"Paranoia is also really easy. You make characters, and I kill them. *grin*"
<*> OOCly, Smokin says, "Have a party of Half Fiend/Celestial/Dragon Terrasques!"
OOCly, Djana says, "..."
OOCly, Holly says, "The WereTarrasque!"
OOCly, Djana may just be a D&D neonate, but still knows that's wrong.
"I'm thinking a fantasy version of COPS. .... It's all starting to come together... Eclipse hugs his 2-liter of Mountain Dew."
Holly pages: 8400 left. What can I buy that's magical?
You paged Holly with 'What did you have in mind, generally? Stat boost, potions, sneaky stuff, weird shit, etc...'.
Holly pages: Sneaky stuff.
You paged Holly with 'Cloak and Boots of Elvenkind, Heward's Handy Haversack, Hat of Disguise, Slippers of Spider Climbing, and Vest of Escape cost 2000 each. Chime of Opening costs 3000. Dust of Disapearance costes 3500. Boots of Levitation are 7500.'.
loak and Boots are EACH 2000'.
Holly pages: I'll take the Cloak and boots, for 4000, Handy sack for 6000, and Vest for 8000.
You paged Holly with 'Ever feel like a gameshow contestant?'.
You publicly roll 1d20 and get: 19 Total: 19
OOCly, Eclipse smiles at the dice. "It feels good to be the GM, again."
Smokin says, "Ow, I think we're in trouble tonight..."
OOCly, Holly says, "Oh dear.."
OOCly, Eclipse hasn't even put on his dragon medallion, yet...
OOCly, Arelian says, "What exactly does that do?"
OOCly, Ivan says, "It's eeeeevil!"
Arelian says, "Let me guess, it turns who ever wears it into a Great Wyrm dragon?"
OOCly, Ivan says, "No. It makes whoever puts it on a channel for ultimate evil."
You publicly roll 1d20 and get: 16 Total: 16
You publicly roll 1d20 and get: 20 Total: 20
OOCly, Eclipse says, "You should be scared. These dice are treating me as well as my own dice do..."
You publicly roll 1d20 and get: 20 Total: 20
OOCly, Eclipse says, "Let's see, that's two 20s, one 19, and a 16... I might want to tone a couple of the encounters down a touch, maybe..."
OOCly, Telione says, "I hope you're burning all your good rolls now..."
OOCly, Telione begins the rite of player summoning.
OOCly, Telione lays down a trail of Lays potato chips with a container of French Onion dip, surrounded by cans of Jolt cola.
OOCly, Eclipse says, "Remember, we're summoning Megathan..."
OOCly, Eclipse opens the bottles of Sobe and pours them over the chips.
OOCly, Ivan waves some Colorease pencils around
OOCly, Eclipse posts a new Flash animation on GCP.
Ivan rolls 1d20 and gets: 15 Total: 15
You publicly roll 1d20 and get: 6 Total: 6
OOCly, Ivan says, "Your powers are weak, old man."
You publicly roll 1d20 and get: 18 Total: 18
You publicly roll 1d20 and get: 15 Total: 15
You say "Bring it on, boyz!"
OOCly, Ivan says, "I'll swallow your soul!"
Ivan rolls 1d20 and gets: 19 Total: 19
You publicly roll 1d20 and get: 19 Total: 19
Ivan rolls 1d20 and gets: 13 Total: 13
Telione rolls 1d20 and gets: 15 Total: 15
You publicly roll 1d20 and get: 20 Total: 20
You publicly roll 1d20 and get: 11 Total: 11
You publicly roll 1d20 and get: 14 Total: 14
Telione rolls 1d20 and gets: 10 Total: 10
You publicly roll 1d20 and get: 20 Total: 20
OOCly, Eclipse says, "Give up, yet?"
OOCly, Telione says, "Please get here soon Megathan! We're amusing ourselves by rolling dice!"
OOCly, Aoifei wonders what the hell to do with all this money...
OOCly, Ivan says, "Buy incense?"
OOCly, Ivan says, "And head wax."
OOCly, Aoifei nods. "Yeah! Blow it all on magic stuff!"
OOCly, Eclipse says, "You could always go around in your undies and a 9000 gp Monk's Belt..."
OOCly, Ivan says, "That'd be a Good Thing. She'd have bullet proof nudity."
