<Intro Voice>
And so once more here we are again. With that Grey guy and The Mighty Trout, doing what they do every week in a never-ending, boring cycle of mad Thwackery and mayhem.
I mean really, we want some diversity don't we? We all want something a little bit different from what we're suffering now, right?
Anyway, until it's fully realised this will have to do.
Oh, and right now we're somewhere in and or around Detroit for some reason . . .
<End Intro Voice>
Excuse me are you Melissa Etheridge?
Yes. Why?
You're the famous rock star who hasn't put out a lot of music lately, right?
Yeah, I've had other priorities of late.
Do you know that while you've been focusing on other priorities the music world has been flooded by useless bits of flotsam?
What do you mean?
Without a decent female rocker pop tarts and American Idol contestants have taken over the music world. It's terrible. You can't find a decent piece of music anywhere.
Yes you can.
Only rarely. And what's more without the likes of you out there proving that women can be in music and talented at the same time there's nothing to encourage the more like you. Women who want to get into music spend more on plastic surgery than they do on.
I don't really see how that's my problem.
Don't you care about music?
Yeah, I do, I still play, just not on the scale I used to.
Do you care about the future then?
Sure, I'm a mother now, I have my children's future to care about.
Then how can you sit by and just let all this happen?
I didn't let anything happen, this trend has been going on for longer than I've been around.
But at least when you were out there people could point to one female musician, musician, not just a bouncy singer, and say that they didn't all have to be fluffy bits of forgettable junk cluttering up the air.
I still don't see how any of this is my problem.
Uh, well, without you around as a positive influence bouncy bimbos and bimbettes took over.
So I'm to blame for Brittany Spears?
Not quiet, I certainly wouldn't use those words exactly, but your absence has done more harm than good.
Now I disagree. I put my career on hold because I thought it was far more important to be a parent to my children along with my life partner.
Really? I thought that was the reason.
Well, do you have a problem with that?
No, no, actually, that's a pretty good reason. I mean, it's not a great reason because it limits and lowers the quality of music your children will hear as they grow, but being a parent is really very important.
Then do you have a problem with me being a lesbian?
No. I mean you're just like heterosexual women, you won't go out with me. Although lesbians do tend to have a better reason than most.
A better reason than the fact that you're a gray clad freak running around with a fish?
Well . . . I didn't say it was that much better, but it's still better and preserves what little self-confidence I have left.
Oh. Sorry. So why are you here?
Actually, I don't know why I'm here. By all logical reasoning you should not be on any thwacking list. Okay, maybe if you're some sort of militant vegetarian, but I think that the good here probably evens out the bad.
There's a list for this sort of thing?
Sort of, I keep a little informal list of who to go after. Sometimes there's a few people on it, sometimes there's no one and I just go with the flow. Lately though there have been a few strange requests.
Strange how?
Well, Missy Elliot, Celine Dion, Janet Jackson, it makes sense to go after them. However the Spice Girls don't really exist anymore. I should have more important targets. Besides, bringing them back together for any reason increases the risk of a comeback.
I don't think I really fit into that.
You don't. One of the reasons I went after Posh Spice was because she was using her marriage and children to cling to fame, the exact opposite of you.
Then why are you here?
I don't know, it's almost as if someone faked the list.
That's paranoid.
It could still be true, it may mean that somewhere out there someone is conspiring to use me and The Mighty Trout for their own diabolical -
<Intro Voice>
And that would be all we have from Grey and The Mighty Trout this week as both now suddenly have to run off into the sunset.
Er, why? Uh, because.
No, not just because. Uh, because they, uh, well, they uh, are being chased by Melissa Etheridge. Yeah, that's right. You know what Grey's like. You know how women react to him.
Uh, not normally by chasing him around. Well, uh, Melissa Etheridge is different.
Yes, even though Grey never tried to chat her up or anything, this is different in a bad way.
And so we might not see, or hear anything at all from Grey and The Mighty Trout.
Yes. Pity really.
<End Intro Voice>
