Decisions
Development
No one chooses to have an eating disorder.
It results from feeling powerless.
It diverts our attention.
It gives us a sense of control.
In short, it's a coping mechanism.
In comparison to some of the other paths we may take:
suicide, homicide, cutting, alcoholism, illicit drugs, etc.....
I find that a change in eating habits is the lesser of MANY evils.
I don't mean this as justification, just truth.
I've gotten questions in the past from other people such as: why do I do it - how do I hide it - or the dreaded......
I THINK I WANT TO TRY IT.
Once again, this is not a decision.
This is not a quick fix diet.
This is not fun and easy.
And of all things said, it's definitely not something you just *try*.
Eating disordered mentality is permanent, recovery or no recovery.
This is something that consumes you.
Hating yourself enough to want to diminish your own existence is not how someone simply decides to feel.
"Just eat something" is not a solution.
Eating
Unlike the disorder itself, this is a decision.
I feel that once you have decided not to eat or have decided that you will purge after meals, that is all there is to it.
Once the decision is made, if you have truly disordered mentality, then there should be no turning back.
Solely calorie restricted eating habits are not as effective as *healthy* calorie restricted eating habits.
If we wants results, this should be another definite decision to make.
When we so decide to eat, whether we starve or purge, a binge is more likely to occur if we allow junk food in our diets.
Sugary and fatty foods are addictive, and this could cause loss of control.
Since control is what we are aiming for through the development of the disorder, I find that junk food is unnecessary.
Calorie restriction permits us to eat more healthy food because it happens to be lower in calories than junk food.
This way we can still fill up while restricting.
The smart decision is to completely eliminate junk food all together.
You'll feel better living without it.
I admit at times I am afraid to eat at all.
I sometimes try to put it off.
I must remind myself that if I want to lose weight, I must eat at least a minimal amount.
Absolute starvation slows the metabolism.
So, if we starve completely and eventually do decide to start eating again, we will gain an obscene amount of weight.
At that point I would make the decision to hang myself.
I don't know about you, but.....
I choose life.