OOCly, Aoifei ponnders buying 2lbs of soap
OOCly, Aoifei could be a clean freak!
The Opening Situation:
You say "All of you are down on your luck. You can be certain of this because you are currently subjects of Tiamat, the Queen of the Dragonlands, and have just received a summons to her court with her personal seal. You can only hope she means to eat you alive. The only other possibility is she has a small errand for you to run..."
Here Comes the Plot Firetruck:
Clovis (the Great Wyrm green dragon) gives you a toothy grin, "I am happy you were able to make it here on such short notice."
You say, "Of course, you all know very well that is bullshit. Those who don't make time for the dragons in the Dragonlands tend to miss many other appointments after an unexcused absence...
Clovis, "It seems that while her Majesty was surveying her lands yesterday, she misplaced one of her Staffs of the Magi, and we need someone to retrieve it for her. You have permission to use all means at your disposal, yadda yadda yadda. See you tomorrow when you've found it."
You say, "He talks about it as though a well-bred lady of his acquaintance had lost her fan."
OOCly, Eclipse plays the Mission Impossible theme. "Your mission, and you'll accept it or else, is to convince someone to give you back a Staff of the Magi..."
Ivan says, "Goldilocks and the three Drow?"
Telione (the Rakshasa) looks at Ivan (the Wererat) strangely along the way, sniffing once in a while, looking away when the wererat sees her out of the side of his eye.
Ivan snarls slightly "Don't even think it, pussy cat."
Telione says "Think of what?"
Ivan says "I'm not food, so you can just put those instincts up."
Telione says "Why I would never consiter putting you on a spit, slow roasting you, baisting you in butter, herbs, and garlic until well done."
Ivan grins and licks his lips "How odd. That's my recipe for cat."
Telione stares at Ivan in shock, holds Tyberius (her cat familiar) in her arms and growls menacingly.
You say "You arrive at the 'palace' of the Goblin Kingdom in Exile - a rickety building that you would call a shack if the other shacks would not sue you for slander for doing so."
Ivan says "Ivan the Nimble. Thief, murderer and backstabber. And occaisonal arsonist."
Telione says "Quite an industrious fellow, aren't you Ivan?"
You say "Two goblins dressed in dirty uniforms stand guard at the leather flap door, their rusty and rotten spears held at the ready like Buckingham Palace guards who don't realize the palace is now an outhouse..."
Goblin Guard, "His Majesty is under the weather, at the moment. He will have to give you a rain check. His schedule is quite full. How does next month sound?"
Telione says "Please sir, it is a matter of dire importance."
Ivan says "So you want us to go back and tell Her Majesty, the Dread Queen Tiamat, that the King of the Goblins feels that her business isn't as important as his incontinence?"
Goblin Guard, "Queen Tiamat?"
He gives one of those stuck-up snob laughs.
"You want us to believe Queen Tiamat sent three peasants on her business? Three ugly peasants, at that."
He laughs a little more, just for good measure."
Aoifei says "'Ugly,' says the goblin."
OOCly, Ivan says, "Do we regain Rage for that?"
OOCly, Ivan says, "Gee, I can see cannabilism is going to be a driving factor in THIS game."
You say "There is the sound of something falling inside, and someone swears loudly in Goblin as the building collapses like a house of cards."
Ivan nods "See that you do. Thank you for your time."
Ivan turns, hesitates, then reaches into his pouch and scatters a largish handful of gold "And buy yourselves a real house."
Ivan marches off.
Ivan nods "The drow are closest, so that'd be best."
You say "You come to a cheerful little cottage in a clearing in the middle of the woods. The windows are all shuttered, but there is smoke coming from the chimney."
OOCly, Ivan says, "Drow? Cheerful cottage? Huh?"
OOCly, Ivan says, "Anyone else have the feeling we've wondered into a bizarre damn faerie tale?"
OOCly, Telione says, "I think we're just in something bizzare."
OOCly, Ivan says, "Since we're official bitches, we do have a uniform type thingy, right?"
OOCly, Eclipse says, "If you want one..."
Ivan says "We're here on the business of her Draconic Majesty, Queen Tiamat."
OOCly, Ivan says, "Yes! I have a badge!"
OOCly, Ivan says, "I am Officer of Her Majesty's Will. I AM THE LAW!"
OOCly, Aoifei takes the badge away from Ty before he hurts himself.
