<Intro Voice>
Greetings one and all. Yes I am still alive, thank you for your concern. Grey now owes me five bucks because he didn't think that anyone would care about my welfare. However you have proven him gloriously wrong by giving a damn.
Of course, now that I think about it you may have just been worried that Grey would now be facing murder or manslaughter charges on top of the random assault charges he seems to be racking up.
But here I am, all forgiven after my apology. Well, not quiet the full apology. I had been asked for four pages, came up with seven, not counting the song of absolute and abject apology that I wanted to sing, and was pre-empted.
We've decided to call it even. I don't want to have to go through that again, they don't want to risk me singing.
At any rate, we are here, again, with a nice, normal episode of Grey and The Mighty Trout where nothing out of the ordinary will happen.
Uh, except for the normal extraordinary things that tend to happen so often here.
Did that make sense?
Never mind. And now, somewhere in California . . .
<End Intro Voice>
John Travolta?
Yes, what do you want? I'm busy.
Busy? You? How?
I've got to fly a plane to Berlin. Who knew that when I offered to support the airlines by being a spokesman-actor-pilot that they'd actually have me doing runs like this for real?
Yeah, that's the airlines for you.
I figure that I've got all of ten minutes before I have to be strapped in and take a load of people to Europe so make this quick.
Okay, I'll try and help you out here since you work for the airlines.
Thanks.
You're welcome. You're John Travolta, actor, right?
Yeah.
Then that means you're the John Travolta who acted in "Grease".
Yes.
And the John Travolta who was in "Saturday Night Fever", the movie that foolishly legitimized Disco?
Uh, well, you see, that wasn't really my fault -
You might be able to explain later if we have time.
Okay.
This means that you're the John Travolta from "Look Who's Talking"?
Yes.
And then "Pulp Fiction"?
Uh huh.
Followed by "Broken Arrow".
Yep.
Then "Face Off", "Michael" and that weird one set in the Midwest town, the one I can never remember the name of, and then "Battlefield Earth?
Sounds about right. What is this about?
Well -
Thwack me!
What?
Huh?
Come on, Thwack me!
Who are you?
And what are you talking about. I hope you're talking to this guy because I've got a plane to fly.
Come on Grey, Thwack me!
Who are you?
I'm Bruce Campbell. Now hit me with that fish.
Is that what you do?
This is no mere fish. This is The Mighty Trout.
Okay, hit me with the Mighty Trout.
You do that?
Uh, can you wait a minute John? Okay, it's The Mighty Trout, and I don't have a good reason to Thwack you.
You don't?
What do you mean you don't? I'm Bruce Campbell.
Uh, so?
I'm the annoying B-Grade Movie actor.
And?
My entire career is built around cheesy crap.
I don't think I've seen all that many of your movies.
You've never seen any "Evil Dead" movies?
I have, that's kind of good in a bad way.
Yeah, I've seen it.
Then you know exactly what it is that I'm capable of and why I deserve to be solidly Thwacked.
No, I don't think so.
But, I had a crappy bit part in "Spiderman".
You did?
Yeah. Damn, I wish more people had recognised me, but I was overshadowed by Macho Man Randy Savage.
I can see how that would have happened.
Thanks John. Now convince him to Thwack me.
Would it really be that much trouble?
I really don't want to set the precedent of Thwacking people who want to be Thwacked. It defeats the purpose of what I'm doing here.
But, but I'm a cruddy actor.
So?
I get by on acting so appalling it makes daytime soap operas, professional wrestling and talk shows look like Oscar material.
He's got a point there.
But he does it so well.
He's got a point there.
Didn't you see any of my acting in the Hercules and Xena TV series?
Oh, wait, I think I saw some of that.
It was terrible, right?
Yeah, but in a way that kind of elevated the shows.
But my performance was appalling, I jumped around like an idiot.
So?
Isn't that why you hit people with The Mighty Trout?
You seem to be remarkably well informed.
I do my research.
You still haven't answered my question.
Okay. I do my research, and I've found that pretty much everyone that you hit with that Mighty Trout of yours is famous.
Yeah. So?
So I figure that if you hit me with that Mighty Trout I'll be famous.
Aren't you already kind of sort of famous already?
Not nearly famous enough. Not fifteen million dollar mansions with herds of pet pigs rich.
Herds of pet pigs rich?
That doesn't make sense, I didn't think that pigs were still the in thing.
So I'm a little behind the times compared to mister big shot Travolta. This is why I need to be hit by the fish.
What you're saying still doesn't make sense.
It's all very simple. You hit rich, powerful famous people. If you hit me I'll be rich, powerful and famous.
Your logic isn't so much as flawed as it is completely nonexistent. What the hell sort of reasoning is that?
What?
It's wrong, it doesn't make sense.
Oh. Drat.
Wait a minute, if his thinking on this is so bad then isn't he, you know, stupid.
Hey, yeah, that's right.
Uh oh.
So don't you sort of have to hit him now?
I think you do Grey.
But it's what he wants! That makes even less sense!
Too bad.
No, not too bad, I'm already behind schedule. John Travolta?
Yeah.
Actor?
Yeah.
Actor who used to be really entertaining?
That's me.
Actor who then got really annoying.
Unfortunately yeah.
Actor who then became really entertaining again?
Oh boy yeah!
You're annoying again.
Oh. Am I?
Yes.
Okay, do what you got to do then.
Thanks.
<THWACK>
Now me!
No.
Please?
No.
But I deserve it.
No.
I'll be your friend.
No. Look, behind you, it's Elvis!
Where?
Yoink!
<Intro Voice>
And so Grey makes a mad dash into the sunset, swinging The Mighty Trout high, being chased by an overeager Bruce Campbell, sure to encounter stupidity again!
Hey, if people that Grey hits are rich, powerful and famous I wonder if that means I'm now rich, powerful and famous?
Nah, can't be. I'm still working here.
<End Intro Voice>
