Author: Jinx
Rating: PG-13 (for kissies and groping - yum! <g>)
Pairing: CLex, CLex and nothing but the CLex
Summary: see challenge
Challenge: Lex shows up at the farm while Clark is doing chores. Go into detail what that entails. Milking cows, feeding the cows and chickens. What other animals do they have on the farm? Cat, dog, etc. (Challenge inspired by conversation on the ClarkLex list - kira-nerys)
Disclaimer: I own them in a parallel universe, so it's okay. :)
Feedback: Please! jinx37kat@aol.com
Beta: To my goddess MFG. Love ya, hon!
Notes: Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Do
Warnings: If ingested, call Poison Control.

E.I.E.I.O.
by Jinx

Lex was staring.

 He sat forward in his chair and glared at the screen before him. The reports and the spreadsheets and the word documents and the graphs and the charts and… And… AND! God!

 Lex slammed the screen down and sat back. Light blue eyes narrowed and, if it were at all possible, lasers would have shot out of his eyes and melted the whole damned thing in front of him: computer, reports and all.

 He hated his life.

 Between buying out the Smallville plant and starting his own business, Lex had had no time for anything. Granted his “anything” consisted of one Smallville teenager that went by the name of Clark Kent. But, still!

 He was only 22 for god’s sakes! Much too young to work in business at the level he was working. Much too young to own his own business for crying out loud. Okay, it was what he wanted. Anything to usurp your own father, but… damn it!

 He sighed.

 Okay, so he wasn’t too old to be owning his own business. Maybe too young to be owning a multi-million dollar business, but… whatever. The thing was, he was much too young to spend all his time working on the boring aspects of business. He owned the damned thing. He had people to go over the mindless reports and charts and graphs and documents. He was the boss, for god’s sakes! He paid people to do this shit for him!

 Fun for him was outwitting the Hardwicks and acquiring companies and pissing on his father. That was what business was about. Not this fucking paperwork!

 Besides, wasn’t there a law about too much work? He was only 22! Wasn’t he supposed to be out having fun? Getting drunk? Raising hell? Well, he did pretty much exhaust his rebelling phase in his early teens, but…

 Fuck it! Time for fun.

 Ignoring the computer that seemed to mock him with its very existence, Lex pushed away from his desk and marched out of the room.

 Fun, fun, fun. The only thing on his mind. And where was he going to find said fun? Why at the Kent Farm of course! Providing the youngest Kent was in residence.

 Fun!

 Hopping in his latest beauty, his silver Lamborghini, Lex roared out of the garage and into the late afternoon.

 Fun!

 
 
 About a mile from the entrance of chez Kent, Lex glanced to his left and saw a figure out in the middle of the field standing on what was probably a tractor of some sort. Hell! How was he supposed to know what kind of farm vehicle it was? He’s not a farmer (thank god for small favors).

 From the looks of it, Jonathan was out there feeding the cows. What gave that away was the fact that said cows were meandering their way towards their master, or rather, whatever it was their master was dumping on the ground.

 Lex scowled.

 //Old Jon Kent, he had a farm. E-I-E-I-O
 
 And on his farm he had tons of cows – That had to be replaced because Lex’s past came back to haunt him and killed all his friend’s dad’s cow and said friend’s dad wouldn’t accept payback because he’s a fucking asshole farmer whose pride is bigger than the entire fucking state of Kansas. E-I-E-I-O

 With a “Luthors are no good” here, and a “Luthors are no good” there. Here a ‘no-good’, there a ‘no-good’, everywhere a ‘no-good’.

 Old Jon Kent, is such a prick. E-I-E-I-O//

 Lex slowly closed his eyes self-deprecatingly and gripped the leather of the steering wheel a bit tighter. He shouldn’t say that. Said ‘prick’ was his best friend’s father for god’s sakes. But, narrowing his eyes at past painful memories, sometimes the truth hurts.

 Bastard!

 He sighed again. He had just warped the words to a children’s song. You are one sad man, Lex, he thought to himself. Warping the words to a children’s song? Singing a children’s song? Good god! Smallville has ruined your mind. Lex mentally shook himself.

 But, no! He popped opened his eyes and shook his head. I am 22 years old and have every right to act like a child. So there! He stuck his tongue out to no one in particular and drove on. Spotting the entrance to the Kent Farm up ahead, Lex forced himself to slow down and take the turn without wiping out the fence on both sides of the driveway.

 
 
 He slammed on his brakes outside the barn, neatly missing a chunk of wood just sitting here all by itself taking up valuable parking space.

 Lex glared at the log before heading for the barn entrance.

 He walked inside a few steps and allowed his eyes to adjust to the dimness. Once acclimated, he watched in fascination as hay flew from one pile to another with amazing swiftness. One second the pile was on the right and the next it was on the left.

