<OOC> Hugon wonders how long the beds are. Hugon also wonders what they're made of... <OOC> Zyka says, "Thorns?"
Octavius arrives in the sheriffs after tying his hore outside.
"Hugon might actually look BETTER with a few scars..."
"By now, the entire room is awake and swearing like...well...sailors."
Zyka labels Eclipse as the Evil, Paranoia-inducing ST with a magic marker.
"Way to freak out the Epagan."
D looks at Octavius "Ya see boy, when you get @newt'd, they take ya to the vet and whack off yer boys with a cleaver."
"What's going on here? Something follows me, and then you loom out of the mists like something from Hell."
"If anything starts clicking, just back away from it."
Enola: "Thank you, Mr Owl, I guess." ST: "How many licks... Nevermind..."
"Of course, there was that relaxing harmonic bed, but Tavion scrapped that after that...unpleasantness. Poor man...never saw it coming...one minute you're whole, the next, the sympathetic vibrations have...anyway, never mind that."
Octavius goeses down to eat in his fukkly cloaked again.
<OOC> Naphtali can't do anything about that until he gets Life 5 and can bring the rutter to life....
ST "Octavius, you are getting EVERYONE'S attention, now. Everyone suddenly decides to empty out the chamber pots onto your head from every second-story window along the road to the Sign of the Fire Drake." D "I could make a 'shithead' joke, but it's not really worth it."
<OOC> You say, "Introducing new Glass Plot Hooks. They are completely invisible until *snik* you're caught!" <OOC> Enola Galen says, "So much better than those cumbersome iron ones. Coming soon. Plot wagons with cloaking devices." <OOC> Hugon says, "And more appealing than those ugly plastic things." <OOC> Octavius says, "Only $9.99 at your local s-mart. Shop smart, shop s-mart."
<OOC> D drops off Enola, slimes his way over to eclipse and begins draining mojo. <OOC> You say, "I don't recommend that, D. My good player mojo is the opposite of my good GM mojo. Suck the latter, and it will haunt you tomorrow night..." (And it did)
ST: "Your blade cuts through his throat. He drops his sword and falls to the ground, trying feebly to stop the bleeding with his bare hands. You can hear the gurgle as he inhales some of his own blood in an attempt to catch a dying breath." Octavius: "I think he is crippled."
"Okay. You leave the sounds of the approaching watch behind you, easily outpacing them. Your foreign appearance and obvious haste draws the attention of every man, woman, child, and Umbrood along the way."
<OOC> Octavius says, "Not here. Think Nazi Germany and we are Jews." <OOC> Naphtali says, "Well, could be worse. We could be Jewish communists in Nazi Germany." <OOC> Octavius says, "Well we just became commies by fighting." <OOC> Naphtali says, "Dang... The only thing worse would be half-gypsy Jewish commies.... Or Homosexual, half-gypsy Jewish commies..... Anyway..."
ST: "What kind of idiot would begin a quest for world domination by attacking kobolds?" Naphtali: "One that doesn't want people to notice."
<OOC> Hugon has blown 3 Quint on Oct, he better friggin' live!
"Golgotha - Where the barbers are the most dangerous people alive."
"We need to talk about the die rolling program Lakos.. (hefts an alumnium baseball bat)"
"Zyka, you were battered almost into unconsciousness by thugs. Then you were healed. Then you were hemorrhaging. Then you were healed. You've had a long day..."
"It can have all the bears in the world in there as long as they don't attack me, let me sleep, and don't mistake me as a good-looking mate."
"It is the nature of all people. See button, push button, call repairman."
"Want some company, in case it blows up."
ST: "The rectangle [on the Resonance-detecting wand] flashes to life when you flip the switch. 'Checking memory... Done. WARNING! System did not shut down normally after last use. Some data may have been lost! Attempting to restore data...'" OOC Hugon: "AHHH!!! It's WINDOWS!" D: "Microsoft really is a monopoly, if they're cornered the transdimensional market."
ST: "You haven't pushed the button, yet..." Enola: ( I thought I did. Pressing it now, then.). Hugon: "It's Windows. You need to double-click."
"DOn't try this at home. Enola is a highly trained professional and has a guy with Life 3 close on hand."
ST: "You realize there is no apparent way to shut it down... It's a beta wand..." Hugon: "Ugh, we're Beta testers for Malakai's Microsoft?"
"We have Bill Gates. When do the other four horsemen show up?"
"What sphere do you need to summon Cthulu to eat them?"
"That's why the stick runs on windows. Bill is a force of nature. He exists in all places and all times in one form or another."
ST: "Flicker. Die." Zyka: "WHAT!?!" Hugon doesn't like those two words together... D: "Blue screen of death?"
"Okay. The night...er...rest of the morning and early afternoon passes quietly."
"Folk who like destroying stuff make me nervous."
"Yes, the Golgothan Empire is listed as 'currently unwelcoming to Travellers and dangerous'."
"You'll be one of the first kids on the block to have a nuclear powered shield."
"Mmm, wenchalicious."
"Well, it anyone wants to cook some food, you'd best drape it on him now."
Hugon: "We turned that sword into a buckler and Octavious is really, really hot and glowing white." Naphtali: "I hope those aren't connected...."
ST: "Yet, despite the heat, the fire seems to be actually UNburning you, making you more solid." Octavius: "Cool solid roast Manch."
"He's being quintacuted!"
"Yes, you could use Entropy 4 to cause balding, but that's just plain wrong."
"It looks like a merry crew flying the flag of the jeans and t-shirt. Arrr!"
"Why do people have to give places sinister names? If you call them the 'Black Peaks', of course you're going to get monsters and bandits. Now, if they were called the 'Happy Peaks' or 'Beautiful Mountains', people would feel much happier about going there.
ST: "Jeez! Those buggers get 8 dice on Stealth rolls! Sorry. Where were we?"
"The dice are just magic-a-phobic, I guess..."
"This seems like a good time to reaffirm that we're not hostile."
"But what did he mean, 'show them some fur?'"
"One of the roasts suddenly springs legs and jumps out the window."
"You have fallen in with a group of Fae. They are a bit unpredictable. You might wake up tomorrow feeling better than you have in years, or you might end up waking up on the other side of the world. It might be wise to appease them..."
"Well, you managed to bore yourself to sleep, somehow."
"Funky monkey elf sex.."
"You wake up feeling refreshed despite the fact that you have been sleeping in a muddy field during a long rainstorm all night. (+2 WP)"
ST: "Naphtali doesn't remember much more of the evening's festivities than Enola, but he wakes up with a shit-eating grin on his face and flowers in his hair."Enola: "I get the feeling someone's going to be sorry they missed the session."
"Is deranged blasphemous sex better or worse than freaky cat noises?"
"Look, nothing that happened last night was blasphemous. Deranged, maybe, but they ARE Fae..."
"There weren't any clowns involved, and I don't think I'd call it freaky. Deranged, yes, but not 'freaky' exactly."
"Naph, you might be interested in knowing you were seduced by a 13-year-old Pooka last night."
ST: "You're the only one in the group who remembers anything that happened for most of the night (Fae Blood)." Naph: "And what is it that I remember (other than things along the line of 'oh yes oh yes oh yes' and 'More more , god don't stop')?"
"Never go to a Fae for a straight answer, or to a GM, for that matter..."
"Well, I think this is officially the most confusing session I've run in either group so far. Fun, huh?"
Hugon wonders what the heck hit his character upside the head and made him so confused. ST: "Fae will do that to a person..."
"Travel Rule #35...never stay at a stranger's farmhouse."
Hugon's familiar: "Are you sure you're feeling alright? You don't have a fever, do you? I wouldn't want you mistaking me for a chamber pot again..."
"The heroes rode off and saved the world. Sure, but never mind the time the heroes spent sitting around in a field, trying to figure out where to go."
Naph: "And besides, he was probably just a random encounter." ST: "They're ALL random encounters, if you think about it..." Enola: "The Werewolf Wagon and the Fae House of Deranged Blasphemous Sex being two of them?" Naph: "Yeah, but I'm just used to you, ranting to me ... about how your party spent 3 sessions chasing a random encounter."
