[Chibi Bodger is pushed on stage.]

C-Bodger: But why do we have to do this?
Offscreen: Not everybody read the MiSTings.
C-Bodger: Oh, fine. *ahem* And now, a plot recap. *deep breath* Okaysothere'sthesethreeavatarsonasatellitethattheauthor keepsinstoragebutshedecidestousethemtoMiSTficsforherinsteadcauseshethinksit'sreallyfunnyalthoughtheMiSTersdon'tthinksoand . . .
Offscreen:SLOW DOWN!
C-Bodger: Geez, don't get so uptight. *ahem.* First, I -- I mean this author avatar decided to take advantage of her character depository and use three of her favorite characters to MiST bad fanfiction. Somewhere along the line, the emergency MiSTer, Crow 2, was introduced after one of the MiSTers, Hibichi, suffered a mild breakdown in light of a Pokemon fanfic. But they couldn't put him back because the avatar forgot to put an off-switch on. Then I -- I mean the avatar HERSELF got sent up by the evil clones of the characters, who disabled the teleporter and trapped them all up there. The avatar decides to be an inventor because she CAN, but she's not very good at it. Meanwhile, they get a link to Earth via Joel Robinson, who was
trying out some bizarre new ham radio frequency to contact the Satellite of Love. No no no, don't ask, we -- I mean they can't figure it out either. But the clones find out, and now they wanna try and stick him up here -- up THERE with the rest of them cause they figure they'll be famous if they drive him bonkers. Course, they haven't been able to track him down yet, cause he's real clever and fantastic and -- [she gets nudged with a stick] Oh! Sorry. Um, that's pretty much it.

[pause]

C-Bodger: No really, that's it.
Offscreen: AHEM.
C-Bodger: Oh! Fine, fine. And now for the legal crap:

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related characters and scenarios are property and (c) by Best Brains Inc. All rights reserved.  All characters that appear are the property of their respective owners, with the following exceptions: Bodger, Kirin, Alexis, Hibichi, Crow 2, Greyforce, D. Kirin, D. Alexis, and D. Hibichi. They're mine! ALL MINE! BWAAHAHAHA!!! ... I mean, they're Beth's! All Beth's! Sorry, bit of avatar fever there. [quickly] NotthatIamoneofcourse. Oh, and Purple Fever is a fanfic of one Kintaro "Freon" Amano. So don't ask.

[Pause]

C-Bodger: Am I finished yet?
Offscreen: *sigh* Yes, Bodger.
C-Bodger: Goodie! And now, on with the fanfic!

Prologue

The Satellite of Love. Its distinctive, dog-bone shape made it stand out among the other various satellites orbiting the beautiful blue planet known as Earth. Its solitary occupants, four robots and a human, were not there by choice; for a great many years they had been trapped there, forced to watch bad movies by an evil woman of the Forrester descent. It ambled along in its orbit.

The Satellite of Avatars. While not nearly as original in appearance as the Satellite of Love, its simplistic design hid its true distinction, for the Satellite was situated in the area of space where the walls between fiction and the real world were thinnest. It was here that the four avatars of the author were placed, forced to read bad fanfiction by the evil clones of the avatars themselves. It remained in place; large, looming, yet strangely majestic.

What the occupants of neither of these two satellites knew was that they were about to be connected in a rather spectacular fashion . . .
 
 

The bots were clearly up to something. A large chalkboard had been set up and was currently covered with various mathematical figures, although where the chalkboard came from in the first place was more than Mike Nelson was willing to contemplate. One of the first things he had learned upon his arrival on the Satellite was never to think about these sort of things.

He debated for a moment whether or not he really wanted to find out what they were doing. For the most part, anything that Crow and Servo did was incredibly bizarre and occasionally painful (usually for him). On the other hand, he couldn't see how a math problem could be of any harm (except to give him a headache, of course; he never did have much of a head for math).

At any rate, his curiosity was getting the better of him. "Well, what the hell," he muttered to himself. Bracing himself, he walked up to the two robots and asked casually, "Hey guys, what're you up to?"

Tom remained deeply fixated upon the board, but Crow was more than willing to answer. "Oh hey Mike. Well, you know that equation you see on the board in the first episode of Sliders?"

"You mean the one that's supposed to take them from world to world?"

"Yeah, that's the one. Well, Servo and I decided to see exactly WHAT that formula actually proved," Crow explained.

Mike realized, of course, that the likelihood of the formula actually being that of some sort of interdimensional doorway was unlikely; still, the idea of some route off the Satellite, even if it meant off-dimension, gave him a small glimmer of hope. "Any luck?"

"Possibly. Servo's adding the final touches now."

Mike watched Tom. To compensate for the uselessness of his arms, he was gripping the chalk in his beak.

"I see . . ."

"Ungh, ungh, ungh, ungh-hungh! Ptooie!" Tom spit the piece of chalk out of his mouth. "I knew it!"

"Well? Well?" chorused Crow and Mike.

"Well, I've replayed the episode about fifty billion times in my memory banks and added every single algorithm together, and I've discovered . . ."

"Yes?"

". . . that it is the formula for a cheese sammich."

A pregnant pause filled the air. "I'm sorry, it's the formula for what?" asked Mike incredulously.

"A cheese sammich! This figure, added into this one and divided by the root of this, would in reality create swiss on rye," replied Tom triumphantly.

"Lemmee see that . . ." Crow nudged his way past the small red robot. "Oh! Of course! It all makes perfect sense now!" Crow's eyes sparkled in comprehension.

"Now hang on a moment guys, I may not be a mathemetician or anything, but I do know you can't have a mathematical equation for a sandwich!" argued Mike.

"Of course you can, Mike! In fact, if you just change this figure here . . ." Tom fiddled with a figure in the upper left-hand corner
of the board.

" . . . it turns into Welsh Rarebit. Neat, huh?"

"Oh come on . . . "

"Look, Mike, who're the ones with computer chips for brains, you or us? I think we know what we're talking about!" exclaimed Crow.

Mike sighed. It was already shaping up to be a long day.

Gypsy continued to toil about in her usual manner. Although one couldn't tell simply by looking at her, her mind was working a million miles per minute; monitoring various functions on the Satellite, controlling the steering, and still managing to daydream about her beloved Richard Basehart on top of everything. Her thought processes were as such:

"Slight oxygen decrease -- regulate input and restore to normal levels."

"Temperature dropping to 16°C -- raise back to 18°C."

"*sigh* Richard Basehart, take me away . . ."

"Minor Hexfield malfunction probable, righting instantly."

"Slight visibility problem -- correcting."

"If I were with Richard Basehart, what would I do?"

"Change path to avoid collision with other satellite . . ."

"Change path to avoid collision with other satellite . . ."

"CHANGE PATH TO AVOID COLLISION WITH OTHER SATELLITE . . ."

It was about this point that Gypsy realized something was wrong with the steering mechanism. The Satellite of Love was going to crash.
 
 

This time of day was always siesta time on the SoA.

Crow 2 knew this and was going to take full advantage of it.

Constantly putting up with the incredibly low-quality writing they were sent tended to tucker the others out mentally (although Bodger had no such excuse, really). This meant that once a day, the various avatars would retire to their bedrooms and snooze.

Not Crow 2, though. As a robot, he didn't actually have any need to nap. His continually regenerating energy source, created as a result of one of a number of plot holes that tended to appear on the satellite, meant that down time was not a requirement.

In his mind, however, snack time WAS.

With the others out of it, he saw no reason why he couldn't sneak a few RAM chips out of the kitchen. After all, he had to put up with the same crap they did, so why not treat himself once in a while?

So it was that he found himself staring wide-eyed at the RAM chip jar. If it were possible for a robot to drool, he would be doing so this instance. 'One little RAM chip couldn't hurt,' he thought. 'Well, five or six, maybe, but it can't make that much of a difference . . .'

He reached for the jar.

A large flyswatter suddenly emerged from the wall and swatted Crow 2's hand. Pulling it back, he stared as a large sign descended from the ceiling. It read:

"Geez, the one thing she gets right . . ." he muttered to himself. Sighing, he walked out of the kitchen. "I hope she falls out of bed when she wakes up."

Even as he said this, the SoL continued on its collision course with the SoA.

"Really Mike, you have no mind for mathematics. Who's to say there isn't a mathematical formula for food? Why, I'll bet there's a mathematical formula that explains why you're here!" Tom argued.

"Yeah, and they forgot to carry the one," quipped Crow, snickering.

"Maybe a chemical formula, but not an algebraic equation!" Mike shot back.

Unnoticed by the others, Gypsy had dashed up to them. "Um, guys?"

"We can prove it to you, Mike! Look, where's that graphing calculator?" Tom looked around.

Mike blinked. "I didn't even realize we HAD a graphing calculator."

"Of course we do! We've got all sorts of doodads around here; we MUST have a graphing calculator!"

"Guys?" Gypsy tried again.

"Ah, here it is -- hey, it's busted! What happened to it?"

"Oh, THAT'S a graphing calculator? I thought it was a Game Boy! I was trying to figure out how to put my Tetris game in it!"

"WHAT? Crow, you ninny, how are we supposed to prove to Mike we're right now?"

"GUYS!"

The trio jumped. "Geez, Gypsy, did you have to be so abrupt?" griped Crow.

"But I -- oh, never mind."

"What is it, Gypsy?" asked Mike.

A sudden jolt forced all them to lurch forward. Tom fell from his perch on the counter, while Crow tumbled over backwards. Mike managed to keep upright, but only barely.

"We're going to crash." Gypsy stated.

"Well THANKS for the advance warning!" replied Crow sarcastically.

"Cambot, give me Rocket Number Nine," gasped Mike.

The hexfield opened up. There was a large dent in the front end of the Satellite. The cause of this was another satellite, approximately the same size, which did not look like it was in particularly good shape either.

"What did we crash into?" asked Tom, staggering back up.

"Not the Hubbell again, I hope," added Crow.

"I thought I told you never to mention that again," hissed Mike out of the corner of his mouth.

"It appears to be another satellite," Gypsy observed.

"Well gee, whatever led you to THAT conclusion?" asked Crow, somewhat bitterly.

"Crow! She's trying her best," chastised Mike.

"I know, I know. Sorry, Gypsy."

"It's all right, Crow. I'm also detecting life signs aboard the other vessel," said Gypsy.

"Life signs? Oh no, please tell me it's not Mir," groaned Mike.

"I don't think so," replied Gypsy.

"That's good. Not that it would have been surprising," commented Tom.

"So do you think there's some other poor guys stranded up here?" asked Mike.

"I'm not sure," replied Gypsy.

Magic Voice interrupted. "Incoming hail from the unknown vessel," she (it?) said in its calm reassuring voice.

"Uh, should we answer?" wondered Crow.

"Couldn't hurt," replied Tom.

"Okay, open communication," commanded Mike authoritatively.

