"Now first of all, y'gotta remember that a muse is there to inspire, not to write. Therefore, don't let an author bully you into writing his or her stories for them."

". . .No. . . bullying. Okay. . ."

"Second, get rid of that goddamn notepad, will ya? You're a muse, fer cryin' out loud, this stuff should come natural for ya."

". . .Should. . . come. . . nat--"

"Gimme that!" Angrily the small, bizarre looking creature grabbed the notepad away from the young black mage with its magically appearing tail and tossed it off to places unknown. "Geezus, kid, that pen scratching's gonna drive me nuts."

Vivi the Second shuffled his feet nervously. "S-sorry, Mr. Alex."

The little Whatsit rolled its eyes. 'Whatsit,' of course, was probably the only real term that could define the creature. In appearance it was rounded almost like a ball, with a large nose, two legs and an odd little deedly-bopper on its head not overly unlike those found on moogles in the Final Fantasy series. Also, whenever the need arose for the tiny creature to grab something, some random law of Subreality allowed him to create a tail with a hand on the end. Nobody ever bothered to ask where it came from; it was just one of those things.

"Look, I told you to stop calling me 'Mr. Alex,'" growled the Whatsit.  "It's just Alex, you hear?"

"Yessir."

Alex sighed. He seriously didn't know what had gotten into Bodger the day she'd decided to give him an assistant. And an ex-FICTIVE at that!

Of course, the black mage himself DID know the reason behind his unusual assignment, but he wasn't about to reveal it to the
cantankerous little creature. Instead he followed in its wake, practically tripping over its own feet every five or six steps.

The mists of Subreality swirled around them, which unnerved Vivi II to no great end. It appeared that Bodger had not overexaggerated the small muse's sense of direction, or lack thereof. "Um, where're we going?" he asked his mentor.

"Where else? The TTPCTS Club. Till Bodger finally gets the damn guts to walk into the Writer's Cafe, she's stickin' around the
familiar areas for awhile," the Whatsit replied.

Vivi II frowned. At least, it was assumed that he'd frowned; like all black mages, the only thing visible was his glowing eyes. "But wasn't the TTPCTS Club back that way?" he queried, pointing in the exact opposite direction the two were headed.

"Listen, kid, I think I know a thing or two about Subreality, and I can tell you for CERTAIN that there's no point in pinpointing the exact location of ANY place in the whole godsdamn area," snapped Alex.

"But I saw the sign saying --"

"Ah, here we are!" exclaimed the Whatsit, standing in front of a large, ominous looking building. "Come on, I'll buy ya a Shirley Temple or somethin'."

The little black mage froze, unwilling to move another step. "Um, Alex, I don't think --"

"Well, that's no surprise is it?" jeered the Whatsit. "Now let's go in, eh?"

Vivi II held his ground. "I don't want to go in THERE! It's the--"

"What, worried about being underage? Pfft. Fine, I'll get it for ya." The small Whatsit entered the bar.

Nervously, Vivi II pulled his hat over his head and waited for the all too expected carnage. Sure enough, within a minute the sounds of a small creature getting the crap kicked out of him could be heard from the bar, and a minute after that a very battered looking Whatsit dashed out the door and ran down the street. Vivi II followed in pursuit.

The Whatsit glared at the mage as he began to draw level with him.  "You could've warned me that was the Villain's Bailwick," he shouted.

"Well, I tried, but you didn't list--"

"Well never mind, kid, I forgive you, even if I did suffer massive bodily harm in the process." The Whatsit slowed at last, catching its breath. Vivi II, considerably in better shape than his mentor, finished his jog without even breaking a sweat.

"That's a good intro for another rule, incidentally -- don't go crawlin' into places yer not supposed to go. Bodger's got set rules
on which fandoms she writes fics for and don't take too well to her muses wanderin' into the places they ain't supposed to," taught the Whatsit.

"Why not?" asked Vivi II.

"Claims she's got too much respect for the fandom and for fanfiction in general. Pfft. I think she's just chickening out personally," explained Alex.

Vivi II didn't say anything.

"Lessee here. . . ah, this MUST be the place!" exclaimed Alex, looking up at another large building. "Well, let's go greet the regulars, eh?"

The muse-in-training looked up at the building. It really WAS very large. A little too large, in fact.

"Alex. . ."

"Shh, kid, I'll get you in, don't worry. Hey boys and gi--"

Alex stopped as several large, mythological creatures turned and stared in their direction.

"Whoops! Sorry, wrong place, heh," apologized Alex hastily as he backed out.

Vivi II watched him go, then turned back to the plethora of creatures.  "I hate t-to b-be a bother, b-but I d-don't s-suppose you kn-know where the T-T-TTP-PCT-TS Club is at the m-moment, d-do you?" he stammered.

A dragon near the door pursed its brow for a moment. "I believe it's currently settled somewhere east of here, innit?" he replied.

"Yeh, I think so. Never can be too sure 'ere in Subreality, tho," agreed a large griffon.