 Lex shook his head and rolled his eyes.

 “So, that’s all you do all day is shift hay from one side of the barn to the other, huh?”

 The hay that was on its way over to the left suddenly had a pitchfork included in its midst and the blur of arms stopped while a shaggy head spun around so fast Lex thought it would continue in its spin and go full circle.

 Great. He had the Exorcist for a boyfriend. Okay… alien… exorcist… was there a difference?

 The worried frown that was directed towards him instantly twisted into the farm boy grin he knew so well… and loved. It was the grin that, for some reason, caused one to sprout on his face as well.

 Lex snorted loudly through his nose and shook his head self-mockingly. Teenaged love. Ya gotta love it.

 Lex’s eyes softened at the thought and his grin dimmed to a smile. Oh, yeah. He loved it all right.

 “Lex! What are you doing here?”

 Lex frowned. Here he was thinking all these mushy thoughts about the man in front of him and said “man” was sounding like his fucking father. Well, he surely didn’t have to take that tone from his lover. Fuck him!

 “Well, if that’s the welcome I’m going to get, I’ll leave you to it, then.” Lex prepared to make a haughty exit.

 “Oh no you don’t.” Lex barely had time to make a full turn before Clark was in front of him, arms slipping around his waist. Warm lips barely touched Lex’s. “You’re not going anywhere.” Clark bent his knees, his strong thighs outside Lex’s own and rubbed their growing erections against each other before pressing his lips against Lex’s, tongue snaking out to flick the small scar in the middle of Lex’s top lip.

 Lex moaned and slid his arms around Clark’s neck, hands playing with the strands at Clark’s nape. He sagged against his boyfriend’s chest, letting his lover take his weight.

 An indeterminate time later, most likely when air was getting thin, the two lovers slowly parted and two sets of eyes lazily slitted open, blinking heavily.

 A few more minutes passed before coherent words started filtering in Lex’s oxygen starved brain. “Much better welcome.”

 “Ya think?”

 “Oh yeah.” Lex leaned into Clark and pressed his lips against his lover’s. The kiss was short and lacking the earlier passion, causing Clark to groan in frustration when Lex pulled back. He tried to follow the retreating lips but a single finger stopped his progress.

 “Not here.”

 Clark dropped his head on Lex’s shoulder and sighed. “I hate you.”

 “I know,” Lex commented with affection. He turned his head so his lips were brushing against Clark’s ear. “I love you, too. But I’d rather your dad not catch us again. You do remember last time?”

 Clark sighed. Yes, he did remember last time. There was nothing worse than having your boyfriend pinned to the loft wall, sucking his lungs out through his mouth and hearing your dad clear his throat behind you. Lex wouldn’t come over for weeks after that.

 Lex flicked his tongue in Clark’s ear, bringing Clark back to the present and gaining Lex a yelp of surprise.

 Peeling away from each other, Clark and Lex took a step back from each other and stared at one another, trying to will their libidos into some semblance of control.

 Clearing his throat, Clark stuck his hands in his pockets and asked, “So, what brings you out here?”

 “Fun.”

 Clark raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Fun?”

 Lex smiled. “Yeah. I’m allowed to have fun, you know.”

 “Really?” Both eyebrows disappeared behind the sweaty fringe. “What would people say?”

 “Asshole.”

 “They’d call you an asshole?” Clark asked innocently.

 “They already do,” Lex muttered, his good mood suddenly fading.

 Clark went to Lex and hugged him. “Sorry.”

 “For what?” Lex mumbled against Clark’s throat.

 Clark just shrugged and squeezed tighter before letting Lex go. “So, fun, huh?” Clark asked, wanting to get their conversation back to safer ground. Any more mention of his dad and Lex most likely would find his “fun” somewhere else. Somewhere not here.

 Clark would not allow that.

 Lex, for his part, shook off the bad thoughts, that, for some reason stayed directly to Clark’s father, and attempted a grin. “Yep, fun. You wanna play?”

 “What do you have in mind?” Clark leered.

 “Anything that’s not work.”

 “That bad, huh?”

 “You have no idea. Between the reports and the spreadsheets and the… other shit…” Lex looked up at Clark. “I’m only 22 years old for christ’s sakes! I want fun!” He stomped his foot mockingly and leaned against a support beam, folding his arms across his chest.

 About two seconds later, Clark burst into laughter, arms wrapping around his stomach as he laughed and laughed. Attempting to look up at Lex, Clark folded over again as the laughter increased.

 “What the fuck?” Lex exclaimed in outrage. “I come here for fun and you’re laughing at me? You little asshole! I don’t have to take this!” Lex turned to leave but his wrist was caught as he passed Clark. “Let me go.” Lex’s voice was cool and calm.