The hexfield shifted images, and Crow stared back at them.
 
 

Crow 2 fell down hard. The sudden shaking had caused him to lose balance and land hard on his posterior. Rubbing it, he got up. 'The hell was that?' he thought with annoyance.

Kirin rushed past, heading towards the bridge. He was followed by Alexis, Hibichi and Bodger, who was swearing up a storm. Crow 2 followed in their wake.

The wall of the bridge had slightly buckled in upon itself. The ham radio that sat upon the counter had been knocked off, but thankfully didn't appear to be damaged in any way. Kirin immediately took control of the situation. "Computer, what the hell just happened back there?"

"It appears another vessel has collided into us," replied the computer, its digitized, monotone voice filling the bridge.

"Collided into US? Well, I hope they're happy -- I fell out of bed thanks to those guys," grumbled Bodger. Crow 2 chuckled internally, but kept quiet.

"Any damage?" asked Kirin, worried.

"Hmm . . . doesn't appear to be," replied Alexis, checking the diagnostics panel. "The hull has taken some damage, but we appear to be okay for the most part."

"Whoa, talk about stating the obvious," mused Hibichi, staring at the huge bump.

"Computer, can you open the viewscreen and show us who our Sunday drivers are?" asked Alexis.

"Can do." The viewscreen opened up to reveal a large ship, dog-boned in shape.

The crew stared for a moment. Then utter chaos occurred.

"Ohmigodohmigodohmigod! Is that what I think it is?" asked Bodger excitedly.

"Whooooa! Of all the satellites to bump into us!" Crow 2 exclaimed.

"Incredible! Wow! What are the odds?!" Hibichi was practically beside himself.

"This is our big opportunity! Can you imagine?" asked Alexis, unusually hyper.

Kirin tapped his foot as the others bounced about. "ARE WE QUITE THROUGH?" the elf growled, unusually authoritative.

The others stopped. "Well gee Kirin, aren't you in the least bit excited? I mean, it's THE Satellite of Love, for God's sake!" exclaimed Alexis.

"Hell yeah I'm excited, but jumping around like idiots isn't going to get anything done! Stop acting like a bunch of hyperactive teenagers!" replied Kirin, irked.

"He's right! We need to take action! Computer, send a hailing frequency!" Bodger requested.

"Wait, I didn't me--"

"Hailing frequency sent."

Crow 2 nudged his way up front. "Man oh man, I finally get to meet my prototype! I wonder what he'll think?"

The screen changed images to an all-too-familiar one. There was the large frame of Mike Nelson in back. There, to his right, was Tom Servo, complete with gumball machine head. There was Crow, the ORIGINAL Crow, to his left, every bit the gold robot of fame. There was even Gypsy, she of the Hoover-like head and Richard Basehart obsession, standing almost off screen.

At the moment, all of them appeared to be staring at Crow 2.

Kirin decided to go for the formal approach. "Greetings from the Satellite of Avatars! Are you having problems? Cause, well, we couldn't help but notice that you've crashed into our satellite." He got a nasty nudge from Bodger.

The SoL-ers didn't respond.

Slightly unnerved, Kirin continued. "At any rate, if you need assistance, we'd be more than happy to help out."

Silence.

"Um, hi."

Mike was the first to say anything. "TWO Crows?"

Tom began to panic. "Oh no! It's Timmy, and he's painted himself gold so that we get all confused and think it's Crow when he's standing right here with us! HEEEEEEELP!"

"WHAT?! The hell you talking about?! I'm not Timmy, I'm Crow 2! I'm insulted!" Crow 2 shouted indignantly.

By now, however, Tom was beyond words, dashing back and forth and screaming at the top of his lungs. Meanwhile, Crow was busily trying to get him to calm down, Gypsy continued to stare at the hexscreen blankly, and Mike stood by awkwardly, utterly and completely confused.

"Who's Timmy?" he asked.

"Best you don't know, Mike. Hey Servo! Chill! Timmy couldn't speak, remember?"

Tom gradually began to slow down. Panting, he said, "You're right, I hadn't thought of that." He paused to think. "But why would they make TWO Crows and not two Servos, eh? I ought to be insulted by that!" He glowered at Crow 2.

"I couldn't find any gumball machines! So sue me!" replied Bodger defensively.

"Yeah, and it was my loss," muttered Crow 2 under his breath.

"Are you all right?" asked Gypsy, concerned.

"Yeah, we're fine, although I think Bodger might have bruised something," replied Kirin.

"Of course, that goes without saying," snickered Hibichi.

"You got a death wish, kid?" growled Bodger.

"Who you calling kid? You're easily the same age as I am!" retorted Hibichi.

"Would you stop arguing with the SI, already?" Alexis interceded.

Mike stared in disbelief at the group on the other side of the comm link. One was an elf, or a Vulcan, or something like that. Either way, he was wearing a trenchcoat, dress shirt, tie and creased slacks. In many respects, he looked like a cross between a federal agent and a blonde, pony-tailed Mr. Spock.

The second, a woman, had auburn hair brushed predominantly towards her right side. The reason for this became more obvious when she shifted, revealing the eyepatch underneath. Slightly strong-jawed, she was nevertheless quite attractive. Then again, Mike hadn't seen a woman other than Pearl for some five years, and he sincerely doubted that Pearl could be counted as a woman.

The third was a Japanese boy, with rather messy hair and a rather cheerful, open face. He also sported some sort of sword in a shoulder sheath on his right side. What he could possibly need this for was beyond him. Mike decided it was best not to ask.

The fourth . . . well, the fourth seemed to stand out for some reason. It wasn't as if she was particularly attractive -- somewhere in her teens, she had short black hair, glasses, and generally well in proportion features. The cape didn't seem to be particularly distinctive either, although it did seem odd that the clasp had the letters "SI" on it. And it certainly wasn't her presence -- something about her general posture and mannerisms simply screamed "neurotic." Yet somehow, she seemed to exude an energy which almost demanded that people pay attention to her. Combined with all her other attributes this created an effect that could make a person's head blow up just thinking about it. Probably Tom's.

Then there was . . . Crow. Well, Crow 2, as he had called himself. In every respect, he looked exactly like Crow himself. Yet somehow he seemed slightly more pessimistic than their Crow, almost as if the world had decided to dump its dirty laundry on him and walked off to a movie with friends. 'Poor bot,' he thought.

The overall effect was a crew which, while not quite as odd as four robots and a temp worker, was still pretty damn strange.

"So what, exactly, IS the problem?" asked Kirin.

Gypsy explained for them. "Our steering mechanism seems to have malfunctioned. We don't know why."

"Can we help at all?" asked Hibichi, a bit too quickly. Kirin rolled his eyes.

Gypsy shook her head. "Not unless you know something about satellite steering wheels."

Tom chuckled. "Yeah, and it's usually best to keep people who don't away from them at all costs." Mike swatted him upside the bubble dome.

Bodger, aware of the circumstances behind that comment, giggled a little under her breath. Meanwhile, Alexis began to speak. "You know, it's a bit coincidental that it should happen to be you guys that run into us, because we just so happen --"

"'You guys?' Have we met or something?" asked Mike looking, if it were at all possible, even more confused than before.

Alexis sweatdropped as she realized these people had absolutely NO idea they were being televised. It was easy to forget that unlike many others, the avatars had a direct link to the real world. "Well no, not exactly. But we HAVE heard of you. You'd be Mike Nelson, Tom Servo, Crow and Gypsy, right?"

Crow preened. "Hey, they've heard of us! Our adoring fans."

Bodger grinned. "Yeah, do you think you could sign --"

Alexis covered her mouth. "Later, LATER, Bodger! Anyway, I'm Alexis, the elf is Kirin, the kid is Hibichi, and the girl with the superiority complex is Bodger. You've already met Crow 2, of course," Alexis introduced.

"Well hi. It's always nice to meet other folks up here," greeted Mike. "Well, not nice insomuch as we're both STUCK up here, but you know."

"Actually, we have been looking for you. You see, we've been --"

They were interrupted once again as a red light flashed on both satellites. Different though they may have been in design, the light meant exactly the same thing.

The Mads were calling.
 
 

What exactly defines a Mad? Some might say that all people are a little mad. Others think that it's only the truly demented who deserve this title. Still others begin to mention Sergio Aragones and "What, me worry?" until they realize that they've gone completely off topic.

In this case, the term "Mad" meant "person who decides that a good way to take over the world is by sending people up into space and sending them crappy movies/literature/television/comics/misc." Nobody knows exactly WHY they thought this was a good idea, but they kept trying anyway.

Naturally, in such cases, it's never a good thing when they call. It's even worse when two Mads happen to call simultaneously.

It's also VERY bad when the signals get mixed.

On Mike's side, he was suddenly greeted with what looked like the exact same image, except that it appeared to be in monochrome. The elf, Kirin, now had a complete black and white color scheme, as did Alexis and Hibichi. By complete, this included skin (black) and hair (white). The only ones missing were Bodger and Crow 2.

"Well, my little rodentia, and how are -- hey, who the hell are you?"

Crow couldn't resist. "My name is Inigo Montoy-- mmph!" Mike clamped his beak shut.

"Um, nobody in particular. I think you've got a wrong number," said Mike nervously.

"Wait a second . . . gumball machine, jumpsuited human -- Kirin! I think that's the Satellite of Love!" said the Hibichi clone excitedly.

"Oh, reeeeeeally?" Dark Kirin arched an eyebrow.

"Does EVERYBODY except us know we're famous?" asked Tom, annoyed.

Dark Kirin chuckled a bit. "Well well well, THIS is an interesting turn of events. Pray tell, what exactly is going on up
there that would get our signals so badly mixed?"

"Just a bit of an accident. No need for you to get worried about it," answered Mike hurredly.

"I'm afraid I decide who gets worried around here, my jumpsuited friend," said Dark Kirin evilly.

"What're you planning on doing, Kirin?" asked Dark Alexis.

"Hmm . . ."

Meanwhile, on Kirin's side, the viewscreen shifted to an image of a very strange looking woman. Plump, with just a little too much makeup and a lime-green outfit, she struck him as being evil in a rather goofy fashion. Of course, the fact that he was aware that Pearl Forrester was staring back at him made the whole effect less comical that would be expected.

"Well, Smell-son, have we got -- hey, who the hell are you?"

Kirin did a mock tipping of the hat. "Kirin Torak, at your service ma'am. We live to irritate."

"Kirin, now is neither the time nor the place for flippancy," hissed Alexis out of the corner of her mouth.

"Since when did we have elves on the Satellite of Love? For that matter, who the hell are the rest of you? BRAIN GUY!"

The pale-faced, hooded alien appeared from the right, holding in his hands the famed tupperware bowl which suppported his brain. "Yes, Lawgiver?"

"Have you been transporting random people onto the satellite again?" she asked, perturbed.

