Grey and The Mighty Trout vs. Barney

<Intro Voice>
Okay, stay with me people, this is important. Against all advice to the contrary Grey is facing up to someone, who while deserving a good thwack, is not likely to be taken down easily.
So, strap yourselves in, leave your tray tables in the upright position, put your heads between your knees and keep them there unless you want to see what happens next, which isn't likely to be suitable for the younger members of the populous.
Oh, and twenty bucks says Grey doesn't get out of this alive.
And now, within the deepest, darkest recesses of the bowels of Hell somewhere in Hollywood, no darker than that coffee shop all the lawyers go to . . .
<End Intro Voice>

Okay, you great purple menace. I'm here for you Barney!

HELLO EVERYBODY!

I don't care where you're hiding, you purple and green mound of rotting putrescence. I'll find you!

I THINK SOMEONE NEEDS A HUG!

Oooooohhh, no you don't.

MAYBE SOMEONE'S NOT AS HAPPY AS THEY SHOULD BE!

Come on out and face me!

LET'S SING A HAPPY SONG!

What? No. No!

I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME, WE'RE AS HAPPY AS CAN BE!

Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!

I LOVE YOU! YOU LOVE ME!

Don't you know any other words?

WE'RE AS HAPPY AS CAN BE!

Look you purple monster, in case you don't know, I am Grey.

LET'S ALL BE FRIENDS!

This is The Mighty Trout.

I THINK YOU'LL LIKE IT HERE WITH US!

I am here to either knock some sense into you -

WE'LL HAVE SUCH FUN!

Or put a stop to you and your mayhem permanently!

WE'LL SING SONGS AND DANCE AND PLAY!

Dammit will you shut up and start talking like a real person!

SILLY, I'M A DINOSAUR!

You're not a dinosaur; you're a guy in a stinking suit.

OH NO, I'M A DINOSAUR! SEE, I'VE GOT A TAIL!

You're a guy in a suit. Which makes the overdeveloped "six year old" girls and boys that you prance around with all the more disturbing.

THEY'RE MY FRIENDS!

They're your captives. Their own parents have sold them to you. Grown adults who are just looking for whatever fame and money they can wring out of their own children!

DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND TOO?

No I don't want to be your friend!

I THINK SOMEONE NEEDS A NAP!

I am not going to be your friend; I've seen what happens.

YOU KNOW ABOUT ALL THE HUGS AND KISSES!

I know all about the poor souls who get trapped in children's television and never get out alive.

MY FRIENDS ARE ALIVE!

A heartbeat is a technicality.

SEE FOR YOURSELF!

Huh?

THEN JOIN US!

What the hell are you talking about? What - Yikes!

K-kill m-me.

Who are you? Why are you here? What happened to you?

SHE'S MY FRIEND!

K-kill m-me. Please.

What's happened to you?

WE HAD FUN!

Oh, that explains a lot.

WE SANG AND PLAYED GAMES!

You monster!

Kill me.

Uh, sorry, but I'm technically unarmed. All I've got is The Mighty Trout and that's only lethal if you're stupid and I thwack you over the side of a building. We're, uh, well we're certainly subterranean at the moment.

Please, end the pain.

I THINK SOMEONE WANTS ANOTHER ROUND OF SINGING.

Oh God no.

I don't think there's any God that can save us now.

I LOVE YOU! YOU LOVE ME!

Don't you know anything but that one, mindless, tuneless, endless piece of trash?

That's it, I'm going to try and swallow my own tongue now.

No!

WE'RE AS HAPPY AS CAN BE!

Shut up!

SOMEONE DEFINITLY NEEDS A HUG AND A NAP!

No I don't! Keep back! Stay away, I said!

DON'T YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS?

It'll be a cold day in Hell before I'm your friend.

WHAT'S THE MATTER? WHY AREN'T YOU HAPPY?

Why am I not happy? Well, let's start with the fact that you're ruining the minds of children.

THEY'RE ALL MY FRIENDS. WE LAUGH AND SING AND PLAY TOGETHER.

No you don't. Crappy parents who don't know proper child care sit their kids in front of the television and let you comatose them into silence for hours at a time.

WE CAN ALL BE FRIENDS!

Then those same parents insist on sinking money into your merchandise, which allows road shows, movies, videos, DVDs, endless vassals for your evil to spread!

NOW I KNOW SOMEONE NEEDS A HUG!

That's it! One way or another I am going to stop you from being a menace to the world!

TIME FOR HUGS AND KISSES!

Oh no you don't! For the children!

<THWACK>

What the -? Why didn't the head of that costume go flying off?

THIS ISN'T A COSTUME!

Wait, you're a real purple, human sized dinosaur that isn't munching on foolish, misused little children?

I LOVE MY FRIENDS!

Oh crap.

LET'S HUG!

Nnnoooooooooooooooooooo!

<THWACK>

I THINK THAT SOMEONE'S A LITTLE TIRED.

Get away! Get away!

IS THAT ANY WAY TO SPEAK TO A NEW FRIEND!

I am not your friend!

NOT YET, BUT JUST WAIT A MINUTED AND THEN EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL BETTER!

No! Awah man, times like this I wish I were Grey and The Mighty Flame Thrower.

LET'S BE FRIENDS!

YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!

<Intro Voice>
Well, let's stop it there before it gets any more graphic!
Man, I, uh, well, I assume that uh, well, Grey has to get out of this somehow. I don't know how exactly, but I haven't been given any notification otherwise so I still have a job. That means that Grey has to get out somehow, with The Mighty Trout.
Unless this is my big break. I mean, it's not that unlikely, is it? The Intro Voice Show? It has a nice ring to it. I've always wanted to be a singer, now here's my chance!
So, be back next week for whatever happens. Hopefully Grey and The Mighty Trout. If not, well, it's a bright new future and we've all got to face it sometime.
<Intro Voice>