"You know what? I don’t think this is going to work," Chris said from her place on the couch in the Littrell’s living room in Lexington, Kentucky.

"Why do you say that?" Emily asked, tangled in the silver garland for the Christmas tree.

"Oh, I just don’t think you were cut out for tree decorating. I mean, look at the shriveled thing. It’s hardly standing on its own." Chris pointed to the Kentucky pine tree, which was anything but shriveled. In fact, it was the most beautiful tree Chris had ever seen, even without the decorations. It was full and beautiful, a unique shade of green, its scent strong but not overwhelming. The tree’s place in front of the huge glass window was definitely meant for it, and Chris couldn’t believe that anyone was able to carry it in. She and Emily had gone out with Aunt Jackie, Uncle Harold, and cousin Harold to help until Chris got tired and had to be brought back.

Emily stood with her hands on her hips, looking at Chris with an exasperated look on her face. "Look, you!" she said in mock anger. "The whole time I’ve been decorating this tree all you’ve been doing is criticizing! Why don’t you decorate it and see how you like me complaining to you!"

Chris gestured to the blankets covering her, and the tray holding her glass of juice and cup of tea. "I would, Em, but I’m a little under the weather now."

"Excuses, excuses," Emily muttered, tossing a string of garland at Chris’s face. Chris blocked it, rolled it into a ball, and threw it back, moaning as it unraveled in the air.

"That’ll teach me to learn how to tie," Chris said. "I guess it’s a good thing that I don’t wrap my own Christmas presents."

"Oh, no you don’t," Emily warned. "I am not wrapping your presents, too. I’m not your slave!"

"But it’s Christmas!"

"I don’t care!"

At the tone in Emily’s voice, Chris started to laugh. Emily rolled her eyes and joined in, sitting on the floor in a moment of weakness. Jackie came in from the kitchen to see what was going on. Seeing Chris and Emily rolling with laughter, she smiled and shook her head, then returned to the kitchen.

"You guys had better get that tree done," she called back to the girls as she checked on the turkey in the oven. "The boys are going to be home soon!"

Chris and Emily calmed down long enough to make eye contact with each other, then Chris made a monkey face, which started both of them giggling again. When Chris could catch her breath, she pushed off the blanket and went over to help Emily out of the garland.

"What are you doing? Get back on the couch!" Emily commanded, brushing herself off.

"I want to help," Chris said, beginning to wrap the white lights around the tree. Emily managed to get out of the garland and together she and Chris carefully decorated the beautiful pine, which was growing more and more fantastic by the minute. Soon they were finished, ornaments and all, mostly because Jackie had come in to help. The three of them stepped back and admired the work they had done.

"It’s breathtaking," Chris said, leaning on Emily. "It looks so beautiful against the darkness outside."

"I agree," Jackie said. "You girls did a wonderful job. Now take a break. Especially you, Chris. How are you feeling?" She placed her hand gently on Chris’s forehead. "You still feel feverish."

"I’m not feeling all that great, but I’m energized, you know? I’m not sure if it’s excitement or what."

"Are you going to be okay when the guys get here?" Emily asked.

Chris nodded. "It’ll be tough. But since I never counted for anything anyway, it shouldn’t be a problem. I mean, it was like a five-month fantasy. I knew it wouldn’t last. It was just another stupid thing I had gotten into."

"It wasn’t stupid. You guys had a good time."

"Yeah, well, stupid me kinda wanted it to be a little more. And I knew, I knew, that he wasn’t one to settle down. Why did I think I could change that?"

Jackie looked at Emily with a sad smile, then led Chris back to the couch and put her arms around her. Emily left the room and went upstairs.

"You know, Chris," Jackie said, "it’s never as bad as it seems."

"I beg to differ, Aunt Jackie. My life has never been easy, and it’s always been bad in some way, shape, or form. I mean, was it wrong to want something good out of my life?"

"No, dear, it wasn’t. But perhaps there’s something better waiting for you."

"Yeah, right. Like what? I finally get deadly ill and pass away?"

"Chris!" Jackie scolded. "Don’t talk like that! Especially at this time of year."

"You know it’s going to happen," Chris said matter-of-factly.

"That doesn’t mean you should push the issue and continually think about it. When’s the last time you went to the doctor?"

