By: Jesfrealo
Author’s Note:
More foolishness from the boys.
Disclaimer: More
sadness for moi…I don’t own them, to my great sorrow.
"How pissed do you think he’ll be?"
"I do not even pretend to know Mr. Tanner,
however nothing he could do to us will even come close to the look I know he
will have on his face," Ezra spoke to his partner in crime. As they
prepared to watch the scene unfold from the water cooler in the Bull Pin that
they practically called home.
Josiah Sanchez was in a good mood. Life
was damn good. What a great day to be alive, Josiah thought to himself
as he exited the elevator and headed toward his desk, while whistling a bright,
bubbly, nameless tune. He arrived at his desk and prepared to sit down;
completely unaware of the fate the two famous pranksters of the ATF building
had planned for him after that unfortunate incident with the dead fish and
manure. After all Josiah didn’t expect to be punished for helping Buck fill
Ezra’s Jag with dead fish and manure. So Josiah, still whistling, picked up the
folders on his desk that he would have to write reports on and thumbed through
them as he took his seat.
SQUISH
The sound was audible and to Josiah it
seemed to rumble through the entire Bull Pin as the preacher sat down.
"What the hell?" Josiah said out-loud, though he wasn’t really
talking to anyone. He could fell the cold goop on his butt, however he wasn’t
really sure of what was happening, yet. He heard a muffled sound then suddenly
JD’s outright laughter. He quickly realized the pranksters had been at it
again. Standing, he felt the chair come with him throwing off his balance and
sending the huge man hurtling toward the ground.
"VIN, EZRA WHERE THE HELL ARE
YOU!!!!????" Josiah could hear movement and the scurrying of bodies behind
him and immediately knew that the duo was trying to make their escape. While
JD’s laughter erupted once again in the background. "OH, YOU CAN RUN NOW,
SURE YOU CAN, WHILE I’VE GOT MY ASS STUCK TO THIS CHAIR BUT WITH GOD AS MY
WITNESS I WILL GET YOU TWO!! AND JD DUNNE YOU BEST SHUT UP NOW!!" Josiah
bellowed as he heard more muffled laughing and knew that no one not, even
Wilmington the son of a bitch who’d gotten him into this mess in the first
place, was going to come and help him. He felt he was left with one last resort
as embarrassing as it might be, however first he had to try to make some
attempt to get up. He was positioned awkwardly on the ground, literally hanging
by the seat of his pants with his belt pressing hard into his stomach and the
arm of his chair pressing roughly into his hip. "Chris!" he yelled
out as he attempted to get up. "Nathan!" he also yelled hoping that
Nathan wasn’t also involved in this cruel plot against him.
"Josiah, what’s all the commotion out
here?" Chris questioned one of his few trustworthy agents, before actually
walking out into the bull pin to see the situation that his senior and most
trustworthy agent had gotten himself into.
"Chris, I kind of need some
help," Josiah began. Then a little more frantically added, "I could
really use that help right away."
"I’m in the middle of an unexpected
meeting with Judge Travis…"
"He’s here?" Josiah questioned
suddenly. He really did not wanted
Judge Travis, the man who had truly gotten this job for him as a favor, to see
him like this.
"Yes Josiah, I’m here, but if there’s
something you need help with Agent Larabee can come out and help you, we’re
really not in any rush…"
"NO, no Judge, I’m fine!" Josiah
said, not very convincingly, as he tried with growing desperation to stand his
chair upright, hoping that if he could do that much then he could hide the fact
that he’d fallen victim to the pranksters in such a humiliating manor.
"Well, Josiah, we’ve got someone to
help with this next undercover case we’re going in on," Chris commented as
he left his office with Judge Travis and a stunning redheaded beauty that
should really have been a model for playboy. "I’d like you to meet
her..." Chris stopped when he saw Josiah crouching awkwardly with his
chair hanging ominously from his pants, which looked to be at the breaking
point, literally.
It was at that moment that Nathan also
chose to make his appearance upon hearing Josiah’s calls, with Mary Travis
close by his side. He’d been talking with her about a story she wanted to write
about the seven’s latest bust. Nathan knew something was up when he had seen
Vin and Ezra running from the scene of some crime like terrified teenagers,
only to then sneak back. No doubt to admire their work.
No one knew what to say, save for Mary’s
initial "Oh, my." That is until they heard it. To anyone else it was
just a normal rip, but to Josiah it signaled two things. One, the end of any
chance of his pride remaining in tact or being able to face either of the two
ravishing beauties that so unfortunately were in perfect position to see his
completely naked derriere. Two, it signaled the end of Vin and Ezra’s lives as
they knew it. Although, maybe he would
actually kill them, he hadn’t really decided. However, no one would argue that
if a look of homicidal mania had ever been in anyone’s eyes, it was in Josiah’s
at that particular moment. Meanwhile his cheeks turned an incredibly dark shade
of red as his eyes shifted to the ladies present.