"'To see the plot in a random encounter, and the villain in an ad-libbed NPC...'"
"All right, you bastard! We have angst. Are you happy now, you sick twisted fiend?! (sobs)"
"The plot gets thicker and more confusing..."
"Fae = Confusing little devils."
"The animated chicken should have been a clue."
"I suspected we were going to do a fantasy rerun of 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre'"
"And we're getting some angst of our very own."
Innkeeper, "I service travellers in this area quite regularly, but the Empire has become a bit more particular about who it likes me to welcome. Give me two silvers per person, plus two for each of the animals, and I'll pretend you forced me to let you stay here."
"He takes your money with a knowing wink, and shouts curses about pushy foreigners for all the town to hear."
"Okay, Octavius. You are now under the effect of a Melodramatic Music enchantment, which will last for the rest of the day. Whenever you do something or say something dramatic, loud music fitting the words or actions plays all around you."
Hugon, "With Octavius having some Musical Scourge..." Enola, "Is that an S&M version of Musical Chairs?"
"I'll try and boot up the Microsoft Wand of Location."
Enola, "Either the power source is running down, she's closer or it's warning me it's about to self-destruct." Eclipse, "With Microsoft, you can never tell..."
Octavius "Its only glowing slightly more, does that mean she is still far off?" Eclipse, "This Little Light of Mine starts tinkling in the air."
Octavius, "Great, the last thing we want to hear is "This item will self-distruct in ten heartbeats." Eclipse, "We're the Spaceballs begins to play."
Taetia, "We get the Odyssey, and they get James Bond. This is fair."
Enola, "I mean, if you're designing a bomb, you won't have it tell people when it's going to go off, right? if this does blow up, it'll probably do so with no warning." Zyka, "Thank you for that reassurance." Octavius, "Thank you, thats VERY reasuring." Eclipse, "Chopin's Funeral March begins to play..."
"If the Jaws theme comes up, everyone run."
Octavius, "Sometimes a person job changes because fate wishes it." Zyka crosses her arms, "My jobs only change when my employer wishes it."
"'It's a Small World' is STILL playing..."
Eclipse, 'The Rainbow Connection' begins to play." Enola, "I like this music...I must find some way of recording you...sorry, you were saying?"
Hugon, "Then somehow, the princess could be tied in. Yet we were told not to go after her, or thousands would die." Eclipse, "'It's the End of the World as We Know It' plays." Hugon, "Paranoia Paranoia..."
Hugon, "Thus, we're acting at the request of Icelas, who may or may not have even informed King Argos of what's happened. .... Okay, things are starting to make sense. Also, has anyone else noticed that we must have been sleeping for about six days, based on the moon?" Enola, "We should count ourselves lucky. In the old woods, there were legends of those lured into the forest, who left as old men with forty years or more stolen."
Eclipse, "Octavius is to contact Argos immediately once the cult's base of operations is known. 'Secret Agent Man' plays." Hugon, "Argos didn't give you any way to contact him?" Eclipse, "Nope. He doesn't like to micro-manage..."
Eclipse, "You come into contact with something very strange. It looks vaguely like an old man dressed in the robes of an Archwizard of the Guiltbearer Clan, but it is standing in a room that seems too big for it. The legs of the chairs are bigger than it is, for example. It smiles, and says, 'Please state the nature of your emergency. If it is of sufficient import, the King will contact you shortly. Otherwise, one of his assistants will be glad to aid you.'" Enola, "Hugo got the answering machine."
Hugon, "The magical answering machine? At least it's not a Microsoft Product..."
Octavius, "Yes?" Eclipse, "'Siberian Khatru' plays. (It's a song by a band called 'Yes'...)" Enola, ( You know your GM has too many MP3's when... )
Octavius turns pale. Well, least as pale as a mysahri can get." Eclipse, "'Unchained Melody' plays. (the famous song from 'Ghost'). Cause you look like you've seen a ghost, of course..." Enola, ( Coming soon. Mage: Epic Fantasy soundtrack album. )
Octavius, "Hugon, I think that I should stay in you room at least til this music goes away." Eclipse, "'American Pie' plays."
Eclipse thinks Octavius is milking his Scourging just a bit...
Octavius, "As Gregor is my witness, I give these roses to you as a token of my pledge." Eclipse, "'Hammer Time' plays." Enola takes the rose, and gives a wan smile. Octavius nods M.C.Hammer, "You can't touch this!" Hugon, "Until our goal is complete, then we are as one." Enola says, "At least it's not been dull." M.C.Hammer, "Break it down!"
Octavius, "Can I try and turn down volume of the music?" Eclipse, "How do you intend to accomplish that? You can try to keep anyone else from hearing it, but I fear you'll have to listen to it for the rest of the night..."
"Somebody PLEASE kill Octavius so Eclipse'll stop?"
Hugon, "Memo to self: Hack Eclipse's computer, delete all MP3s...."
Eclipse, "I'm picking songs that are vaguely related to anything Octavius says or does. He's the one who decided to tell you his life's story while he was still being Scourged..."
Eclipse, "Octavius's body is singing 'I'm Singing in the Rain' when you set out in the cold rainy morning." Enola, "I hate this climate...still getting the music, I see." Eclipse, "Keep in mind he didn't get the Scourging until near the end of yesterday..." Taetia, "Kill him. Kill him now. Kill them both!" Hugon, "Maybe I'll travel in the Umbra instead..."
Eclipse, "Look on the bright side. You now have an excuse to take music-related skills..."
Octavius, "We were given a far more important mission." Eclipse, "Yes, very important. *cough* suicidemission *cough*" Hugon, "Shush you, you ST you!"
Enola, "Wherever these flame things are, I hope it's warmer there...." Hugon, "Hopefully not too warm. You ever see a Wint shed? It isn't pretty..." Eclipse, "Ew!" Enola, "I probably have, thank you. Maybe that memory block should stay up..."
Octavius, "I wish I had memory block.. That Rahab woman's cold touch startled me and she had a sent of decay around her." Eclipse, "Look, she probably thought you smelled pretty weird, too."
"You know, we're probably confirming the belief that non-Wints are odd by voluntarily camping out here."
Eclipse resists the urge to keep playing theme songs for Octavius...
Hugon rubs his left and right amulets. Enola, "In public?!"
Hugon, "Blossom? Who is Blossom? Forgive me if I forgot." Enola, "Oh, my familiar. A white rat. I'll miss her..." Hugon, "What happened to her?" Eclipse, "This doesn't have anything to do with that vibrating bed, does it?" Zyka, "not asking not asking..." Enola, "Oh no, no. It was an attempt at a perpetual motion machine." Hugon, "Ahh. I'm sorry." Enola, "It worked a little too well. Too much kinetic energy build-up, sudden release, the gear on the wheel goes and...well, she went into orbit."
"Impressive, people. You now have an inflatable cabal tent..."
"When last we left the Sticky Cabal, they had just had their mission objectives altered by a mage with far too many dots in Forces, Prime, and Mind for the universe to sleep soundly at night. Your current destination is Gregortown, the capital of Alamor and a city well-known for the children's section of its public library."
Enola, "After the dancing chicken, I kind of lost the plot for a while." Eclipse, "You mean right after the part after the dancing chicken, you lost track of a few things..." Hugon (ooc), "What is it with games I'm in and chickens? First they attack my Garou, now they're dancing..." Octavius, "Great, now Eciplise will remember that an send undead chickens at us." Eclipse, "If it makes you feel any better, kobolds lay eggs, so it's possible to think of them as magic-wielding chickens..."
Octavius, "Yes, I say we take a clser look." Hugon, "Listen, many corpses usually make me edgy. Many Wint corpses make me even edgier." Enola Galen, "Okay. But if any spirits start hunting me, you let me know this time."
"The dreaded Balding Backlash?"
"No natural healing and Sphere Inept: Life. Did I have subconscious suicidal impulses during character creation?"