"I assure you I haven't, Lawgiver. In fact, I think it's safe to say that that is not our satellite," replied the Observer with a tone
of long suffering.

"WHAT?! So are you trying to tell me there's more than one satellite up there?" she asked, greatly irritated by now.

"So it seems."

"Another satellite? Ooh! Ooh! I wanna see!" said a voice which did not appear to radiate intelligence. Bobo, the apeman, wandered into shot. "Oh wow, this is amazing! I thought we were the only ones with a satellite full of people!" he exclaimed.

"Yes . . ." mused Pearl.

"You know, if we didn't have such strong competition from the other satellite . . ." mused Dark Kirin.

" . . .then I wouldn't have to worry about somebody taking over the world before I did!" Pearl continued her musing.

"Yes! It's all so clear now!"

"It's perfect!"

"I've decided . . ."

" . . . To blow up your satellite! That'll teach those little copycats!" finished Pearl, laughing evilly.

" . . . To blow up your satellite! That'll clear up the competition!" finished Dark Kirin, laughing evilly.

The occupants of both satellites stared at their respective viewscreens, pale of face. "Now now, couldn't we come to some mutual arrangement?" asked Kirin, no longer confident.

"Sorry elf-boy, but as long as you're up there you're a threat to my own little experiment," sneered Pearl. "Luckily, I have a missile in storage. I was originally gonna use it on the SoL when I was finished with them, but I think this could be a much better use. Bobo, ready the launcher."

"Now hang on a moment! You're just going to blow us up, just like that?!" protested Crow.

Dark Kirin shrugged. "That's the way things work, I'm afraid. Look at it this way: your own Mads probably would have done the same thing in the end anyway. We're just speeding up the process." He then turned to Dark Alexis. "Alexis, prepare the missile," he commanded.

"Aye aye, cap'n!" she replied sharply, then left.

"Thankfully we had one of these things saved up. I wanted to blackmail France with it, but I think this is a much better use, don't you?"

"Well no, not really, since you're GOING TO BLOW US UP WITH IT!!" shouted Tom angrily.

Dark Kirin laughed. "Oh, you're all such a bunch of cards. Too bad we couldn't have gotten to know each other better."

Dark Alexis came back at that point. "Missile ready and loaded, Kirin!"

"Missile ready and loaded, Lawgiver!" said Bobo.

"In that case . . ."

"FIRE!"
 
 

On the Satellite of Love, a vote was taken on what course of action to take in light of this potential disaster. The decision was, unanimously, to panic.

The Satellite of Avatars also made a similar vote, and the exact same course of action was chosen.

Therefore, as the missiles brought their fatal payload closer and closer to the satellites, the occupants of both were running about, screaming their heads off.

Except one. Bodger seemed almost eerily calm about the whole situation. Somehow, in the midst of all the theraputic panicking, something about this caught Hibichi's attention. He managed to calm himself down enough to observe her.

Bodger began to clutch herself. Shaking, she began to emit an eery red glow from her body.

Hibichi recognized this immediately.

"HIT THE DECK!" he shouted.

"What?!" asked Kirin. It was then that he too noticed Bodger's odd reaction. " . . .the hell?"

"I SAID, HIT THE DECK!" shouted Hibichi. Pulling Crow 2 down, he covered his head. Kirin, deciding the kid knew something he didn't, followed suit with Alexis.

Bodger's glow reached full power.

"Deus . . . EX . . . MACHINA!!!!"

A bright flash. The universe seemed to stand still for a moment.

Outside the two missiles, by some sheer 'coincidence', crossed paths at the same time and exploded upon impact.

" . . . we're alive?"

Crow looked up from where he was cowering. Seeing that they were currently not little kibbles and bits, he allowed the fact to roll over him slowly. Once it sunk in altogether, he let out an almighty whoop.

"WE'RE ALIVE! MIKE, SERVO, GET UP, WE'RE ALIVE! WE'RE NOT SPACE DUST!"

Mike, who had been praying in the corner, gradually stopped and looked around. Crow was right -- somehow, the missile had never connected. "Wh . . .what happened?" he stammered.

"Who cares? The fact is, I'm okay, you're okay! And Servo . . . er, Servo . . . hey, where IS Servo anyway?"

That question was easily answered. Tom was up above in the rafters, shaking and muttering some sort of mantra to himself. "Hey Tom! We're okay! You can come down now!" Mike called out.

"Imustnotfearfearisthereaperfearistheicycoldhandof . . . what's that?" Tom finally began to pay attention to his surroundings. "Hey! We're still together! Literally!" He looked down at Mike and Crow. "Hey! Guys! We're still alive!"

"Well gee, Servo, it's not like I haven't been saying that for the PAST FEW MINUTES OR ANYTHING . . ." Crow commented sarcastically.

"Oh joyous day! Kaloo, Kalay! What a momentous -- um, actually, I appear to be stuck," said Tom sheepishly.

"Oh for Pete's sake..." Mike carefully removed Tom from his perch.

"Way to ruin a celebratory moment, Servo," muttered Crow.

"Hey! Am I not allowed a little lapse of dignity?" asked Tom indignantly.

"Or two, or three, or four," added Mike under his breath.

"Quiet, you. What about Gypsy? Is she all right?" Tom looked around.

"I'm right here, guys." Gypsy had been under the counter, waiting for the end. She now emerged, totally calm. Of course, with her mind on so many other things, matters such as these could slip by quite easily.

"What happened anyway? How come the missile didn't hit us?" wondered Mike.

"Good question," Crow said, curious.

"More importantly, did those other guys make it?" Mike said, worried.

"Should we find out?" asked Tom.

"I think so. Magic Voice, could you contact the other satellite for us, please?"

"Sure can. Hailing frequency sent."

Bodger had collapsed. The Deus Ex Machina skill was far too strong for her weak SI abilities, and it had drained her energy. Thankfully, Hibichi was paying attention and managed to catch her before she hit the ground.

"What the hell just happened?" asked Kirin, bewildered.

For once, Hibichi was able to explain something the others didn't know about already. "Ki attack. Normally, they're triggered by some sort of extreme emotion -- fear, anger, frustration, depression."

"Oh, so that explains her little outburst during Purple Wrath," commented Crow 2.

"Yeah, but that was a weak attack really. What we've just witnessed is a full blown Deus Ex Machina -- the ki attack of all SIs. The strongest attacks only tend to occur when an SI is in mortal danger. That's how they get out of so many scrapes completely in tact."

"What did it do?" asked Alexis.

"I think it did something to the missiles -- kept them from connecting with us. That's how powerful Deus Ex Machina is: it can actually manipulate time and space. But it was a bit too much for Bodger, and it just totally exhausted her." Hibichi looked down at Bodger.

Alexis also looked at the prone figure of Bodger. "So, you finally managed to show your self-insertion abilities," she said sadly.

"I'm going to take her into her bedroom. She needs to rest," Hibichi told everybody. Then, picking up Bodger's limp body, he
carried her off the bridge.

"Guess Bodger really CAN do stuff," said Kirin, watching Hibichi leave.

Before anybody else could say anything, the computer came on and announced an incoming hail from the Satellite of Love. Kirin told the computer to open the comm link.

The viewscreen soon showed Mike, Tom, Crow and Gypsy again, all looking somewhat disheveled. Upon seeing Kirin, Mike began to heave a sigh of relief, then noticed the morose look on everybody's face. "Wow, considering we've just avoided certain doom, you all look pretty depressed. Something up?"

"Bodger . . . saved our lives . . ." said Kirin, somewhat in a daze.

"Huh? How'd she do that?" asked Mike.

Tom and Crow looked at the trio on the other side. Something clicked in Crow's brain. "Waaaaait a second . . . SI? Self-insert?!"

The others nodded.

"Does this mean that this is --"

"DON'T MENTION IT!"

"Sorry, sorry. So what, this is just another example of saving the SI's butt?"

"Yeah. Sorry to disappoint you," replied Alexis bitterly.

"Did something happen to Bodger?" asked Mike, concerned.

"She's unconscious, actually," replied Kirin curtly.

"Oh." Mike swallowed. "Sorry."

"No worries," replied Kirin.

There was silence on both sides for a moment. Then:

"Unusual energy pattern detected in space."

The sound of Magic Voice and the SoA's computer speaking simultaneously startled both sides out of their reveries. "Huh?"

Kirin recovered first. "Computer, show it to us." At about the same time, Mike recovered and demanded the same thing of Cambot.

The screens shifted to space. Where the two missiles had connected, a large, brightly shining anomaly could be seen, connected to the Earth at two random points. The anomaly shifted amorphously, shimmering ominously and contrasting greatly with the blue of the planet.

The satellite residents all stared at it. "Um, oops?" said Crow 2.
 
 

On a lone highway somewhere in New Mexico, a small RV was parked to the side. It wasn't particularly distinctive; at least ten years old, it wasn't in the best of shape, but it wasn't falling apart at the seams either. A few rust stains here and there, but that was only to be expected.

Joel Robinson had wanted it this way. As long as it didn't stand out too distinctly, it wouldn't raise anybody's attention. He hadn't had to worry about it for a while, although he kept it anyway as it beat the hell out of a Motel 6. Now, however, it was finding renewed purpose as those other Mads tried to track him down. It would probably be jumping up and down like a puppy if it were a living creature.

Despite the trouble he was going through, Joel didn't regret his attempt to contact the SoL. One of the main principles he had based his life on was to look on the bright side of life, and while he did slip from time to time he usually found a way to do it in the end. He had, after all, made friends with a new group of people, although what they actually looked like he couldn't say. In addition, these people were more than willing to help him get in contact with the SoL, so that was a bonus. Still, life would be much simpler if he didn't consistently have to watch his back. In many respects it was the old days of Dr. Forrester all over again.

Still, these thoughts were not foremost on his mind at the moment. At the moment, he was concentrating on getting up.

As with most people, this was a slow process. First there was the waking up; this was the easy bit. The hard part was actually STAYING up, and the really tricky bit was to GET up. Somehow, though, Joel managed to pull himself up and look out the window.

He rubbed the sleep from his eyes as Thelma and Louise drove by.

He shook his head when Mad Max zoomed past, followed by a gang of marauders.

He began slapping himself altogether when the Road Runner dashed past pursued by Wile E. Coyote on jet skates.

Meanwhile, somewhere in time and space (or more specifically, in Earth's orbit), attempts were being made to figure out exactly what the hell the missiles had just done. Gypsy was out of commission for the time being, as she was trying to figure out what exactly had happened to the steering. The SoA's computer, too, was out; its self-repair mechanisms had begun to take effect, and the wall was slowly but steadily returning to its original shape much as a plastic garbage can does after being run over by the family car. This tended to sap the memory of the computer, leaving it unavailable for other functions besides the very basic ones. The overall effect was that neither of the main analytical computers could be used.

