As I began writing this piece during the early summer of 1997, I kept hitting a stone wall. Every new idea, every new word was wrong. Nothing fit. I was perplexed at my inability to put onto the screen what my feeling were and the technical aspects of the subject were beyond my grasp. Later in the summer, as I sat with my son and his fiancιe at a camp ground in northwestern Connecticut, the first words flew from my pen onto the paper; I can think of three reasons for this happening. One, I had recently attended my first BDSM D/s social event. Two, I have come to the conclusion that "technical" is not a term I will ever associate with Dominants/submissives or BDSM. Third, I was totally relaxed and in an environment of love with my family.
I was in the discussion room EMAS ESAM on AOL recently with several friends. Our topic of discussion was the difference between the words Top and Master. Such basic terms in our vocabulary can, and do, bring many definitions into play. Explosions of wonderful light happen when two or more people begin to exchange and compare ideas.
I had hypothetically enrolled in the Owl School of submissive Education. (Though not a real school, it is a compliment to one of my many, many wonderful mentors.) My ideas are based on a foundation of the traditional elements and terminology in our circle of kinks. Author's Note: I considered taking this little paragraph out but ::grin:: it was true when written. Today I've graduated to the real world! MzAnnaJ
Words. I adore them. I live for them. I agonize over them.
Consider the word "masochism." What does it bring to the tip of your tongue? Do you think your Great Aunt Matilda would have the same thoughts on the subject? I doubt if she would! More to the point, my meaning and interpretation of masochism may also differ from yours.
Sadomasochism is a word near and dear to my heart. But, guess what ... it is not an evil word to me despite it's "accepted" definition. Masochism, to me, is the sensations of the body and mind.
How a rational person can become sexually aroused from "pain" is a complex issue. Stubbing of my toe in the middle of the night does not cause my vagina to ripple or my senses to sore to heights of utopia. It bloody well hurts! A crop or flogger properly applied to my derriere by someone I trust and respect causes sensations of pleasure which result in multi climaxes.
As I write, two things are happening to me. My mind is seeing a stormy coast ... the winds are causing waves to crash furiously against a towering cliff of rocks. I am sexually aroused. Yes, my body and muscles are physically reacting to what my mind and imagination are thinking and conjuring. God, the mind IS a powerful tool!
After a fifteen minute walk around the camp ground, I am back to the subject at hand. No pun intended, naturally.
Now I can tell you about masochism the way I see it. Remember, you should read and study what a lot of people have to say on every subject in our lifestyle. Do not take my word as gospel on this, or any subject. Talk to and learn from a large number of people ... after you find out if they are "real time" or have only played in their mind and/or online!
This is MY definition of masochism: "physically and mentally feeling in a new and exciting way that is stimulating and exceptionally pleasing to the whole and is brought about by the striking of the body with a paddle, flogger, or other tool, applied in passion and with love by a person who is trusted and respected to bring the bottom to the heights of a utopia state."
That's a mouthful! It states what happens when one is in that wonderful state called subSpace. The only time I personally reached subSpace occured during a session in which the toys were used and applied by a Top/Dominant with the experience to "read" me and my reactions as if reading a large print book!
Masochism comes in many "flavors." Some people are emotional masochist and manage to torture themselves with out any help from the outside world. They think the worse about every situation; every person they encounter is out to hurt them; they generally spend their lives waiting for the next ax to fall. These individuals aren't happy unless they have something to fret and worry about in their life. This is NOT the D/s version of a masochist, thank goodness!
Pain masochists are people who "enjoy" the inflection of pain upon their bodies. Sexual gratification is possible via masochism of this flavor. The "pain" seems to stimulate the physical as well as mental sexual desires. Yes, without this jolt, sex is still wonderful. With it? It's wonderfully electric!
Which brings me to the issue of safety! I can not stress enough the value of safe play. Masochism does not equate to stupidity! Masochism is a state of mind, not a state of ignorance. Our toys are not "toys" but instruments that can damage the body. The people we "play" with are not children but some may be inexperienced. This is not a child's' game so don't play with anyone who has the mind of a child when it comes to any D/s experience!
The masochist needs to be extra, extra careful when selecting a "play" partner because just any ole body won't do. A masochist needs a kind, loving, caring, sensitive Dominant/Top who is an experienced sadist! These kinds of people are hard to find! But, being a masochist myself, I know they are out there and I, for one, may be glutton for stimuli, but I'm not stupid with my body. The sadist who is with me is one who watches my every reaction, can judge my body as it moves or twitches, judges my sounds and knows when to apply more pressure or back off a little....or stop without being told. He can tell from my expressions and the way my body "talks" to him what limits he can push and how far he can push them!
I am proud to state that I am, today, a Dominant woman who enjoys sadomasochism. More so now than ever, I would like to see the word changed from 'sadomasochism' to 'sadomasochis-orgasm' as it would better define MY reactions as both Top and bottom. Until then, I just won't ask Great Aunt Matilda what she thinks!
Edited April, 1999
MzAnna
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Copyright 1999
A Lightfoot Publication