OOCly, Ivan pulls out his extra and polishes it.
You paged (Telione, Ivan): You hear someone mutter, 'Shit, the Feds!' Then there is a scraping of metal on metal.
You say "Everyone hears a loud scrape as something heavy is pushed against the door."
Telione says "Mam, we only wish to ask you about a staff that went missing later yesterday."
Ivan says "Yes. We only desire to know if you've seen her Majesty's Staff of the Magi that she misplaced yesterday. Other than that, we don't give a damn about you."
You say "There is no response for a long while as voices mutter in obvious argument. At last, the woman calls, 'Staff of the Magi? We don't know anything about her Majesty's Staff of the Magi.'"
Ivan says "Are you sure?"
Aoifei is staying away from that door
You say "Another debate. 'Um, yes. Positive.'"
Ivan says "Then you wouldn't mind if we came in and had a look around."
You say "Another argument. 'Actually, we're kind of busy today. Could you come back tomorrow. We're, um...' The voice blurs back into discussion for a moment. 'We're in the middle of an orgasm.' A few harsh words. 'I mean, an orgy.'"
You say "'Um, we have no reason to fear, since we're good, upright citizens who just emigrated here a short while ago. But we are shy because the sun is out. You're welcome to come inside and have a look around, as long as you don't mind our precautions against unnecessary sunlight..."
Ivan says "Of course.. Thank you for assisting us in our inquiries."
Telione says ""(You are most generous, thank you.)""
Aoifei is going to wait until the others have gone in.
OOCly, Ivan says, "The thief and the blaster go inside, while the Tank remains outside? What is this?"
OOCly, Aoifei says, "The tank is paranoid."
OOCly, Eclipse says, "CR 4 encounter [the PCs are level 5], and they're getting torn apart... *sigh*"
You say "You see nothing but the black butterflies and hear nothing but the chirps of sated stirges."
OOCly, Eclipse says, "The villain never escapes through the open window of a rustic cottage..."
OOCly, Ivan says, "Drow HAVING a rustic cottage is wrong enough."
OOCly, Eclipse says, "They didn't want to seem suspicious..."
OOCly, Ivan says, "Drow IN a rustic cottage is suspicious."
You say "You astutely notice that the sequoia is falling the other direction. You see a hill giant dressed in a red, plaid flannel with a huge timber axe on his shoulder."
Telione goes over to the hill giant, "Excuse me good sir, but may we ask you a question?
OOCly, Aoifei says, "High Charisma girl in front!"
You say "He looks down at you, squints, and nods stupidly."
OOCly, Ivan says, "He'll get a wonderful cleavege shot from that height."
You say "A slot opens and a pair of large eyes look out at you. Then the slot closes and you hear a deep voice call out, 'Who ordered dinner and didn't tell me?'"
You say "The gate opens into a courtyard. A dozen or so ogre children are playing Pin the Ears on the High Elf. It's really quite amazing you didn't hear his screams earlier."
OOCly, Ivan says, "I'm a wererat! I'm a filthy creature! I'm not fit for eating! Eat the other two!"
You say "The kids finally got it right. The elf's ears are now properly nailed to its head, and his body is limp against the wooden post."
Telione mutters as they get a mile or two distance between them and the ogres about how one day she'll have a kingdom of her own, and evict all ogres there, or at least send them to finishing school as she walks along.
Ivan goes looking for the Necromancer.
Telione follows Ivan.
Aoifei tags along
OOCly, Ivan says, "Ivan, Pied Piper of the Dragonlands.."
You say "The old woman's voice fills the room. 'There there, Thomas. You know how the living can be. It will take time to convince those in power to stop segregating the dead from the living. They never quite understand until they're dead, and then the other living won't listen to them, either. Now, what brings you to our happy community?'"
You say "'After they were raised?' She chuckles. 'No one would EVER have listened to them if I hadn't animated them all. I have dedicated my life to convincing people they shouldn't simply throw their loved ones out of families and clubs just because they happen to have died. The dead want to be included in their old social groups, after all."
Ivan says "I see.. Interesting concept."
Aoifei says "Post-mortem rights. Perfectly sensible."
Susan Banthony (the necromancer), "I say give great great great grandpa a seat at the table for Christmas just the same as the Tom Jones III. It's only fair."