Kirin mulled this over. Obviously, what they were looking at wasn't a good thing; it was just a matter of figuring out exactly WHY it was a bad thing. It wasn't as though it were expanding or spewing evil monsters; it just sort of sat there, like a gigantic space grin.  If only they could just . . .

The ham radio suddenly buzzed to life. #Joel to SoA, Joel to SoA, can you read? Over.#

Kirin picked up the receiver. "You know, Joel, that cheesy fighter pilot lingo really isn't necessary," he answered.

#Ah come on, it's fun. You should try it sometime. Over.#

Kirin rolled his eyes. They all liked Joel, but he did seem a bit weird at times.

#Actually, I called for a reason. Is something strange going on up there?#

Kirin blinked. "Whatever makes you say that?" he asked innocently.

#Well, nothing really, except that I've just seen Thelma and Louise, Mad Max, Road Runner, Wile E. Coyote and the Batmobile drive past me, and it's not even nine o'clock in the morning.#

Kirin paused for a moment. "Joel?"

#Yeah?#

"What are you on, and where can I get some?"

#Har har har. I'm serious, Kirin.#

"Hmm..." Kirin looked out at the anomaly again. "Joel? Lemme get back to you on that one . . ."
 
 

"You want to do what now?"

"Connect the Crows," answered Kirin.

"Why would you want to do that?" asked Tom. The two satellites were once again in communication with each other, and Mike, Tom and Crow were on the bridge. "I mean, it's bad enough having one Crow thinking by himself."

"Ah, you're just jealous of my intelligence, Servo," retorted Crow.

"Well, I was looking through some of these old maintenance guides, and one of them was for the Crow T-76268 model of robot. Apparently, two can connect up and generate a lot of computational power -- quite possibly enough to perform an analysis of the anomaly."

"You mean there's a whole PRODUCTION LINE dedicated to making Crows? What a thought!" exclaimed Tom.

"No more so than having five hundred plus Servos running around all over the place!" Crow shot back.

"Guys, guys, can we discuss this later?" said Mike, pacifying the argument. He turned to Kirin. "Do you really think this is going to work?" he asked skeptically.

"Well, with Gypsy preoccupied with other matters and our Computer patching up the place, we don't have anything to check that out, and personally speaking I think that's not something we really ought to ignore." Kirin indicated the outside of the satellite. "Besides, I have a hunch about that anomaly, and it's going to bug me until we check it out."

"You're probably right," agreed Mike. "So where is your Crow clone, anyway?"

"I resent that." The doors to the bridge of the SoA slid open and Crow 2 walked into the room. "I'm my own bot, thank you."

"You're still P.O.ed their reaction wasn't what you expected, aren't you?" asked Kirin.

"Hell yeah! Timmy painted gold my ass." he grumbled.

"Gee, all of my good looks, and none of my sense of wit. They don't make me like they used to," quipped Crow.

"Bite me."

Kirin sweatdropped. "Maybe this WASN'T such a good idea..." he muttered.

"No no, it'll be fine. Probably. So what do I do?"

"Let's see . . ." Kirin picked up the maintenence guide. "Hmm. Take modem cord (a) (making sure it is not FCC cord (b) or STP cord (c)) and carefully insert it into GR-483 console (d) by way of modem output slot (e). Avoid inserting into sound output (f) or . . . the hell?" Kirin looked utterly baffled.

"Oh for God's sake, Kirin, it's just computer lingo for 'take cord and put into hole!' It's not rocket science!" Crow 2 pulled out a cord from a small compartment in the console. "Here, I'll do it."

On the SoL, the trio watched the exchange with raised eyebrows. "Do these guys REALLY know what they're doing?" wondered Tom.

"More importantly, what if that guy's crankiness uploads into me?" Crow fretted.

Tom pondered this. On the downside, it meant that things would be a little more tense on the Satellite. On the other hand, it meant he could annoy Crow that much easier . . .

"I say go for it," said Tom finally.

"Tom's right. We don't know what that thing does, and the longer we put it off checking that thing out the worse things could get," agreed Mike.

Tom began to contradict Mike. "Well actually I . . . uh, yeah, that's it."

"Ya think? Well, if it's for the greater cause . . . will I get a ticker tape parade for this?"

"Sure, why not," Mike answered.

"Then hook me up, laddies!"

Mike located a similar wire to the one Kirin had found in the closet of spare bot supplies. Hooking it up to Crow's temple, he looked to Kirin for confirmation. Kirin nodded. Both Crow and Crow 2 hooked into their computers at the same time.

It was like a fog had rolled away from the two bots' minds. The secrets of the cosmos became far more tangible, more accessible. They were now two of the most intelligent beings ever to exist. Mere supercomputers had nothing compared to these two. They could foresee all, tell all, KNOW all. At that moment, a single thought formed in both the Crows' minds.

"QUAKE!"

The viewscreens suddenly displayed the familiar hallways of the popular PC game.

"CROW!!!"

"CROW 2!!!"

"SORRY! Sheesh!" The two grudgingly shut down their game and began to analyze the anomaly. Kirin and Mike both sighed and shook their heads.

"Crow models . . ."

"Can't live with them, can't live without them."
 
 

Things had not gotten much better since morning. By the time Joel had pulled into Santa Fe he had seen, in no particular order:

(1) Klingon
(5) Road Rovers
(3) Warner Brothers (and their sister Dot)
(2) Elves of the Wolf Clan
(1) Pervect
and (1) Dalek.

If Joel was, indeed, going insane, then he was doing it in a very spectacular manner.

He pulled into the parking lot of a grocery store to stock up on supplies. While he was at it, he supposed, he could check up on Kirin and the others.

Of course, entering the supermarket didn't do much to dispute the idea that he was hallucinating. The vegetables in the produce section were singing and giving out little snips of Christian philosophy, while Shaggy and Scooby Doo were in the pets section buying Scooby Snacks. Thankfully, other people seemed to be staring at these scenes just as much as Joel himself.

He managed to duck out just as a dimensional vortex opened near the check-out counter and spewed out the Sliders. Dashing to the RV, he pried a Looney Toons Gremlin off the side, went in, dumped the groceries and immediately turned on the converted ham radio he used to talk to the satellite residents. He was going to find out what the heck was going on if it killed him.

Kirin was getting the distinct feeling the Crows weren't taking the situation entirely seriously. Perhaps it was the "Scotty" accent they had adopted, or maybe it was the comments regarding weed and the anomaly's resemblance to spilt milk. Either way, the analysis was taking up a lot more time than he'd expected.

On the plus side, Crow 2 seemed to be in the best spirits he'd ever seen. Kirin supposed that Crow's influence was thankfully far more dominant than Crow 2's. It wasn't to say that Crow 2 was always a grump, but in comparison to the original he had never exactly been a spring chicken. Kirin hoped that the influence was permanent.

Over on the other side, Mike alone kept an eye on Crow. Tom had ducked off after Gypsy approached him asking about a pair of boxer shorts caught up in the gears of the steering. ("Gee, now where did THOSE come from? I guess I must've been framed or something, heh heh... Oh look! Richard Basehart!" *zip*)

Mike, although he didn't like to admit it, had doubts. Crow, of the four bots, was probably the least intelligent. Perhaps it was a mean thought, but Crow had never exactly struck him as the deep thinker. Certainly, he was capable of practical jokes and had more than once pulled a fast one on him, but when it came to pure computational power Crow never seemed to display any signs of it. He seemed to specialize only in wisecracks.

Still, Crow WAS a robot, and inheritantly had a higher IQ than any "fleshie" could ever hope for. Perhaps he COULD pull this off...

"How much longer?"

"Ach, laddy, I'm doin' the best I can. Y'cannae rush a delicate process such as this'n!"

. . . Or maybe not . . .

"Hang on a sec . . . finishing . . . well well well, I'll be damned."

"You're finished?" Mike and Kirin blinked in disbelief.

"Well yeah, actually. Turns out the anomaly . . ."

The ham radio on Kirin's side chose that exact moment to receive a transmission. #Kirin? What IS going on up there? There's all sorts of fictional characters running about all over the place!#

Crow's mouth dropped open. Crow 2, still being linked to him, followed suit.

"Actually, we're just about to find out, Joel. Can you wait a --"

"JOEL?!" Crow exclaimed. Crow 2 did the same.

"Hey, that's the guy that was here before me, isn't it?" asked Mike.

"What's this about Joel?" Tom suddenly appeared out of the woodwork, as did Gypsy. The screen was shaking; presumably, this meant Cambot was excited.

"JOEL! IT'S JOEL! THEY'RE TALKING TO JOEL!" screamed Crow in excitement. Crow 2 did as well, which hurt Kirin's eardrums.

"JOEL?! HEY! HEY JOEL! IT'S US! CROW AND TOM AND GYPSY AND CAMBOT! WE'RE ALL HERE!" Tom also shouted. Mike was beginning to get a headache from all the screaming.

The ham radio was silent for a moment. # . . . Crow? Tom? Gypsy?#

"Uh yeah, I was meaning to tell you about that, Joel, but we kinda had problems . . ." began Kirin.

The bots were dancing around happily (which meant, of course, that Crow 2 was dancing as well, whether he liked it or not). Mike was feeling a mixture of excitement, disbelief and, well, confusion. "How can he be talking to you guys through a ham radio?"

"Best not to think about it -- you might jinx us."

"Oh! Right. Plot contrivance. Sorry."

#Hey, it's great to hear from you guys again. I was beginning to wonder . . .#

"Ooh! Quick! Let's fill in Joel on all the neat stuff that's happened to us!" suggested Tom.

"No! No! Let's ask him about Earth! I wanna know what it's like!" Crow said.

"Why don't we ask him how he's doing?" asked Gypsy.

"Or maybe . . . we could TRY AND KEEP IN FOCUS OF OUR PRIORITIES!" growled Kirin.

The bots stopped. "Oh fine, Mr. Grumpy Elf. It's the first time we've heard from our creator for years, but hey! Who are we to interrupt?" grumbled Tom.

"Probably best I don't answer that. Well, Crow 2?"

"Hmm... well we did all sorts of weird little diagnostic things, and from what we can tell . . ."

"Yes?"

"It appears to be a breach in the third wall."

Everybody was silent. Finally, Mike piped in. "The THIRD WALL?"

"Yeah," replied Kirin. "I was afraid of that."

#I've heard of a fourth wall, but never a third wall...# mused Joel.

"It's basically the boundary between our world and the worlds of various other fictional worlds," explained Kirin. "It separates us from the cartoons, from the books, from the television shows . . ."

"And, unfortunately, from our worlds," finished Alexis, entering the bridge.

Mike thought about this. "Wow... so does that mean --"

"Ap-bup-bup-bup-bup! Don't say it," interrupted Kirin.

"Um, right..."

