<Intro Voice>
Once more risking throwing his arm out, our hero Grey, along with his trusty Mighty Trout, venture forth into the unknown to do battle with a breed of stupid people who threaten to bring many innocents down with them.
Who writes this stuff?
Look, we're just somewhere in, uh, let's see, Arizona, maybe?
<End Intro Voice>
Hi - Uh, wow, there are a lot of you.
A lot of who?
That's whom, moron.
Patagh!
That's 'patak', stupid.
It is not moron.
DeForrest Kelly fan!
Hey, hey! Stop that and listen to me.
You're just jealous because Captain Picard can't save the day without Captain Kirk.
That was just one movie! Besides, your beloved Captain Sisko couldn't save the day without dying.
Neither could Janeway.
I don't like Janeway any more than you do.
Oh yeah, that's right. But we both watched for Seven of Nine.
Ah, dear Seven.
What she could do with to me with her Borg Implants.
All right, stop it right there, right now, before it gets any sicker!
What?
We're just expressing our mutual admiration for an actress of outstanding abilities.
Who?
Jeri Ryan.
Aka Seven of Nine.
Uh, she's not an actress of outstanding abilities; she's an actress with outstanding proportions.
That's all the Borg enhancements she's got implanted through her body.
No, that's all the cosmetic enhancements she's got implanted through her body.
What's the difference?
Yeah, the Borg can make someone like that if they want to.
Okay, you do realise the Borg aren't real.
They might be.
Just because we don't know they're out there right now doesn't mean that they aren't somewhere out there right now.
And none of that means that there won't some day be a Captain Kirk.
After all, they think that Warp Drive is possible.
So we're really not all that far from it.
Good grief, have you lot ever listened to yourselves? Wait, maybe that's a part of the problem.
What?
Is it wrong to let out imaginations stretch out among the stars?
Is it wrong to dream of a better future where humanity is united as one with other species and exploring the universe?
Is it wrong to imagine a world where guys who know science better than sports score with beautiful chicks?
Is it wrong to want a better life than the one you have now and to imagine that such a life is possible?
Is it wrong to want to live in a place where you can have hologramatic representations of who and whatever you want, ready, willing, able and eager to -
STOP! STOP RIGHT NOW!
All we're asking is if it's so wrong to think that maybe someone wrote the future as it should be and got it right.
It is wrong to let yourselves become so wrapped up in a fictional television program that you refuse to accept other people's view of reality. It's also wrong to degrade other fans of said television show because they don't take it as seriously as you do. It's also wrong to think that any show is or should be an accurate representation of the future.
What's he trying to say?
I just don't think he's a terribly nice person.
Yeah, I mean, he didn't like Seven of Nine. He even degraded Seven of Nine.
Who does he think she is, Kes?
Or Yeoman Rand?
Hey, Yeoman Rand was pretty hot.
Maybe but she was only there for six episodes.
And how many movies?
Movies don't count.
They do so.
They do not.
They do when it's someone as hot as Yeoman Rand.
She's old enough to be our grandmother!
So, that doesn't stop her from being hot.
What, next you're going to say that Patrick Stewart's hot too?
Look, he's a guy, and I don't go for guys. But he is pretty hot all things considered.
WILL YOU PEOPLE SHUT UP! Man, does everything you discuss eventually wind up being about which Star Trek actor is most attractive?
Not every discussion.
Yeah, there was that time when we were wondering just how Vulcans do it.
Because they're all logical and emotional so does that mean it's done as quickly as possible.
Or are they more like Klingons because of the ponn far?
Come on, only Klingons are like Klingons.
And you're forgetting the Vulcan women.
Who can forget a Vulcan woman?
You lot never stop do you.
What?
Here you are, dressed up like extras on Star Trek -
Not extras. I'm Captain Picard. When he was younger and had hair.
I'm Captain Kirk.
I'm the better Captain Kirk since I'm taller.
I'm the best Captain Kirk because I'm taller, have hair and don't live with my parents.
Living with your sister isn't better.
Okay, first of all, not even at his worst has William Shatner ever had a waistline that exceeds-
Hey, I'm just big boned!
And William Shatner was wearing padding to make it all look real.
William Shatner was wearing a corset to hold it all in so it didn't get too real.
Hey!
You can't say that!
I'm telling my mother!
Look at you, a bunch of more or less grown people all dressed up in costumes hoping to pretend to be someone you're not.
And what about you?
What do you mean what about me?
Well, you're in a costume, aren't you?
Yeah, I don't know which superhero wears nothing but gray all the time though.
First off, I am Grey, not gray or Gray, Grey.
Yeah, that's what we said, gray.
Look, never mind about me -
No, you start harassing us because we dress up and pretend to be other people so we do the same to you.
Hey, not all of us are pretending, remember, some of us have more or less made the transition.
Dude, you're letting the side down.
I'm just saying.
I'm nothing like any of you.
Yes you are, you're dressed up, we're dressed up.
But I have a purpose.
And we're less delusional.
Ha!
Oh yeah, well what makes you so special anyway?
How about the fact that I, unlike yourselves have a reason to dress up.
Oh yeah, like what?
First of all, I am Grey, and this is The Mighty Trout.
So?
I go around and Thwack people who are stupid.
What's that got to do with us? Oh.
Hey, we're not stupid.
And what's more we've got our phasers and can smoke your salmon in no time.
It's a trout. And a Mighty Trout at that.
Well, we're not scared.
Just let me call mother and then you'll see who's in control here.
I do believe it's me who's in control.
What makes you say that?
Just look at how many of you are wearing red shirts.
I don't count, my other shirt, the Captain Kirk shirt is at the cleaners.
And I'm Next Generation so I don't count.
No, I think you all count.
<THWACK>
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<Intro Voice>
And so Grey heads off into the sunset, swinging The Mighty Trout high and sure to do further damage to his shoulder at this rate, just as sure as he is to encounter stupidity again!
<End Intro Voice>