Enola Galen, "And what was so bad about the mail?" Hugon (ooc), "Bad people = Bad Resonance...don't want that mail on me..." Eclipse, "Spam, don't 'cha know..." Enola (ooc), "Spam?" Eclipse (ooc), "You asked what's so bad about mail..."
"I'm impressed, Enola. Dif 2 and STILL no successes!"
"Great, putting the paranoid guy on watch. Now none of us will get any sleep."
Hugon, "Enola, what is it with you and evil spirits attacking you?" Eclipse (ooc), "Sex appeal?" Enola (ooc), "Oh yes. Fae, demons and spirits. Lucky me..." Eclipse, "Compared to everyone else in the cabal, Enola is Miss Universe."
"Since we've had the obligatory plot-forwarding random encounter for tonight, the rest of the evening passes uneventfully."
"We all know the gods are running a protection racket with the demons...."
"This is purely an afterthought, but it's lucky none of the werewolves were feeling amorous."
"After all, we've still not got anything like the freaky-consensual-sex quota of the Angst Cabal." (He ate his words on this point, as you'll discover...)
(OOC) Hugon gives Octavius a cookie. "Good Octavius...no backlash."
Eclipse (ooc), "Okay. Raise your hands if he's making any sense to you at all - IC or OOC." (OOC) Hugon keeps his hand down.
"Thus begins the Quest for the Willing Wench..." Hugon eats some of his Barbequed Wench. Almost all of it remains
Octavius, "Great I have an idea, but it is too sick to do." (He did it anyway...)
Hugon, "I wonder if we could contact the pooka..." Eclipse, "Never an over-sexed Fae around when you need one..."
Enola (ooc), "The horse?" Hugon (ooc), "Yeah, isn't the horse female?" Octavius(ooc), "Yes, the horse is female." Eclipse, "I can't believe the subject of BESTIALITY has come up in ANY of my games!"
"Okay, we are now officially the Weird Sex Cabal, 2-1."
"Keep in mind that he must cause pleasure, not simply receive it. An unwilling wench really is out of the question, and it would be...odd experiencing those sensations when you're not even used to having breasts."
Octavius (ooc), "Doing it as a ritual." Eclipse (ooc), "Doing SOMETHING as a ritual, I guess..."
Hugon, "4 days, and this is who the Lanterns found?" Enola Galen (ooc), "Can't we send him back, ask for a new champion?"
"I can tell this is going to go down as one of the weirdest sessions of my career..."
Hugon (ooc), "Note to self: Do not send Lanterns to do a Wint's Job. End Note."
Octavius form shifts and he becomes a beautiful human woman. Eclipse shrugs. "Okay, Octavius. You're now a woman. What are you going to do about it?" Octavius in her newly feminine voice, "Let's get this over with. Argos is going to owe me big time."
Eclipse curls up in a ball and whimpers.
"You realize that this session is going to keep cropping up in my mind all the way back to Wisconsin tomorrow, don't you?"
Hugon, "So, do we Fade to Black on the Tanak/Octavius...trip of self-discovery?" Enola, "Please fade to black? Pretty please?" Octavius, "Yes, I agree.." Eclipse, "Yes, let's. I'll just raise the dif a couple of notches to reflect the...improvised spell focus..."
"Extended ritual. That's his Arete, btw... Honestly, he technically didn't need a focus, but it HAS been a good 24 hours, now..."
Hugon just diverts his eyes...
"The king looks a little unnerved at witnessing the sight that greets his eyes almost immediately..."
Hugon is staying in the Umbra...away from the freaky sexcapades....
"If Octavius' musical Scourge was still on, the song would be 'Do You Know What it Feels Like for a Girl?'"
"You'll get your balls back when you check in the breasts, okay? We all must make sacrifices..."
"It might be something of a misnomer, Octavius, but you gain a point of Purity for shagging Tybalt to save the king."
"If he had more mind, he might have offered to make Enola forget it afterwards if she had volunteered."
"Why do I keep getting used as the sacrificial sex cow?"
Naphtali drops a floor.
Naphtali sits down on the floor.
Naphtali says, "Don't mind me."
"Ok, so Eclipse isn't that bad... *rocks back and forth*"
"I use Metagaming 1 to Detect GM Avatar."
"Yes, the character's name is the same as the GM's handle. Yes, that should scare you."
Naphtali notes his scream when he was introduced.
Hugon puts up the "Warning: Proceed with Caution" Signs.
Enola Galen says, "Not that much better. After all, even the gods are under the control of the GM..."
"Would you flee for your lives if he pulled out a needle and an unsigned contract?"
"I should tell you the horse and owl are off-limits if you're anything like the last ally, and anything that requires me to sign my name in blood is off-limits."
"Oh, so they mean Alter Being's Destiny in the sense of deciding that Cthulu will trip over his shoelaces and get run over by a car instead of waking up and destroying the world, right?"
"Whenever the GM goes quiet, a humungous speech is around the corner."
"Rule 1 of Rping: don't split the party."
Hugon, "Why do I feel like I should rename my character Frodo..."
Eclipse, "You have no idea..."
Hugon has only started the second book of the Lord of the Rings actually.
Eclipse, "Then you REALLY have no idea..."
Hugon, "Oh crap...I know what I'm doing this weekend..."
Naphtali, "At least you don't have an artifact of ultimate destruction with you..."
Enola Galen, "If you meet a halfling called Sam, run."
Hugon, "Well, you don't know that Naph...*points to his necklace, armbands, owl...*"
Eclipse, "Um. You have an amulet that can summon the anthropomorphic manifestation of primal chaos. Does that count?"
Octavius, "May Gregor smile on us all. For now I think we entered the realm of Heroes."
Enola Galen, "Either that, or people who are about to get crushed into a full stop on the big book of history."
"Microsoft Wand of Location...definitely "Plug and Pray" hardware..."
Octavius, "I wonder if Eclipse will pay a visit to tomorrow's cabal."
Hugon, "No, the amulet is my precious! Nobody else's! *innocent look*"
"These are either D&D Mind Flayers or Star Spawn of Cthulu."
Eclipse, "The mini-cthulus don't answer you, though one with a wooden tentacle notices you, now."
Hugon, "Of course, this is the cabal with little Mind Magic...where's Tyson when you need him?"
Naphtali, "It's Sat's party and Ahab... in a weird, parallel dimension."
Rahab cries.
Enola Galen, "Good job Tyson isn't here, or we'd be manning the lifeboats by now."
Eclipse [to Naphtali]: "Roughly, they're thinking, 'What the heck are those weird things in our boat and where did they come from?'"
Naphtali, "But not, "let's kill them and ask questions later" Well, it's a start...."
"'Yummy yummy wint. Don't run, yummy yummy!'"
"'Surrender, yummy yummy, or we will poke you full of holes with our clever blowgun darts and spears.'"
"Yes. They're kobolds. They're mean. They're clever. And they're probably hungry."
"One of the mini-cthulus starts 'talking' in your minds to its companions. 'Didn't I tell you it was a bad idea? Give me that amulet. You've been using it too much.' One of the other squidmen gives an amulet just like Hugon's to the 'speaker'."
Naphtali says, "Ba Weep Granna Weep Ninny Bam."
Hugon wonders how you pantomime "You idiots"...
My obligatory H.P. Lovecraft references for the night: "Pickman's establishment is an older building that looks like it would seem haunted by night. Pickman himself is busy counseling a man who has been having strange dreams lately that have been distracting him from his art. There is a clay box with strange symbols sitting on a table nearby."
"Basically, Eclipse shrank your journey to cut out all the boring parts. So you faced all the dangers at one time instead of having to wait for each new obstacle. It was a sub-universe, though, which is why escaping from it was Vulgar."
"Is that me or does that sound like a theological version of 'Mommy, make the monsters go away.'?"
"Umm...a very depressed Euthanatos decided to burn the librarian to death and then burn the library down..."
Eclipse, "How did you like your first taste of Eclipse?"
Naphtali, "I still think we got off easy."