#Well, that would explain things.#

"Actually, if I remember my dimensional theorums correctly, it gets worse," said Kirin.

"Oh?" Alexis raised an eyebrow.

Kirin looked at everybody grimly. "Where I come from, there's a theorum that if too many dimensions converge into one spot, they eventually . . ." He gulped.

"Well come on! Out with it man!" urged Crow.

" . . . They eventually . . . cancel each other out."
 
 

Joel stared at the radio in horror. Could this possibly be true? That all these sightings of Bugs Bunny and Columbo were some sort of sign of the apocalypse? Unbidden, a picture of John Wayne, Roy Rogers, Natty Bumppo and the Lone Ranger as the four horsemen came to mind. "Are you sure about that, Kirin?"

Kirin, up in the satellite, nodded. "Relatively sure. Of course, it could just be pseudoscience thought up by the Great One, but I don't particularly want to take that chance."

"Well come on! Isn't there something we can do?" Tom asked, sounding panicked.

"Sorry, that's about as far as my knowledge goes. I'm a detective, not a dimensional scientist," answered Kirin.

"That does it. The next person to make a Star Trek ref gets it," growled Mike.

"Was I making a riff? Sorry, it's kinda subliminal these days."

"Tell me about it."

#What are the properties of this anomaly?# asked Joel.

"Lessee . . . hmm . . ." Crow/Crow 2 pondered this.

"Don't you know?" asked Alexis.

"Nah. Just trying to think of how to make it as confusing as possible. You can't have a spacial anomaly without lots of annoying mumbo-jumbo."

Kirin massaged the bridge of his nose. "Can't you just give me the short-and-skinny of it?" he asked, slightly frustrated.

"Aw, you're no fun. All right, all right. It's like sorta one big ray of antimatter, or something like that, and it's making a rip right along the paths of the missiles."

#Wait a sec -- what missiles?#

"Word to the wise, Joel: Never let two Mads see each other's experiments," suggested Kirin.

#Ohhh . . .#

"Yes . . ."

#Anyway, so if it's following the paths of the missiles, I'm assuming that means it's connected at two points?#

"Pretty much," replied Crow/Crow 2. "They also appear to be the points where the concentration of antimatter is heaviest."

#Well maybe you could, I dunno, staple it together?#

"What, you mean with a gigantic stapler? That's kinda dumb, Joel," remarked Kirin.

#No no no, not with real staples, with the antimatter equivalent of staples.#

"Do you have an idea, Joel?" asked Alexis.

"Of course he has an idea! He's Joel! He has all sorts of great ideas! Ah, the good old days . . ." Tom lapsed into nostalgia.

"Hey, don't I have any good ideas?" asked Mike, mildly offended.

The two bots looked at each other, then cracked up.

"Gee, thanks for making me feel good about my intelligence . . ." he mumbled.

"So what exactly are you suggesting, Joel?" asked Alexis.

#Maybe, if we set up a couple of tachyon pulse emitters where the two sources are, then the rift will close by itself.#

"Oh, well that makes perf -- HUH?!"

#It's technobabble. Just go along with it, will you?#

"Oh, er right. Where are we going to get things like that?" asked Kirin.

#I could probably make them, but it'd take some time.#

"Can he do that?" Alexis asked incredulously.

"Of course he can! He's a genius!" exclaimed Tom.

"Wow Servo, you're really rooting for him, aren't you?" said Crow.

"Well, he is very good," commented Gypsy.

"You guys really love him, don't you?" asked Mike somewhat sadly.

"He's our Pop! Of course we do!" replied Tom.

Gypsy noticed Mike's melancholy. "We love you too, Mike, don't worry," she said comfortingly.

"Thanks, Gyps." Mike smiled slightly.

"So Joel, how long do you figure it'll take?" asked Kirin.

No response.

"Um, Joel?"

Nothing.

"JOEL?"

Joel could hear bits and pieces of the conversation and couldn't help but feel a bit touched. The bots had been his best friends during his time on the satellite, and to hear them speaking so fondly of him gave him heart. Despite everything, they still believed in him.

As he thought about how to go about making the pulse emitters, he was suddenly distracted by the sounds of various explosions and fighting. 'What now?' he wondered as he stepped outside of the RV.

He stared at the scene in front of him. From what he could tell, the X-Men appeared to be duking it out with various DC characters. People were running around screaming in an attempt to get out of the way. Neither groups of superheroes seemed to pay any attention, however -- they were too busy trying to blow the other side to bits.

One child tripped and fell trying to follow his mother back to the car. Joel, acting quickly, ran to the assistance of the boy and helped him back up. As the boy ran off, a nearby explosion suddenly threw Joel to the ground. Struggling back up, he was forced back down again as a stray eyebeam shot overhead. He began to crawl back to the RV -- if he could just reach it . . .

A black boot stepped down in front of him. Looking up, he saw Wolverine standing over him. Before he could say anything, he was lifted by the scruff of the neck and held face to face with the somewhat unstable mutant. "Friend or foe?" snarled Wolverine.

"Uh... n-neither. Just a ci-civilian," Joel stammered.

Wolverine snarled some more. "What're you doin' sneaking around like that then, eh bub?"

"J-just tr-trying to k-keep safe, Mr. Wolverine s-sir. Th-this isn't th-the safest p-p-place at the moment . . ." Joel tried to explain.

"Don't you get smart with me, bub. I want answers! Why the heck are we here, anyway?" Wolverine snapped at Joel. (Joel, despite his panic, noted the use of "heck;" it seemed even here the Marvel characters followed the Comics Code.)

"I d-don't know!" Joel lied.

"You're lying to me, aren't you?! You little --"

Wolverine was suddenly barreled to one side by the Flash, who tackled him. Joel was flung to the ground again. He rolled onto his back just in time to see not one, not two, but THREE stray energy beams -- all coming towards him.

He shut his eyes and waited for the end.
 
 

The end didn't come.

Eventually, Joel dared a peek. To his amazement, a man was there, blocking the energy beams with some sort of energy field generated by a swift arm movement. What was even more strange about the man was the fact that he WASN'T wearing a superhero costume. In fact, he appeared to be clad in a black leather jacket and jeans.

The man eventually removed a gun from the small of his back and fired three shots in the air. Somehow, this managed to gain the attention of the warring superheroes.

"Okay you assholes! I don't like you and, well, that's the only thing you need to know. My point is that if you're going to duke it out, could you kindly do so AWAY FROM THE FRIGGING PUBLIC SECTOR?! I mean, you're supposed to be PROTECTING the public, not ENDANGERING it!" the man screamed.

Joel winced. Was this guy completely nuts?

"Who are you to tell us what to do?" growled Cyclops.

"The goddamn voice of reason, it seems. You've nearly killed people, for God's sake! Think about it -- a grocery store. People SHOP in grocery stores. You're supposed to look OUT for people. Instead, you nearly fry this poor guy, right here!" He indicated Joel. "So kindly MOVE IT ALONG!!!"

Some of the heroes looked about ready to tear the man a new one. However, Superman interceded. "He's right. Look at this place! Why were we fighting in the first place?"

The others pondered this for a moment. "Because . . . it's a crossover story, and that's what we're supposed to do when we first meet in these things?" suggested Jubilee.

"Oy . . ." The man put his head in his hand.

"Look, why don't we join forces! That way, we could BETTER humanity!" suggested Superman.

"Terrific idea! We can be... the Justice Squad!"

" . . . I prefer League of Justice, actually."

"Whatever, whatever. Look, let's talk about this over ice cream sundaes."

"Great! Lead the way!" And with that, the entire troop of superheroes marched off into town. Who knew what adventures they would get into from there?

Who cared? It wasn't THEIR story.

When the superheroes finally left, the man helped Joel up. Now Joel had an opportunity to see the guy, he decided he passed a vague resemblance to David Boreanez. But this man appeared to have more of a sense of humor than the moody character that David played. There was also a bit more of a rugged edge to the man, and a touch of cynicism was present in his eyes.

"S'alright?" he asked Joel.

Joel grinned. "S'alright," he replied ala Senor Wences.

The man laughed. "Hey, not bad! I could get to like you. The name's Greyforce. Michael Greyforce. Most people just call me by my last name, though."

"Joel Robinson. Was the Bond-type introduction intentional?"

"Bond?" Greyforce thought for a moment. "Huh. I guess it WAS kinda like James Bond. Heh, too bad I can't get the girls to boot." He smirked.

Joel laughed. "You're kinda strange, aren't you?" he asked.

"No more than you are. But I like strange people. They're not conventional."

Joel nodded. A thought occurred to him, "Say, is my RV all right?"

"You mean that?" Greyforce indicated the RV to their right, still standing. "It's a miracle it's still in tact after all that," he commented.

"Not as much of one as you'd think . . ." muttered Joel. He began to head for the RV.

"Hang on, I've gotta ask -- where am I, exactly?" asked Greyforce.

"You don't know?"

"Well, no, actually. One minute, I'm walking down the street of Coastal City, and the next minute I'm here." Greyforce looked puzzled.

"Coastal City? I don't remember that in any comic..." Joel wracked his brain trying to remember.

"Comic?"

"Never mind. Look, if you're lost, you wanna come with me? Maybe I can help . . ." Joel offered.

"Really? I'd appreciate that." Greyforce followed him into the RV.

Upon entering, Joel suddenly noticed the ham radio was still on, with Kirin calling out his name. #JOEL! Answer me! What the hell is going on down there?#

'Darn, I forgot about that . . .' he thought to himself.

Greyforce entered after Joel. "Hey, a ham radio! I haven't seen one of those in eons," he remarked.

"Yeah, yeah . . . look, could you go over there a bit? This is kinda private . . ." Joel requested.

"Huh? Oh, sure, sure." Greyforce walked to the back and faced the wall.

Joel picked up the handset. "Kirin? Sorry about that."

#Geezus Kryst, Joel! You scared the hell outta us! What happened?#

"More crossover mayhem. Look, can you keep it down? I've got . . . a guest."

#Huh? Why?#

"He was lost. It's the least I could do for him -- he saved my life."

#Saved your -- never mind, tell me later. What about the emitters?#

"Could take a week, maybe more. A lot of hard work, too."

The voice changed to that of Alexis. #I don't suppose there's anything we can--#

"Huh?" Greyforce suddenly turned around. Grabbing the handset from Joel, he spoke into it. "Alexis? Alexis, is that you?"

#?! Greyforce, what the hell are you doing there?#

"I was going to ask the same of you! Where've you been?"

Joel's mouth dropped open. So THAT'S why he didn't recognize him -- he was another avatar!

#Stuck here. It's a long story, Greyforce. Man, though, I thought I'd never hear from you again!#

"Same . . . same here. Everybody's been asking about you."

#Really? Wow, I didn't know I made that much of an impression.#

Joel interrupted. "I hate to butt in, but we've kinda got a situation --"

"Are you coming back soon, Alexis? It's tough not having a partner around . . ."

