She told me, once, that I had the potential to become a great muse.

I was born on the tip of my writer's pencil, created ostensibly as an excuse for her to use a cheap Agent Mulder rip-off in her as-of-yet unsolidified world. Of course, back in those days it wasn't really so much a "world" as an excuse to cross over all her favorite characters from television and video games, but this is beside the point.

She thought up a name: Kirin Torak. Guess she thought it sounded exotic.

She always talked about writing in those days -- had dreams of a great, sprawling series of novels. Or a successful comic book series. Whichever came first for her. I sort of sat back and listened to her in the back of her mind, contributing nothing.

Of course, she never really wrote anything. There were a few, half-assed attempts at writing my story (which is, of course, how I emerged from being a Concept), but it never got anywhere. I remained a non-entity.

Flash-forward to some four, five years later. She'd carried an interest in web-surfing since spending time in England, but never got much of an opportunity thanks to the wonder of by-the-minute charge rates for phone calls in the UK. Bloody marvelous, really -- half the time I half wonder whether she'd've been better off under those conditions.

At any rate, she'd found the internet, a new bastion of reading material. (Not necessarily GOOD material, of course, but it was present.) She sat, reading anime fanfics all over the place with zeal.

That's when she discovered MiSTings.

I still can't believe that's the way she got into writing seriously. The MiSTings intrigued her somehow, though -- I guess she found it ideal for a languishing sense of sarcasm she'd carried in her since she was old enough to realize the world sucked in many aspects. She needed a MiSTing crew, however.

That's how it started, really. Suddenly I was no longer a "half-formed Concept," but a real, honest-to-Gods fictive, in a finished work. So, for that matter, were Alexis and Hibichi. (Well actually, Hibichi had already formed from a few finished chapters she'd shown to some friends. Gods he was a sarcastic kid in those days -- it's nice to see he's mellowed since then. Truth be told, Alexis thinks he's adorable, but you didn't hear that from me.) MiSTing was kind of a sucky job, but it beat sitting around doing nothing.

I suppose that's when I started getting IDEAS.

I'd always been intended to be the kind of character who disliked stereotypes strongly, but I'd never been much for creating stories. Hell, as a detective I didn't really have time for that sort of thing. Sitting around doing nothing but make fun of poor fanfics, however, gives you a lot of thinking time.

I tossed a few host segment ideas at her for awhile. No biggies, just a few goofy things here and there thought up off the top of my head. She seemed to like them, though. Slowly, however, I began forming other ideas -- crossovers, satires and the like. (There was also Alex the Whatsit there, who tossed the occasional serious fic at her, but she usually chickened out before finishing them. I think Alex has a bad habit of leaping into things half-assed, then wandering off before they're finished. It bugs the hell out of me, and I don't think Bodger's too crazy about it either.) We had a little success with a screwy little fic which crossed over about half the fandoms on the net, but it was all in fun.

Wanna know a secret? Her first big fic was my idea, not Alex's. I just got so damn sick of reading the same Final Fantasy humor fics over and over again, so I just tossed the idea to her of a total piss-take. I don't think I'd ever seen her write with such energy.

I think we were all surprised when she got such a healthy response to it.

She was now ESTABLISHED. She was a Writer. And now, she needed a head muse, and she offered the job to me.

I could've done it, I suppose. I mean, she was always telling me that I was more than qualified.

But I couldn't.

See, she put one little fatal flaw into me -- a fear of heavy responsibilities. Kryst, when she proposed the idea to me, the only things I could think of was, 'What if I can't think of anything? What if all my ideas suck, and she just ends up falling into further obscurity thanks to my godsawful ideas?'

I did the only thing I could stand to do at the time -- I turned her down.

She was definitely disappointed, I think -- I was always "the favorite" for her. I think she understood, though -- I mean, she wrote me, she understands my motivations.

She's got Alex now, with that little black mage following him around. I don't think he's doing his job as properly as he ought to be, but he manages.

She always tells me the offer still stands, though.

I'll think about it.

And in the meantime, maybe she won't mind if I sneak a few ideas in here or there while Alex is off elsewheres. You know, unofficially.

Not like I have anything better to do.

Author's Notes:

Yeah, I suppose Kirin's my real muse, but he just won't take the job, dammit! *sigh*

The crossover fic is still on my website, and I don't know whether it'll ever leave it. The Final Fantasy fic, however, is Girlfriends, and is present at Fanfiction.net and RPGamer as well as my site for anybody who's interested.

Subreality is the creation of Kielle, of which we all thank her for it.
 
 

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