<Intro Voice>
Okay, the title of this adventure is a little misleading. It's not a long story, though it is complicated.
In essence Grey has been a little down lately, what with the dismissal of Bruce Campbell, the loss of the Lego Star Wars game, torture at the vile hands of Mickey Mouse and a failure to Thwack Florida due to a high concentration of firearms that resulted in my car getting more piercings than a Goth Rock singer. Oh, and Blackbird was also injured.
And then there's the Kirsten Dunst thing. I thing Grey simply doesn't know how to let go of anything. Ever.
So Grey was moping about the Troutcave trying to decide who and whether he should Thwack this week when he got a call from Brad Pitt.
Yes Brad Pitt. No I don't know how he got Grey's number. I've told you everything I know.
And now, somewhere in Mexico . . .
<End Intro Voice>
Okay, I'm here. What do you want?
Hi I'm Brad Pitt.
Gee, I did not know that, for I have been sitting in a cave, blissfully unaware of any aspects of Jennifer Aniston's love life.
Ah, biting sarcasm, you must be Grey.
That's right, and that wasn't just biting sarcasm, that was a fervent wish.
Blame the paparazzi, not me. I personally prefer not to be photographed on the beach. I'm more of an interior kind of guy.
I don't care, how did you get my number, why did you contact me and why did you want to meet me in Mexico?
The relative value of the peso and the dollar make Mexico an excellent location for purchasing goods and services cheaply.
I know how much you make per movie, why are you doing things cheaply?
One word: Troy.
Fair enough.
Besides, I'm not the only on here.
Hi Grey.
John Travolta? I know how much he makes per movie too, I'm not surprised he's in Mexico.
It's not how much I make per movie it's the quality of the movie I'm in.
That changes nothing.
Drat.
Anyway, John is why I'm here.
For we shalt not wander the Earth once our task is done.
And him too.
Who is he?
Ask John.
I don't know.
Yea, for those of us who know not of fear, of pained touch nor of sight soiled by the deeds unforgivable shall be spared. Those of us who see and do not practice, know and do not partake there shall be the role of Bringer of Justice.
What is that, scripture?
Doesn't sound like anything I've heard in my church.
You're a Scientologist Travolta, that's not a church that's a cult.
It is not.
Anything that promises horrible things towards it's members if they don't do as they're told and frequently thinks of itself as being able to get away with breaking laws is a cult.
He's got you there.
Not really.
Stand forth for I shalt present unto thee a gift of power, a talisman with which you can alter that which once stood immune.
So why am I here?
The church of Scientology has a very good, strong, concise answer to that.
Pitt?
Well, what happened was that John here woke up one morning with this guy on his doorstep.
And?
He's dressed in the same colour clothes you are.
He is not.
It's gray, both of you.
My clothing is grey. His is gray. Maybe even blue-gray.
Well, anyway John doesn't know what to do with him. This guy keeps talking, standing there, no knows what to do with him.
So I call Brad Pitt.
Why?
Don't ask, please don't ask.
Why be shy? Brad Pitt is well known as a problem solver.
That's a better explanation than I thought you'd give.
I'm not sure I want any elaboration on that.
So I turn up at John's place and don't really know what to do. This guy isn't doing anything except staring off into space and . . .
Chose wisely those who claim ignorance. Salvation rests upon not recantation nor defence but upon realisation that the path before you is not the only one.
I get the picture. So why Mexico?
I have a plane. And I can fly it.
Don't help. So I don't know what to do with this one. We try a couple of things, mostly variations on putting him into a dumpster, of course he never fits right so that doesn't work. The John figures out why he looks so familiar. You.
We look nothing alike.
Aside from the clothes.
How did you know my phone number anyway?
I'm a Scientologist, we have mysterious ways.
You bribed or strong-armed someone, didn't you?
A little from column A, a little from column B.
What was I supposed to do with this guy?
Well, you're alike, so we figured you knew where he came from.
I don't.
Then at the very least we thought you'd be able to take him home. Wherever that may be.
So you're palming him off on me?
Some of the stuff he says is very much like what you would say or do.
Like what?
Thwack them high.
Proves nothing.
You've got to do something.
Why me?
You're a superhero, you've got to save the day.
First of all I'm not a superhero. Second this is hardly the sort of situation that requires superhero calibre skill.
So if you're not a superhero and this isn't a superhero situation why can't you take care of it?
This isn't any special situation, you guys could have just taken care of this.
How?
I don't know, have him committed, put him into public care, something. For all we know someone misses this guy.
Those that have fallen and those that will yet fall are to be pitied, not hated. For though they have chosen wrong it is just that, choice. And in that moment the act of choosing consumes them beyond hope of their fate though not beyond hope of redemption.
Excuse me, we're celebrities. We do something like that with someone like this there could be all sorts of repercussions and questions and investigations.
And it's hard enough for John to try and get a job these days.
Yeah.
This is not my responsibility, this is your problem, you should fix it.
You're sure he's not some sort of illegitimate child?
What?!?!?!
No, John, can't be. I've talked to Kirsten Dunst, I know what this guy is like.
Thanks so very much. Wait, you know Kirsten Dunst? I don't suppose you could talk to her for me? I mean, if I do take this guy away and . . .
Uh, no, sorry, you pretty much burned that bridge with Bruce Campbell.
I'm not associated with Bruce Campbell anymore!
So you'll take care of this guy?
Fine. But there's going to be some repercussions. This is for being in a Cult!
<THWACK>
Damn that felt good. Been a long time since I've had the opportunity.
Maybe, but I'm sure you don't have anything on me. I admit the stupidity of Troy.
Angelina Jolie.
What's wrong with her?
<THWACK>
Fallen have the wrongdoers under the swing of The Mighty. Such is justice. Such is fate.
Yeah. Okay. Now if you'd just like to come this way we'll find something nice and padded for you to stay in.
<Intro Voice>
And so Grey wanders off into the sunset, keeping a weary eye on, uh, actually we never did get that guys name. Well wandering off sure to encounter stupidity again!
<End Intro Voice>