#I'll try, but we've had difficulties. The author's avatar is stuck here too.#

"What's this avatar talk anyway?"

Joel sighed. Greyforce seemed to have completely forgotten about him in lieu of his reunion with Alexis. He sat back and waited.

#It's unimportant right now. Look, it's great to hear you again, Greyforce, but we've got a dire emergency at the moment and we really need to get Joel back on. Do you mind?#

"Uh, no, I guess not. Joel?" He handed the mike back to him.

Joel smiled to himself. He didn't know the avatars very well, but he somehow knew Alexis was the type who could get back to business relatively easily. "Hey, Alexis."

#Hey Joel. So, regarding those transmitters . . .#

"Well, since you know Greyforce, I suppose we can let him in on the whole thing. Then maybe we can cut the labor somewhat.

"Let me in on what?"

Joel began to explain everything to Greyforce -- about the rift, and what it could do to existence. By the time he finished, Greyforce was looking pretty grim.

"So if we don't patch this up, we could be facing the end times, huh?"

"Yeah."

Greyforce nodded. "In that case, count me in."

Joel nodded. Frankly, they needed all the help they could get.
 
 

Mike stared out at the anomaly. The rift seemed to have gotten larger since the beginning of the week. Joel hadn't contacted them for a while, and Mike was beginning to have his doubts. Not knowing the guy, he didn't have quite the same amount of absolute belief that the bots had. Granted, the guy did know how to invent things -- he had created the bots, after all, and they had told him countless stories about all the crazy inventions they thought up together. But it was one thing to make a peel-off tattoo or a daktari stool, it was another thing altogether to make something as deeply complex as a tack-on emitter, or whatever it was.

But he had to admit, to make anything like the bots would require a great dose of genius. The bots didn't just move, after all, they LIVED -- thinking, eating, feeling pain. It was amazing any one man could come up with something so advanced. So maybe Joel could do it.

He just hoped he did it soon . . .

On a positive note the Mads hadn't called all week. This could also be seen as something unsettling, but he pushed that out of his mind. Tom was still hiding from Gypsy, and Crow seemed to be spending most of his time playing online video games with Crow 2. This essentially left Mike and Cambot to themselves.

It was, overall, a rather depressing time.

Magic Voice suddenly piped up. "Incoming message from the Satellite of Avatars."

Mike perked up. Maybe it was word from Joel?

The viewscreen opened up to, of all people, Hibichi. It was odd to see the boy do anything other than hover in the background, but here he was.

"Um, hi, Mr. Nelson?" he stammered.

"Well hello to you. What's up? Did Joel call?"

"Uh, no, not exactly, but I was just kinda wondering . . . how do you guys manage?"

Mike was puzzled. "Manage what?"

"You know, how do you guys stand being up there? Being forced to watch crap and all."

Mike thought about this. "Well, we just find ways to occupy our time, really. Weird stuff. You get really inventive after awhile."

"Gee, I wish I could come up with stuff like that. But . . . I dunno, I just don't feel like I'm on the same level of wit as the other guys."

"Oh?" Mike raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah. I can come out with some hentai-ish comments, and I make a pretty good otaku, but I just get left behind sometimes. I don't tell 'em, but it makes me feel, I dunno, kinda inadaquate."

Great. Teen angst. "You're still young. I'm sure you'll pick things up eventually."

"So why haven't I picked anything up yet?"

Mike sighed. There was just no dealing with teenagers, no matter where they came from.  "Sometimes it just takes time, Hibichi. Who knows, you may never be like them. The important thing to remember is to be yourself and be happy about it." (God, he sounded like an eleventh grade health teacher.)

Hibichi smiled. "You sound like a health teacher."

Mike jumped inwardly, but kept his calm. "Don't worry about it. I can't always keep up with the bots, but I manage," he said, smiling.

"Thanks. It's good to hear from a famous person."

"Yeah, I was meaning to ask about that "famous" thing . . ."

#Hello? Kirin? Alexis?#

Hibichi started. "Wow! It's him! Uh, what do I do?"

"Try picking up the handset, Einstein," remarked Crow, entering the room.

Hibichi blushed a bit and took Crow's advice. Mike glared at Crow.

"What?" asked Crow innocently.

"Um, hi, this is Hibichi. Can I help?"

#Oh, hey Hibichi. How's Bodger doing?#

"Uh, she's fine, but still unconscious. How'd you know?"

#Greyforce told me. He's been talking to Alexis a lot . . .#

"Reeeeaaaally?"

#All friendly talk. Nothing like THAT.#

"Oh."

#Anyway, can I speak to Kirin or somebody?#

"Oh, sure, let me go get him." Hibichi put the handset down and ran off.

"Man, I wish I could use that handset," sighed Crow.

"Why don't you just hook into Crow 2 like last time?" asked Mike.

"He gets touchy when he's used like that. Man, what a grumpy bot!"

Kirin rushed into the room, followed closely by Hibichi, Crow 2 and Alexis. He picked up the handset. "Something up, Joel?"

#I've done it. I've finished the devices.#

Everybody raised their eyebrows. "Really? You sure?"

#Positive. Even checked them out. You just set 'em up, and they emit enough tachyon rays to cancel out the antimatter. What do you think, sirs?#

"Sirs?"

#Whoops! Sorry, force of habit.#

"Great! We've got the devices. Now what?"

Greyforce came on. #Now I sneak into the Mads' hideouts and plant the emitters in their missile launchers. That way we
can --#

"Hooold it a sec! Time out! Why does the avatar character get to do the heroic work?" objected Crow.

"Is there a problem?" asked Kirin.

"You don't see it, do you? No, you wouldn't," Crow grumbled.

"What? What?"

"It's classic self-insertation! The hero always inevitably ends up being an 'original character.' Weeell, we don't stand for that HERE, bucko!"

#Problems?#

"Crow's objecting to your solo mission," replied Kirin.

#Why? I mean, with Joel being wanted by the Mads, doesn't it seem a bit more logical that I'm the one who puts them in?#

"In what way? Why should you have any more right to do the job than Joel?" asked Crow. Kirin repeated the question to Greyforce.

#Well, I DO have more experience with this kind of sneaking around --#

"Oh, of COURSE you do! The self-insert ALWAYS has the right abilities, doesn't it?" Kirin relayed this as well.

#Hey! I am NOT --#

"Like heck you aren't! Either share the glory with one of the actual characters or let the story just end here," Crow demanded.
 
 

"I DIDN'T ACTUALLY MEAN THAT!!!" screamed Crow angrily.

Joel came back on line. #Maybe that's not such a bad idea. I mean, I would know how to set it up more than Greyforce would. What do you say, Greyforce?#

Some indistinct muttering could be heard. #Well, do you know how to do it, Greyforce?# More muttering. #I could tell you, but it's very complicated. I really think I ought to do it.# Muttering. #Yeah, I know it's better for me if I don't, but if I just sit around waiting for you I'll go nuts, and the Mads won't even NEED to catch me.# Muttering. #Come on, Greyforce!#

Pause.

#Thanks man, appreciate it. It's a go -- I'm going with him.#

"You sure about this, Joel?" asked Alexis, uncertain.

#I'll be fine. If nothing else, Greyforce seems more than capable of watching out for the pair of us.#

"Well, good luck, and try to keep in touch with us," said Kirin.

#No prob. Joel out.#

"Huh! Imagine, stealing our thunder. The nerve of that --"

"Um, Crow?" Mike butted into his ranting. "You do realize that your creator is now charging into a dangerous and potentially life-threatening situation because you goaded him into it, right?"

Crow opened his mouth to argue, then let it just hang there. "Oh, crap."
 
 

"Are you SURE this is the place?"

"Well, it's where the concentration of antimatter is located according to the computer. Plus that big shimmering light connected to the castle's a dead giveaway . . ."

"Geez, it looks like something out of a monster movie or something."

Indeed, it did. The castle stood on a dark hill surrounded by dead trees and shrouded by a perpetual thunderstorm. It towered over the landscape, dark and forboding, with tall spires portruding into the heavens. It was, over all, a real downer of a place.

"You know, I lived in Minnesota for my entire childhood, and I never ONCE saw this place. Strange, isn't it?" mused Joel.

"You'd be amazed what you don't notice. I lived in the same part of Coastal City for three years before I noticed they'd torn down the building across the street," said Greyforce.

"Three years?"

"Yeah. Kinda embarassing, considering I'm a private detective by trade."

Joel decided the tactful thing to do would be not to say anything. "So how do we get in there?" he asked.

Greyforce pondered this. "I'm not used to entering castles. I suppose the simplest thing to do would just to scale up one of the side walls," he replied.

"Very spider-man," commented Joel.

"Never say that again."

"Sorry. Not very fond of superheroes are you?"

"Frankly, it all seems false to me," answered Greyforce as he and Joel siddled along the side of the castle. "Going around, finding grandiose supervillains in ridiculous costumes and spewing idiotic catch phrases. Not for me, thanks."

"So you decided to be a Private Eye, eh?" Joel raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, the pay is good and you get to be your own boss. Besides, you're still doing something for the community -- you just actually get something out of it. Got that grappling hook?"

"Right here." Joel reached into the backpack he had bought for the occasion and pulled it out.

"Good. Geez, this is going to be difficult -- this mountain is REALLY steep!" Stepping carefully behind him, Greyforce spun the hook and threw it up in the air, where it caught one of the ramparts. This action nearly caused him to fall; thankfully, Joel was there to catch him.

"Thanks."

"No prob."

"Man, I'll bet Phillip Marlowe never had to do anything like this . . ." muttered Greyforce as he began to climb up.

"Phillip Marlowe never had to contend with mad scientists and existence-threatening anomalies," Joel pointed out.

"Good point."

After a lot of hard work and some near-falls (mostly by Joel, who was unaccustomed to this sort of thing), they finally reached the top. "Where to?" asked Greyforce.

"I'm not sure. I've never been HERE before. When I was stuck in the Satellite, a guy named Dr. Forrester controlled things from a lab called Deep 13. This castle is totally foreign to me."

"Well, I suppose we'll just have to go by feel. Thank goodness for that antimatter trail."

The way to where the light touched down was an unsettling one. Various screams could be heard, as well as other strange noises (some of which sounded vaguely familiar . . .) "This lady really goes for the full effect, doesn't she?" noticed Greyforce.

"Well, they did tell me that this was Dr. Forrester's mother. I guess the whole Forrester clan specialises in evil."

"Not something I'd take pride in."

"Well, they're not exactly sane, in case you hadn't noticed."

The pair of them eventually reached a large room which appeared to until recently have stored a missile. It was here that the light shown brightest, right in the middle of the room.

"So, we just set this up next to the source, turn it on and vwoosh?" checked Greyforce.