"I went about two weeks ago. I showed him the bruises and all he could suggest was another chemo treatment and to keep a close eye on them. Like I can miss them," Chris said ruefully. "You’d think the guys had named their new album after me. Black and Blue. Ha!"

"Very funny," Jackie said.

"I thought so." Chris yawned. "Excuse me. What time is it?"

Jackie looked at her watch. "It’s almost six. Time for dinner."

"What time are they gonna be here so I can get a little sleep?"

"Shortly, dear, as far as I know. But you just lay down and rest. If they get here and you’re still asleep, I won’t let them bother you. Just wake up when you wake up. You’re sick, not rude."

"You definitely got the sick part right," Chris joked. "I’m sorry I’m sick."

"Don’t worry about it," Jackie said kindly. "Everyone gets the flu sometimes."

But not everyone’s had it for a week already, and is still as sick as they were in the beginning. "Yeah, I guess you’re right."
"Of course I’m right. I’m older than you. Now come on," Jackie said, getting up and pulling a blanket up over Chris. "Get some rest. Just call if you need anything. I’ll bring some more juice for you."

"Thanks, Aunt Jackie," Chris said. Jackie gave Chris a kiss on the top of her head, and walked out of the living room, taking Chris’s glass with her. Chris sighed and looked at the Christmas tree. The running lights made her dizzy and she closed her eyes, falling asleep instantly.

Jackie and Emily both saw the headlights at the same time and ran to the front door. Emily threw it open and ran out into the falling Christmas snow, and right into Brian’s arms. The other four climbed out of the limo, each carrying a bag of presents and a suitcase. Kevin waved to Jackie standing in the doorway, and bumped the limo’s door shut with his hip. Then he walked up the snow-covered walkway and stomped his feet on the porch.

"Hey, Aunt Jackie," he said, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Merry Christmas, Kevin," Jackie replied. "Come on in! It’s cold out here!"

Jackie embraced Brian for a long time, and welcomed Nick and Howie. AJ pulled up the rear, his arm laden with bags.

"Merry Christmas, Jackie," AJ said, giving her a hug.

"Merry Christmas, dear," Jackie said. "How are things?"

"Could be better."

"Are you guys gonna stand out there all night? If you are, close the door. You’re letting the heat out!" Brian called from the foyer.

"That’s my son," Jackie said, rolling her eyes. "Just like the rest of them. Come on in two. It’s great to see you again!" She closed the front door and locked it. "Let me take your coat."

Jackie went around gathering coats, hats, and gloves as quickly as they could be shrugged off. Brian followed her into the guest room, carrying his own coat. As they passed the living room, he looked in and saw Chris asleep on the couch.

"Mom, is Chris okay?"

"She’s just a little under the weather. She’s resting right now." Jackie put the coats on the bed and turned around to face Brian. "How are things?"

"That’s a really long and complicated story," Brian said. "It’s just been a little tense between Kevin and AJ. They’re both so worried about Chris, and AJ feels so awful. Had you heard the story?"

Jackie hadn’t. Brian gave her a brief summary of what had happened: how AJ had lied, Chris had found out, and they haven’t talked to each other since. "We wouldn’t let AJ call her, because we knew she wouldn’t talk to him. But she wouldn’t talk to any of us, either."

"I don’t blame her," Jackie said, horrified. "What an awful thing to hear. I can’ t believe he would say such a thing. And I’m not saying that because she’s my relative."

"You’re telling me. This will be the first time we’ve all seen each other in a long time." Mother and son walked down the hall towards the group which was talking loudly and excitedly. Howie, though, was in the living room, putting the presents under the newly decorated tree. He had seen Chris laying on the couch, but hadn’t recognized her at first. Her face was pale and glistening, as if from fever, and he could tell she was having trouble breathing clearly. Occasionally, a breath would catch and she would cough. He felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped.

"Sorry, ‘D," Kevin said quietly. "But did we bring in everything?"

"I’m not sure. But if we didn’t someone else will bring it in."

"Yeah, I know that. I just wanted to double check before I freaked out."

"Not about the presents, right? That’s no reason to freak."

"No, not about the presents," Kevin replied. "I have my reasons."

"Chris?"

"Yeah. I was so angry. I know it was weeks ago, but I can’t believe that he did that. What was he thinking?"

