Falling Apart©
By
Meg Galganowicz
(Christmas Eve)
Aly curled her feet up under
her and pushed a tape into the VCR. It
was one of her favorites and she cried every time she watched. Glad for her roommate, Nicki, leaving two days
prior she had taken good advantage to clean up their room a bit.
“No woman can resist a man
who croons like Bing Crosby,” she muttered as the movie started. ‘White Christmas’ was a classic for her
family to have watched at least twice during the season. It warmed her tired heart to remember the
times when she was still small enough to snuggle in her father’s lap while
watching.
There was a set of pictures
that hung vertically in a line on the wall.
One of her father and mother, both young and holding expressions of pure
love. She’d taken it from their wedding
album before packing it away for storage with their other belongings when
they’d died. She liked to think she’d
find someone who would look at her that same way; find someone to love without
restraint. A second picture was of her
parents, Erik, Erik’s parents, and herself at a small family reunion. Her hair was a bit curly and she was all of
about 7 years of age at the time, leaving her with little remembrance of the
actual event. She wore a white dress
that her grandmother had hand-made for the day and she looked quite adorable
next to her cousin – who was sharply dressed in a black suit.
The final picture could almost bring tears to her eyes merely by looking at it. Her mother had caught Aly and her father asleep on the floor after watching a football game together. Almost every Sunday afternoon they would fall asleep during the season occasionally draped over each other comfortably. In this scene their eyes were closed and his arm was wrapped protectively around her middle as she rested her head on his shoulder. Small smiles tugged at their lips as they lay silently. In Aly’s mind it was the perfect example of them. Inseparable once they were together.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
(Christmas
Day)
Aly stirred at the sound of the phone, hugging the pillow closer to her body. It rang three times until the machine went off. There was a pause and then someone began to leave a message. She would have disregarded it if not for the sudden familiarity of the voice.
Hey…um…it’s me. I know you
aren’t there but…Guess I just wanted to say hi. Was it good to visit with Erik again? (He let out a sharp sigh.)
I’ve got to work again tomorrow so
I’ll see the guys. My flight leaves
this evening. Traveling on Christmas
sucks. (He chuckled bitterly.) But
it’s good to be with family, right?
Talk to you later, Aly. BEEP
“Being with family is good,
just not this year, Jez,” she mumbled in reply. Rolling over she fell asleep again, not wanting to face the
silent, lonely morning.
* * *
JC slipped his phone in his jacket
and tossed the jacket on a chair in his room.
“You’re being clingy,” he chastised himself. “You are never clingy.”
“J, come on down!”
His lips twisted in a small
smile. “I’m comin’ Tyler!” He turned
off his stereo and walked out of the room to quickly join everyone.
“Call Allison?” his brother
asked as they walked down the hall toward the living room.
“I left a message at her
dorm, I don’t have the number of where she’s staying over break.”
“Oh.”
“Why?”
“You’ve been quiet. Just hoping it’s her and not all this work
wearing you so thin.”
JC smiled at his brother’s
concern and ruffled his hair playfully.
“Don’t worry ‘bout me, I’ve got it.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
JC nodded to his father and
took the phone from him. “Hello?”
“Hey you.”
“Alison.”
There was a pause before she
spoke again. “How’s the family?”
“Good. I’m glad I’m getting the chance to spend
time with them. How about you?”
“Eric is good, so’s
Leslie. She’s really nice.”
“You okay?”
“Fine, why?”
JC hesitated before
replying, “You sound…distracted.”
Aly took a deep breath and
tried to steady her now quivering chin.
“Jez, I lied.”
“What?”
“I…I got your message, the
one you left earlier. I wanted to give
you a call before you flew out tonight.
Um…You aren’t eating dinner yet are you? I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.”
“No, not for another half
hour or so. Wait…you aren’t staying
with Eric?”
“No.”
JC took a sharp breath and
leaned his head back in partial exasperation.
“So you’re staying at the dorm.
Al, why didn’t you say anything?
Did something happen with tickets?”