Hugon, "Yeah. I was attacked by 5 Kobolds and an Euthanatos with a cigar..."
"Not just royalty, but a metaphysical source of purity keeping the world from going boom? We meet all the interesting people."
Naphtali, "Then they were after Iphagenia because.... she was a homefire?"
Al'Marth (ooc), "Iphigenia is not so much fire as an explosive"
Argos, "That is very, very bad news. The last ones who saw Eclipse were Gregor and Nightfire. That was before the Ultimatum War. If Eclipse is involved,
who knows what terrible things walk the world?"
Enola Galen, "We've met most of them, I think."
Octavius says, "By the way, I have reason to believe that your daughter isn't dead anymore."
Enola Galen says, "We made a wish."
Naphtali says, "We sold our souls...."
AlMarth says, "currently she is trapped in the chaos zone with us :-)"
Hugon says, "But we didn't have to deal out 10 pounds of flesh..."
"The amazing Octavius and his typos. A horse becomes a hore and a pop becomes a poop."
Eclipse [to Naphtali]: Beyond the lake, it is nothing but demons as far as your eye can see...
Rahab, "Wow...somebody's demon-tanker spilled."
Rahab, "Call the EPA...we've got a demon-slick."
Argos, "It might be wise to evacuate, then."
AlMarth, "But, you can't evacuate! My cabal gets there in a week."
Eclipse [to Enola Galen]: Yes. In fact, you recognize it as the Wenrua Preserve, which is absolutely off-limits to non-elves. The Druanae would kill most of
you for so much as setting foot here.
Hugon says, "Goodie..."
Taetia says, "Hah! The screw me sign is on the other back now, ain't it!"
Hugon might want to take his chances with Nyar again...
You say, "It IS the least crowded place to drop an army, though..."
Taetia, "They get an army for protection and we get... we get... Umm... We don't get shit! It isn't fair!"
Hugon says, "Well, we aren't the Angst Cabal, always destroying ships..."
Naphtali says, "yeah, an army is safe with us."
Hugon speaks to a Bear-Spirit.
Bear_Spirit, "Greetings, Spirit-Warden."
Taetia, ""Hey.. Spirit Warden.. ya dropped ya shield.. so just bend over and pick it up.. Gotta, uh.. keep the forest clean""
Enola Galen keeps an eye out for any werebears who are looking for love.
Hugon steps into the Umbra and starts smacking Taetia's Avatar around.
Bear_Spirit, "A strange thing is happening here. The Druanae seem quite upset about it. It seems the world is gradually getting colder. The way I look at it,
though, is that just means I get to sleep in a little longer in the spring..."
Naphtali chuckles. The non-enviromentally caring bear.... ah political apathy abounds.
Taetia says, "Made his perception check, but failed his apathy save."
Bear_Spirit, "The Druanae do not like tresspassers."
Taetia says, "Actually, they like em alot. With fava beans and a nice chianti.."
You say, "Yes, their intestines make great decorations for the May Pole..."
"Well Oct, it seems your days of having foreign objects inserted inappropriatly into your body aren't over."
You've heard that the Druanae tend to use foreign trespassers as fertilizer...
"Do the pants demons strike now that he's dropped his belt?"
Guiltbearer_1, "The strangers went across the Sun Realms to find and destroy the mage in charge of these attacks. I think I heard his name is Varluree-ant..."
"Another hundred Guiltbearers appears in the forest. Rashna winces."
Rashna, "Oh dear. That one was an endangered species, too. Get out of the preserve, you monsters!"
Naphtali looks around for a native.
Eclipse [to Naphtali]: There are several pointing longbows at you.
Naphtali raises his hands. (In Vale) "We come in peace."
Elf_1, "That kind of loses credibility when you have an army of magi at your back, you know."
Naphtali, "We're fleeing a larger army."
Elf_1, "Oh? And do you expect they might follow you here, then? We just had a forest fire a few months ago. We don't want another one just yet."
Enola Galen, "We could have chosen worse places to arrive."
Elf_1, "Yes, the sign of a true optimist is a person who can see how things could have been worse. You could have ended up in the Wenrua Preserve, for example."
Enola Galen, "Or in the sea."
Elf_1, "Or in a Chaos Pocket. Or in Golgotha."
"By morning, the Guiltbearer army is healed, albeit a bit low on Quintessence and Willpower... Right now, ORIANA could dominate Argos..."
"Morning arrives like an express train on a grassy part of the tracks when you're a deer. I just get sick of hearing everyone saying 'crash', after a while..."
Hugon wonders if now would be a good time to summon ST Avatar...
Enola Galen, "You need the Metagaming Sphere to do that."
Eclipse, "Not in THIS cabal..."
Naphtali, "No! I fear Eclipse like the night fears the dawn."
Hugon has the amulet though.
Hugon has named it his precious...gollum...gollum...
Enola Galen, "I'm looking for Mind 5 / Metagaming 5, Control GM."
Taetia, "No, that's Jack Daniels 5/pizza 5."
Eclipse, "Sorry, Enola, but Metagaming Effects are ALWAYS Vulgar."
Naphtali, "Mind 5/Spirit 5/Metagaming 5/Life 5/Prime 3 - Create GM"
Octavius, "Would life 5/metagaming 5 be become GM?"
Enola Galen, "Correspondance / Metagaming: Read GM Notes."
Taetia, "If we're making a new GM, could we make one with large hooters and a taste for leather?"
Eclipse, "That would work just fine if I had any notes you could read. My handwriting is lousy for more reasons than my inability to draw a straight line with a
ruler, you know..."
"Argos is up shortly after dawn. Maybe it's the ticking sound his daughter is making..."
Taetia, "We need an eggbeater dispenser."
AlMarth, "If we had a dispenser, there would be enough to throw them at people."
Rahab, "No, no, no!"
Taetia turns the crank on the eggbeater. The little beaters spin together.
Taetia, "Ahh..."
AlMarth, "Just imagine all the eggbeater-throwing fun we could have."
"You can almost hear the sound of ethereal diamond dust grinding at her organs..."
Enola Galen, "Not me. I'm terrible at tale-telling."
Eclipse, "Yes, she always ends up boring herself to sleep and waking up to a strange man in her bed..."
Enola Galen says, "Or worse, waking up in a field with a night's memory missing."
AlMarth, "Speaking of Iphi's organs, does she still have that extra liver?"
Eclipse, "She could drink Dionyses under the table..."
AlMarth, "I wonder what (Iphigenia) has to say about our cabal."
Eclipse, "The way an Epagan looks at it, if you can't say something nice about someone..."
AlMarth, "Smokey the Bak'Lak says: Only You can prevent Homefires."
Enola Galen pages, "Do I know who is head of the Artificers?"
Eclipse pages, "Yes, a gnome named 34. Only, that might not be his name anymore. He adds one to his name for every accidental explosion he remembers causing..."
Naphtali shakes his head. Robby lives on forever.....
Octavius looks at Argos, "I hope you didn't tell anyone what I did to help get you out of that trap."
Argos, "A hero must be an example to others. How can people learn from his example if his deeds are not known?"
"When it comes to enemies, it seems we think big."
Naphtali nods slowly. "Who would be the most likely of the Homefires to join us?"
Octavius, "Maybe Tybalt, if we can reach him. I hope he doesn't want to get reacquainted with me?"
Enola Galen, "Oh dear. You two made such a lovely couple, as well..."
Hugon is glad he isn't around to hear about Oct. and Tybalt...
Eclipse, "I'm the ST. I have to hear EVERYTHING..."
Enola Galen, "Tybalt would be a good choice. At least we know him and he knows us."
Taetia begins singing "That lady got a loose caboose" Or whatever the hell it's called.
Octavius, "Yes, he knows a side of me few others know."
Eclipse, "Yes, he got in touch with YOUR feminine side..."
"Iphigenia might be the first mage in history to have a Scourge Backlash from losing her temper. 'I'm so mad I could just explode!'"
