<Intro Voice>
Once again we join Grey, a fairly recently healed Grey I might add, on his continuing adventures, which increasingly seem to lead to very large, very hefty, rather expensive medical bills per Thwacking, only one person at a time and he still manages to throw his arm out, get half blinded, nearly deafened, and still someone pays . . .
Yes I know Grey himself pays, but my point stands. We can't really reasonably expect that Grey can keep doing this and still maintain his health. He's becoming a little more unreliable as time goes on, that's all I'm saying.
Any way, here's Grey again, somewhere in New York . . .
<End Intro Voice>
Hello, are you Missy Elliot?
Yeah. Why do you want to know?
I'm Grey and this is The Mighty Trout.
So?
So?
Yeah, so?
You haven't heard of us?
Are you rich?
No.
Are you a music producer?
No.
Are you a movie producer?
No.
Then there is absolutely no reason why I should have heard of you.
Uh huh. And why would my being a movie producer change your mind?
Because, as great a singer and music producer I am what I think I'd really be great at is acting.
For the love of Mike.
Is that the name of a new movie? I can play the love interest.
What?
Okay, okay, my first major movie role, I'll be the sassy sidekick who's struggling to be a rap artist.
What the hell are you talking about?
I promise not to take up more than a third of the film with my music.
First of all I'm not a movie producer. I said that before and you seem to have heartily ignored it.
You could have been lying.
No, I wouldn't lie if I were a movie producer.
You'd tell me?
Yes. If only so I could turn you down and laugh in your face.
Why?
Because you're Missy Elliot.
Damn right I am.
You're the rapper/producer, a sort of female Puff Daddy.
P-Diddy.
Whatever. You're a female version of that guy with one notable exception, you were once almost worth paying attention to.
I certainly am worth paying attention to.
No, you're misheard me again. I said that you were once worth paying attention to.
I still am.
No, in your early career you at least had a modicum of originality. Now you're just another female rapper wanting more attention than you deserve.
I am not, I'm Missy Elliot.
Right, like that sets you apart anymore.
Hey, I didn't lose weight just to be ignored.
You're sure? Because ever since you lost weight you're been far less original, far more conformist and not in the least bit interesting.
Hey, it's my right to look beautiful.
Maybe, however it is not your right to be boring.
I am not boring.
Yes you are.
I'm a top class act, a rapper who is absolutely stunning to look at too.
No, you're dull and boring and look like everyone else. The only difference between you and one of your backup dancers is that you command the resources to get yourself on film.
I do?
Yes.
So what you're saying is that I don't need a movie producer, I can be my own movie producer.
Oh for the love of God.
No, it all makes sense now. I can produce and act in my own film.
No, please no. Where would you find someone stupid enough to write a film for you?
You're right, I'm a rapper, I can write.
Oh no, no, no, no, no.
I can write, direct, act, hell, it's not that far from directing, I'll just jump right in.
No.
I'll bet that I can do it all. It can't be that different from doing a music video.
What have I done?
It'll just be that little bit longer than a music video. Maybe with a little more talking to. Oh, and a whole lot more of my rapping.
That's it, shut the hell up now!
Why? I don't have to listen to you. I'm too big to have to listen to little wimps like you.
You're not big.
I am so.
You've lost too much weight to be counted as big anymore.
Hey! That was a low blow!
So was teaming up with Madonna.
If you're not willing to back me up I don't want anything to do with you.
That's your choice.
Damn right it is.
However you're forgetting that there are two people here at the moment and I too have a choice.
Are you rich?
No.
Are you powerful?
Well, no, I suppose not. Not in any conventional sense at least.
So your answer, when you boil it right down is no.
Well, yeah, I suppose I'm not really powerful.
So why do I have to pay attention to you?
Because I'm one of the many people you're forcing to pay attention to you.
I'm not forcing anything. Your attention should just naturally fall to me and my talent.
What talent?
Haven't you heard any of my songs?
Like what?
Well, one that should stick in your mind is my absolutely stunning tribute to Aaliyah.
Your what?
That song I did right after Aaliyah died.
Which one?
The one where I sing about her. You know, I go on about the great loss to music, to the world now that she's gone.
The song that consists of about thirty seconds of tribute to Aaliyah and five minutes of you doing your thing? You call that a tribute to Aaliayah?
It's what she would have wanted.
And I'm certain that she would have wanted this too.
<THWACK>
<Intro Voice>
And so Grey, rather dull, boring, monochromatic fellow that he is, marches off into the sunset, which by virtue of having him nearby is also a tad lacklustre, swinging The Mighty Trout high, okay, so that does look rather cool from this angle, sure to encounter stupidity again!
Of course it's not really that interesting, is it?
<End Intro Voice>
