Falling Apart©

By Meg Galganowicz

Chapter 7: Withered Edges

It had been a month. Aly stared at the calendar, her pencil digging a hole in the paper. He hadn’t called in a month and she couldn’t get a hold of him. She had just gotten out of class and was glad to have the weekend to finish a paper for an English class. She grabbed the phone from the cradle next to her and began dialing the familiar number. The voice mail picked up after several rings, as it always seemed to do now.

“What is going on?” she mumbled, climbing out of her chair angrily and walking over to her day planner. She scanned for another number and dialled it with a tired hand, her fingers working slowly.

After two rings someone picked up. “Captain’s pizza.”

“Hey Wonderboy.”

“Sexy! How goes it out west?” Justin asked, his voice exuberant and full of life.

“Pretty good, but I’ve been better. Um, is JC around at all?”

Justin paused and looked around, craning his neck down the hallway. “I don’t see him anywhere, no. Why?”

Aly sighed, “Figures. Is he okay? He’s not sick or anything is he?”

“Not at all, he’s been looking pretty good actually.”

“Oh.”

“Alison, what’s up?”

“Nothing, nothing important I guess. He’s prolly just got a lot on his mind. Music and dancing and stuff…” she trailed off.

Justin stiffened, “I’ll have him call you next time I lay eyes on him okay?”

“Thanks, J. Say hi to everyone for me.”

“Will do, take care hun.”

They both hung up, but Aly was left feeling almost uneasy. She wandered over to her laptop to check her mail, scolding herself that she needed to get into a better habit of checking it. It had been a few days since she last signed on and to her surprise there were two emails from her boyfriend in her box. She scanned through one from Jake and deleted the junk mail before even opening the first two.

“What do you have to say this week JS94?”

Al, I hope you understand why I haven’t called. By the time we get done at the end of the day I can barely keep my eyes open. I don’t want to fall asleep while you’re trying to tell me something. Then again, I’m missing everything anyway, right? Really sorry. How’s tennis looking for this spring? Good I assume, you’ll be the next star I guarantee it. Agh, I gotta go again, we just arrived at the hotel. I’ll write tomorrow evening. Promise.

Love me.

“Well that was profound.” Aly was hesitant to scold herself for being bitter. It hurt in ways she couldn’t yet understand that he wasn’t returning her calls.

Hey sweetz, guess what? I wrote something for you today during lunch. It isn’t very long, there’s still a lot I want to do on it. But maybe I’ll hide it away as a song some day…

I wonder

What it’s like to hold your hand

And feel your whispers

Upon my tearstained cheek

I wonder

What it’s like to love you

And feel your fingers

Run across my lips

Of course, I don’t wonder, I remember, but I was taking a bit of a perspective from awhile ago. As in almost a year ago, probably more than that now. Hope you like it.

Love me

“It’s beautiful,” she nodded, “But then again I’m biased.” She threw back her head and laughed at herself, talking to the computer as she typed a reply.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Justin leaned against the doorjamb and watched as everyone settled into their rooms and the guards took their various places around the floor to keep track of everyone that came and left. He spotted Chris’ personal guard a few doors down and nodded to him. “Is Chris there?”

“Last time I saw. Unless he jumped out the window.”

Justin chuckled and walked over, “Yeah well, then you’d be out a job wouldn’t you. Besides, you love our sexy asses,” he teased, turning and shaking his butt.

“Get your ass in there if you’re going, otherwise go take a shower, you smell like hell.”

“Oh, I feel the love, I get it.” Justin pouted and pushed past him into the other room. He enjoyed having different rooms from everyone, but sometimes it seemed they all spent time in only two rooms anyway. Those that slept, and those that stayed up all night.

“Hey Curly.”

“Yo Chris, you got a minute?”

“Yeah, why?” The eldest in the group wandered out of the bathroom, towelling his hair.

“It’s about JC.”

“What’d the little pain in the ass do now?”

Justin grimaced. “More like what he doesn’t do. I just heard from Aly. She sounds okay in general, but she’s worried that JC is sick.”

“Why would she think that?”

“Well, there’s only one reason I can think of.”