"Th-thanks," said Vivi II, turning to leave.

"No worries! Incidentally, if y' see Boco the Chocobo, tell 'im 'e owes me fifty gil!" the dragon tossed at him.

"I will, thanks." The small black mage left the Monster Lounge and looked for Alex to give him the necessary instructions -- only to find he wasn't there anymore.

"Oh bother. . ." Vivi II fretted for a moment, then removed a small crystal from his pocket. He chanted a few magic words, and the crystal lifted in the air towards the south. Vivi followed it.

Eventually, it led him to another building, which had a nice, safe motif to it. Vivi II entered cautiously, and was greeted to the sight of a number of peeved looking Saturday-morning cartoon characters glaring at a small creature in the center of the bar.

"Oh come on, anybody who'd write about YOU guys HAS to be taking the concept too seriously. Now where's Bodger?" demanded Alex loudly.

Vivi II blushed so brightly that a reddish tinge appeared temporarily from the shade under his hat. He rushed to the center before the various fictives could make a stuffed Whatsit for themselves and covered Alex's mouth abruptly.

"S-sorry, everybody, he g-gets a little t-tactless when he's drunk," the muse-in-training improvised hastily, dragging his struggling mentor back to the entrance.

"We can tell," Captain N shot towards their backs as they left.

When Vivi II felt that they were a safe distance away, he dropped Alex.  He landed hard and stared icily at his protege.

"Couple of rules, kid: you do NOT manhandle your teacher, and you do NOT claim he's drunk," growled Alex. "And I was that close to weaseling out Bodger's location too," he added, sulking.

Vivi II looked up. "Um, I don't think you were," he said self-consciously.

"And why's that?"

Vivi II pointed up at the wooden pub sign hanging over them. "This is the TTPCTS Club."

The Whatsit blinked, then looked up. "Well I'll be damned. Good work, kid."

The two entered the building. Bodger was there, as was her self-inserted avatar fictive. The fictive, identical in every respect
to her creator save for dress sense, was prattling on and on about her various obsessions while Bodger listened with half an ear. It was an amazing feat when the writer herself could get lost in a conversation about her own interests. Since the fictive was an
exaggeration of Bodger's own personality, however, it made sense in its own twisted little way.

"Bodger! Damn! Where've y' been?" asked Alex.

Bodger looked up, grateful for the reprieve. "Oh Alex, you're here.  Look, I'd love to chat, but I've gotta discuss some things with my muses. Stay here, and don't get into any trouble," she commanded to her fictive.

SI Bodger looked offended. "Who, me? I never get into trouble!" She promptly knocked over her Coca-Cola.

Bodger rolled her eyes and walked to a corner with her muses. "Hey Alex, get us some drinks, will ya?" she asked of the small creature.

"What? Oh, fine," he grumbled. "Geezus, when did I turn into the waiter?" He headed towards the bar, where Bodger's fictive was rapidly cleaning up the mess she'd made.

When he was out of earshot, Bodger leaned over towards Vivi II. "So how many times did he get lost THIS time?" she whispered.

"Um, about three or four," reported the black mage.

Bodger sighed. "He does that. Man, it's no wonder I can't get any fics done."

Vivi II wrung his hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't do a very good job keeping him from going in the wrong direction," he apologized.

Bodger smiled. "Vivi II, I don't think a satellite guidance system would keep that guy from getting lost. Don't worry about it. But
try to be a bit more assertive, you hear?"

Vivi II nodded. "O. . .okay."

"Thattaboy! Ah, here he comes."

Alex came back with the drinks. "You're lucky that damn parrot didn't knock me over on the way here. What'd you two discuss anyway?" he asked.

Bodger looked innocent. "Oh, nothing."
 

My muse does this. A LOT. He has a bad habit of going into places I don't really want to write fics for, either, so it takes forever to get things done. Oh well. . .

An explanation about Bodger and SI Bodger:

The SI Bodger was created for my MiSTing setting as a form of mockery towards the art of self-insertion in general. She is generally an exaggeration of some of my more negative aspects, with a touch of Mary Sue-style arrogance tossed in to boot. Over time she's practically developed into her own character, so now it's like we're two different people. As a result, so long as we're in Subreality we can exist as two seperate identities. The problem is that I have to keep an eye out on her, or else she gets a little. . . out of hand. I also have the ability to merge with her whenever I feel the need to do so, but there's a trade-off in that I lose my Writer powers until we seperate.  I can't appear in my own stories as a Writer.

The concept of Subreality was created by Kielle (of course).

The Magic Caverns Cafe was created by Jo Ann Montgomery, The Monster Lounge was created by Lori McDonald, and the Villain's Bailwick was created by Tapestry and Falstaff. I hope you don't mind me borrowing them; I just wanted to use them for a spot of fun.

Vivi II was directly inspired by Final Fantasy IX, which is the property of Squaresoft. Boco and moogles are also property of
Squaresoft.

I have no idea who owns Captain N, but they can keep him.