"Pretty much. Let's just hope this works." Joel walked over to near the source and began to set up one of the emitters. When he was satisfied it was firmly in place, he nodded to Greyforce.

"Great! Here goes --"

The door suddenly burst open and Pearl walked into the room, followed by Bobo and the Observer. They quickly shut the door behind them.

Greyforce and Joel stayed frozen in place. They were busted.

Pearl looked aloofly at Greyforce, who tensed himself for battle. Slowly, she walked towards him. Then:

"For the love of God, HELP US! PLEASE!" She grabbed him and shook him, much to his shock.

"Huh?!"

"It's been terrible!" exclaimed Observer. "Ever since that rift appeared, we've been plagued by a horrible group of demons!"

"They've been torturing us with their bone-chilling sounds! We can't take any more of this!" added Pearl, horrified.

Bobo blinked. "Actually, I think they're kinda funny! What with all that rolling around and giggling . . . ooh! And that custard they make is very good! It makes me feel all happy!"

"What . . . the hell . . . are you guys talking about?" asked Greyforce slowly.

"Why the Teletubbies, of course!" exclaimed Pearl, shuddering.

Greyforce and Joel blinked. Then they laughed.

"You're . . . hoo ha . . . afraid . . . *snort* . . . of the TELETUBBIES?"

"Oh fine, laugh at our misfortune. But it's TRUE! And we can't get rid of them! We tried blasting them, but you just can't kill characters like that!"

"We were highly fortunate to have trapped them in the rumpus room, but lord only knows how soon it will be before we are forced to let them out again," added Observer.

"So will you help us?" pleaded Pearl.

Greyforce and Joel looked at each other and smirked. "Well, we COULD . . . but for a price," replied Greyforce.

Pearl scowled. "A price? What price?"

"Let the Satellite of Love down," stated Joel.

Pearl laughed. "HA! And let my precious experiment go to waste? Forget it!"

Joel shrugged. "Suit yourself. Hope you like Tubby custard and Mr. Noo Noo."

Pearl gritted her teeth. "No! I won't give in! I won't!"

Greyforce and Joel looked at each other and nodded. Then they said, in unison, "Potty potty! Potty potty! Potty potty! Bum bum bum!"

"Gragh! All right, you win. Here, I'll do it now!" Pearl rushed from the room, with

Greyforce following her. They shortly returned. "There! I did it, it's done. Satisfied?" she growled. Greyforce nodded, agreeing with her.

"All right then, here we go." Joel turned on the emittor. A bright flash, and the source faded and died.

"Now, you're going to have to leave that there until we fix the other side. Understand?" Joel instructed.

"Yes yes, now get the hell out of here!" Pearl screamed.

Joel and Greyforce nodded to each other and left.

Pearl waited until the two dopes were out of earshot, then chuckled under her breath.

Bobo came up to her, worried. "Lawgiver . . . you didn't actually . . ."

Pearl grinned. "Of course I didn't, you buffoon! Sure, I used the key that unlocks the landing mechanism . . ."

Bobo looked puzzled. "But doesn't that mean you did?"

"You idiot! Don't you remember? The landing mechanism requires TWO keys!"

"Ah! Of course! Lawgiver, you are a genius!" Observer applauded.

"Naturally. After all, aren't we evil?" she smirked.

"Indeed!"

The trio laughed maniacally.

Joel heard the laughter as he left by the front gate. 'What was so funny?' he wondered with a feeling of dread in his stomach.

Greyforce emerged soon after. "Something up, Joel? I mean, the emitter's up, and your friends are coming down! You ought to be happy!"

Joel looked at Greyforce. "What exactly did Pearl do to land the Satellite?"

Greyforce thought about it. "Well, she took a key and put it into some slot, then entered a code. Why?" He asked.

Joel looked grim. "Are you sure it was only one key?"

"Uh, yeah . . ."

Joel winced. "Greyforce, the landing mechanism requires TWO keys, not just one. It's a fail-safe device Dr. Forrester thought up."

Greyforce looked crest-fallen. "So that means . . ."

"They're still stuck there."

Joel sighed. The quote from Spaceballs quickly came to mind: "See, this is why evil always wins -- because good is dumb!"

Greyforce perked up. "Well, never mind. On to the next Mad's hideout!"

"Never mind?! Aren't you feeling down at all? My pals are still stuck up there and all you can say is never mind?!" shouted Joel angrily. Normally, he wouldn't let things like this get to him, but Greyforce's non-chalance was more than he could take.

Greyforce smirked. "Maybe they did trick us . . . but I left a little surprise for them."

The maniacal laughter suddenly turned to screams, sprinkled with the various sounds of Tubby speak.

Joel looked at Greyforce. "You didn't . . ."

"Yep. Made a stop by the rumpus room. Thank God for lockpicks."

Joel stared, then laughed. "Gee, that's almost TOO cruel!"

"Serves 'em right. Well?"

"In that case, on we go!"
 
 

"Hey! The anomaly's gotten weaker!"

"What? Cambot, give me Rocket Number Nine!"

Mike looked at the viewscreen. The anomaly was still there, ominous as ever, but the light was not longer as bright as it was. In addition, one side had disappeared altogether.

"Ha ha! We knew he could do it! Joel the hero!" The bots began dancing around again, singing Joel's praises.

Mike smiled lop-sidedly. "Well what do you know . . ."

A hail came from the SoA. Soon Mike was once again looking at the increasingly familiar face of Kirin. "You guys see it?" he asked.

"Yeah, we saw it," replied Kirin. "Joel reported their success to us."

"Isn't it great? We're going to be saved!" said Tom happily.

"Don't count your chickens before they hatch. They've still got to shut down the other source," said Kirin.

"Hey, but how hard could it be?" asked Mike.

Kirin frowned. "Pearl is evil, but she's an emotional type of evil. My doppleganger is the type of evil that just frankly doesn't give a rat's ass," he answered.

"So what, your villains are better than our villains?" scowled Crow.

"Maybe. Dark Alexis and Dark Hibichi aren't as much of a problem, but Dark Kirin seems to be particularly sinister. He still gives all of us the chills, frankly."

"Typical . . ."

"He's right, you know. Something about that guy really gives me the willies," said Mike.

"Yeah, he kinda looks like your dark spectre or something." Tom shuddered at the mention of 'dark spectre.'

"Who knows, though. They could pull it off. Heh, who'd've thunk I'd make such a nasty bad guy in another dimension?" Kirin smirked.

"Well, let's hope for the best . . ."

In contrast to the over-the-top evil aspects of Castle Forrester, Castle Flipside (as the avatars on the Satellite tended to call it these days) seemed to contain a much more melancholy sort of evil. In many respects, it was as if the castle had started out innocent and had slowly been corrupted by an outside influence.

"It doesn't seem quite the same, does it?" commented Greyforce.

"Well, the original Mad who lived there was the author's avatar herself, and if she's a little inconsiderate she never seemed out and out evil," replied Joel. His thoughts went temporarily to Bodger, lying unconscious on the Satellite.

"So basically the current Mads have just been adding their own touches."

"I'd say so."

They walked up to the entrance. The light could be seen shining from the central tower.

"Got that other grappling hook?"

"Yep. Too bad we couldn't have grabbed the first one from the wall -- these things are pretty expensive, you know."

Greyforce shrugged. "Can't be helped. Shall we?"

The scaling process was shorter this time, since Joel now had some grasp on how to climb the walls better. Reaching the top, however, Joel began to feel uncomfortable. Something about this seemed a little TOO easy -- the entire castle was still. This unsettled him more than the screams at Castle Forrester.

"Hmm . . . we can't seem to reach the tower from here. We're going to have to go down the stairs and through the front." Greyforce began to head in the direction of the stairs, then stopped when he noticed Joel wasn't following. "Problems?"

"Huh? Oh, no, I suppose not . . ." Joel followed Greyforce, but the feeling of trepidation didn't go down any.

Upon reaching the central tower, Joel was disturbed to find the doors unlocked. "It's almost like they were expecting us," he remarked.

"Then we'd better watch our backs," said Greyforce, slipping his gun out of the holster.

The inside of the tower had one large tube running up the center -- no doubt where the missile had shot up. It seemed like an odd design -- if the tube breached, the resulting increase in heat could kill them all. The stairs spiralled around it, leading up to the top.

Wasting no time, Greyforce began to go up, moving quickly. Joel followed, looking around the whole time. 'Something's going to go wrong . . . you can't ever get this far without something going wrong,' he thought. It was times like these he seriously regretted watching all those bad movies -- he began to see the same scenarios everywhere.

The top floor had a very interesting set-up. The control console was situated against one wall, with the viewscreen on the wall in front of it. The tube continued up through the center of the room. It was here that the light was shining, bright as the source in the other castle.

"This is it, Joel -- we fix this, we fix the continuity," whispered Greyforce. Joel nodded. Quickly he set up the emitter as before.

"Before we do this, Joel, I just want to say it was nice knowing you," said Greyforce. "There's not enough guys like you out there who will just willingly face dangerous situations like this."

"Ah, I've faced worse up in the satellite. You really think you're going to go the second this shuts down?"

"Probably. If we're right, this is going to separate the dimensions, and . . . well . . ."

"Hey, don't think like that. You think of me sometimes, and I'll think of you. Friends?" Joel held out his hand.

"Friends," said Greyforce, grasping his hand.

"Awww, how very touching," said an all too familiar voice.

Joel felt a cold prick on the back of his neck. He didn't need to turn around to tell it was the barrel of a gun.
 
 

"Drop the gun and move away from that device now. I'll tell you this: I've been wanting to find this man for some time, but I won't be afraid to kill him if I have to."

Joel's mouth felt dry. They'd gotten so close . . .

Greyforce dropped his gun and backed up, where he was quickly held at sword point by Dark Hibichi. Joel couldn't help but stare at the boy, who seemed to scream "villain" just through his very color scheme.

"Well well well, we finally meet Mr. Robinson. I must say I am deeply honored to meet someone as famous as you," said Dark Kirin wryly.

"You've been waiting for us, haven't you?" asked Joel.

"Indeed! I figured you'd come to patch up this little mess. Personally speaking, it hasn't caused us too much trouble. A few Smurfs came running by, but that was about it. Heh, they make very interesting pets, you know?" Dark Kirin chuckled darkly.

"Geez, holding Smurfs as pets -- that's just cruel!" replied Joel.

"I know." Joel could practically feel Dark Kirin smirking.

"Why the hell are you stopping us? We need to fix this to clean up this mess," asked Greyforce, feeling a slow burn.

"Mmm . . . it's because I worry. After all, this is going to send back all these famous people back to their home dimensions -- who's to say it's not going to send US back as well?" Dark Kirin queried.

"It's only going to send back characters who don't belong here," Joel tried to reason, realizing as he said it that it wasn't an overly bright comment.