"More like what wasn’t he thinking," Howie said. "I know you want what’s best for her, but you can’t protect her all the time. She’s going to get hurt, and even though it sucks that it had to happen by someone we know well, you can’t help it."

"She’s just been through a heck of a lot. And I have this feeling that she’s just getting worse. I mean, look at her." Kevin opened his hand to Chris, who was still sleeping. As they watched, she rolled over, facing away from the couch, her blanket falling away from her body, exposing her backbone partially visible between her shirt and the top of her jeans.

"Oh, my," Howie said, astounded. "Was she always that thin?"

Kevin shook his head in shock. "Not that I’m aware of."

"Wow."

"Hey, you two!" Emily said from the doorway. "We’re ready to eat now."

"We’re coming," Kevin said. As he and Howie went to the dining room, he asked, "What do we do about her and AJ?"

"In all honesty, Kevin, I wouldn’t worry about it. Just roll with it. It’ll all come together."

Chris opened her eyes. She heard talking coming from the dining room and smelled the familiar smells of holiday foods. She was hot and a little dizzy, but she pushed off the blanket and sat up. Waiting out the dizzy spell, Chris put her head in her hands and reached for the glass of orange juice and the aspirin. She swallowed and stood up unsteadily just as Nick walked by from the bathroom.

"Well, look who’s up!" he said cheerfully, coming over to steady her. Chris looked up at him gratefully.

"Hey, Nicky!" Chris said tiredly, but with a smile. "How’ve you been?"

"I’ve been great! You?"

"Eh. Could be better." Nick leaned down and gave her a big hug. "Oh, don’t do that! I’m sick!"

"I don’t care!" Nick said. "I’ve missed you!"
"I’ve missed you, too. But I don’t want you to get sick."

"I won’t get sick. Besides, what’s a little snot when you’re on tour? The tissues decorate the bus!"

"That’s disgusting," Chris said, wrinkling her nose. She took a step away from the couch.

"Are you hungry?" Nick asked, holding her elbow lightly. He could encircle it with his hand if he wanted to.

"Not really, but I don’t want to be rude or anything. I could use a nice cup of tea and a little socializing." Chris took another step, then stopped. "Uh, could you help me? I don’t want to pass out."

"Maybe you should just stay in here. I can get you something." Nick looked closely at her tiny frame practically drowning under her sweatshirt and jeans. "You look hot."

"Well, thank you," Chris teased, and began to laugh. Then she started to cough. "Ugh! I’m sorry."

"Don’t worry about it."

"Okay, well, how about you help me to the dining room so I can say ‘hi’ to everyone, and then I’ll come back in here."

"Sounds good. Come on," Nick said, putting his arm around her waist so she wouldn’t fall from being so ill. "Hey, everybody! Look who decided to join us!"

Chris looked at the sea of faces around the long dining table. Everyone looked at her, and Chris felt a little self-conscious in her sweatshirt and jeans while everyone else was wearing nice church clothes. She took a record of those seated and eating. Kevin was across from Brian and Emily, but beside Howie. There was an empty seat between Howie and AJ, who was beside an empty chair. Across from Howie was another empty seat. Nick’s I presume. On the other side of Nick’s seat were Jackie and Harold, across from AJ.

"Merry Christmas, Chris!" Howie said, raising his glass. The others gave their own greeting, and Chris noticed that AJ looked uncomfortable. Chris put on a bright smile.

"And a Merry Christmas to you all! It’s great to see you, AJ," she said, looking directly at him. AJ’s discomfort faded and he smiled back tentatively.

"You, too. Merry Christmas!"

Nick kept his arm around Chris’s waist the entire time she greeted everyone. When she said she only had come in to say ‘hello’ and get herself a cup of tea, he noticed relief come over AJ’s face. Apparently Chris saw it, too, because she excused herself and thanked Nick for his support.

"Literally," he replied jokingly. Chris walked slowly to the kitchen and made her cup of tea. After a few minutes, she still hadn’t returned through the dining room, and Kevin got up to see what was up. He entered the kitchen to find her stirring her tea by the coffee pot.

"Everything okay?"

Chris looked up. "Never better. How’ve you been?"

Kevin shrugged. "Same old, same old. Come here and give me a hug."

"I would, but I don’t want to get you sick. I have that damn flu that’s going around. That’s why I’m going back to the couch."