 “Lex, I’m s-sorry,” Clark gasped, trying to catch his breath. “It’s just that…” Clark snorted on a chuckle and attempted to school his features. “You <cough> you looked so…um, uh, cute?”

 “Cute.” Lex’s voice was calm and quiet. A quick indicator that Clark was going to pay heavily. “Cute.”

 Clark quickly let go of Lex’s wrist and slowly started backing up. “Yeah! You know… cute!” Lex took a step forward for every one of Clark’s steps back. “Like, you know, a little kid all pouty with your bottom lip stuck out and your arms crossed and, just, you know! Cu…” His words were suddenly cut off and his breath was knocked out of him as Lex threw himself against Clark and laid him out on the hay behind them.

 They sank deeply in the hay, straw spilling over and falling on top of them, almost covering them completely. And before Clark could utter one protest, Lex began digging his fingers in Clark’s side, hard. Hard enough to tickle.

 “Cute?!”

 “Oh g-god, L-lex! P-p-please!”

 Lex stopped as quickly as he began and sank his full weight down on Clark’s body, nose brushing against nose. Voice suddenly husky, Lex asked, “Please what?” He slowly began to grind his hips against the body below him. He watched in satisfaction as Clark’s pupils dilated and his eyelids fluttered in lust and passion.

 As fast as his alien heritage would allow, Clark grabbed Lex’s head and brought their lips together, needing to taste his teasing lover. Clark bruisingly rubbed, nipped and sucked on Lex’s lips until both men had to break for air.

 “Fuck, you’re good at that,” Lex whispered in awe.

 “I was taught by the best,” Clark stated smugly.

 “Damned right you were!” Lex nuzzled Clark’s throat, sucking on his lover’s adam’s apple, not caring that they were covered in hay straw. “And I’m not cute.”

 “Are too,” Clark countered and quickly reached up to pull Lex down for a kiss, stopping any further outburst.

 A few minutes of light kisses and silent stroking was broken by a noise from outside the barn. Lex was up and off Clark so fast, Clark wondered who the super-human really was. Still picking hay and other bits and pieces off his thousand-dollar coat, Lex looked up just as Martha entered the barn with a pitcher of lemonade, two glasses and a knowing smile.

 Clark, still sitting in the hay, looked up and grinned at his mother. He jumped up when he saw what she was carrying and helped her set it on a hay bale.

 “You are the best, mom!” Clark exclaimed, pouring himself a glassful.

 “I try,” Martha smiled and looked over at Lex, who seemed to have given up on picking all the hay off his person. “Lex.”

 “Mrs. Kent. How are you?” Small talk, Lex, real good, he berated himself. But what else was there to do when your boyfriend’s mother just caught them making out in the barn? Thank god she knew and didn’t have a problem with it. Lex smiled at her.

 “I’m doing well, thank you.”

 “My father not driving you up a wall?”

 Martha just smiled and left the two boys alone, the gleam in her eye very telling. But telling what, Lex wasn’t quite sure.

 Lex shook his head and sat down next to the lemonade, pouring him a glass as well. “I don’t know how she does it.”

 “What? Putting up with your dad?” Clark asked, downing the remainder of his drink.

 Or yours, Lex thought to himself, but carefully made sure not to say that out loud. “Yeah, he’s a bastard at the best of times. She should be a saint.”

 “I think she is,” Clark replied. “But I haven’t been able to find her halo, yet.”

 Lex grinned and finished his drink as well. “So. Fun. What do you do around here for fun?”

 “Well,” Clark began, standing and brushing himself off as best his could. “For starters, I have to finish my chores…”

 “Ooo, what fun!” Lex exclaimed mock-enthusiastically.

 “Jerk.”

 “And then?” Lex asked.

 “And then,” Clark echoed, stalking towards Lex. Clark pressed his lips to Lex’s ear and whispered, “And then, we can have whatever fun you want.” As Clark was licking Lex’s ear, he slowly cupped Lex’s groin and rubbed his palm against the growing bulge.

 Lex shivered and groaned. Taking a deep breath, he took a step back and looked up at his frustrating teenaged lover. Flinging a hand in the general direction of the hay, Lex commanded, “Go! Do! Be!”

 Laughing, Clark fished the pitchfork out of the wall, where it apparently installed itself after Clark tossed it across the barn and stood in front of Lex. “And what will you be doing while I’m going, doing, and being?”

 “Follow you around like some love-struck puppy?”

 “I can deal with that,” Clark said happily. He leaned over and kissed his boyfriend lightly before moving toward the small pile of hay. “Let me finish this and then we can go out and feed the goats and chickens.”

 “Yippee.”

 Lex stood behind Clark as the hay began sailing quickly across the barn. He shook his head in disbelief. What was the point of tossing that crap from one side of the barn to the other? He was about to ask when Clark bent over to pick something up from the ground and all thought disappeared from Lex’s brain as Clark’s butt waved in the air.