Telione says "A very admirable cause Madam, but I'm afraid we have a bit of business to conduct. We are looking for a Staff of the Magi that Queen Tiamat lost while visiting your land. Have you seen it?"
You say "'She misplaced it? Oh dear. Well, I wish I could help you, but I chose Divination as my prohibited school.' She winks knowingly."
OOCly, Eclipse says, "This isn't so much an adventure as an NPC freak show..."
You say "The troll bridge is quite large, wide enough for six carts to cross at the same time - the very mark of well-to-do trolls."
Troll Merchant, "Give me all your gold and valuables and my friends and I might let you go."
You say "He says it politely, though..."
Aoifei says "How diplomatic."
Ivan says "So, I'm afraid that unless you want to piss off the scary dragon lady, you refrain from demanding our stuff."
Telione snickers a bit, "Oh, I"m sorry about that."
You say "'A mission from the Queen? You?' He cracks his knuckles."
Ivan says "Yup."
Telione says "Why don't you be a good boy and just tell us if you've seen a fine wooden staff, with iron ends, covered with strange writing on it, and we'll go about our way, and nobody will be hurt."
Troll Merchant, "How about you strip off all your worldly possessions and give them to me. That's the only way everyone will walk away without getting hurt."
Aoifei says "What charming gentlemen."
OOCly, Eclipse says, "How did you THINK troll merchants made a living? Selling things?"
You say "The Kobold mound vaguely resembles and low anthill, except the entrances are on the side, not on the top."
Telione goes over to main entrance and knocks on the side of the hill.
You say "A tiny voice shouts back, 'Go away, or we'll drop your ass with a fireball!'"
OOCly, Ivan says, "Not those kobolds!"
Ivan says "We're on a mission from Queen Tiamat, and unless you want a visit from the scary dragon lady, you'll work with us!"
Ivan steps out of direct LoF
Kobold, "We don't know anything about a Staff of the Magi. Now go away before we turn your skulls into glass with a lightning bolt!"
Telione steps away a bit.
Ivan says "You're horribly liars. Give up the staff, and Queen Tiamat won't be forced to rip open your home like an ant hill and cleanse it with waves of searing flame!"
Telione says "Lighting bolts and fireballs, two tradional spells put into a Staff of the Magis..."
Kobold, "And do you think those spells put THEMSELVES into the staff, hmm? Any sorcerer can cast those spells!"
Telione says "We know you got it so why don't you just give up?"
Telione says coldly, "Yes, I know all too well."
Kobold, "Because this hill is completely Dragonproof. We got an artifact wot says so!"
Telione says "Really? A big crystal orb with fire inside?"
Kobold, "If you want to crawl inside here, we can show you some of the other spells we can cast! What's wrong? Are you chicken? Bahk bahk bahk!"
OOCly, Eclipse says, "The kobolds are taunting you. Don't you feel awful?"
OOCly, Ivan says, "And theres nothing we can do about."
Telione says "No, we just don't want to be any closer to your repugnance."
The Kobold sniffs. "That's what I thought. Pussies!"
OOCly, Ivan says, "Can I spend will?"
OOCly, Ivan fights the urge to shout "I'm coming out of the booth!"
Aoifei says "What if we bribe them?"
OOCly, Eclipse wonders what you give someone in order to bribe them into handing over a Staff of the Magi...
OOCly, Ivan says, "We've got someone with 18 charisma. Just a little pussy."
Telione says "Busy little bastards, aren't you."
Kobold, "I told you to go away. Do you really want us to ass fuck you to death, little pussies?"
Aoifei says "Now, now; there's no call for vulgairity."
Kobold, "We've got spells! We can MAKE you like it."
OOCly, Ivan says, ""I was assfucked to death by Kobolds, and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt""
Ivan comes waddling out, looking disgruntled
Telione says "What's the matter?"
Ivan returns to his Man-Rat form "Nothing. Empty."
Aoifei says "No staff?"
OOCly, Ivan says, "I feel kinda sorry for the Kobolds."
Ivan shakes his head
You say "No, the Staff of the Magi is not in the kobold burrow, nor do the Deep Dwarves, Orcs, or Lich."
Telione says "What? Then where is it?"
Ivan says "Damned if I know."
You say "As it happens, it was buried under all the gold in Tiamat's lair... Why? Because it's a one-shot adventure!"
Eclipse grins evilly.
Ivan says "That was mean."