The Highway
Down I95 to the CabbitHunter'sGuild
A Pit Stop at the home of Dr Pepper
See, I once told this story to my friend while I was walking to his house... This story starts in Chicago, USA...
See, There was this guy that walked into a pub one night... After making careful decision, he went over to the bar for a drink. Of course, it wasn't a clear walk, because a few tables and chairs jumped in his way. Still, though cut up, bruised, and traumatized until next year, he made it to the bar...
The bartender looked at him and said "What would you like to drink?"
And the guy replied "Alcohal... Something with Alcohal in it..."
"We have plenty of Alcohal, which kind would you like?" The bartender waved a hand to the rack of drinks... Of course, the guy, being illiterate, couldn't read the bottles.. so just randomly pointed at a rectangular shaped bottle... The bartender frowned, "you sure you want that... It's Piss, ya know..."
But the guy would not give up... "So? Give me some of it.." So the bartender poured a cup of it, and tinted it with some BudLight... Passing it to the guy, the guy picked it up and took a sip.. then spit it out.. "This stuff taste like piss!" He said...
Now it was the bartender's turn to be exasperated... "That's cause it Is Piss..."
"Oh.." Said the guy... Shrugging, he drank the rest of it down and passed out for a good three days...
Are you depressed by this story yet? Or can I continue? Ah, I'll just continue...
Waking up, the guy got off the bar and walked to the door... feeling some major hangover... Of course, this time a chair and a candle holder lept from the ground, and flew at him... And he was knocked out...
Next week, he woke up... To find himself strapped to a table with a doctor above him holding a flaming hot scapal (knife)... The guy screamed, and the doctor turned to the nurse and said "See? I told you that would wake him up..."
"What happened?" The guy said, while freaking out...
"Oh, you passed out from serious injuries... We managed to save you with a few stitches, an aputation or two, and the removal of your kidney..."
The guy looked down to see that his leg was missing "My leg! What happened to my leg!?" He asked.
The doctor said "Don't worry, we'll give you a new one... it wont hurt at all..." He checked with the nurse.. "No, nm, we ran out of novacaine.. this will hurt like you'll want to die..." He then went about in giving the guy a leg... But it was a chicken leg... All in which the guy passed out again for a while...
After waking up, he unstrapped himself and walked to the door, limping with a cane due to his new chicken leg... He then went out of the bar and sneaked over the garbage dumpsters out back and retrieved his old, human leg... Cutting off the chicken leg and sewing back on his new leg... He decided it was pretty late and started to walk home...
Half way there, he stopped to realize that he didn't have a home.. and ducked into a nearby theatre, climbing the catwalk in it.. and falling asleep on the hard, grate floor...
If your tired, you can always turn back now... Just for humor, I'll continue...
About a month later, he woke up to see the girl of his dreams working on a stage light near him... sitting up, he said Hi! to her... which surprised the woman and nearly caused her to fall off the catwalk... While helping her up, they both fell in love and dated eachother for about a week... This was until he learned that she was really a he... Which teaches you never to fall in love in Italy...
He then went about to getting back to the US by boat.. which cost him a fortune... While sailing, however, the ship crashed into something and a few gas tanks blew sky high, and the ship was sinking...
While Titanic music was playing, the guy was able to catch a glimpse of a woman being pushed off the top of the ship by some guy... but that didn't matter...
All of a sudden, a Military airplane dove down and picked up the guy from certain death... While thanking the people that saved him, they accidently mistook him for a runaway named John Smith... And dropped him down at a military camp to finish off his duty... Of course it was well known that John Smith had demolishion practices.. and was going to become a Kamikazi pilot by the end of the year... After a rigerous week of training, the guy managed to escape and ran up to Canada to be safe... When he was up there, he hide in a nearby ranger park... And while he was living up in a tree, he looked down to see one of the most beautiful women he'd ever seen... Her named was Alice Shishemocker... When he jumped down to greet her, she turned into a tree...
It was then and there that, through all that Military training in a testtube, he must've been sent back to Greece!
I'll end the story here, cause my hands are killing me, and I want to go to bed...
Notes: He wasn't saved by the Military, he was saved by the Airforce... Silly me...
Afterwards - as a small extra, the guy managed to grow a tail after his ordeal in Greek times... Cause Aphrodite saw him looking at Alice, and made him grow one in anger... But the guy didn't really care...