Chris thought for a moment. “Damn his ass. Where is he?” A haggard sigh blew past his lips as he rested the towel around his neck and strode toward the door.

“Whoa, I didn’t mean we should attack him for it. I just…I don’t know what’s going on.”

“What seems to be going on is that he’s being an ass.”

“Are we the ones that are supposed to set him straight on that though? I mean, think about it Chris.”

“I am. I don’t care if I’m also his friend, J, coz someone needs to look out for Aly.”

Justin groaned as he watched his group mate go out into the hall and ask which room was JC’s. Following the directions he walked over and briskly knocked on the door. “JC.”

“Huh, what? Hey Chris.”

“Don’t hey Chris me. What’s going on?”

“What?” JC rubbed at his eyes, obviously exhausted despite the sleep he had caught up on in the past several days. He was worried and stressing out beyond what any of them would understand in his opinion. Of course he was wrong.

“Justin just got a call from Aly, she was wondering if you were sick.”

“I’m not.”

“No, you’re not. But why would she think that Mr. Chasez? Why would a sweet girl like her think that her boyfriend was sick?”

“Shit. You guys don’t have to be part of this. The relationship is between Alison and me, not Alison, me, and the rest of NSYNC.”

“No, it isn’t. But we are her friends too. And she doesn’t have a lot of those around her right now.”

“Just back off Chris. We’re adults we can take care of ourselves.”

“Obviously not!” Chris stepped back after yelling at him and quickly slammed the door to his own room.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Aly groaned as she reached an aching hand to grab the phone and then retreated back under her comforter. “Hello?”

“Al?”

“Jez, is that you?”

“Yeah. Were you sleeping?”

“Yeah, but that’s okay. How are you? What are you doing? Shouldn’t you be working or sleeping or something?”

“No, I should be calling my girlfriend.”

Aly closed her eyes and pouted into the pillow. “Where has that philosophy been the last month or so?”

“I duno. You sound tired, do you want to call me in the morning?”

“No, coz you won’t be there in the morning. JC what is going on with us? I mean, the emails are okay but I miss you. I love you and I miss you,” she said softly, “but I don’t know what it is that’s hurting right now.”

JC closed his eyes as he lay back on the bed in his hotel room, the lights turned down and the TV off. “I love you, Aly, I do. I just…it’s so hard right now. Do you think we can work through this though? I want to.”

“Do you?”

“Of course.”

“How? I mean, it’s been almost a year since we started going out but we won’t be able to see each other then coz you’ll be busy and I’ll be in the season. You can’t run out on the guys and I can’t run out on the team.”

“I would never ask you to. You want to come out, let’s see…” he scanned the calendar in his bag that she had given him before he left again, “the 13^th or 14^th? That’s a Saturday and Sunday.”

“Valentine’s Day?” Aly’s ears perked up and she rolled onto her back.

“Yeah, that’d be cool.”

Cool? Just cool? She sighed and curled up again. “Can you make flight arrangements?”

“Yeah sure, not a problem. I’ll send you the tickets within the next five days or so. Why don’t you get some sleep, you sound exhausted.”

“Yeah, I think I’m fighting off getting sick.”

“Aw, poor baby. Well get some sleep then coz we’re gonna have some fun when you come out to visit.”

“Good. We need fun.”

“’Night Al.”

“Bye JC.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Two weeks later Aly was waiting backstage for all of the guys. She hadn’t seen them all day because they were running behind schedule. Something had come up and she hadn’t seen JC all day. They had planned everything out so that they could spend the afternoon together and then have a quiet dinner in his room after the show. She twirled her hair around her finger and closed her eyes tightly.

Of course, she had seen them all at the hotel for about fifteen minutes while they took turns changing so that they could talk to her. JC had remained slightly distant and she was starting to feel alone in the planning’s of the day. Even if they didn’t go anywhere she just wanted to see him, to hold him, to know that he was still the one she needed and loved.

Aly stood up and gave JC a hug when she saw them walk in. “Hey hun, great show.”

“Thanks.” He pulled back and gently kissed her forehead.

“You okay?” she asked, noticing his lack of affection. At previous shows when she had met them after a concert before they all ran to the bus he had embraced her and joked that she was supposed to be just as sweaty as he was. Not this time. “Where’s my hyper little boy, huh?”

