hook Hand's mask revealing his face)

MATT: OH MY G*D IT'S...

(Osma bin Laden and Hitler start to throw punches) MJ: This can only mean one thing!

MATT: Payless has a sale going on?

MIKE: No! Osma bin Laden and Hitler are gonna get it on RIGHT HERE!!!

MJ: Hitler and Osma bin Laden! This is gonna rock serious @$$!

(Osma bin Laden takes a board, busts it over Hitler's head)

OSMA BIN LADEN: Tjhdkjh Tjshjfhk! Translation: Take this, you sorry b*st*rd! I am king of evil now!

HITLER: Jarbin Korisa! Translation: I think not, only one act of terror idiot!

OSMA BIN LADEN: AHDJKDSHKJ! Translation: Hey! I am TRUE king now! You s*ck! You are dead!

HITLER: HA HA HA HA Hhsjkh! Translation: HA HA HA HA If only you knew! I can't die!

OSMA BIN LADEN: Jdfhkhfk? Translation: Say What Now?

HITLER: Hhjfhkjhkj! Translation: My magic amulet of doom protects me from dying!

OSMA BIN LADEN: Hjdkjhfkj! Translation: Then why the h*ll didn't you use it have us just speak in english???

HITLER: Oh! Translation: Oh!

(Osma bin Laden looks very worried now!)

OSMA BIN LADEN: Where did you get that?

HITLER: From that little Leprechaun dude we killed!

OSMA BIN LADEN: Ahhhh. You mean the one that looks like this?

(Amulets touch each other and Hitler's and Osma bin Laden's amulets and arms blew off!)

OSMA BIN LADEN AND HITLER: Mommyyyyy!

HITLER: You IDIOT! Now we can both die, and we don't have arms! I'm gonna kick you in the n*ts!

OSMA BIN LADEN: Not If I Do It First!

(Osma bin Laden accidently loses his leg after kicking Hitler in the n*ts to hard! Hitler loses a leg too.)

HITLER: I'm going to kick you in the chin, m*therf*cker!

OSMA BIN LADEN: At least I'm good at it!

(Osma bin Laden tries throw an ax in the air at Hitler but accidently cuts of Hitlers and his leg)

HITLER: Now we're torso men!

OSMA BIN LADEN: I'm going to eat your nose!

(Osma bin Laden eats Hitler noses, but chokes on it and dies slowly)

OSMA BIN LADEN: These are my final words...you s*ck tailiban, for not helping me! Ughhh!

HITLER: (In A Funny Tone Because He Has No Nose) I Win!

(Leprechaun shows up!)

HITLER: To The Neo-Nazi's out there... thanks, you were a BIG help! Yeah right...MOMMY!

(Hitler's head is sliced off!)

MIKE: Well, Hitler and Osma bin Laden are now both dead! And these are two people we are not gonna bring back!

MATT: Well, our next fighters are famous for one thing...

MJ: Thiller! Oh!

MATT: No I mean...

MJ: I'm just a thriller! Thriller!

MIKE: YOU CAN SING LATER!

MJ: Oh okay! I LOVE YOU ALL!

MIKE: I told you not to do that!

MJ: Okayyy...

MATT: SHHHH! We're not allowed to say heck! We can say b*lls, @$$, d*ck or whatever but not HECK!

MIKE: You said it twice.

MJ: If I'm to understand this match right, it's Elmo Vs Santa Claus?

MIKE: No, it's "Billy".

MJ: BILLY?

MIKE:Yes, Billy, the killer Santa Claus! We'll just call him "Santa Claus".

MJ: So I Was Right...

MIKE: Ummm....

("Santa" comes up to Elmo)

SANTA: NAUGHTYYY!

ELMO: Wait no! I was in your Christmas special...remember? You granted me three wishes!

SANTA: NAUGHHTYY!

ELMO: I had one more wish! I never got it! So I wish for...

(Elmo thinks HARD)

ELMO: For you not to kill me! (Goofy Elmo Laugh) HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

(Santa Cuts Elmo In Half With An Ax)

SANTA: I Granted Your Wish: My Ax Killed You!

MIKE: Ha Ha Oh Ho Ho! That's a good one Santa!

MATT: His name is BILLY.

MJ: Well Now Uh, Do I Get To Sing My Happy Song?

MATT: No.

MIKE: Well, this is a bout that started on EpicSode 3. Ash Vs. Ash. No, not fireplace ash, but Ash Ketchem, and Ash from Evil Dead.

ASH 2 (Evil Dead): Bulbawhat?

ASH 1: Vine Whip!

(Bulbasaur proceeds to whip Ash 2's "Mr. Happy" into peices using vine whip!)

ASH 2: Ohhhhh! Oh that does it you little b*st*rd!

(ASH 2 takes a chainsaw to Bulbasaur and cuts his head off!)

