Adoption

In 1998 I received a letter. A letter requesting I urgently contact a person whos name had signed the letter. So I made the innocent phone call out of curiosity.

I spoke with the man I was asked to contact. He asked a few questions regarding my past and my parents. Questions that I easily answered. My curiosity still running wild. Eventually getting the better of me. I asked...What is this all about??? It was at this point I was informed that I was adopted at birth and that my biological mother was searching for me.

Once the initial shock subsided anger took over. Anger towards who I thought for 33 years were my REAL parents. Anger for NOT telling me. Anger which was un-called for and wrong on my part. My parents for 33 years had told me about being adopted. For years during my childhood I was constantly told of my background. Dont ask me why but for whatever reason it just DIDNT sink into my head. For 33 years my parents were my real parents....but they werent.

Anyway to cut a very long story short. After many letters to and fro I decided to go and meet my real mother (father died years ago) and the rest of my siblings. Three brothers three sisters and god knows how many cousins etc etc etc. The meeting was a great success. They made me feel very welcome and wanted in there house. Strangely enough I actually felt like family to these strangers. I learnt many things about my biological parents. Most importantly WHY they adopted me out at birth.

Fours years on from meeting my biological family I am still fighting with my own feelings for them. I have an enormous amount of gratitude and will be forever indebted to my biological mother for what she unselfishly did to give me a better quality of life. A chance of life and quality that she could never offer me. However apart from gratitude I am also fighting my guilt. Guilt because I am finding it hard to WANT to stay intouch with these people. Every Birthday Christmas and Easter they contact me. However I dont reply or return anything to them. Even though they are my family I still consider them strangers. Well not strangers but I dont achknowledge them as family.

Adoption is a wonderfull facility. Speaking from my point of view. I can understand why people chase there biological parents. HOWEVER personally speaking I would have been happier to just go through life with the people that raised me for the last 38 years. After all they are my real parents and that is where my greatest amount of love and gratitude is.

To my parents for the last 38 years I could ramble on forever and ever about how great they have made my life.
But the simple words always mean the most.

I LOVE YOU!!! Bruce & Alice (Dad & Mum) THANKS!!!!!!!