"I don’t care." Kevin gave her a hug anyway. "We missed you."

"I missed you, too. But can we talk when I’m sitting down? I feel kinda loopy, you know?"

"Absolutely. Here, I’ll carry your tea." He reached for it, but Chris put her hand down on top of the cup.

"Thanks, but that’s not necessary. I got it."

"Sure?"

"Positive."

"That cup’s bigger than your head."

"Very funny," Chris said. "It’s my Friends cup."

"It’s huge."

"It holds a lot of tea."

"I can see that."

"I’m gonna go now before I become part of the linoleum." Chris picked up her cup, placed it on its saucer and began to walk slowly to the living room.

"You know we’re all coming in there with you in a bit."

"Oh, dear God, save me," Chris muttered sarcastically. "Actually, I’d like that. And if I fall asleep when you’re talking, I can’t be blamed for thinking you’re boring."

"I’m not boring!"

"You talk too slow. That’s boring." Chris turned around, smiling. Kevin raised a fist in mock anger, then went back to the dining room as Chris took another way back to the couch, triumphant. She leaned back, pulling her blanket up around her, setting her tea on the tray. It wasn’t five minutes later the whole group came in talking excitedly, and took their seats in the living room. Chris curled up and tried to take up as little room as possible.

"Mind if I sit here?" Howie said, standing in front of her.

"With a sick person? Why would you want to do that?" Chris asked.

"Why not?"

"Hmm. Got me. Sit." Chris moved her blanket to clear a space, and Howie sat down beside her, drink in hand. "You wanna put your drink on my sick tray?"

"No, thanks. I’m afraid to part with it." As if to prove his statement, Howie took a swallow. "Ahh."

"That’s just gross, man," AJ said, sitting down across from them, a soda in his hand.

"What? Like you’ve never done anything like that."

"You’re right, not like that. I do it better!" AJ bragged.

"Oh, really? Let’s see it." Howie pointed to his drink. "Bottoms up!"

"What in the world are you two doing?" Emily asked, coming in with Brian.

Brian shook his head. "Just ignore it. They’re trying to see who can do the best ‘Ahh.’ Pretty sad, if you ask me."

"Isn’t that just soda?"

"Yep. Can’t wait to see what happens after chugging carbonated water."

"As if we didn’t already know," Chris said. Emily laughed.

"That’s true. You would not believe what these guys do when they’re wired. Or drunk. Whichever is most appropriate."

"Oh, believe me," Chris said. "I’ve had my share of Kevin and Brian. It’s a nuthouse."

"Like you’ve never joined in," Kevin remarked. Chris shook her head, eyes wide with innocence.

"Nope. Never."

It was about midnight when Kevin called it quits and told everyone to get ready for bed or Santa wouldn’t come. They all laughed, but raced up the stairs to the guest rooms, reminding Chris of excited little kids. Or teenyboppers. Haha.

"Are you sure you want to stay down here? It’s cold." Howie said, as he stood up and stretched. Chris yawned.

"I don’t care where I am as long as I can get cooled off and sleep," she said. "I am so sick right now it’s not funny."

"Do you want someone to stay down in case you need anything?"

"No. I have my little golden bell." Chris pretended to search under her blanket. "Darn it! I lost it! Now I can’t take advantage of everyone’s kindness!"
Howie snapped his fingers. "Oh, shucks. But really, I’ll stay down. Maybe I can kidnap Santa."

"Now that’s not very Christmas-y. Abducting the secular Christmas symbol and keeping it for yourself. What about the other little kids?"

"I think this is the last stop before he heads back to the North Pole. We’d be okay."

Chris pretended to think it over. "Well, if you can be quick enough, I say go ahead. Seriously, though, you can stay if you want to. I’ll just be sleeping. I can’t say I’d be much fun."

"I’ve had enough fun for a while. It’s been quite an interesting tour."

"Good. Then shut up and go to sleep so I can try to get better." Chris lay back down on the couch, and shifted until she was comfortable. "Merry Christmas, ‘D," she said tiredly. She closed her eyes and immediately went to sleep.

"Good night, Chris," Howie replied. He tucked the blanket around her, felt her forehead, then went upstairs, pausing on the top step. Then he changed his mind, and went to his room and went to sleep until the sun rose and shone through his window.