BULBASAUR: Bulb...a...saur....bulbbbbbb.

ASH 1: NOOOOOO! He cost five bucks over eBay! NOOOOOO

ASH 2: Without your little Bulbasaur, you're dead meat!

ASH 1: Go Charizard! Kill Ash! Kill Him! Kill Kill Killll!

(Charizard burns Ash 1 to a crisp!)

ASH 1: Ow! Get back in your poke'aball!

ASH 2: Not so hot now, are we?

ASH 1: Time for my ace in the hole...

(Pikachu sends a thunderbolt to Ash, but it only energizes his chainsaw on his arm, enabling him to cut Pikachu in a thousand pieces!)

ASH 2: Game Over, Kid!

ASH 1: No! What...! Ummm...do you take cash as a bribe?

(Ash 2 cuts off Ash 1's head!)

MJ: Ow, I haven't seen a beheading like that since I lost my doggfaced wonder toy!

MIKE AND MATT: (Blank stares at MJ.)

MIKE: Yes, I'm sure aroused now!

MATT: I hate working with you.

MIKE: Well, here'ssss... Micheal Jackson!

MJ: (Singin' Thriller) It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark

Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart

You try to scream but takes the sound before you make it

You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes,

You're paralyzed

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night

And no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike

You know it's thriller, thriller night

You're fighting for your life inside a er, thriller tonight

You hear the door slam and realize there's nowhere left to run

You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun

You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination

But all the while you hear the creature creepin' up behind

You're out of time

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night

There ain't no second chance against the thing with forty eyes

You know it's thriller, thriller night

You're fighting for your life inside a er, thriller tonight

Night creatures call

And the start to walk in their masquerade

There's no escapin' the jaws of the alien this time

(they're open wide)

This is the end of your life

They're out to get you, there's demons closing in on every side

They will possess you unless you change the number on your dial

Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together

All thru the night I'll save you from the s on the screen,

I'll make you see

That it's a thriller, thriller night

'Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would dare to try

Girl, this is thriller, thriller night

So let me hold you tight and share a er, diller,

chiller,

Thriller here tonight

Darkness falls across the land

The midnight hour is close at hand

Creatures crawl in search of blood

To ize yawl's neighborhood

And whosoever shall be found

Without the soul for getting down

Must stand and face the hounds of hell

And rot inside a corpse's shell

The foulest stench is in the air

The funk of forty thousand years

And grizzly ghouls from every tomb

Are closing in to seal your doom

And though you fight to stay alive

Your body starts to shiver

For no mere mortal can resist

The evil of the thriller!!!

End.

MJ: Booyah, I'm good!!!!!!!

MIKE: So is bussell sprouts with onions!

MATT: Shut up Mike. That was an good song, espeically for the N-P-P-V!

MJ: Now, I'm to understand that we have a tag team title match?

MATT: Sure do! And here's the rules low down!

RULES:

When both members of the team are dead, they lose!

MJ: Whoa, that sure is a lot of rules!

MIKE: Here we go...

MATT: Well... yah. That's why we love it!!!

JAY: Hey! You told us we were fighting the Wayans brothers!!!!!

SILENT BOB: (Farts In Anger)

MIKE: How many fingers do you have?

JAY: 10.

MIKE: That's how many minutes you have left to live.

(King Kong takes Mike and beats the bejesus out of him for that lame @$$ comment!!!!

MIKE: Ow.

MJ: I feel bad. I think I'll help Jay And Silent Bob.

(MJ gives Jay and Silent Bob nukes)

SILENT BOB: Die, Motherf*cker!!!!

(BOOOOOM! Everyone except Jay and Silent Bob dies, which means they win)

INTERMISSION....

Two months pass....

Three Months pass...

(Show starts up again)

MATT: Oh hello there. Jay and Silent Bob are your tag team champions because of MJ. As of where we've been...

MIKE: We've been dead. Thank g*d for h*ll voodoo!

MJ: Whoa. I've never been dead before.

MATT: Well, here's a no DQ match between Maniac Cop and Manilla, son of Godzilla.

MATT: That's why we're doing this Manilla story peice...

Manilla. He's Godzilla's son. He looks like Gary Coleman...

Ohhhh, Garrryyyy Coleeemannnnn...

Yes. He looked like Gary Coleman.

He looks retarded... Ohhhhh he loooksss retarddeddd.... And he was in only movies and they s*ck*d... Ohhhh the movies s*ckk*ddd... Actually we didn't see it but we heard it s*ck*d... Heard it s*ckk*ddd Oh Yeah.

MJ: That was...

MATT: Heartwarming?

MJ: No. G*y.

MIKE: Ah.

MJ: Oops. I guess while you were singing Minilla died.

MATT: Say what now?!?

(Maniac Cop stands triumphantly over the blood-stained corpses of Manilla and Godzilla)