<Intro Voice>
Wow, I don't think this has ever happened, we are on our third request.
It's about time too, I'm sick of Grey going off to wherever he feels like, never inviting us. Good to have him on someone else's clock now.
What? You think it takes him the entire week to get from one place to another? Most of it takes place in California. Grey can stop in at Beijing for dim sums, Kyoto for sushi, Nova Scotia for salmon (or something fishy if you know what I mean), London for curry or Rome for linguini. Never invites any of us.
And now, in the Warner Brothers offices . . .
<End Intro Voice>
I'm here to see the Warner Brothers Executives in charge of the Lunatics show.
Do you have an appointment?
Yes, I believe I should be under Grey and The Mighty Trout.
Very well, ah yes, Mister Grey of Trout, you're the three o'clock, go right in.
Thank you. All right you bastards!
Clearly you are one of our less displeased sponsors. This means that you are well within our ability of accommodating rather than bribing.
Uh, no, I'm Grey, this is The Mighty Trout.
Who?
Your three o'clock appointment.
Oh yes. You mentioned something about displeasure.
Yeah, the Loonatics cartoon. The one with the Loony Tunes characters behaving like bad comedy versions of the Justice League.
What about it? Do you want more airtime? Do you want to become a major sponsor? After all, it wouldn't take much to have your produce surreptitiously added to the series. You could become the new Acme.
Just a moment, how are you doing this, there are five of you but you're all speaking with one voice.
We're TV executives, such is our power.
Right, so you're some sort of gestalt mind.
That is us. Now, how can we accommodate you and just how much are you willing to put up to help it happen?
You can stop the stupid Loony Tunes cartoon for one thing.
Why? It's ever so popular, in fact, we're making it popular, popular enough to last another two years at least.
Great, I come here to knock some sense into a group of people and I find one person in several bodies with delusions of Pokemon.
Pokemon? Delusions? Nothing of the sort, what we have here is an entirely original, merchandisable concept, there is nothing delusional about that.
You put Loony Tunes into spandex and gave them half-witted superpowers. They're Loony Tunes, what do they need with super powers? The whole thing is just painful!
Think of them as Superman with laughs, Batman with a sense of humour, Wonder Woman with something other than a body going for her.
You taking classic cartoons and classic superheroes and melding them into a twisted mockery of what they are each supposed to be just so you could make money.
Actually, considering your similarity to certain superheroes we could probably do the same thing for you.
And then there's the - Wait, what do you mean?
Well, it wouldn't be too hard to come up with a comedy cartoon based around a gray guy with a fish sidekick.
The Mighty Trout is not my sidekick, more like my partner in punishing the stupid.
Whatever we can edit the scripts to make the hero-fish relationship whatever we want. Why with enough innuendo we could grab the gay demographic, the liberal demographic and free publicity from outraged parents groups. Actually, with enough complaints from the latter we can up the violence and transfer that on through the merchandise.
Was that a brainstorm?
It's what we do best. So what do you think, do you want in?
You're getting a couple of things wrong though, I work with The Mighty Trout, there's really nothing more.
Not now, but once we get writers involved, tell them what to do there'll be all sorts of crazy stuff.
I already have a sidekick, his name is Blackbird.
No, that won't work, that name's too cool just to be a sidekick. Cool sidekicks haven't worked since the Green Hornet. We'll turn Blackbird into another hero, but one who's competent and capable, whereas you're the loser who keeps screwing things up and saving the day by pure chance. You can have some animosity towards him, some internal tension on the hero's side.
That's not what happens. Is it? No, it isn't.
Just a small hint, talking to yourself during negotiations is a bit of a deal killer.
Ted Turner, what are you doing here?! Wait, Time-Warner, you're supposed to be here.
That's right nitwit. Why are you here with some of my pet executives?
Same thing I tend to do to you.
Great, you're out there when I'm on holiday, you're in here when I'm working. Do I need a restraining order?
I'm not here for you, I'm here for them, this is just a coincidence.
Great, just great.
Look, I'm working here, how about you go somewhere and do something useful, like twiddling your thumbs.
I'm here to work too. What's more since I own all this I think I take precedence over you.
I was here first. And I'm pretty sure you've used that precedence in a legal circumstance in the past.
Drat.
Now, where was I? Oh yeah, you're ripping off the greats like Batman and the Justice League to make this pathetic excuse for a cartoon!
Actually, can't the same be said of you?
What do you mean?
If you're the one we've heard about, the one who likes skulking around in dark corners and generally making a fool of yourself, then aren't you kind of ripping off Batman but with comedy, or attempts thereof?
It's not ripping off, it' just a coincidence. I have a number of personality traits in common with Batman.
You have a number of personality traits in common with a fictional character. That sounds nice and healthy.
Who are you to judge?
Warner Brothers executives, we judge all things all the time.
And you know me, no one judges like Ted Turner.
How am I like Batman?
It's the billowy cape thing you've got going on.
This thing covers my entire body and most of my face.
Kind of like Batman's cape and cowl.
They're nothing alike.
I'm pretty sure we could launch a lawsuit based on what we've seen here.
I'm not taking this off.
Why not? No, I know, you're wearing nothing but spandex under there, aren't you. Now that's a serious copyright violation, especially if you're dressed all in red like the Flash or have some sort of green and black motif.
No, wait -I'm thwacking you guys first just because you're idiots. Nothing changes that!
<THWACK>
<THWACK>
<THWACK>
<THWACK>
<THWACK>
That just seems childish.
I'm trying to get out of a lawsuit.
Fair enough. Though there is still me to contend with.
You nothing, I thwacked you not too long ago. I'm tempted to give you a bye, except I'm too dedicated.
Too compulsive you mean. Too set in your ways to change, so lacking in flexibility that you cannot possibly ever adapt.
Actually it's more that I'm lacking a reason to thwack you. I rarely get taken by surprise like this so it's hard to deal with when it's all so spontaneous. Wait a minute, you're ultimately responsible for everything your company produces. I can get you for the same reason.
Oh yeah, well I'm ready for you, ready for this, I'm prepared and -
<THWACK>
Not prepared enough.
<Intro Voice>
And so Grey bounds off into the sunset, rather disgruntled by all accounts, swinging The Mighty Trout high, sure to drop by Belgium for some chocolates, Philadelphia for cheese steak, Texas for ribs, Hong Kong for noodles, and Greece for who knows what, ever expanding his waistline wherever he encounters stupidity.
Not even a doggie bag for the rest of us.
<End Intro Voice>