“I didn’t get tickets.”
“Why? Pardon me for being a bit confused but I am
a bit lost. You said you were spending Christmas with Eric and Leslie.”
“Jez, I’m sorry I just…They
went to see Leslie’s parents and I wouldn’t have fit in. So I told him I was staying with Jake.”
“But you didn’t.”
“No. He’s um…He’s with Kaylie and thinks I’m
staying with Eric also.”
JC gritted his teeth. “You could have come to visit with me, or
Chris, or even Justin. He’ll blow a
hole through the roof when he finds out – Lynn raised him well enough.”
“Jez, please…I couldn’t
interfere with your family plans any more than Chris’.” She paused and felt herself growing almost
feverish. “So, Merry Christmas, miss
you, love you…I’ll talk to you after New Year’s.”
“Alison, wait.”
“I just wanted to hear your
voice and wish you a Merry Christmas,” she whispered, the struggle evident in
her voice. “Can’t we just leave it at
that? Getting into an argument wasn’t
the idea and neither was hurting you if I have… My mother raised me as if I was imposing on her time with my father. It’s hard enough this year during the
holidays I didn’t want to be in a poor mood around any of you.”
“I miss you, too.”
Aly was about to keep
talking but couldn’t find anything else to say when he interrupted her
ramblings. JC smiled when he heard her
breathing over the line, unable to form words.
“I didn’t know you were upset
and I don’t like that you’re alone, okay?
I know it’s a hard year.”
“Yeah.”
“What have you been up to?”
She drew her thoughts
together before answering, “I watched my favorite Christmas movie last night,
cried my eyes out at the end as always.”
“You are such a sucker for
Crosby, aren’t you?” he teased.
“You know it. Um…yesterday evening I went to an orphanage
in town and helped out doing a dinner.
Let’s see….I don’t know what I’m doing for the rest of break, but I’m
sure I’ll see Nicki at some point.”
“Sounds cool. The kids have fun?”
“Oh yes. Their little faces are so precious, Jez, it’s almost heartbreaking to think they don’t
have families.”
“But they do, they have one
big family,” he reassured her.
“I guess they do.”
“I’m back to work tomorrow
unfortunately.”
“Back to the grindstone.”
JC let out a soft moan. “I think we’re conspiring to run away for
New Year’s though, since we aren’t scheduled to perform.”
“Run away? To where?”
“Maybe a secluded island
where I can sleep all day.”
“Then have mad sex at
night.”
“Al!”
“What, it’s true! I don’t buy that innocent charmer guy. You’re a sex-fiend under there somewhere.”
He laughed out loud and she
hadn’t heard a more easy sound in the past few days. “Not so bad yourself.”
Aly gave an evil laugh. “Oh
no, you haven’t seen me when I really
want something. Nope. Not yet.”
“Oh no? What about-“
“Nope.” She quickly cut him off, not wanting to
travel back to her embarrassing moments.
“We’ll just have to see
about that one.”
“By all means. I’m a bit bored at the moment, nothing to
chase,” she teased him.
“Nothing to chase? Hmm,” he mused, “we could do a bit of
rearranging…”
“No! I’m quite
happy now – thank you.”
JC smiled to himself. “Good.”
“And you?”
“Huh?”
She lowered her voice
slightly. “Are you happy?”
“More than you could ever
know.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
(Dec 31st)
Aly lay in bed ‘til eleven
in the morning when a phone call from her cousin awakened her. There was an eerie silence in the room when
she hung up but she shrugged it off as nothing. After speaking to Jake the day after Christmas he had yelled at
her almost as well as her father once had when she’d broken her mother’s
favorite vase. What her mother had
failed to mention to her father was that she was putting flowers in it that she
had picked for mother’s day – go figure.
Jake had insisted that she fly down and spend the remainder of her
holiday with him and Kaylie, refusing to take no for an answer.
It was good to be back in
her room again, she missed it. This was
practically her residence as much as Jake’s.
