<Intro Voice>
And now, somewhere, uh, well, er, . . . Hand me the map. I know where he is I just have to make sure. Well no one clears the travel plans through me, I'm just the "Intro Voice". I "don't need to know such trivial details to do the job properly." No I am not holding out for more money, that was never the issue, this is about respect. Now give me the damn map before someone out there notices something's up.
Ahem. And now, somewhere in New York. . .
<End Intro Voice>
Hello, are you Janine Garofalo?
Yeah, who are you and what do you want?
You're the one who-
I said who are you and what do you want? Until you answer me I don't answer you.
Okay, I'm Grey-
Dressed like that I should have known. Don't you have the originality to choose a name not automatically connected with the color scheme of your wardrobe?
I have a wide and diverse wardrobe.
And all of it gray, I suppose?
Well, uh, yeah, but it's not a style thing.
I'll say, it's more of a lack of style thing.
No, it, uh, hey, this is massively off the subject.
We don't have a subject yet.
Well, let me get started.
You still haven't told me why you're here. Come to think of it you haven't really told me who you are.
I told you, I'm Grey.
Grey what? Grey Smith, Grey Robinson, Grey O'Connell, Grey Khan, Grey Leibowitz, Grey Harris, Grey McDougal, Grey Singh, Grey Vendecar, Grey Simmons, Grey Braithwaite, Grey Goldstein, Grey Silverberg, what?
Just Grey.
Okay, the one name thing, that got old with Madonna.
I don't have any other name.
Sure you don't.
Look, I'm here for something in particular, so if you'd just let me continue, then you'd find out exactly who I am, what I'm here to do and what it all has to do with you.
Fine. But if you turn out to be insane, stupid or someone trying to tell me to be nicer I'll stab you somewhere unpleasant with my umbrella.
Deal. Anyway, you're Janeane Garofalo, actress, comedian, chain smoker?
Yep. So what are you going to do about it?
You've gone on record saying that what makes you proud is the sight of a naked gay man or woman burning the United States of America?
Something like that, why?
Let's see, was it more like: "Our country is founded on a sham: our forefathers were slave-owning rich white guys who wanted it their way. So when I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.' That you can have a gay parade on Christopher Street in New York, with naked men and women on a float cheering, 'We're here, we're queer!' -- that's what makes my heart swell. Not the flag, but a gay naked man or woman burning the flag. I get choked up with pride."
That doesn't sound like me.
I thought I got the quote right.
No, the words are right, I just don't think that you sounded like me.
I'm not here to do impressions.
Good, I hope you have some other marketable skill.
But you said those words, right?
Oh yeah, and no one can do anything about it. That is what freedom of expression is all about.
A gay man burning a flag?
Yeah. You got a problem with that?
No, I don't particularly care about flags or anyone else's sexual orientation.
And what does that mean?
That means people can be as gay as they want about me, I don't care. Human beings are all about diversity.
That's right. So what are you trying to start here?
Nothing. Well, actually something.
Then you're doing a crappy job of it.
There is a point to this.
At the end of your head.
Oh ha, ha, like I haven't heard that one before.
So what's this point?
I'm getting there, I'm getting there.
With all the speed of a rock rolling up hill.
Look, you've said that nothing makes you prouder than a naked gay man burning a US flag, right?
Yes. We've been through this. You said my words yourself.
You've also said that a gay man just with a US flag does not make you proud, right?
Yes. So?
Well, what's wrong with a gay man waving the US flag?
It's not the same as a gay man burning the flag.
Uh, yeah, I know that. The whole element of burning is a little hard to miss. What I mean is how does burning the flag make for a better expression than waving the flag or holding the flag or any of that?
Well, uh, it's, uh, a matter of, uh, expression. Yeah, anyone can wave the flag, but burning it, especially a gay man burning it really gets to the people in charge.
I remind you that until fairly recently there was little chance of a man being both openly gay and able to walk a street without being beaten to a bloody pulp. Now a days it's possible for homosexuals to do whatever they want limited only by abilities. Well, almost, there's still a few hurdles.
What's your point?
My point is that it shouldn't matter how someone expresses themselves, the point is that they can express themselves.
Don't you get it? It's burning the American flag! That means something!
It only means something if you let it. The flag is an idea. So at one point it was about a bunch of rich white guys with slaves wanting freedom for themselves to do things their way. At another point it was about a country trying to cling together and not owning slaves. And later still it was about everyone being equal under that flag and being free. Things change.
It still meant what it meant.
That's the history of the flag, and that doesn't change, but the idea of freedom is still there. It doesn't matter if you wave it or burn it, the idea is freedom to say and do what you want limited only by respect for other people. Now other people may express themselves differently than you by treating the flag differently from you, but it's still their expression. Whether they're gay and wave the flag, straight and burn the flag, gay and burn the flag, it doesn't really matter.
Yes it does -
They may not like the way you're expressing yourself, you may not like the way they express themselves, but as long as no one is really being hurt it doesn't really matter. The flag is only a representation of the idea, it's just a piece of cloth. Who cares what happens to the cloth, the important thing is the idea.
Okay, I'm not getting this and I think you're missing the point too.
<sigh> You do realize that it's the ideas that the flag represents that allow you to do what you're doing now. Speaking your mind, voicing your opinion however much others may disagree and vice versa.
Okay, let me put it this way. You like people to express themselves in as extreme a manner as possible, and if it pisses off someone in authority all the better, right?
Yes. Are we done here, I have a life.
Would you like me to express myself, even though it is likely to piss off some people?
Yeah, sure, whatever gets you off. Go ahead.
<THWACK>
<Intro Voice>
And so Grey marches off into the sunset, swinging The Mighty Trout high, sure to encounter stupidity again!
<End Intro Voice>
