Bright Days and Dark Nights of Love and Loss
A TMNT Fanfic written by Leo Friedman
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What there is to come..........
Gone. He was gone. His little life had been snuffed out like a candle in the wind. His laughter would never be heard again. His soft face would never be seen again except in dark dreams and unwanted nightmares. There would never be another like him and Raphael did not want to try again.
*********
"Come on, Donny, take a break from that thing. You've been at it all morning!" Mikey shouted from the top of the stairs as Don hit the control panel for the holographic TV with a wrench in frustration. Raph had gotten into yet another fight with Leo and had thrown a can of Coke at him. Leo had ducked the flying object easily, but it splashed all over the control council for the holographic TV, causing it to short circuit. Apparently, Coke and electronics don't mix.
"Yeah, I guess your right, Bro." Don agreed as he put his tools aside and slipped into his Cyber Suit. It was time for their usual morning patrol of the city.
Don had recently upgraded the Cyber Suits to handle better wind pressure and updrafts and this day the sky was clear without a cloud in sight. Despite the sunshine and the relaxing feel of the wind rushing through his helmet and in his face, Leonardo could sense winter once again on the horizon. The days were getting shorter, the nights longer, the air a bit colder each day.
Everything comes around full circle. Splinters words echoed in Leo's head , just as they had done ever since the master had died of old age in his sleep over 70 years ago. Leo sighed. The pain of loss was much easier to endure now then it had been back then. Back then they had still been much younger and still unsure of their place in the world, like fledging chicks that are reluctant to leave the nest even after they are full grown. Now everything was different. They lived openly among mankind. No more days of hiding in dark allies and behind shadows, no more days of vanishing into the darkness of the night. Leo suddenly stopped in mid flight and took off his helmet.
"Yo, Leonardo. What's wrong, dude?" Mikey asked when he saw his brother had come to an unexpected halt. Coming closer, Mikey noticed tears running down Leonardo's face, but his expression had remained emotionless. Don and Raph doubled back when they saw two of them had fallen behind.
"Hey, earth to Leonardo!" Raph pulled off his helmet as did the others and waved his hand in front of Leo's face. Leonardo slowly turned to face Raph and a weak smile passed his face before receding into a frown. "Oh, sorry..." he mumbled in a barely audible voice. "I was just thinking of Master Splinter." Leo closed his eyes, trying to choke back more tears. Raph looked downward and Mikey placed a brotherly arm around Donny.
"Yes, it has been a long time since he........." Here Don's voice trailed off and he suddenly broke down crying. Mikey took him in a hug.
*********
That night...
The four brothers held council in the den room, and only a single candle had been lit. It was meant to be dark. Dark light for dark business. Raph swished his beer around in his glass, the ice making little clinking noises, and steered at his brothers, hoping someone would say something, anything. The silence was unbearable. Finally Leonardo spoke but his voice sounded hoarse and distant.
"Splinter died over 70 years ago. Since that time we have been on our own, depending on each other for support and love, just as we've always done for as long as any of us can remember. But we must remember, too, that it was Splinter who kept us together as a family all those years. He was the glue that kept us bonded through the good times and the bad. It has been over 20 years since we've last visited his grave. I feel we have dishonored ourselves by forsaking our beloved Master.
No one said anything for a moment. Then Mikey piped up, "True, we have let ourselves get too involved with our lives and what's around us. I say we go visit Splinter's grave at the dawn's first light tomorrow."
"But I'll have to add some modifications to our suits. They're not meant to fly for several thousand mils straight, and Splinter is buried all the was up in Alaska, remember."
"Then you better get started," Raph sneered in his usual rude fashion. Don just snorted under his breath.
Alaska: This is where Splinter had died in his sleep. April had moved up here shortly after her retirement and the TMNT and Splinter (even though he had been fighting a bad cold the last several days) had come for a visit. Raph wanted nothing more then to stay behind in New York, for certain reasons, but Splinter insisted otherwise. Traveling through the Yukon by train, Raph couldn't help but constantly look out the window, searching the woods as they rushed by, searching for something he had left behind in this frozen wilderness long ago and that he knew he would never see again. But the passing of time had somewhat mellowed the ache in his heart and he was more willing now to follow his brothers to this land that held nothing but bad memories for him.
Raph excused himself and went to his bedroom. He closed the door behind him and went to his dresser drawer, turning on a lamp. There he pulled out a picture from the top drawer that meant more to him then even his own life. It was all he had left to remember her by. Her dark red fur, her long black hair, her large brown eyes that Raph could swear were peering directly into his soul at times. Raph felt the sting of tears come to his eyes, but he did not hold them back. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he held the photo against his chest and let the tears fall. "Ninjara......." he whispered.
*********
The next morning......
