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Grey and The Mighty Trout vs Yassar Arafat

Somewhere in Israel, well, the West Bank or somewhere like that, really . . .

Yassar Arafat?

Yes? Who are you? What are you doing here? How did you get past the guards?

Never mind that now. You’re the leader of the Palestine Liberation Organisation, the PLO?

Yes I am.

Former, perhaps current terrorist?

Not by choice, if I had a choice I would have done things peacefully.

Right.

Don’t blame me, it was the Israelis fault.

Yeah, and you had no part in this in the least.

What do you mean?

You’re the guy supposedly in control here, the leader of the Palestinians?

Yes.

Who appointed you to that post?

I did. I had to, it’s not like we’re allowed elections here.

Convenient. And tell me, what have you done to make elections possible.

I negotiated with the Israelis.

And since then what have you done since then?

Waited for the Israelis to give.

Yeah, that’ll happen.

Well this just proves they don’t want us to have elections.

You don’t want to have elections because you’re afraid that you’ll lose power.

No I’m not, I’m the only appropriate candidate for leader.

So you don’t really need an opposition party in any elections, right?

It’s better than appearing divided in front of the Israelis.

<sigh> You say you’re in charge, right?

Right.

You lead, right?

Right.

Can you stop the suicide bombers?

No. Not everyone does as I tell them. See, it’s not a complete dictatorship.

<sigh> A dictatorship is something where someone holds absolute political power. No one has ever managed to dictate every aspect of everyone’s life everywhere.

Then how can you demand I stop the suicide bombers?

If you can’t influence the suicide bombers themselves or the people who convince them that suicide bombing will result in anything other than harsher actions from the Israelis then how can you claim to lead? You stand in front of camera tell the world that you are in charge while a deadly section of your own people does everything possible to ensure that there is never peace, thereby assuring their own power, and coincidentally assuring that you never face the threat of being ousted in an election.

Er . . .

So really you don’t offer anything to the Israelis, the Palestinians or the World at large.

I do, I offer them a stable Palestinian government, just as soon as there is a separate Palestinian state.

No you don’t. You offer only as much stability as you need to maintain power.

I work in the best interests of the Palestinian people!

You work in the best interests of Yassar Arafat and to hell with everyone else.

Slander!

When the hell was the last time you made a decisive public decision or statement Arafat?

I make them all the time!

When do you make one without crossing your fingers?

All the time!

You fingers are crossed now!

No they’re not!

I can see them in the mirror behind you!

So what, I’m the only one who can lead the Palestinians!

No, you’re the one who’s made the appearance of leading the Palestinians, gaining enough press attention for long enough that the world at large has granted you a legitimacy you don’t deserve.

I do so deserve the legitimacy and authority –

You’re a terrorist.

That’s in the past.

But you still committed acts of terror. You’re in the same league as all the other Palestinian “Leaders” who send out suicide bombers.

I’m nothing like them.

The only difference between you and them is the fact that you’ve been in the public eye enough, not seen as encouraging suicide bombers that the public, with it’s notoriously short attention span and memory has forgotten. You did nothing but rehabilitate your public image.

I’ve shaken hands with US presidents!

Each of who wanted nothing more than the glory and prestige of being known as “The President to bring peace to the Middle East”.

But they shook my hand!

Because your past as a terrorist has been conveniently forgotten. If people knew some of the stuff you might have done they might want your head as badly as Saddam Hussein’s.

No they wouldn’t. Who else could possibly lead the Palestinian people?

You’re one of a hell of a lot of old men and women in positions of authority and influence who use their authority and influence for nothing better than to send young men and women, swayed by your supposed authority and influence into throwing their lives away for nothing but your continued power, authority and influence!

That’s a lie!

When was the last time you did anything other than complain about the Israeli military actions?

I can’t do anything but complain about the Israeli military actions. Those actions keep me bottled up here, cut off from the world.

But for the bevy of cameras.

I’ve got to get the message out somehow.

So you can’t do anything, right?

Right.

Not even stop the suicide bombers.

Not even if I tried.

Because you’re not really in charge of them, they’re just doing the bidding of terrorist organizations with links to you and your cause.

I don’t control them.

Then what the hell are you leading? A bunch of people who get their homes bulldozed or shot up because other people who live in the same area think that blowing themselves up will convince Israel to pull out?

It’s not my fault; I don’t control what the Israelis do.

What do you do to change what they do?

They won’t listen to me.

But they respond to what happens. If you were a leader, a real leader who wanted to change things for the better then you’d do something other than stand in front of cameras and make it look like you’re in charge.

I make decisions, I make things happen.

Not enough. People still die on both sides.

And I’m in no position to stop it.

Will you even try?

I don’t see why I should give anything while Israel refuses to give anything.

So you won’t move until they move?

Right.

And since they’ve publicly stated that they won’t move until you move, then what?

Well, er, uh, they’ll have to move first. I can’t change anything.

That means you offer them no more incentive to move than they offer you.

So?

<sigh> Okay, that’s it. You see this?

The fish?

Yes.>

I was wondering what this was about.

This is what it’s about.

And so Grey marches of into the sunset, uh, maybe. It’s kinda hard to tell since it’s about noonish. Er, anyway, off into the sunset swinging The Mighty Trout high, sure to encounter stupidity again!