Hello my name is Alexis, and I'm pregnant. Yesterday the very word would have caused me to have a panic attack, but not today. Why you ask? Because today I have a plan. I love plans, I adore organization, and I need control. This plan allows me to have all three. It is an easy to follow step-by-step plan that will ensure a happy and healthy life for me and my daughter. Yes, I know the doctor said it was too early to tell the sex but I have decided I am having a girl anyway. This decision is based mainly on my current antipathy for the male gender. Then again if I had a boy I could raise him to be a real man thus helping to make life easier for the next generation of women. Right now though I'm too tired to better the next generation, which brings me back to my original idea, I'm having a girl. It also brings me to step one of my plan.
It started this morning when I went to see my doctor. She confirmed the pregnancy and prescribed some prenatal vitamins. Next she enquired about my eating habits. I ran down a list of what I normally eat in a day, then in a week. After listening patiently she looked at me seriously and exclaimed,
"Alexis, micro waved popcorn is not a food group." She then proceeded to give me a lecture on nutrition stressing how important it was for me to eat healthy. I took her words to heart and after stopping at the pharmacy for my vitamins I went to the store. However this was not the corner store where I buy my popcorn, no. This was a real grocery store. It took me a while to find everything but eventually I had a cart filled with actual food, and a couple boxes of popcorn. Now I am sitting in my living room finishing off a peanut butter and banana sandwich and a glass of milk. Not the most glamorous lunch, but one of the few things I can make without lighting the kitchen on fire. I can hear someone at the door as I finish my milk and a second later Ned and Kristina walk in.
"Hi, are you feeling better?" Kristina asks anxiously. "I tried calling earlier but no one answered, did you go out?" She asked before I can answer her first question. I wait for the last question; she tends to do things in threes. "Are you eating a peanut butter and banana sandwich?" And there it is, I guess it's my turn to talk.
"Yes, to all three questions." I anwser cheerfully. I know this won't satisfy her but I can always hope. "Would you like a drink? I ask Ned, it's a fairly lame attempt at distraction but worth a try. "I just made some iced tea." I give him a look, which silently pleads, "Accept my iced tea, help me get my meddling sister off my back". Perhaps I expressed this a little too clearly because Ned is obviously trying not to laugh as he answers that he'd love some. "Great I'll go get it."
"No let me." Kristina is on her way to the kitchen before I can stop her. Thank you I mouth to Ned as Kristina leaves and he smiles back. Ned can be quite sweet when he's not being an ass.
"She's worried about you." His tone implies that she's not the only one.
"I'm fine," I assure him. "Actually I'm better than fine, I'm really happy." I say this with a certain amount of surprise. After all I am pregnant with the child of my best friend/client who has just reunited with his not so dead ex-wife and yet I can only view this baby as a blessing.
"You look happy, in fact..." his words are interrupted by Kristina who enters the living room staring at me as though I've just sprung another head.
"Alexis," she begins in the same tone one would use to talk to a crazy person. "Alexis, there are fresh fruits and vegetables in the fridge."
"I know. I went shopping." I answer calmly. Obviously my attempt to downplay the situation isn't working since Kristina continues to stare at me like I'm some sort of pod person.
"But there's fresh bread, and eggs, and there's chicken in the freezer." The way in which she makes "chicken in the freezer" sound scandalous is too much for me and I begin to giggle uncontrollably.
Step Two - Okay Ladies, Let's Get Moving!
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