 Sauntering over to his lover, Lex grabbed Clark’s hips and pressed his groin against Clark’s ass. Bending over Clark, Lex whispered, “You know that Mary had a Little Lamb, don’t you Clark?” Lex practically purred in Clark’s ear.

 “Y-yeah,” Clark stuttered and groaned, sagging almost boneless, still bent over.

 “Well…

 “Lex, he had a lover Clark,
 
 Whose eyes were green as grass.
 
 And every time Clark bent like that,
 
 Lex wanted to fuck that ass.”

 Lex pressed harder against Clark, gripping his hips and rubbing. Clark groaned again before slowly straightening and turning around, a grin engulfing his face. “Lex! You are so crude.” Clark tried to sound outraged, but it came out more lusty and needy than anything else.

 Lex raised a regal eyebrow and stepped back, casually leaning against a support beam. “Just telling the truth, Clark.” He shrugged.

 “Okay, then, thank you… I think.” Clark smiled and pecked him on his cheek as he passed Lex, heading out of the barn.

 Lex followed, staring at Clark’s ass until they were outside.

 Lex didn’t realize Clark had stopped until he ran into him. Smirking, Lex stopped, his entire body flush against Clark’s.

 “I’m glad I’m the one with the heat vision,” Clark said off-handedly.

 Groping Clark quickly, Lex stepped back. “Why?”

 “’Cause my ass would be on fire from the way you were staring at me.”

 Lex shrugged, smirk firmly in place. “Can I help it that I like what I see?”

 Clark looked around to make sure his mom or dad weren’t around. Leaning in, he slid his arms around Lex’s waist and grabbed two hands full of Lex-ass. “You’re not so bad yourself.” Then he licked the tip of Lex’s nose.

 “Ugh!” Lex wiped at his nose. “I can think of better things for you to be licking, farm boy.”

 “Goats and chickens, Lex.”

 Lex gave Clark a disgusted look. “Uh, no, I was thinking more like my dick.”

 Clark rolled his eyes. “No, stupid. I mean, I have to feed the goats and chickens and then I’ll lick whatever you want me to.”

 Lex’s eyes lit up. “Now we’re talking. Chop, chop Old MacDonald. Move it!”

 “’Old MacDonald’? Asshole. Why don’t you go warm the car up and I’ll be there as soon as I finish.”

 “Fine by me,” Lex replied, not really wanting to watch Clark feed the farm animals. That sounded about as exciting as… well, watching paint dry. Okay, so the watching Clark part was always fun and exciting, but… feeding goats? Lex shuddered and headed for his car.

 The car was only a few yards from where he’d left Clark, but by the time he arrived, Clark was leaning against the hood of the car, arms folded across his chest, one eyebrow raised in question.

 “What took you so long? You were supposed to have the car waiting for when I finished.”

 Lex raised his eyes and pursed his lips. “I will never get used to that,” he muttered to himself.

 Clark smirked and reached his hand out, palm up. Lex looked from Clark’s palm to the car and back again. “No fucking way. Not my Lamborghini.”

 “Please?” Clark begged, giving Lex his full-on puppy dog look.

 Lex heaved a huge sigh. “God damn it! I fucking hate it when you do that!” Lex slapped the keys in Clark’s palm and stomped around to the passenger side of the car. “Fucking always gets your way with me all the fucking time! I say ‘no’ and you do that fucking sad I-just-kicked-your-puppy look or that god damned sultry wait-until-we-get-home look.” Lex tirade continued as he pulled the door down with as much as a slam as you can when you’re pulling a car door down. “And I fucking let you get away with it every single fucking time. I fucking can’t be—“

 His rant was quickly and efficiently silenced with a tongue shoved down his throat. Clark had grabbed Lex’s head with both hands after starting the engine and effectively shut up his lover.

 When Clark thought it safe to stop, he slowly pulled back, lips lingering on Lex’s for a moment longer.

 “Home?” Clark whispered.

 “Mmm,” Lex responded with all the intellect of a man who had just been kissed within an inch of his life by the one man who loved him more than anything in the world and whom he felt exactly the same about. He was completely glassy-eyed, face softened, lips curved in a dopey smile. He blinked a few times and rested his head against the headrest.

 Satisfied, Clark smiled as he turned to the steering wheel and put the car in gear.

 “I hate you,” Lex whispered, still staring at Clark.

 Clark turned to his lover and grinned. “I know. I love you, too. You ready for some fun, now?”

 “As long as said fun is horizontal and on a soft mattress, I’m there.”

 “And if it’s against a hard stone wall?” Clark inquired not really caring one way or another.

 Lex arched an eyebrow and placed his left hand on Clark’s upper thigh, caressing softly. “Walls can be fun, too.”

 The end