Have you ever wondered what our readers have to say about us? Well here's a look into the K&K mailbag!
"U guys r0x0r!! OMFG, LOLOLOLOL!!111!!!1!!!!"
-- "#1 f4n"
Our response: OMG!!! L34rn h0w tu typ3, n00b! ROTFLOLOL!!!!1!!1
"You guys need a life. I can't believe I wasted my time here."
-- "disappointed"
Our response: We can't believe you wasted our time with this letter. Like one drop of water can break a dam. Get a life before we end yours.
"I just wanted to drop a line saying that I love your spoofs! They're great pick-me-ups when I have a bad day! Thank you for writing them!"
-- "Carol"
Our response: Thanks, Carol! We're glad you like them! It's always nice to know we've screwed up just a little bit more of the world's population!
"I feel compelled to preface my remarks with the following: By now, we are all more than familiar with the Creative Team of K&K's destructive, larcenous methods of interpretation. And that's why I feel compelled to say something about cruel, anal-retentive undesirables. The Creative Team of K&K would not hesitate to promulgate partisan prejudice against others if it felt it could benefit from doing so. The Creative Team of K&K is addicted to the feeling of power, to the idea of controlling people. Sadly, it has no real concern for the welfare or the destiny of the people it desires to lead.
One can examine this from another angle, and plainly see that many people are shocked when I tell them that most law-abiding citizens disapprove of the Creative Team of K&K's methods. And I'm shocked that so many people are shocked. You see, I had thought everybody already knew that the Creative Team of K&K maintains a "Big Brother" dossier of incriminating personal information about everyone it distrusts, to use as a potential career-ruining weapon. Is your name listed in that dossier? It is only when one has an answer to that question is it possible to make sense of the Creative Team of K&K's op-ed pieces, because if the Creative Team of K&K bites me, I will bite back. There are three points I need to make here. First, faddism is, at its core, a chauvinistic system that seeks to force us to tailor our press releases just to suit its contumelious whims. Second, the Creative Team of K&K is incapable of writing a letter without using such phrases as "abominable galoots", "barbaric social outcasts", "patronizing poltroons", or some combination thereof. And third, there isn't a man, woman, or child alive today who thinks that society is screaming for the Creative Team of K&K's cock-and-bull stories, so let's toss out that ridiculous argument of the Creative Team of K&K's from the get-go.
Despite total incompetence, the Creative Team of K&K is often afflicted with an amazing conceit, which causes it to condone universal oppression. I once managed to get the Creative Team of K&K to agree that the quest to attack everyone else's attitudes is the true inner kernel of its philosophy, insofar as this figment of a brusque brain can be designated a "philosophy". Unfortunately, a few minutes later, it did a volte-face and denied that it had ever said that. If the Creative Team of K&K believes that we should derive moral guidance from its glitzy, multi-culti, hip-hop, consumption-oriented campaigns, then it's obvious why it thinks that it's perfectly safe to drink and drive. To end on a more positive note: The Creative Team of K&K's sense of humor runs the gamut from rude and crude to condescending and mad."
-- "A disgusted reader"
Our response: You know, we could write out a really long note about you, but instead we have just two words. Screw. You. Wasn't that easy? Thanks for the bit at the end though! You hit the nail on the head there! Hahaha!
"You guys suck!"
-- "anonymous"
Our response: See how easy that was, Disgusted?
"PLEEEEEEEASE update Holiday!!! I need it!"
-- "addicted"
Our response: Don't rush us! You can't force beauty to form overnight! Patience! Just for that email, we're gonna put it off a few more weeks! Ha! Have fun in therapy!
"I love you guys!"
-- "anonymous"
Our response: Aww, we love you too.
"Lord you're freakin' annoying! Yes, I'll admit it, annoying!! Those people on your web site who say they love you, they clearly haven't met you! You squeeze out any bit of anger out of everyone and you love it! By the WAY I e-mailed you because I was pissed off at you! Duh, you idiot."
-- [Name removed]
Our response: BWAAAAHAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAHAAAA!!!!
Kendall: Holy crap! That was addressed to just you! You really pissed her off!
Kisa: I know! [pause] She doesn't understand the term, "By the by"!
Both: BWAAAAAAHAAAHAAA! Thanks for the letter, person. We'll be sure to write you. Ha!
"To the Creative Team of K&K,
I am going to personally come into your house and personally, yes, personally, steal, kill, and destroy every piece of electrical equipment therein. You have made me forfeit years, yes, years, of my life, drudging through your excuse for fiction. It doesn't take that long to read, but the inner torment afterwards of why I wasted that precious time has taken years, yes, years, off my life. Your work is trash. Yes, trash. Trash is what sticks to people's feet. Don't give me that look, I called your junk trash. It's junk too. And trash. Yes, trash! I've decided that those who write something so horrid and trashy (yes, trashy) do not deserve to live in the comforts of electricy, so prepare to be deprived of that luxury! Can you hear my evil laughter, yes, laughter, filter through the screen? Oh, but wait, soon you won't have a screen! Without electricity you won't be able to see this, and once you are safely in the dark I can dismantle, yes, dismantle, your entire site and erase you permanently from the internet community. I have connections, yes, connections! I know how. I am Anon Y. Mous, and I have come for your souls! I am here, but soon, you will not be here!"
My NAME has been CHANGED to PROTECT me because I am INNOCENT.
Our Response: While you were plotting to do all of this, we killed your pets and nailed them to your bedroom wall. Sweet dreams! Hahaha!
That's all for now! Thanks for writing everyone! Keep on sending us those emails! Maybe your email will end up here!