"Do you think WE belong here? Aww, you don't know how that makes me feel," replied Dark Kirin sarcastically.

"How'd you sneak up on us anyway? We were facing the stairs," asked Greyforce.

"Those idiots on the Satellite aren't the only ones who can use plot contrivances," answered Dark Kirin simply.

Dark Alexis appeared throught the same plot hole. "Heh, this worked like a charm, didn't it Kirin?" she commented before shutting the hole down. "Anyway, everything's ready for them."

"Excellent! Now Mr. Robinson, we're going to take you someplace. It's not very far, but I'm afraid it's going to TAKE you very far, if you know what I mean." Dark Kirin chuckled again.

Joel blanched. "You can't do that!"

"Oh, I love it when the hero says that. It just makes the whole thing seem that much more sinister. Now come along! Take the other guy, too."

"Sure thing, Kirin! Come along, mister. You wouldn't want anybody to get hurt, after all."

"You son of a bitch," growled Greyforce.

"I'll take that as a compliment, thanks."

In a massive sub-basement, a gigantic satellite had been set up. To an ordinary passer-by, it looked like a basic space station -- in fact, it closely resembled Deep Space Nine. To Joel, it symbolized a fate he'd thought he'd escaped from five years ago.

They walked up to the door. "Now, in you go! And don't look so shocked, Mr. Robinson -- you knew what I was planning the second your friends told you what I wanted to do. Imagine, me having TWO satellites set up! I'm so evil it scares me sometimes." He shoved Joel inside.

Joel turned to face him and could now see for himself what he looked like. Kirin had been right -- he DID give him the cold shivers.

Greyforce was pushed in after him. "Well, now that we've got not only Joel, but the last major avatar bundled up in one package, we've got it made! Bon voyage, Mr. Robinson, or would "booby" be more appropriate? We'll be talking again shortly, but never like this." Dark Kirin laughed evilly as the door hissed shut.

Immediately, Joel began to set to work on the door mechanism. "What are you doing, Joel?" asked Greyforce, curious as to what he was doing.

"Getting us out of here. I refuse to do this again," he replied intently.

"But they could be blasting us up any second now!"

"All the more reason to get this done sooner."

Greyforce was more than willing to argue the point further, but the look in Joel's eyes told him that to do so would be a futile gesture. The man desperately needed to get out.

Greyforce sat back and waited.

" . . ."

"Something up, Kirin?"

"Something's wrong, Alexis -- he hasn't called for a while."

"Well, maybe they're still on their way. Or maybe they got caught up in something."

"It's been three days since they set up the first emitter. They should have reached Castle Flipside by now."

"You suspect the worst?"

"Possibly." Kirin continued to watch the radio.

Alexis bit her lip. "Listen, what's the first important point of self-insertation fics, Kirin?" she asked.

"Always a happy ending?" he guessed.

"Exactly. They'll be fine."

"Yeah, but this isn't true self-insertation. What if --"

"Don't think about it. Just don't think about it."

"They're sure taking their sweet time about launching us," noticed Greyforce after a while.

"Good. That gives me more time to get us out of here," muttered Joel.

Greyforce looked at him. Even when he'd gotten angry, Greyforce had never seen Joel this serious before. He seemed like such a laid back guy, and yet here he was filled with determination to open that door. Greyforce began to wonder exactly WHAT he had gone through on that satellite, and began to worry if maybe Alexis was suffering through the same thing.

"Wait . . . I've almost got it . . ."

With a fwoosh, the door opened. Joel dashed out the second it did and began to hug the ground. Greyforce raised an eyebrow.

"Oh thank God, thank God . . . oh sweet earth, may we never part again . . ."

"Um Joel, do you hear . . . gunfire?"

Joel looked up. Indeed, the sound of automatic weapons reverberated from above. "What's going on?" he wondered.

Their questions were quickly answered upon exiting the sub-basement. The Marine from Doom was chasing Dark Alexis down the hallway, who was screaming as she ran. Joel and Greyforce looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

There was utter pandemonium. Sometime between the moment they were put into the satellite and now, the residents of Castle Flipside had gotten more crossed-over characters, and unfortunately for them they were the characters of various first-person shoot-em-ups. In fact, there was Duke Nukem, giving Dark Hibichi a run for his money. ("Okay, asshole, where'd you put the babes?")

If they had time, they might have stuck around and laughed. As it was, they had to get up there and shut down the other source.

In the clamour of the moment, nobody noticed the pair dashing up the tower. Joel just prayed the emitter was still in tact.

Yes -- there it was, sitting off to the side next to the console. Presumably, Dark Kirin had wanted to look it over -- but now he was going to regret not destroying it.

Joel grabbed the device and began to set up again. He suddenly backed away as a gunshot ricocheted off the central tube.

Dark Kirin stood near the steps, looking disheveled. Strands of white hair had escaped from his ponytail, and his tie was loose. He was aiming a gun at Joel. He was also looking VERY pissed off.

"Pretty amazing, aren't you? Breaking out of that satellite . . . Well, I'm not letting you set off that emitter, no matter what!" He fired another shot to Joel's right, forcing him to duck.

"Dark Kirin, don't be stupid. Your castle is overrun with crossed-over characters -- you're only causing problems for yourself," Greyforce tried to rationalise.

"A minor nuisance! Whatever the circumstances, I'm not going back!" He fired another shot to Joel's left, forcing him to duck again.

"Dark Kirin, if we don't patch this up NOW, all of reality may cease to exist," said Joel very seriously.

"I . . . don't . . . care."

Joel looked in Dark Kirin's eyes, and could see that he meant it. He seriously didn't care whether or not he lived or died -- all that mattered was that he won in the end. This kind of madness was more than he had ever seen in all the years he'd known Dr. Forrester.

Dark Kirin raised the gun and aimed point blank at Joel's chest.

Greyforce charged him at that moment, knocking him into the console. The two began to struggle for the gun. "JOEL! SET IT OFF NOW!"

Joel, not thinking twice, sat down and finished setting up the device.

Greyforce was struggling hard, but Dark Kirin was fighting with the strength of a monster. Finally taking the gun from Greyforce, Dark Kirin aimed it at him and put his finger on the trigger.

Joel set off the device.

A bright pulse flashed, and the second source, dimmed and died.

"NOOOO!!!" Dark Kirin screamed.

Immediately, the air around them seemed to grow thick. Greyforce turned and smiled at Joel one last time.

"Give my regards to Alexis for me . . ."

He faded back to his home dimension.

When the air cleared again, Joel looked around. Dark Kirin hadn't been sent back, but instead was huddled into a corner muttering "I don't want to go back . . ." over and over again. He doubted he noticed that Joel was even there.

Joel made it a point not to be.
 
 

The anomaly shimmered and collapsed.

Both satellite crews stared at the spot where it had been for a moment. Then a loud cheer erupted from both.

"THEY DID IT! THEY ACTUALLY DID IT!" Kirin and the others screamed with delight.

"Did what?"

Bodger staggered onto the bridge. She still looked pretty wiped out, but otherwise she was fine.

"Bodger! You're awake!" shouted Hibichi.

"Yeah, I'm awake, but geez, do you have to scream so loud? I mean MAN!"

"We were worried about you! Boy, have we got a story for you!" said Crow 2, excited.

"Really? Can I tell you about my dream, first?"

"What dream?" asked Kirin.

"It was really weird. I dreamt that this big hole appeared in space, and that all these various fictional characters were running amuck. Then Joel and one of my other characters went and set up some weird devices, and the whole thing collapsed. That was when I woke up."

The others stared at her, open-mouthed.

"Well, that was my dream. So what's your story?"

"Um, er, actually, it's not that important," stammered Crow 2.

"Oh. Okay. I'm going back to bed. Man, I'm bushed."  Bodger headed back the way she came.

Nobody could speak for a moment. "So was that anomaly caused by the missiles, or . . ."

"And did Joel and Greyforce actually, or did . . ."

" . . .Guys?" said Kirin finally. "This NEVER leaves the satellite, capeesh?"

"We wouldn't dream of it."

"D'oh!" They cracked up at the bad pun.

"Hey, the Satellite of Love is contacting us!" said Hibichi.

"Answer 'em," Alexis told him.

"Sure thing!"

The viewscreen opened again. Mike was grinning, and if the bots were capable of doing so, they would have been too. "Can you believe it? They actually closed the anomaly!" Mike exclaimed happily.

"Hey, we TOLD ya he'd do it, Mike! Joel's great that way! Why, I remember the time --"

"Ooh, and don't forget about --"

"And what about --"

"All right, you two," Mike said, laughing. "Seriously, though, we never properly apologized for crashing into your satellite like that."

"Hey, no problem. If you hadn't done that, we'd've never been able to help Joel contact you!" replied Kirin. "Besides, it's not as if anything too serious occurred."

"Well, except for the near wiping out of existence, no," agreed Crow.

"We've gotta ask, though, do you have a ham radio? We like Joel and all, but he's really your guy more than ours," said Alexis.

"Oh sure! Sure! Right guys?" Mike looked at the bots, who were whistling uncomfortably. "Guys?"

"Um, well, we never told you this before, but remember that looting spree we had shortly before we saw The Final Sacrifice?" Tom began nervously.

Uh oh, Mike thought. "What?"

"Well, when I was rooting through your room I kinda . . . knocked it over." Tom admitted.

"Huh? It looked perfectly fine."

"Yes, well, maybe you oughta *ahem* look on the inside . . ."

With trepidation, Mike headed towards his room. The bots stayed on screen for a bit longer. "Do you guys mind if we stick around close to you guys for a while? To keep in contact with Joel, after all . . ." Crow asked.

"Uh, sure, we have no problem with that," answered Kirin, inwardly cheering.

"Now, we've gotta go, so we'll just --"

"SERRRRRVVOOOOO!!!!"

"Ta!" The two bots zipped off screen. Mike stormed after them. Backtracking a bit, he smiled tightly at the avatars. "If you'll excuse me, I've got some matters to sort out."

He cut the conn.
 
 

Chibi Bodger: *blinking* It's over? IT'S OVER! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! IT'S OVER! She actually FINISHED something!
Chibi Kirin: Yeah, terrific. You know what this means?
Chibi Bodger: No, what?
Chibi Alexis: It means NONE of us wins the bet!
Chibi Bodger: Wha -- bet?!
Chibi Hibichi: Yeah, we all made a bet that the first person to be featured in a story that was shown to the mass public would get the pot! And now we've ALL starred in the same fic, and NOBODY wins!
Chibi Bodger: You BET on my -- I mean the author's likelyhood of finishing her stories?!
Chibi Kirin: . . . whoops . . .
Chibi Bodger: Come here . . .
Chibi Alexis: So, who's up for parcheesi?
Chibi Hibichi: Sounds good!
[The three avatars dash off, closely pursued by Chibi Bodger.]

End!