Hugon pulls out the wand. "A Miracle gave this device the power to see Avatars. Homefires will be known by the light they give off. It said it would be like
the brilliance of the sun."
Hugon smiles. He just got an upgrade to the Microsoft Wand of Location.
Eclipse, "Just a patch. MS Wand of Location 1.1"
Naphtali, "Great... an upgrade (read: bug fix)"
Eclipse, "Even worse. A bug fix with new features (read: new bugs)."
Naphtali, "Great.... Just like MS...."
Enola Galen points it at Argos and tries out the new button.
Enola Galen ( Hey, Curious flaw, what else was there to do? )
Eclipse, "Argos appears to explode into raw light, blinding everyone as surely as the sun would if it were 92 million miles closer."
Enola Galen blinks painfully. "Oh right. Must...remember not to...do that again...I can't see."
Eclipse, "A great deal of cursing fills the air for about 200 miles around, at which point it only blinds the whales, sharks, and dolphins, who are not, in general,
too good about vocalizing their discomfort."
Octavius says, "Turn it off!"
Enola Galen gropes around on the wand for the button and switches it off.
Naphtali wonders how much blindness he gets to help cure now... sigh....
Enola Galen says, "Big oops."
Hugon winces. "Well, this will be easy. Just point it randomly and wait for the bright light..."
Eclipse, "You were saying, Naphtali, that you hadn't noticed Terry Pratchett's influence on me in our gaming. Well..."
Enola Galen, "If you see a pair of seven league boots, leave them where they are!"
"Does everyone have a tan now?"
Eclipse, "The light is gone, now, you think. At least, it doesn't appear to be getting any brighter. There's a comforting dimness to your blindness, now."
Hugon says, "Well, brilliance like the sun..."
Eclipse, "It's not so much that your eyes are damaged as your pupils have drawn the shades."
Hugon thinks that Enola needs to invent sunglasses fast...
Hugon pages, "Anything in the Umbra?"
Eclipse pages, "Nothing that isn't cursing and swearing as loudly as everyone on this side of the Gauntlet..."
"Gradually, your sight returns. Everything is in black and white, at the moment, but your cones are still cowering behind your corneas."
"The rest of you can now discern orange from blue. Red and green are still a bit of an odd shade, though."
Taetia says, "You know, that'd be a great replacement for the little flashy things." *Puts on shades* "If you'd all look at this for a moment.." *Flash!* *picks up large rock and makes the rounds*
"That last burst of light could have given a ROCK a suntan..."
"You'd have to go on a lot of Seekings before you'd tap out THAT man's wealth of knowledge on the subject..."
Enola Galen says, "You know, if I developed some eye protection gear for us, this would make one hell of a nonlethal weapon."
Naphtali says, "That it could. Provided we have a Homefire nearby."
Eclipse, "Yeah, but only in the presence of fourteen people in the entire world who, even individually, make one hell of a lethal, nonlethal, or even aggravated
weapon..."
Enola Galen, "For the record, how many people did I temporarily blind?"
Naphtali chuckles... Too many.
Enola Galen, "Good job it wasn't permanent, or I'd be in Corruption City."
Eclipse, "Everyone on the continent minus Argos, plus all the sailors within 100 miles of the eastern shore. And don't forget the birds, horses, spiders, and
trees."
Taetia, "Everybody's plotting against me.. Eclipse.. My party.. Eus, the cat, Josh, Willis, hell probably even Leon is plotting against me. Now do you
understand why I'm paranoid?"
Hugon, "You forgot Valsu, Terrance, Rosa, Charles... Oh yeah, and the node doesn't like you..."
Taetia, "The node tried to eat me! That goes beyond not liking me!"
Enola Galen, "Don't forget a tribe of Bastet."
Taetia says, "Them too.. Taetia says, "Valsu is Barsonil, Rosa is Regina, Terrance is a bsd and Charles is a bane."
Taetia, "They're all out to get me. Leon. Muri. Martin. Valsu. Rosa. Regina. Barsonil. Charles. Josh. Willis. Escpecially Willis."
Eclipse, "Don't forget George Lucas."
Enola Galen, "And Deke."
Hugon, "Patti"
Taetia, "That's right, lengthen the list."
(In the end, the count got to 25 people who were out to get Taetia's character in Hugon's game alone.)
"Would I let the arch-villain use your husband's body as his phylactery?"
"Eclipse is sending me evil pages. Taetia is quoting Pulp Fiction. Have I died and gone to hell?
Oriana didn't realize how evil things could get when both GMs were in the room to do tag-team tormenting of Tyson...
"Trollkin's Gaming Dictionary defines 'paranoia' as 'A player's natural state; the general nervousness all healthy players experience shortly after realizing that, where the game is concerned, their GM is the Supreme Being, and the Supreme Being likes a good laugh at the players' expense.'"
"Do they get corruption for smacking people with the cancer stick?"
Oriana, "Hey Hugon, screw up my revenge and I'll drive over to Michigan, hunt you down, and kick your ass, K?"
Taetia says, "Allright Beth! Stick your pointy little foot ankle deep in his hairy white ass once for me and the boys in the sunday game, ok?"
"Btw Oriana.. if you die, I'm selling Ben to the hot dog man."
Hugon, "Would Octavius count as something to locate Tybalt with?"
Eclipse, "Hmm... I think he'd count as 'used once'..."
You make contact in a way that feels like you're sticking your head through a window to talk to the King of Cats, only to notice the guillotine blade above the window with the trigger in Tybalt's nervous little fingers. Except this Tybalt is only a mirror image in a periscope with a thousand angles. (the equivilent of bouncing a signal off of several satelites). There is a notable delay considering that Correspondence communication moves faster than light..."
Tybalt, "Oh. THAT time! How is Octavius doing, anyway? I don't often have new experiences anymore, but having sex with a man who has transformed himself into a woman is one of the most recent unique experiences I've had. That one gets labeled as 'best material for a Seeking' in my book. I've recommended it to all my friends. What fun!"
"Getting the Homefires together in the same place to work together might be about as easy as getting the wizards of Unseen University to agree on a subject..."
Hugon really hates Time Nutters...*G*
Eclipse, "Time AND Correspondence nutter, actually. A Perfect Master of Correspondence can only lose his train of thought in three dimensions. Tybalt can
get confused in four..."
Eclipse, "Daemonds are a girl's best friend."
"Tybalt just turned into Yoda?"
"The Druanae aren't exactly sympathetic to logging operations."
"34 is the King of Uddernorn. Norn is the local language. The current temperature is -6 degrees Celsius. Local forcast calls for a chance of flurries with a high near 0 degrees. Well, not king, technically. They call him High Admiral, for some reason, even though Uddernorn is land-locked."
Eclipse, "Argos does his thing and you arrive in utter darkness. It is not the least bit cold in here. In fact, it's genuinely hot. You hear a steady hiss behind you."
Octavius looks behind him.
Eclipse [to Octavius]: You see more black darkness.
"Nightgoggles and Backlash Consumer...that's what being a familiar is all about."
"A gnome dressed in a red one-piece shirt-and-pants outfit with an arrowhead pinned to his shirt comes toward you. The gnome stops and hold up his open hand, palm outward. He holds his fingers in a V with two fingers in each 'line'. 'Peace and long life.'"
Red_Shirt_Gnome, "You are on the starship Enterprise. Your arrival came as something of a surprise. We were investigating a spatial flux phenomenon when
we encountered a Heluvax Particle burst which seems to have brought you here from an unknown time-space.
Octavius looks wierdly at the gnome,"Starship?
Eclipse, "He beams with pride, 'Yes. It's continuing mission - to seek out new life, to explore new worlds and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has
gone before.'"
Oriana ohdears...
Enola Galen, "I'll stand a fair distance away from the redshirt so I don't get injured when the monster attacks him."
"He frowns in confusion. 'Oh dear. You come from a pre-warp civilization, don't you? Damn. Our Primo Directorio says I'm not allowed to talk to you.
Sorry.' He walks away almost at a run."
Oriana, "Primo...Directorio? You, my friend, need to lay off the caffeine..."