Everyone was geared up and ready for flight. Mikey had loaded a backpack of sodas and snacks for them. Each brother held a knapsack with a sleeping bag and there were two tents (two brothers per tent). The flight would be long and take 4 days at the most, 2 at the least. Raph was just finishing packing the knapsack with all their clothes and stuff. When no one was looking, he stuffed Ninjara's photo inside. He then zipped up the sack and joined his brothers outside. Then they took flight. Don had arranged for the police to take things into their own hands for the next week or so until their return.
*********
Fairbanks, Alaska. 3 days later. Night time......
"Raph...come to bed, would you already?!" Leonardo called. Raphael had been withdrawn and moody most of the day and now just stood there standing ridged and motionless, just peering out into the forest, oblivious to the snowstorm that had suddenly begun, whipping the cold ice in his face. Leonardo approached him, concerned.
"You still think about her, don't you, Raph." It wasn't so much a question as it was a gesture of sympathy for his brother's loss. Raph's fists suddenly clenched in anger and he dropped his head, tears running down his face.
"Why did she have to throw me over for that wolf-dude, Mokoshan? We were so happy before he fucked everything up. We could of had everything." Raph looked at Leo, his face full of grief and heartache. "I was planning on marrying her, Leo. I was planning on having a family with her. Mokoshan stole all that away from me! He stole all my dreams and hopes. Why, Leonardo? WHY?!" Raph yelled. Leonardo just looked at the ground, at a loss for words. He knew nothing he could say or do would change what had happened. Ninjara had made her choice to stay with Mokoshan's Wolf-Tribe.
"Raphael, brother...." Leonardo began, taking his crying brother in tight hug, "I can't change the past, no one can. But we all know the truth. You and Ninjara had been at each other's throats for the last several days before we came here, like two cats in a sack. Even Tattoo had mentioned that you too were not getting along as lovingly as you used to. Ninjara told us and April she was getting sick and tired of your negativity and sarcasm all the time."
"But I loved her, I really did," Raph choked out.
"Raph, I'm gonna say something that's gonna be painful to hear, but I think it's time you knew the truth." Leo pulled Raph away from him. Raph just steered at him, confused.
"Ninjara told us she was planning on leaving you anyway. You had just become too much for her to handle. She didn't like you nasty attitude all the time and your wild ways. I think, in your heart, you know I'm right...just as she was right to leave you. Think about it. You're the most reckless of all of us, you do and say things without thinking..." Leonardo looked at his brother long and hard, a deep look of seriousness in his eyes. It was all Raph could do to keep from looking away. "...What kind of a father and role model would you have been to her children?"
That was the straw that broke the camel's back! Raphael jerked himself loose from Leonardo's hands and stepped back a few paces, the sorrowful expression on his face now turning into a look of raging anger and resentment. "NO!! SHE KNEW I LOVED HER! I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!!!! IT'S ALL THAT FOOL MOKOSHAN'S FAULT!! HE RUINED EVERYTHING FOR US!!! HE BRAINWASHED HER!!!" Raph punched a nearby tree and ran off into the woods, without a backwards glance.
Mikey and Don had witnessed the whole thing. "Well, now you've done it, Bro." Mikey scolded as he examined the gapping, splintered hole in the tree, left by Raph's punch.
"He had to learn the truth sooner or later."
Don just sighed. "He'll come back. He always comes back."
*********
9 hours later...dawn's early light...
"He always come back, eh?" Mikey said sarcastically.
"I'm gonna go looking for him, but I want you two to stay here. I can't risk having all of us getting separated in this wilderness," Leo ordered as he strapped his Katana swords on. Mikey and Don just glowered, not liking at all being left behind, but Leonardo was the leader and that was that and they shuffled back into the tents. Mikey emerged again with a can of grape soda and a bag of potato chips.
"Here, you gotta take some food with you." He said with a timid look.
"Thanks, but no thanks. If I get hungry enough, I'll just hunt down a rabbit or a mouse of something." Leonardo turned and headed off into the forest, following Raphael's tracks in the snow, and leaving behind a concerned Michaelangelo and Donatello.
*********
And, meanwhile, what of Raphael all this time?......
Ripping the leg off the still warm rabbit carcass, Raphael savagely chewed on the soft, bloody meat. He hadn't eaten since the day before and was ravenous with hunger. The rabbit had made an easy enough target, but the meat was stringy and hard to chew. Still, it was better then eating snow or starving to death. Just the same, Raph was only able to stomach just so much of the grotesque meat, and he spit it out, then kicked the rest of the carcass into the woods. He whipped the blood from his mouth with his jacket sleeve.
Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea; running off into the woods in the dead of night in a fit of rage, with no food, and no way of finding his way back. He was hopelessly lost now and knew if he didn't find something soon other then a bony rabbit to eat (which barely had any meat on it in the first place), he would go insane with hunger. Maybe he could find a moose or a deer, he wondered.
*********
Leornardo......
Leonardo had finally found Raph's tracks in the snow and he sniffed the air. Yes, Raph had definitely come this way. Leonardo's acute sense of smell had never proved him wrong before and he knew each of his brothers individual scents like the back of his hand.
