<Intro Voice>
Don't look at me like that, I don't come up with the titles. To be honest I don't think Grey even pays the slightest attention to what goes up there.
If you were here last week you might recall that Grey had actually managed to enjoy himself for once and was merrily hacking and slashing his way through the Lego Star Wars Video Game. He was having great fun, even put off Thwacking to play it over and over again. He's gone through it about three times now.
That was until he found out that Xbox games would not be cross compatible with the Xbox 2. This one's my fault, in case you're wondering.
So what does he do? He drops everything and charges after Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft, developers of the Xbox and Xbox 2.
We all know how interesting these confrontations get.
And now, somewhere in the state of Washington . . .
<End Intro Voice>
All right Gates I know you're somewhere in here, show yourself!
What? Oh no, Grey, what are you doing here this time?
Same thing I do every time I see you, Gates, take names and Thwack faces. Usually yours.
Not now I'm busy.
Yeah right, like that's going to stop me. Like I believe you're busy anyway.
Hey, I founded a company, that took a great deal of effort and dedication.
Depending upon who you ask you all but stole the company.
That's a viscous lie. And still would have taken effort and dedication.
Fine, I'll concede that point. However I have a purpose for being here.
Rather than randomly beating me up?
I remind you that on more than on occasion you've invaded my headquarters with some lame partner and tried to stop me using some sort of invention. Hang on, you've never gotten to use those inventions. That's just lame.
Oh yeah, and why are you here?
Because the Xbox and Xbox 2 are not going to be cross compatible! Games for one won't play on the other! You're forcing people to buy their favourite games all over again for the more potent system.
Oh that. Look, I'm not directly responsible for any of that stuff anymore. I'm largely retired.
Liar, you've got your fingers in every pot you can lunge for. Why even now you're . . . Actually what are you doing? It looks like it's some sort of plot.
Err, uh, no, it's a, err, scale replica of the Death Star.
Scale replica of the Death Star?
Yes.
That's one hundred meters long.
Yes!
And mildly rectangular.
Yes.
And has pipes and tubes coming out of it.
Yeah.
And is labeled Wave Former.
Yeah. I had to use leftovers from an old project.
If that's a Death Star, model or otherwise, then I'm Obi Wan's long lost poker buddy!
You are, tell me, does a Jedi bluff?
I'm not Obi Wan's poker buddy, I was being sarcastic!
Sorry, I'm busy here with my models.
This just goes to prove how involved you are with all these plots and schemes.
I didn't just decide to make the games incompatible, I'm involved in movements of much larger scale.
Hence the popgun?
It's not a popgun.
Then why are underlings in one room drinking bottle after bottle of wine while underlings in the next room try to stick the pieces of cork together into one giant cork?
It's a, uh, another project.
A giant popgun project.
Yeah.
Totally unrelated to this particular giant popgun project.
Yes.
Gates this is pathetic. On the other hand I do believe that this has nothing to do with me. Likewise I'm sure that the lack of compatibility is not a deliberate swipe at me personally.
Good.
That doesn't excuse what you've done. I'm really pissed off!
Do you mind? I'm plotting destruction here.
Gates, you've never managed to successfully plot my destruction.
Not you.
Not me?
No, I do have a life of conniving beyond you.
No you don't.
Yes I do, I lead a very full life full of vindictive ambitions.
No you don't.
Okay, I don't. I'm trying to make other enemies simply because retirement is too boring and no one at Microsoft likes me. Happy now?
No, I wish I had better quality foes.
Well, soon you will then, as soon as my, uh, Death Star is completed.
Can you stop calling it that? No offence, it's an unoriginal name, completely useless and totally inappropriate for it's purpose . . . What is it's purpose?
To shell cities of the world with giant pieces of cork.
The name Death Star is so inappropriate to this thing it isn't even funny. The same can be said for George Lucas' eventual response.
What eventual response?
Lawyers. Probably the most powerful, relentless lawyers in the world.
I have my own horde of lawyers.
Lucas doesn't have a horde, he just has enough of the most powerful ones to get his way in pretty much any legal confrontation that develops. Ever.
So? I have numbers. What is power compared to sheer numbers?
How's the antitrust thingy going?
Shut up.
So what are you going to call it?
The Corker, happy now?
Not in the least. Why are you shooting corks at cities?
Giant corks.
Whatever! No, don't tell me, I don't want to know, I really, really don't. I'm not here for your crackpot schemes, I'm here because you're stupid, and this time you're being stupid in a manner that affects me personally.
Can't I convince you to come back another time?
No. Why?
I'll start from the beginning.
Oh no.
It was my time, my moment. I had the initiative, the gumption to get out there and do unto you as you have done unto we who are undeserving, which would be pretty much everyone you've come into contact with. I was going to turn up with a partner in crime when you least expected it and then -
Who was it?
Huh?
Who was going to be your ever powerful ally this time?
What do you mean?
You've taken them from the list of other's I've Thwacked, so who would it have been this time?
I don't know, I was still in the planning stages. I would have needed someone who compliments my plans and devices perfectly.
By devices I assume you mean something other than the popgun.
Yes, something other than the popgun! Now -
So who would it have been? The Dixie Chix? Because if you worked up the right sort of plan that could have done me in.
I don't -
Of course there is something to be said for having a dumb lug to hide behind, but George W. Bush is too puny to use as a human shield.
Can I finish?
Oh certainly.
I, uh, well, err . . . where was I?
Dunno, wasn't paying any attention. Much like you and consumers really.
You don't go cutting someone off in mid-tirade, it's dangerous!
I know.
Then why did you do it?
You're not tirading now.
So?
<THWACK>
<Intro Voice>
And so Grey marches off into the sunset, Mighty Trout held high sure to play his Xbox relentlessly, regardless of the impending uselessness of everything attached to it.
And please, no one tell him that he should have just gotten a Playstation.
<End Intro Voice>