"You hear a scream from the part of the hallway where the gnome ran."
"The meter gnome taps the arrowhead on his shirt. 'Tell Captain Spahk we have another disappearance. And we think we've isolated the source of the Helluvax Particles on Deck 13."
Eclipse, "They lead you through a corridor and into a small room. The doors close behind you. Then they whoosh open again, revealing a large room with
weird desks and huge windows looking out into the night sky. In one window, you can see a disk of purple-green light crackling like the world's biggest cat
getting its fur rubbed the wrong way. An elf at the middle of the room stands up an faces you. He gives you the weird salute. 'Peace and long life.'"
Enola, "I'm just waiting for the elf to say 'Illogical, Captain.'"
Spahk, "I am the commander of the Enterprise until the return of our commanding officer. I hope you find our treatment of you is not too rough. My gnomish
crew is entirely too coldly logical for my tastes. They often forget to consider the feelings of their captives."
Oriana says, "Now that is just wrong..."
Octavius says, "They didn't treat us badly."
Hugon looks at Enola with a "Hey, this is your tradition" look on his face.
Spahk, "But they didn't treat you well - is that it? How many times do I have to tell all of you that our captives' satisfaction is important to the Federation?"
Octavius says, "The treated us fine, all they did was escort us he n a timely manner."
Enola Galen says, "They treated us perfectly well. I imagine our arrival was a bit of a shock for them. What were they talking about back then? About your
crew going missing?"
Spahk, "Did they at LEAST think to offer you some refreshments?"
Meter_Gnome, "Sorry, Captain, but Xilen, our cook, is among those missing."
Oriana says, "Hmm, and Xilen spelled backwards is..."
Eclipse, "He's gone and we're leaving without him, damnit!"
"Spatial anomalies suck, but that goes without saying."
Spahk, "How good are you at flying a shuttlecraft. Trying to convince those autopilots to listen to you is like trying to get a gnome to cry."
Spahk, "I suppose we could always beam you within range of the anomaly, though there is the issue of comfort. I'm working with a skeleton crew here. I've
lost all my cooks and cleaners and most of the cocktail waitresses. There's no bartender and the interior decorator's missing, too. That leaves me with nothing
but engineering, communications, weapons control, and security. Frow is covering for the interior decorator until she gets back, and now the color scheme of
the holodeck is all fucked up. Every try to eat purple bananas? Even in virtual reality they taste funny. But anyway."
Enola Galen, "Get Rahab in here, she'll provide bananas."
Spahk, "They just disappear at random, leaving nothing but their belts. Except the ensigns. They scream before they vanish. Well, not anymore. We ran out
of red shirt ensigns just a short while after you got here. Who's going to look up to the senior officers NOW?"
Enola Galen, "There goes my plan to take five redshirts with us as ablative armour."
Spahk, "Our sensor arrays have been completely unable to find any sign of the High Admiral or our crew. The Heluvax Particles are interfering with the Prime Reflection Plate. Even our microwaves and replicators aren't working, and none of US know how to cook. I can't believe the bastards took Xilen! Who's going to cook my club sandwiches NOW? We're all going to starve to death."
Spahk, "The brute with you aparently sent out Heluvax B Particles, which are far more stable the Heluvax A Particles."
Hugon grunts. "Brute?"
Spahk, "A technical scientific term, sir." Spahk, "The construction of the Enterprise lasted four years. It took another two before Yttocs managed to jury-rig it
into working only for him. He pets the hull and the warp core gives the ship more power. Uncanny, that."
Enola Galen, "Yttocs = Scotty."
Taetia, "They get Star Trek, and we get Lovecraft. I hate you Eric."
Oriana, "They got Lovecraft too dude...read the logs, look for Pickman..."
Taetia says, "Yeah, but theirs was only a reference or two. We got Nyarlathotep and his eggbeaters of castration."
Eclipse, "You scan the area between the ship and the anomaly. You realize that there is nothing but rock beyond the 'window'."
Hugon was looking for a specific person...he wants to expand the search.
Eclipse [to Hugon]: You find out that the 'spatial anomaly' is about two hundred feet straight up and a hundred miles to the northwest. You feel the passage of
34 headed toward the 'spatial anomaly', but your magic will not pass through the barrier of the 'spatial anomaly'.
Hugon, "Very interesting. 34 is about 200 feet above us and 100 miles to the Northwest. He's heading through some 'spatial anomaly', but my magic won't
pass through it."
Eclipse, "Spahk seems suddenly nervous, 'Um, you must mean 1.44 and some odd LIGHT YEARS away.' The communications officer mouths to you, 'Play
along.'"
Eclipse, "The Enterprise was built with nothing but Entropy magic. Why else would a warp core just go supernova because the hull is getting ripped open?"
Taetia, "Entropy 6. That's what it'd take to build an Enterprise w/ nothing but entropy."
Taetia, "Argos: 'Whose bitch do you think I am?'"
Octavius, "With Lfe 4 Oct can make Argos his bitch, literally."
Hugon, "Won't using magic in an Uncharted Realm turn you into a Fae?"
Taetia, "Great, then you can go about impregnating innocent travellers."
Enola Galen, "What's the worst that could happen?"
Hugon, "(Famous Last Words...)"
Enola Galen, "Just using the Rite of Invoking Distaster."
Hugon, "The Rite? I have the Amulet of Invoking Disaster."
Spahk, "Take them to Transporter Room Three."
Meter_Gnome, "But Captain, we only have one transporter room."
Spahk, "That doesn't mean we can't CALL it Transporter Room Three, now does it? Transporter Room One just doesn't sound nearly as cool."
Hugon, "We need to use the Microsoft Wand of Location and Bright Lights 1.1 again tonight..."
Enola Galen, "And cause a Supernova?"
Yttocs, "New, if yool jahst step untuh the transsporters, well getchou to tha' spatial anomaly."
Octavius lead his horse onto the pad.
Enola Galen, "That must be a remarkably well-trained horse."
Eclipse, "He pats the desk, 'Isn't that right, darling.' The room hums soothingly."
Hugon, "Not nearly as well trained as that desk."
"Trap doors open above your head and gnomes dump bags of glitter on your head. A yellow light shines in your eyes, blinding you."
"You cannot comprehend the power of the Angst Side!"
Eclipse, "There is a bank of fog ahead."
Hugon, "Does it look like it's going to attack us? *coughTysoncough*"
Eclipse [to Hugon]: Are we going to have another cloud incident? Have you learned nothing from the adventures of the Angst Cabal?
Taetia, "The cloud deserved. It was an object lesson for other evil clouds."
Oriana, "Don't mention the cloud. Please. That incident is far too humiliating to EVER be repeated. (which, of course, means we'll never hear the end of it...)"
Taetia, "I, for one, am proud of the cloud incident. Taught that bitch to respect us."
Tiny_voice, "Would you PLEEEAAASE quit inhaling us? Fairy dust doesn't work the way Wendy and the gang told you, okay?"
Tiny_voice, "You shouldn't be here in the first place. Didn't you see the signs?"
Octavius, "Which signs?"
Eclipse, "There is a tiny sigh. 'That's the problem with invisible signs. People never think to read them.'"
Oriana sighs...you guys have all the fun, don't you? *G*
Octavius, "Um, we can't see them if they are invisible let alone read them."
Hugon, "What do the signs say?"
Tiny_voice, "They said, 'Warning: Fae Realms ahead. No trespassing'. I'm afraid we must punish you, now."
Octavius, "Um, why puniush us, Ignorace isn't a crime."
Tiny_voice, "Ignorance is the worst possible crime! It is, in fact, our only capital offense."
Enola Galen, "Oh dear."
Tiny_voice, "Why do you think people die? Because they're ignorant. Thus, it is a capital offense that merely waits for the proper executioner."
Hugon (ooc), "Why do we always have to run into Fae? I hate the little buggers. Worse than gnomes..."
Tiny_Voice, "All that remains is to decide your method of execution. Since you have been so very foolish, coming into a Fae Realm uninvited, we will allow
you to choose your own way to die."
