Hint: The answer to that question is the same as the answer to this one: "What is the opposite of yes?"
NO! POSERS ARE A PLAGUE! They have no insight on what it really means to be what they're posing to be, and yet they hang out with other people they think have a clue about what they're doing but they don't because they're posers too.
Major Offenders:
Skateboarders. I realize that there are lots of skateboarders who can actually pull off tricks. But if you do not commonly compete in the X-Games or are not a character portrayed by any of Tony Hawk's 7 video games (which of course means Darth Maul is an expert skateboarder... ahem... pro shredder), you are probably a poser. Sure, anyone can pull off an extremely confusing sentence full of skateboarding terms. For instance:
"Dude, I totally just ramped up and got some major air after doing a 360 Indy Nosebone Kickflip. Then I landed and grinded up the other side of the wicked pipe and pulled off a 180 Heelflip Airwalk. Then I totally 180 Ollied off the board where Justin totally dropkicked me and threw my board into a woodchipper because I was a poser."
Goths. Do you know what it means to be a goth? I don't think you do. Goth, n. A member of a Germanic people who invaded the Roman Empire in the early centuries of the Christian era. Does this include people with low self-esteem putting on excessive amounts of dark make-up and masking their lack of self-confidence with heavy metal music that definitely portrays how tormented they are on the inside. Here's a tip. If something is gothic, then it has to do with the middle ages, not being an idiot and using all your money up on black hairdye. Goths are posers because they don't even know what a goth is... If gothic people even existed anymore, I'd know, because they would have lent me medieval weapons so that I could raid and destroy all the Hot Topics stores known to man-kind. Hot Topics are not hot, they're scary. I once walked inside because my sister tried to be a poser and thought she was a goth (even though she's exceptionally blonde, wears pink, and has self-confidence) and I definitely found myself in a store full of skull necklaces and scary clothes. I ran out in fear that they would sacrifice me to the devil or something. And why do goths have all kinds of piercings? Seriously, if you have a lot of piercings, then you're an idiot. Not only will half your face fall off due to infections, but you'll never be able to go through a metal detector.
Punk. An old wise man once told me these few choice words of advice: "Spiky Hair, Bulky Metal Belts, Retro Band T-Shirts, and Unnatural Hair Colors a cool person does not make." I took that to heart and aptly threw away all of the [insert neon color here] hair dye that I owned because I knew that dying my hair was definitely the way to become cool. Seriously, punks aren't cool. And anybody who thinks they're punks are posers. Seriously, if someone's truly a punk, they're not going to admit it. They're going to give you a piercing stare and then write hardcore song lyrics about they're inner strife. It's the people who randomly come up to me and say "Yeah, I'm a punk. Do you see my spiky hair? Or the fact that I listen to a lot of hard rock music with excessive cussing and violent subliminal messages?" Punks are the future serial killers of this country. It won't work well, of course, because if they try to strike, light will reflect off of their obscenely bright hair and pose as a beacon. Then Batman will come and throw the poser out of a three story window. Then the punk will cuss Batman out as usual, and go home and "calm his nerves" with some loud hard rock. Because loud hard rock is definitely calming. But then the next day the poser has had enough and will bring in a gun and thus will be the next Columbine. Dont you just hate it when that happens?
Emos. "Emo" is short for "Emo-tional" which allows all their music to sound like constant sobbing. Seriously, my little sister has probably pulled off a couple of emo songs after doing something stupid like running into a door or waking me up at 5 in the morning. Emo's are constantly sad and get out their emotions through writing poetry. They wear box rimmed glasses, but they don't need them. What a waste of our optical technology. Did you know that now there are glasses that you can BEND? I sure am glad to know that's where all our research money is going. Not to make sight better, but to have bendable glasses. But anyway, Emos always feel pain. So, while constantly crying because they feel pain, they hang out at thrift stores and buy old clothes? Emos are some kind of scary mix between nerds, goths, and whiny children who always sit behind me in movies. The result is... emotional? Whatever
Writing about all this has just kind of driven me beyond the brink. I'm going to go find Darth Maul and see if he'll teach me how to pull off a 360 Indy Nosebone into a Nose Manual into a 50-50 Grind Heelflip.