She didn’t pay as much of the mortgage but did her share from her
paycheck every month. The pillows were
still covered in her ratty old cases from childhood years, the Disney
princesses dancing around on it. Her
lips curled in a delicate smile and she closed her eyes once more before
sitting up in bed. Her desk, dresser,
and posters were all exactly as she had left them and she appreciated that Jake
respected her space enough to let her keep it.
Getting out of bed she pulled on a pair of socks to cover her bare feet
and wandered out of her room in her T-shirt with the intent of finding something
for breakfast. Her last meal had been
the previous day somewhere in mid-afternoon.
“What the –“ Her mouth dropped open when she passed
through the hall and saw the family room.
There were vases of roses everywhere. “Oh…my…God.” She walked toward the couch and found that it was covered in
delicate petals. The color wasn’t red
or even pink, but a soft silver-grey that she remembered seeing in old pictures
with her mother. A flame flickered and
caught her eye. She quickly went over
and knelt next to the small coffee table and snickered when she saw a note next
to the incense candle. Lifting it up
carefully she checked the label on the bottom and threw her head back to
laugh. “This is like something out of a
movie!”
Opening the card she read
aloud, “What are you still doing in here, get in the kitchen for your next
surprise.”
Turning and standing up once
more she looked at the kitchen door warily.
“Something tells me I already know what’s going on. You are one dead chicken, Jake,” she mumbled
under her breath as she started walking.
Inside the kitchen was a second candle, accompanied by yet another rose,
next to a tray of prepared food. It was
a simple meal but she had to smile all the same. “What are you up to?”
“Trying to seduce the most
gorgeous woman in the world, but I fear I’m failing miserably.”
Aly whipped her head around,
her hair flying around her face as if blown by a breeze. “What are you doing here?” she whispered,
covering the space between them and holding him tightly in an embrace still
warm from her slumbers.
He chuckled. “I wasn’t sure you were ever going to wake
up there for a while.”
“Yeah, yeah, well I learned
from the master,” she teased, kissing his ear gently.
“Mmm…” He bent his head and kissed her neck before
pulling her back to claim her lips softly.
“Much better. How’d you sleep?”
“Famously. Did you sleep?”
“A little. I was on a late flight so…”
“Aww…hun, you didn’t have to
do this, honest. Just showing up this
afternoon would have done me in.”
“Do you want me to leave and
come back?” he asked before kissing her again.
“Hell no…you’re not going anywhere mister.”
“Commanding, that can be
good.”
Aly threw back her head and
laughed joyously for the first time in what seemed like weeks. It felt good.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The afternoon went
successfully and JC’s plans worked out well.
Lynn, Justin’s mom, was throwing a party in Orlando at their house so
they were going to head over there toward the end of the evening. It had started with a movie, followed by
bowling, and JC had insisted on taking her out to dinner afterward. Their privacy had been fairly well preserved
and the day would be etched in Aly’s memory forever. Dinner had been at a fancy Italian restaurant of JC’s choosing
because he knew that she loved the food there.
Although everything was delicately intimate and they barely noticed
anyone else around them, management was still around in the form of two
bodyguards that followed a respectable distance behind them every step of the
way. Aly didn’t mind, however, because
that came along with the man she had grown to love; it was part of the package
she had come to accept. JC couldn’t stop
counting his blessings and saying short prayers for finding her and for her understanding.
They climbed into JC’s Jeep
and Aly let her head fall back on the headrest, letting out a soft sigh. “Something on your mind?” he asked, his
voice hushed as he started the car and turned on the heat. It was Florida, but it was still December
and not altogether warm.
She merely shook her head,
closing her eyes and letting her lashes brush gently on her cheeks.
“Come on,” he rested a hand
on her leg and rubbed in tenderly for a moment, “You’ve been quiet since we had
dessert. You gettin’ tired already?”
The radio came on in the
background a small smile tugged at her lips.
“I’m fine, Jez, don’t worry.”
“Now if that isn’t a
pointless request,” he muttered, half to himself.