Taetia, "Old age!"
Hugon, "Not here?"
Octavius, "Ok, old age many decades from now."
Enola Galen, "Same for me. Old age."
Enola Galen (ooc), "Says the Ageless person."
Tiny_voice, "Very well, Hugon. We will put you in the Full Perspective Space/Time Vortex."
Hugon (ooc), "Dang it, we should have killed the fog..."
Enola Galen (ooc), "And the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy reference for tonight is..."
Octavius, "So you are saying that the Gnome known as 34 is dead?"
Tiny_voice, "Yes. He's died many times, Octavius. I think he's having quite a wonderful time with us."
Taetia, "Death by catalouge, again! But this time, theres actually a wide selection. Somebody just say sexual ecstasy..."
"Just because you get to choose your last meal doesn't mean you get to pick the voltage of your electric chair."
Tiny_voice, "Naphtali over there gets to die by dehydration at the hands of a pooka. That should be fun, yes?"
Taetia, "Can I have what Naphtali's having?"
"Why does my Owl have an Intelligence of 0 at times?"
"They're Fae and we're obviously in a Chaos Pocket. They could turn us into donkeys and ride us into battles against marshmallow dragons for the rest of eternity. Frankly, I think we're getting off pretty easy."
"It's sad, when the Plane of Atrocity has a much more limited selection of deaths than some insane fae."
AlMarth, "huh, they have halflings too?"
Taetia, "'They have halflings too?' Why does it sound like a venereal disease when you say it like that?"
AlMarth, "I can't believe she had halflings...I mean, she didn't look dirty or anything...I guess I should have used a condom, but now it's too late."
"The path seems to split into two roads - one leading north, one leading south, one leading east, one leading west, and one leading into hell."
"One of the paths suddenly stands up and beats you profusely. Then it lays down again."
"All the roads are whispering 'Pick me! Ooo! Pick me!'"
Eclipse [to Octavius]: Give me a Wits + Enigmas, dif 6. Every failure is a success. 10's cancel out successes.
Octavius rolled 3d10: 2, 6, 10
Eclipse [to Octavius]: Your head explodes in confusion.
Hugon (ooc), "My head is already hurting."
Eclipse [to Hugon]: You look at the horizon and suddenly you know everything about the Universe. Give me a Wits + Enigmas, dif 6. Successes are failures
and 10's cancel out successes.
Hugon rolled 3d10: 6, 9, 1
Hugon (ooc), "1 succ"
Eclipse [to Hugon]: No, 2 failures. Read carefully. You can buy dots in any Knowledge you spend XP for. Oh, your head explodes.
Octavius, "I am so confused."
Hugon, "I understand it all..."
Enola Galen (ooc), "What are they doing now?"
Eclipse [to Enola Galen]: Mostly their mortal remains are slumping onto the ground.
Eclipse [to Enola Galen]: A trap door opens under your feet and you fall into a chamber filled with lava and fire. You land on a hard metal chair. There is a soft click and then electricity surges through your body. You can buy a Seeking if you have the XP. Oh, and your head explodes.
"You wake up, and you're in the Airport. Welcome to the Chaos Zone."
"I am disappointed I didn't get to see your looks of absolute outrage and shock when I started killing your characters. It's one thing on-line play won't allow."
"This is the Chaos Zone. That is, in itself, a chance to break out obscure things and kill PCs..."
Somehow, 'funny' is not a word I generally associate with 'Call of Cthulu'...
"You could always freak out any local religious freaks by inventing a game called 'Demonquest' about PC demons convincing mortals to sell their souls to
them. Being a roleplayer in the late '80's was not easy here in the U.S. I heard a lot of stories of parents burning gaming books... It's not nearly as bad, now as
it was when I first started gaming. The jingle was 'It's Demonquest. It's not just another roleplaying game!' spoken in a voice that danced from guttural grunt
to falsetto and back a few times."
Enola Galen remembers an ad for that old Heroquest board game. "Once you play it, you will NEVER be the same again."
That, accomapnied by a shot that went round a pillar by which time a normal player had turned into an Orc. Sending out the wrong messages, maybe?
"The Chaos Zone has no plot. Therefore, there are no plot holes. Prepare to lose your minds looking, though..."
"(Jerry Garcia) picks up one of the magazines and rips out several pages. He then puts the paper in the guitar and uses (a book of matches) to light the paper.
He clamps his mouth on the head of the guitar, where you notice an opening, and sucks some of the smoke."
Jerry, "Dudes, you're in the Airport. Those are airplanes, flying machines, man."
Enola Galen says, "Flying...machines? Wow. Can I take one with me?"
Jerry, "You might have trouble lifting one, dude. Either of you care for a drag?"
Enola Galen, "Where do you suppose we are?"
(OOC) Eclipse, "Hell? A twisted version of it, I suppose, but still..."
(OOC) Enola Galen, "I bet Jurassic Park 3 and Batman & Robin are the inflight movies, right?"
(OOC) Eclipse, "Only one way to find out for sure..."
(OOC) Naphtali, "No, Ishtar! Ishtar is the inflight movie!"
(OOC) Eclipse, "Ishtar and Howard the Duck."
(OOC) Enola Galen, "Electra 2 and Jack Frost II. Worst movies I've ever seen, period."
(OOC) Eclipse, "Troll 2. Yes, I have seen it, heaven help me..."
(OOC) Enola Galen says, "Wizards of the Lost Kingdom, 1 and 2."
(OOC) Eclipse, "Actually, the airlines sold out completely and are now showing non-stop infomercials. No, you don't need headphones, either..."
(OOC) Enola Galen, "'Leprechaun in the Hood' or 'Zone Troopers'."
(OOC) Naphtali, "Great..... And I bet they include lots of flashy lights."
(OOC) Enola Galen, "Welcome, Taetia. Tell me, what do you think the in-flight movie in Hell would be?"
(This becomes important later) "Your characters are dressed in your OOC clothing and immediate possessions (contents of pockets, etc...)."
Enola Galen walks over to Information.
Naphtali follows Enola, lost in the sea of people.
Eclipse, "There is a woman sitting in a windowed booth with a hole cut out."
(OOC) Enola Galen says, "Which race is she?"
Eclipse [to Enola Galen]: The same race as Octavius.
Enola Galen, "Hello there. We're looking for information. Where is this place, and would it be possible to arrange trade negotiations with my homeworld with the ruler?"
(OOC) Naphtali has a sinking feeling that "elves" here will either be seen as "Vulcans" "Romulans" or "Trekkies"
Eclipse, "She looks at you with a bored and long-suffering expression. 'Another Trekkie? Look, the Sci-fi convention is downtown.'"
Eclipse, "What appears to be a group from Malakai enters from the Arrivals area. There are two elves, an ugly wint, and three or four humans dressed in outfits like the gnomes of the Enterprise were wearing."
Receptionist, "Or 'Trekker', if you prefer. It's all the same to me. Ridiculous outfits and strange words, don't bathe very much. A worse crowd than the ones we get for gaming conventions. Then we have
those Anime porn people coming in next month for a convention."
Receptionist, "Do you have reservations at a hotel somewhere?"
Enola Galen, "I don't think so. We weren't expecting to arrive here."
Naphtali, "Reservations? I haven't even been to one yet, why would I have reservations about going?"
Receptionist, "Figures. These are the folks who can program a computer by touching the monitor, but they have trouble with the concept
of deodorant. Look, there are thousands of people here for the Star Trek convention. Even at six people to a bed, there isn't a free room in the downtown area.
Don't you trekkies ever think about things like that?"
Receptionist, "Oh, staying in character, are we? Well, Mister Spock, I'm not interested in who you're pretending to be. If you want to tell everyone you were
born this way, I suggest you make your way down to the Star Trek convention. I'm sure THEY will believe your little fantasy.
Enola Galen, "No need to be uncivil."
(OOC) Taetia, "Drop her ass with a lightning bolt!"