All life seemed to freeze briefly until
they all heard Josiah’s bellowed warning, "EZRA, VIN YOU TWO LITTLE
BASTARDS BETTTER GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW, AND DON’T YOU DARE COME
NEAR ME EVER AGAIN UNLESS YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF FUCKING DEATH WISH BECAUSE I
SWEAR, I WILL NOT HESITATE TO KILL YOUR SORRY CHICKEN SHIT ASSES!!" Josiah
still stood somewhat precariously because although he pants had ripped, right
at the joint of his legs and butt the glue had bled through his pant
effectively sticking his skin to his pants which were stuck to his chair. It
was then that Josiah realized that his current exposure could be ended, so he
abruptly sat down while Chris decided to make his approach.
"Ezra, Vin!" Chris called.
"Don’t either of you even consider leaving. I know none you guys realize
this but you DO actually get paid for this, this is actually a work place, and
surprisingly enough this is actually supposed to be work. So, if you think that because you’ve got
Josiah royally pissed off you can just duck out, you’re dead wrong. So you all
better get you asses in hear now!"
"Chris if they come in here, I swear
I’ll kill them," Josiah said calmly but with absolutely clear menace in
his voice.
"Chris do we have to come in
THERE?" Vin questioned from the coffee room while JD and Buck made a slow
appearance.
"We had nothing to do with this
Chris, we swear," JD spoke.
However Buck knew who they should really
be talking to: one very pissed, not to
mention dangerous, ex-preacher. "Yeah Josiah, we didn’t have a thing to do
with this," Buck swore emphatically.
"No, but you two sure did have a
great laugh about it," Josiah spoke sourly. To that JD and Buck had no
reasonable response so they just kept their mouths shut.
That is until Buck saw team seven’s new
arrival, "My, my who’s the pretty little filly?"
Chris sat on the edge of Josiah’s desk. He
put a hand up to his face and ran it over his eyes tiredly. Shaking his head,
he looked up to see Buck checking out their help for the next case, while
pointing out her best features to JD, who was listening eagerly. In the coffee
room, he could hear as Vin and Ezra debated rather heatedly whether they were
more afraid of himself or the preacher. Then his eyes shifted to Nathan who was
kneeling beside Josiah desperately trying to calm him, while it looked as if
Nathan’s coolness was only adding more fuel to the fire that was Josiah’s rage,
Josiah looked about ready to punch the healer. Meanwhile the Judge just stood
shaking his head with a mixture of anger, amusement, smugness, and astonishment
that the most successful team the ATF had ever had was full of these men that
he was unwilling to even try to describe.
However, in that last sense, he was
wrong. Unfortunately for Chris, someone
was going to try to describe them. After
the scene had unfolded practically before Mary’s eyes, Chris couldn’t blame her
for writing down all the details furiously, as she appeared to have lost all
interest in their recent successful raid. Then Chris looked at Maria, their
redheaded helper, who looked disdainfully at them all like all the hype was a
total load of crap, and she wanted to go no where but out. The sounds of Ezra
and Vin brought Chris back to the direct problems at hand.
A sharp whistle cut through the air
silencing everyone. "Ezra, Vin if you don’t get your sorry asses out here
now I promise you that Josiah and I will double team you!" This got a
rather immediate response from the two fugitives who appeared from the coffee
room almost immediately. Buck thinking that Chris was done speaking went back
to pointing out and describing, vividly if the look on JD’s face was anything
to go by, his take on Maria Lopez’s finer attributes.
"BUCK! Shut up! Do you ever think
about anything besides sex?" He stopped and turned read to begin freeing
Josiah.
"N--" Buck began.
"Oh, Buck, don’t answer! It was a hypothetical question." Turning and trying gain some semblance of
respectability, professionalism, and at least a little of his fraying nerves
Chris spoke, "Judge, I apologize for this, I really do, can we continue
are meeting at a later date? As you can see my hands are pretty full right
now."
"Of course Chris. Agent Lopez? We can go to my office."
"Yes sir," She answered
following the Judge to the elevator and never looking back.
Once they were gone, Chris turned to Mary.
"Mrs. Travis, now really isn’t a good time, if you’d come back later
Nathan could finish talking to you right now we need all of us to focus
on….um…un-sticking Josiah," Chris finished, a little sheepishly.
"Oh, that’s completely unnecessary
Agent Larabee, I’ve got more then enough for my story," She smiled slyly
and followed the Judge and Special Agent Lopez.
"Well, I hope you’re all very proud
of yourselves," Chris said unwilling to continue for fear that would kill
someone.
THE END, sort of
One week later-Clarion News of Denver front-page
headline:
Nationally Famous Team Seven of Denver’s
ATF: Behind the scenes
With special eyewitness accounts and
interview with Special undercover agent/communications and technology expert
Maria Lopez and Federal Judge Orin Travis
P.S. It took team seven three and a
half-hours to un-stick Josiah. Chris simply glared at them all and vowed
revenge for the humiliation. Buck spent the rest of the day and night trying to
find Maria Lopez’s phone number. And Vin and Ezra both mysteriously woke up in
the middle of a city park, tied together, naked, hair died green, and the words
“I LOVE THIS GUY” written in permanent marker on the bare chests.