“Shh…”
JC paused before pulling out
of the parking lot and glanced at her, studying the expression on her
face. “You want me to call and tell
Lynn we won’t make it? When can just
rent a movie and stay home if you want.”
“No, I want to see the
guys. I miss Dad.”
He chuckled, “I’m not sure
if I’ll let you see him.”
“And why not?” she asked,
her voice still level and calm without emotion.
“’Cause I don’t want to
share you, that allowed?”
“Mmm…I like the sound of
that.” The conversation died away and
the song seemed the most prominent part of them right then. Aly softly hummed along and drifted away in
her own thoughts as the car drove along the expressway.
JC’s lips curled in an
affectionate smile when he heard his girlfriend and couldn’t help but share in
the moment. They didn’t have a song,
but they loved to dance to several – this being one of them. His smooth voice trickled through the
silence between them and he could feel himself relaxing as if she were holding
him. “Feel her breath on my face, her
body close to me, can’t look in her eyes – she’s outta my league. Just a fool to believe I have anything she
needs….She’s like the wind.”
The car pulled into the
Timberlake’s drive twenty minutes later and JC sat back in his seat after
cutting the engine. A sigh escaped his
lips and he rubbed at his eyes childishly in the darkness. Music could very faintly be heard from where
they were sitting and he was beginning to think they should have kept to
themselves. But he knew she wanted to see them and it was only fair, she hadn’t
seen them in a long time either. She
probably hadn’t even talked to them in awhile because he wouldn’t let go of the
phone once she was on. He smiled inside at the thought.
“Hey, don’t do that,” Aly
scolded, her hand catching his and pulling it away effortlessly. Her smile was crooked as if gazing at a
younger sibling, yet she never had any.
Her fingers laced with his and she shifted in her seat to get a good
look at his tired face. It hurt to
think she couldn’t kiss him goodnight all the time, or caress his face at the
end of a long day to make the lines of worry disappear. “You holding up okay?”
“Fine, why?”
“Because you’ve been working
hard, you were on tour, and you’re exhausted.”
Aly’s look was one of disapproval, but she tried her best to conceal it
knowing all too well that it was what he enjoyed doing. “Nevermind, let’s head inside and get
something to drink.” Her lips curled,
feigning a smile as she moved to grab her bag and open the door. JC didn’t let go of her hand, however, and
she looked back at him questioningly.
“Alison, you don’t need to
worry about me.”
She didn’t like when people
called her Alison for the most part because it reminded her of the times that
her mother would reprimand her for having ‘done something wrong’. Sometimes she truly was at fault, but half
the time it was her mother’s inability to pay attention and be around. It had grown that when Chris or her
boyfriend were serious with her they used her full name, in effect catching her
attention. “I’m afraid I do.” She swallowed and got out of the car
quickly, pulling herself from the awkward moment. They had talked of her worrying too much about him before and it
had only gotten them in trouble. She
didn’t want trouble tonight.
JC grabbed his keys and
shoved them in the right pocket of his jacket as he climbed out of the car and
walked around. He saw her leaning
against her door, staring down at the ground silently and running her toe
across the pavement. Sliding a hand
over her side he leaned in and nuzzled the side of her face affectionately,
placing a few gentle kisses on her ear and neck. “We okay?” he whispered, pulling back slightly to tilt his
forehead against hers.
She leaned up and kissed him
quickly before replying. “I think
so. Come on, Sleeping Beauty, let’s get
going before they send out a search party.”
Aly took his hand and pulled
him along behind her, like a love-sick puppy, toward the door. Once they had set their jackets in anther
room they wandered toward the music. In
seconds Lynn had found them and was giving them each a big hug.
“Lynn, you look great!” Aly
exclaimed, being as gracious as she could in the woman’s home. She’d only met her once, but knew that from
how Justin talked about her that she was an incredible woman.
“Not so bad yourself. And JC…how did you ever hold onto this one, hm?” she asked, poking him in the side
teasingly.
“I don’t know myself. It’s a wonder, Lynn.”
