<Intro Voice>
Once more we return to Grey and his complete and utter inability to successfully track down and thwack directors. Or so it seems.
Okay, to be fair James Cameron had a golf cart and Grey - short legged, rather pudgy looking Grey that is, couldn't really keep up with something that had a speedometer going into double digits.
On the other hand it is yet to be explained just how Lucas and Spielberg managed to get as far as they have, and they've been running longer.
Well, I'm not going to try and explain it any more.
We could just have me, poor, semi talented, oft ignored Intro Voice try to entertain people, but no. You're here to see Grey, no matter how much he bumbles about.
And now, somewhere in a secret fortress at an undisclosed location . . .
<End Intro Voice>
Man, someone needs to put in an elevator or at least some stairs to this place, that walk up here's murder.
It's not supposed to be easy.
Steven Spielberg?
Actually it's not supposed to be even this possible, it's only taken you what, a week to get up here.
George Lucas?
Clearly you are quite troublesome.
Mary Poppins?!
No, I'm James Cameron, I drove off in a golf cart, remember.
Oh yeah, it the beard that threw me. So what are you three all doing here at the same time? I knew that there was some sort of conspiracy going by what Lucas and Cameron let slip before.
Let slip? James, you of all people should know that loose lips sink ships.
What the Hell's that supposed to mean?
I think he means that when because you directed a movie where a ship sinks you should know about keeping secrets.
That doesn't make any sense.
It's Steve, he doesn't have to make sense.
None of you do, you're too rich and powerful as directors to be challenged over anything you do anymore.
Was that an insult?
Yes, George, he insulted us, and for that he will pay.
Pay by the hairs of you chinny chin chins?
Was that another insult?
Get a clue George.
I'm sorry, that was just too easy, but the three of you, all with beards, how could I let that one slip by?
No matter, for now you will face our combined wrath.
Yeah right.
Fear us, for we are The Macarena of Evil!
The what?
The Macarena of Evil!
Okay, I heard it twice and it still doesn't make sense. What are you guys?
We are the Macarena of Evil, how many times do we have to say it.
I think you need to work on your explanation, why are you the Macarena of Evil?
Well, basically it goes back to the days when George and I were collaborating on a number of movies. I said "Hey George, wouldn't it be fun if we were to band together and pool our resources into a coalition of evil bent on world domination and promoting our films until they transcend mere filmship and attain the status of items to be worships?"
To which I responded that it would be a good idea, however we'd need a third member otherwise it would look stupid.
Yeah, because three guys working together looks so much better than two . . . no that still doesn't make sense.
Well anyway, I though George had a point so we waited until another director reached our status.
We could have used Harrison Ford, except that he was only an actor and pretty much my Do-it-Monkey after Star Wars and Indy.
And then I came along with all my spectacular movies, and we had a true Triumvirate.
A Triumvirate that you named the Macarena of Evil?
Yes.
Because calling yourselves something like the Triumvirate of Evil or the Trio of Terror or the Directing Triangle of Doom just what, made too much sense?
There's already a Triumvirate of Evil that's been operating for twenty years out of Kentucky, so we wanted something fresh and new and easily identifiable with evil and cruel, inhuman torture.
The Macarena.
And besides, with George's lawyers we found that we could buy the label with few worries.
Okay, that nearly makes sense.
We weren't going to make a move this soon, but when you confronted Steve we figured that you were some sort of agent of good who had stumbled on to our plans and were hunting us down one by one.
Actually, I just wanted to hit you guys with The Might Trout here because you've made some really crap movies and need to have some sense knocked into you.
Not because we've formed an alliance of evil?
No.
Uh, anyway, now we've finally thrown of our cloak of concealment and revealed ourselves for what we are.
The Macarena of Evil?
THE MACARENA OF EVIL!!
It just doesn't sound any better the more often it gets said.
Just wait till we've taken over the world and twisted it to our own designs!
How?
By making everyone pay for and watch our movies no matter what we make!
How is that different from before?
Broad, sweeping dictatorial powers.
And the end of all beard jokes.
Right. And just how are the three of you going to achieve this? Two of you are complete weeds and Lucas looks like he's in an eating competition with Jabba the Hutt.
Yeah, I've been meaning to get a personal trainer but the preparations for evil were taking up my time.
You told us that you were too busy working on the next Star Wars movie.
Same difference.
Oh, that's it. I'm just glad all the running and chasing is over, because now I get to thwack the lot of you.
No you won't.
Oh yeah, and why not?
Because we have finally united our forces, you can't hope to stand against them!
Forces? What forces?
Come on now, do you think we'd just team up and use our combined might as producers and directors? We each bring something more than that to The Macarena of Evil.
Like what?
My army of mass-produced Terminators!
Uh oh.
My vast army of clone warriors!
Ah crud.
And my great big glowing finger!
Your what?
Your what?
Your what?
My great big glowing finger.
.
.
.
Hang on, let me get this straight, I go to all the trouble of building thousands of Terminators while George breeds thousands of clones all for our unbeatable army of darkness and your contribution to said army is . . .
My great big glowing finger.
So when James made a move about machines taking over the world, they were real and he plans to use them for world domination. When George made a movie about clone warriors, they were real and he plans to use those in a bid for world domination. When you made a movie involving a large glowing finger . . .
It was mine.
Gah! Dude, put that thing away!
Or at least point it in another direction.
Gee, I'm so sorry.
No not over here!
Put it away and don't bring it up again.
Man, I knew we should have checked each other out properly before we went into this.
What?
You've let the team down, Steve.
How? Why? What have I done?
It's what you haven't done that's the problem. You haven't provided an indomitable, inexhaustible army of your own for The Macarena of Evil!
I bought along something just as good, though. I'm bringing in my great big glowing -
Dude, I swear, if you start waving that thing about again I'm going to get one of my lightsabers and get rid of that thing myself.
Don't you guys know that this is what happens?
What happens when?
You team up with Spielberg and get nothing but a finger.
Awah, man, I think he's right.
But I teamed up with Steve for the Indy movies and they went okay.
Must have been a fluke somehow.
Yeah, this makes much more sense.
Hey, I'm right here. And it's not like the great big glowing finger doesn't have its uses.
We don't want to know.
But -
Steven, don't ever mention that thing again.
I -
Besides, right now we've got other things to do. This guy's been chasing us around the world, we've got to take care of him n-
<THWACK>
Thanks for reminding me why I'm here.
James!
Quick, we must use my g-
The Hell we are!
Well no one commands the Terminators but James, what else are we going to do?
There are still my clones, we'll just -
<THWACK>
Uh oh.
That's right, two massive armies with no commanders. Things haven't been this impotent since before viagra.
Oh yeah, there's still my great big glowing finger!
I know I'm going to regret this very much, to the point of counselling and beyond even, however I've got to ask. Just what the Hell is it about that finger?!
It's big.
Yeah.
And it glows.
Right.
And it's mine.
That's it?
Well, uh, yeah. Why?
How is that equivalent to an army of Terminators or Clones?
Well, I figure that if I keep doing what I did go make my finger big, and keep on doing whatever I did to make it glow, then one day -
No, that's it, I regret it already, let's just get this over with.
<THWACK>
<Intro Voice>
And so Grey, after finally catching up to three guys who barely outpaced snails, marches off into the sunset, swinging The Mighty Trout high, sure to encounter stupidity, and situations that require a great deal of therapy, again!
Anyone got anything to drink?
<End Intro Voice>
