JELLO Brother of the Month: Sekhmet, the Lion-Headed Goddess of War, Violent Storms, Pestilence, and Recovery from Illness
Here you go folks. Here's your
grand opportunity to learn more about
this mysterious Wisconsinian. Beep!
She somehow managed to win
JELLO Brother of the Month, despite
her low amount of close personal
friends in the Brotherhood.
Let the ranting commence!!!
Alrighty, here's how this'll go. Each person who wrote a rant about Sekhmet is credited, and you can click on their name, and be taken down to their particulat rant. Enjoy!!
Just remember that this is all in fun. We certainly don't want anyone's feelings to get hurt. So if I go too far, I'm sorry.
This one's gonna start a little different. With a quote from Sekhmet herself!! That's her being dipped in the photo, by her sister. In the background is none other than the Queen of the Potato People. Enjoy!!!
Quote from Her
Five foot four inches. 115 pounds of pure WHOOP ASS! Her name: AMANDA ROSE SCHAEFER!!! SMACK DOWN!!!
Rant 1
Well, I suppose that all I can say about my sister Sekhmet is that she's really strange. We have a picture of her eating dirt when she was about two. We COULD use it to blackmail her, but we don't. Also, she likes koRn and the Beatles. (Well, I guess that she's no more strange than I, in that respect). Not much of a rant, I know, but I didn't want to say anything bad about her because she's my sister.
Rant 2
Hi all you JELLO people, I'm here to tell you about that whoreassbitch you elected as jello brother of the month. She's such a man, she reminds me of RuPaul. Ugh. Make me sick. And she drools, even sometimes when she's sleeping. All she ever does is wear hoochie clothes and slap guys' asses. I'm ashamed to be around her. I have to admit she is good in bed though...
Anyway, back to that butt-fuck Amanda -- She spends
so much time blowing guys' heads off, gosh i mean playing army what did you think?
Rant 3
Sekhmet is the Loin-Handed Goddess of War, Violent Strom Thurman, Pesto, and Recovery From Alan.
She has single handedly given me a negative opinion of
people from Wisconsin, as well as any states that
start with a "W". Sekhmet has a huge responsibility-
to keep her state out of trouble. Since the beginning,
Wyoming has been known for its rowdy locals, and
Sekhmet has kept her great state in check by
mud-wrestling every rebel who dares to mouth off to
the emperor. The Washington Empire would not be the
same without Sekhmet's iron rule over her people, or
the Iron Chef, whatever seems to be more entertaining
at the time. As the sole JELLO Brother in West
Virginia, she carries the burden of representing any
place that starts with a "W" in JB politics. Her
campaigns included the rally to keep Wahlescu off the
"Places We Hate" list, and to keep us from nuking
Wallawalla, Washington, during the infamous twenty-three minute period in the 1980s when the JELLO Brothers had nuclear power. She is probably also related to the Wicked Witch of the West, because I heard that people are into inbreeding out there, and she's probably related to anyone else from a "W" zone.
Sekhmet: our hats are off, and our pants are down.
Keep doing whatever it is that you do best. Keep
defending Wisconsin from the Martians, and their leader, Christopher Lloyd.
Rant N
Being the closest of the Fairfieldites to Sekhmet, I am the authority on her authority. The authorities have no authority. Anyways, Sekhmet is very sweet, as well as athletic. She is popular on the swim team, because she can never drown. Wood floats.
But, she's short. I mean, a real ankle-biter. She's so short that when she wears a mini-skirt, the hem gets dirty. She could walk into a limo without bending over. She could hang glide on a Dorito.
She adores performing for people. She can sing, she can dance, she can get laughs, especially with her singing and dancing. One performance, she couldn't find her right dancing shoe. So, she wore two left shoes. No one watching noticed a change. Except for the stage manager, who died. He was looking down, from above the stage, and saw the writing on her shoes. Each one had an "L," for left, painted on top. But the laughter came from when she tossed back her head, and a show came flying out of her hair. He caught it, her missing right shoe. There was paint on top of this one too. It said "NL," for not left. He was laughing so hard that he lost his balance, and fell to his death. They still refer to that performance as everyone's favorite, because it was her last.
Well, folks. I hope you enjoyed this little reading rage session with the JELLO Brothers. Sekhmet, Amanda, 'twas all in good fun, and I hope you enjoyed the rants...now go pull your pants back up. He was kidding...