“Where are the guys?” Aly
asked anxiously.
Lynn laughed and pointed
over her shoulder toward the other room from the hall they were in. “Somewhere in there. Dani is here with Chris also.”
“Really? Wow..um…I hadn’t met her before.”
JC tucked a hand under her
elbow and ushered her toward the doorway, nodding politely to Lynn. “You two will get along fine, Al, don’t
worry okay? You should be relaxing and
having fun tonight.”
Aly looked up at him and
kissed him for a moment before touching the tip of his nose with her finger and
smiling almost childishly. “I’m having
the time of my life today, Jez.”
“Al!” someone screeched from
a couple feet behind them.
“Dad!” she yelled, whirling
around and quickly jumping over to him.
“You look incredible! This guy treating you okay?” he asked,
winking at his bandmate as he embraced the young woman tightly.
“You have no idea,” she whispered in his ear, a
pleased smile on her face when she stepped back. “Now what’s this I hear about Dani being here?”
Chris chuckled, obviously
already having had something to drink for the night he was well loosened up
beyond his crazy self. “Oh yes, my sexy
baby is here. Hang on.” He wandered off for a moment and Aly
exchanged looks with a bored looking JC as Chris came back with a woman behind
him. “Aly, this is Dani. Dani, this is my little girl Aly.”
Aly reached out to shake her
head. “My pleasure.”
“I’ve heard so much about you.”
“Good things I hope?”
“Of course.”
“I wouldn’t embarrass you
Al,” Chris scolded.
“Ya never know. Come on Jez, I wanna see what’s happening on
the dance floor.” Aly grasped his hand,
nodded to the other couple and made her way closer to the music that pulsed
around her. It was almost an addiction
to her now – dancing. JC made no
protest and for the next hour they were inseparable.
“My God, look at those two.”
“I know, are they incredible
or what? I haven’t seen him like that
in a long time.”
“Me neither,” Chris
replied. “He just can’t seem to get
enough.”
“Enough lovin’ or
affection? Or both?” Justin taunted,
laughing lightly.
“Can’t get enough of
everything about her. Did you talk to
him around Christmas?”
“Yeah, just briefly.”
“Did he sound okay to you?”
Justin shrugged. “I guess.”
“When I talked to him I
asked if he had heard from Aly and he was really upset to find out she was
alone for Christmas.”
“Yeah, I remember that! What is up with him though?”
“He loves her.”
Chris and Justin both turned
to find Lance standing behind them.
“Where’d you come from Poofoo?”
“Justin, you’re old enough
you should know that by now.”
“Thanks smart ass.”
“Any time. Nah, we were talking the other day and you
can just see it in his expressions. He
is completely smitten. It’s not that
he’s whipped or anything….just in love.”
Lance finished his commentary and took a drink.
“Since when were you the
expert?” Chris asked curiously. The
relationship with Danielle had come to an end because of the fact they couldn’t
spend enough time together. It was
mutual.
Lance shrugged. “Just watch them. They can’t take their eyes or hands off each other. Sure, they may have their differences. But each disagreement is settled and
understood far as I know.”
“Yeah, I know. I wish I could get that straightened out,”
Justin muttered under his breath. He
and Britney seemed to go back and forth, undecided most of the time. But whenever he was around her it was
magnetic the way their personalities drew them together. For press sake they never saw each other in
public places or with cameras around – whenever possible.
“I just hope neither of them
get gunshy,” Lance said, in a hushed tone.
That silenced the discussion and Dani returned to Chris’ side and they
went to dance. Justin nodded to Lance
and they parted ways. The topic wasn’t
brought up again. A love song poured
through the speakers and Justin noted that it was twenty minutes to midnight.
“Yo yo! Twenty minutes to go!” he cried out.
Aly rested her head on JC’s
shoulder and buried her face in the crook of his neck, almost seeking a
haven. He rubbed her back with one
hand, the other resting on the small of her back, as they swayed back and forth
gently. He softly sang the words, his
lips brushing her cheek as he kept his head low. “It’s amazing how you can speak right to my heart. Without saying a word, you can light up the
dark. Try as I may, I can never
explain. What I hear when you don’t say
a thing.”