“Hey, Al,” Lance greeted, brushing a kiss on her cheek as he passed.

“Good job, Lance,” she replied, patting his back, and then turned back to JC.

JC looked around the room nervously, and then met her gaze. “Can we talk?”

“Yeah, sure…” Inside her head was spinning. Aly glanced at Joey over her shoulder as he walked toward the bathroom, but followed JC to a secluded corner of the dressing room.

He ran a hand through his hair. “Aly, I’ve been thinking…about the tour and …about us…I mean, I’m going to be gone for another few months and after that we’ll probably start recording overseas again for another album. Johnny had mentioned something about a Christmas album this time. I’m going to be gone more and more…”

“What are you saying? I mean…it won’t be any different than when we started dating. You were on tour then.”

JC sighed. “But we were in the U.S. and I could stop by for visits.”

Aly’s smile vanished and she leaned against the wall, waiting for him to continue.

“I don’t think we should stay together when the guys and I leave. I just can’t give you what you want with the schedule we’ll be holding.”

Her heart dropped and tears threatened in her eyes. She was stubborn, however, a trait she had inherited willingly from her father. “All I want is you, JC…”

“It wouldn’t work, Aly…we’ve both got too much on our minds and the distance would only add to the stress. You can concentrate on school and your tennis.”

“We can try,” she persisted.

“No,” he shook his head sadly. “I’m so sorry, Al…”

She stared at him, unable to believe what she was hearing. “No…”

He sighed, becoming aggravated. He never imagined it would be this hard; unfortunately the pain was turning to frustration as it boiled. “Aly-“

“No. If you love me you’d at least try!” she cried, standing full up to face him. Neither noticed the audience they had gained from their rising voices.

“Who said I loved you?!” he yelled back, anger sweeping across his once gentle features.

That final blow broke the dam for Aly. Tears burned at her eyes as she continued to withhold them and she stopped breathing for a moment as she stumbled slowly away from him. “You,” she finally broke the silence in saying, and pointed an accusing finger at him. Her voice was hoarse, “I loved you.” Aly wouldn’t cry in front of them and walked out of the room. She didn’t have the strength or will to run, she didn’t even close the door. She only felt numb.

Chris jumped up from his seat next to Justin on the couch and took a few steps toward JC. “What the hell is wrong with you?” he hissed. Not waiting for an answer he was out the door and looking for Aly. He saw her, at the end of the hall. There was no way security would let him go if she made it outside. “Alison!” he screamed.

Aly heard a familiar voice call out her name desperately and she turned. Seeing Chris she stopped and wiped her eyes. When he reached her, his eyes were full of concern and he put a hand on her arm.

“Aly, I’m so sorry…come back…please…”

“Are you crazy?” she exclaimed. “He just told me he doesn’t love me, Chris. Why should I listen to anything else he has to say?! So that he can make me cry harder and embarrass me even more in-front of the best friends I have?!”

Chris pulled her into a tight hug and held her for about ten minutes. Aly let out a soft sob as she buried her face in his shoulder and clung to him. He was her father figure, and there was no one better to lean on at the moment. She stood back and wiped her eyes on the cuff of her sleeve. “Thanks, Chris…”

“Don’t worry about it sweetheart, I still haven’t taken a shower so I’ll change.”

She smiled weakly at the small wet spot now apparent on his shirt. “Shit…Joe left for the bathroom immediately didn’t he?”

Chris giggled. “Yeah, he’s probably a nervous wreck at the moment trying to figure out what happened.”

“I can’t go back in there, Chris…Could - Could you give him a hug and a kiss for me. And tell Lance and Justin I’ll call later to wish you all luck before you leave.”

“What about JC?”

She stared at Chris, then sighed. “I never want to see him again. Goodbye Chris. I’m gonna miss you guys.” Aly hugged him tightly and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Bye, babe. Call one of us okay? We’re gonna miss you around here.” He squeezed her hand and finally let go as she walked out the side door.

Aly walked away from the arena, escorted by a silent guard until she was near the parking lot and able to get to her car. She nodded in thanks and wandered through the maze, her mind a fog as his words rang in her ears.