"The other cabal gets an army of Awakened golems. You get a disgruntled customer service employee. Don't you feel loved?"
(OOC) Enola Galen, "If ours is this bad, imagine what the Angst Cabal is getting."
(OOC) Naphtali, "They get 4-hour-long combats."
(OOC) Eclipse, "The worst part is that this is the tip of the iceberg... You're not even really in the main part of the Chaos Zone, yet..."
(OOC) Naphtali says, "We have to make it out of here...."
(OOC) You say, "Probably repeatedly..."
(OOC) Naphtali says, "I was trying to keep morale high....Thanks Eclipse."
(OOC) Eclipse, "Could be worse. I could have put you in Chicago's Midway airport. There is NOTHING interesting there..."
Naphtali looks oddly at Enola's watch and then to his own analog one. "Curiouser and Curiouser"
(OOC) Eclipse, "Don't tempt me, Alice..."
(OOC) Eclipse drinks some of his Mountain Dew. 60 cans remain.
(OOC) Naphtali winces.
(OOC) Enola Galen, "How many does it take before you pass out? I feel sorry for the group who get the GM with the hangover."
"I want Hugon to be here in time for us to set him up with Chewbacca."
Arrivals, "That's not really my area. I just tell people when planes will be arriving. You should talk to Information over there. She'll be happy to help you."
Enola Galen says, "Ah..."
Naphtali frowns in thought.
Arrivals, "Have a nice day!"
Naphtali smiles and nods to Arrivals, walking a way from the desk a bit.
Enola Galen says, "I wish we could, truly I do."
Tie_Man, "Would you like to buy a tie? I have many many selection. See. Paisly, stripes, polka dot, Taz Devil, many selection. Even have invisible tie. See? Match everything!"
Enola Galen, "I don't think hanging ourselves is the answer."
(OOC) Eclipse, "It just might be..."
(OOC) Naphtali, "It'd get us out... I think....."
(OOC) Eclipse, "In a manner of speaking... It would cut the last session a bit shorter than I had intended, though..."
Eclipse, "The other three are in the alley, choking on their own vomit, at the moment."
Enola Galen, "Did I mention I hate this place?"
"Elfstones of Shannara + Shadowrun + The Stand + The Fisher King + a demented imagination equals more or less this."
"All right, administering drugs is like swordfighting. Pointy end goes in the patient."
Eclipse, "Gain 3 points of Scourge." Naphtali, "I haven't even rolled Arete, yet."
(OOC) Enola Galen, "Welcome. We're in Shadowrun, and Naph has just caught the superflu."
(OOC) Eclipse, "Hey, Hugon. I'll fit you in in a minute or two. They should be back in the Airport soon..."
"The Superflu within you mutates into the Superduperflu, a disease for which even the Corps don't have a cure."
(OOC) Enola Galen, "If Naphtali goes back into the airport now, there is a chance Bruce Willis will try to stop him and then get gunned down himself."
"Stick THAT in your guitar and smoke it!"
Eclipse [to Hugon]: I hope you're decent OOC, cause that's what your character is wearing right now.
(OOC) Hugon, "Umm..." Hugon is in his underwear... "(Work clothes! Had to remove!)"
(OOC) Eclipse knows a wint who's about to get arrested by airport security...
34, "You think that's bad? You should have been with me when I had to give Cthulu his cough medicine anally. This place has a sick imagination."
"Are we talking luggage or *looks over his shoulder, then whispers* Luggage?"
"Woe are we who must suffer because our ruler (the bastard) hath slain Kenny.
Naphtali stands up, jittering, and walks to the cell bars. "Help! I need my potions.... I need to go to the asylum... they have my potions... or a Temple...."
Unabomber, "Guard! Get this maniac out of my cell before I give him a C-4 injection and use him as a detonator cap!"
Eclipse, "You gallop away from Death. At about sunset, you reach a town called 'Samarra'. Death meets you there. 'YOU GAVE ME QUITE A START
THERE. YOU WERE IN BAGHDAD AND I WAS WORRIED YOU WOULD MISS OUR APPOINTMENT IN SAMARRA.' He swings his scythe. You
wake up, and you're in the Airport."
(OOC) Enola Galen says, "Naph just got slain by a truism."
"Eric, has it ever occurred to you that throwing pennies at a bible might be considered a wee bit blasphemous?"
Paul, "There is no way to have life eternal without eating of the Christ!"
Enola Galen, "Er, yes there is. I'm ageless, see. I get eternal life whether or not I chow down on Jesus. Of course, if he can improve the quality or piousness of my life in some way, count me in."
Eclipse [to Hugon]: There is a woman you somehow recognize as 'Tita' bawling you out in a church.
(OOC) Naphtali says, "Don't being her into this... Not that book.... "
Enola Galen, "You have GOT to publish that random encounter table some day."
Emerson, "My name is Ralph. Don't you dare laugh, or I shall draw a stick and poke you with it, though you and I are of the same Oversoul.
(OOC) Eclipse laughs at the overwhelming silence.
(OOC) Taetia says, "How many sanity points have they lost so far?"
Gollum, "This way, Precious. Not far, now. Follow Gollum, Precious."
Eclipse [to Enola Galen]: He leads you to a river of film. You catch tidbits of words in the mix. 'Ishtar', 'Howard the Duck', 'Batman Forever', and many others.
"You are in a bowl of cornflakes. You must get to the edge without being captured by the spoon or touching the milk, for the milk will kill you in an instant. There is a chest filled with gold on the cornflake where you are currently standing."
"You just keep getting the bad combos, Enola. Lovecraft and Brave New World, this time..."
Eclipse [to Enola Galen]: You arrive in a city with cyclopean architecture, filled with people with permanent smiles fixed on their faces.
Happy_People, "Ph-nglui mglw'nafh Cthulu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn. Here, Outsider. Have some Soma."
Happy_People, "A gramme is better than a damn. Ial Shub-Niggurath! The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young! To Nyarlathotep, Mighty
Messenger, must all things be told. And He shall put on the semblance of men, the waxen mask and the robe that hides, and come down from the world of
Seven Suns to mock the gods. I hate khaki."
(OOC) Taetia says, "Bah Eric, Bah I say! You threaten us with the Chaos Zone and the Airport, yet the 2 yr
campaign I was in in highschool was, on average, waaaaaay weirder than anything you've thrown at them or us."
Eclipse [to Enola Galen]: They thrust bottles of pills at you.
Enola Galen takes out a measuring device, and has a look at the pills. (Matter 1) "What are they made of, and what would they do if I ate them?"
Eclipse [to Enola Galen]: It is a strong sedative.
(OOC) Enola Galen says, "Do these people look like they're on them already?"
Eclipse [to Enola Galen]: EVERYONE looks like they're on them already.
Eclipse [to Enola Galen]: Great tentacles snake out of the buildings, reaching for you.
(OOC) Taetia says, "Transmute your clothing into a little schoolgirl sailor suit outfit. Out weird the ST!"
(OOC) You say, "Bring it on, buster! I am not easily outweirded!"
Enola Galen pops a few pills into her mouth, holding them under her tongue. "And a very happy wgah'nagl fhtagn to you too."
(OOC) Taetia says, "Oh, and by the way Eric, not only are you a lightweight at Looniness, but Eus has taken your title as Most Evil St Ever."
(OOC) Eclipse, "Somehow I doubt that. He hasn't turned a PC's one true love into a phylactery for the archvillain, yet."
(OOC) Hugon watches Taetia dig himself deeper...
"Nyarlathotep puffs his cigar. A sperm whale lands on the library, crushing everything."
Achilles, "The king the golems made has been shattered like so much pottery, all because I would not fight Hastur because there is a prophecy that says I will
be slain within three days of Hastur's death. He fought Hastur and died."
Naphtali, "Why must you fight Hastur?"
Eclipse [to Naphtali]: A huge shadow falls over everything.
Achilles, "Oops. I guess they don't call him 'He Who Must Not Be Named' for nothing, eh?"
Eclipse [to Naphtali]: You see part of its arm. Lose three points of Willpower.