The truth in your eyes says that you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me whenever I fall
You say it best, when you say nothing at all
JC closed his eyes and
disappeared in her touch, the way her hand delicately brushed the hair on his
neck, teasing him easily. Toward the
end of the song, however, he felt her begin to tremble slightly in his arms,
almost unnoticeably. Pulling back in
her embrace he cradled her face in one hand tenderly, studying her face. “Al, you okay?”
She didn’t answer or look
him in the eye, but nodded and moved to rest against him once more. She needed to have him hold her; needed to
have him make it go away.
“Hey, look at me.” He tilted her chin up and she immediately
felt guilty at the concern that washed over his handsome face.
“No. JC I’m okay, just been standing awhile
that’s all.”
He shook his head, not to be
deterred. “Do you want to talk?”
“No.”
“Alison, please…what is wrong?” he pleaded.
She looked up at him finally
of her own will, frustration showing through her eyes in attempt to conceal
pain. “Nothing is wrong Chasez, I’m tired.”
“So am I. And don’t get angry at me, that won’t help.”
“It never does but I’m angry
and hurt, am I not allowed to be?” she hissed, pulling away from his embrace.
“What is up with you all of
a sudden?”
“Nothing. I’ll be back.” She turned away and started for the door. Instantaneously she felt him following her. “Go away, Chasez.”
“You’re angry with me. Why?”
“No I’m not!” She whipped open another door at the top of
the stairs they had just climbed and found herself in a guest room. “Why are you still following me?”
“Because you need me!” he
yelled. The music was dying down and he
knew it was getting close to midnight.
Aly stopped in her tracks,
facing away from him, her form silhouetted in the light from the hall into the
empty room. “You’re right, I do. But what good is needing you if you don’t
need me?”
JC looked at her, completely
baffled. Had the day meant
nothing? Did his numerous phone calls
mean nothing? “Aly, you’ve lost me
here. Who said I didn’t need you?” He swallowed sharply.
Aly’s shoulders fell but she
still blankly faced the far side of the room.
“Alison, what happened
downstairs?”
“I just…You’re never…We
can’t…” She sighed in exasperation at
her inability to get out a complete sentence.
She slowly turned around and found him standing only a few feet behind
her, the proximity both painful and dangerous at the same time.
“I never what?”
Aly shook her head at him,
her eyes shut tightly, as if pushing back hidden tears. Tears of fear or anguish. “We have these incredible moments…and I have
this gut fear of the day you won’t be there.
That you won’t be the one calling
me to see how my week was, or how a match went. Yours won’t be the voice in my dreams anymore…” She trailed off when she saw the upset
expression crossing his face and stepped forward to touch his face, as if
trying to make his smile appear. It didn’t. “Nevermind, Jez, nevermind what I said,” she
whispered, resting her forehead on his chest in a defenceless, vulnerable
motion.
JC slowly brought his arms
up around her and cradled her tightly, brushing her hair from her face, then
gently pulling her head back to look at him.
“Any time you pick up that phone I want to be the one you’re
calling. But if you aren’t happy,
Alison…If I can’t give you what you need…”
He sighed wistfully and his lips tilted in concentration. “I’ll do my best to help you find someone
who can give you everything.”
A dull roar came from
downstairs and he smiled bitterly, “Happy New Year.”
Aly leaned forward and
brushed her lips over his hesitantly before enveloping him in a secure
embrace. “What did I ever do to find you?”
JC shut his eyes and buried
his face in her shoulder, unable to comprehend a response to her plea. A comforting silence surrounded them and
once again he was reminded of the uniqueness of their relationship, the problems
they overcame and the tears and smiles they shared. The past year had left him walking on a cloud, but her doubt fed
into his heart and started to nag at him.
For now, at least, he pushed the thoughts from his mind and lived
blissfully in the love that swelled in his chest almost choking him to tears.