First JELLO Brothers Olympics

Date: Sunday, November 1st, 1998
Time: 12 Noon
Place: Gould Manor Park

Events:

The Ceremonial Beating of Soda Wench: There’s no other way to open an important event…

Midget Tossing: A team of two huck Midget Thunder as far as they possibly can.
Power Tic-Tac-Toe: Three people are Xs. Three people are Os. All are blindfolded. Whistle is blown. There are 15 seconds for them to fight their way into some sort of line. Three in a row wins.
Full Contact Rock-Paper-Scissors: The game we all know and love, but the loser gets a beatdown.
Stickfighting: A standard broadsword-style duel, using big sticks. 1 point for legs, 2 for arms, 4 for torso; no hands, heads, or naughty bits hits allowed. First to five points wins.
Dirty Dozens: An insult-slinging contest, in which two people hurl insults at each other. Whoever has the lamer insult for that round (to be determined by the judges) gets a kick in the arse. First to five points wins.
Spitting For Distance: The name really says it all.
Deadly Musical Chairs: The classic party game—whoever gets eliminated gets a beatdown by our panel of experts.

Results:

Midget Tossing:
Savage Llama & The Seudo One: 130”/160”
Spank & Soda Wench: 138”/153 ½”
Huggie Bear & Big Buddha: 179”/190” [WINNERS]
Moose & White Chocolate: 89 ½”/131”

Power Tic-Tac-Toe:
Round 1:Sparky-KamaSutra-Soda Wench defeat Big Buddha-Moose-Huggie Bear and advance to final
Round 1:DarBear-Spank-Chocolatey Delicious defeat White Chocolate-Midget Thunder-Queen of Nobody's Business and advance to final
Round 2:Sparky-KamaSutra-Soda Wench defeat DarBear-Spank-Chocolatey Delicious and WIN

Full Contact Rock-Paper-Scissors:
Round 1:Moose defeats Midget Thunder and advances to final
Round 1:(Not) the Atomic Playboy defeats Soda Wench and advances to final
Round 2:(Not) the Atomic Playboy defeats Moose and WINS

Stickfighting:
Round 1:Queen of Nobody's Business defeats Chocolatey Delicious and advances to next round
Round 1:Huggie Bear defeats (Not) the Atomic Playboy and advances to next round
Round 1:Soda Wench defeats Moose and advances to next round
Round 1:KamaSutra defeats Midget Thunder and advances to next round
Round 2:Huggie Bear defeats Queen of Nobody's Business and advances to final
Round 2:KamaSutra defeats Soda Wench and advances to final
Round 3:KamaSutra defeats Huggie Bear in Sudden Death and WINS

Spitting For Distance:
Soda Wench defeats Sparky

Deadly Musical Chairs:
Queen of Soul Steph Sparky Mysterious Professor Goat White Chocolate Chocolatey Delicious----battle it out...and...
Chocolatey Delicious defeats White Chocolate to WIN

Dirty Dozens:
Round 1:Moose defeats Sparky and advances to next round
Round 1:Spank defeats Mysterious Professor Goat and advances to next round
Round 1:Aggroman defeats Chocolatey Delicious and advances to next round
Round 1:Midget Thunder defeats Soda Wench and advances to next round
Round 2:Mysterious Professor Goat (last-minute substitution for Moose) defeats Spank and advances to final
Round 2:Midget Thunder defeats Aggroman and advances to final
Round 3:Midget Thunder defeats Mysterious Professor Goat and WINS

Winners each receive a cheese wheel, and special recognition for outstanding performance (a small jar of Mayonnaise, in fact) goes to Kama Sutra.