< Intro Voice > Today our story begins somewhere in suburban United States of America . . . < End Intro Voice >
Hi there!
Hello. Say, is that SUV yours?
Yes it is, isn't she a beauty?
Not really.
What? How can you not love this machine? Look, it's big and shiny and powerful.
Uh, yeah, you see, that's the problem.
You have a problem with big and shiny and powerful? What are you, a freak?
He is carrying a fish.
This isn't just a fish, this is The Mighty Trout.
Sure, whatever.
Yeah, you hate big and shiny and powerful.
Oooooooooh, so powerful.
You're drooling on your paint job.
What?
No!
Quick, a shamy, a shamy!
Okay, if you guys are finished polishing your big, powerful shiny, I want to talk to you about this SUV of yours.
Uh, yeah, sure, just let me finish polishing it off.
Almost done.
Oh, yeah, that's so much better.
Doesn't that feel nice, baby?
Okay, look, uh, I want to talk to you about this thing.
Why, if you hate it so much.
You called it big, powerful and shiny.
There was another and in there.
Okaaaay. Look, you called this big, right?
Yep.
Tell me, how easy is it to park that thing?
Not easy at all. We're thinking about starting a petition to start widening all the parking 
spaces in the world to accommodate SUVs.
It's only fair.
Fair? You do realize that doing so makes it even harder on small cars, right? I mean they already face being on the worst end of any accident involving an SUV.
So?
Anyone who doesn't drive an SUV is just asking to be crushed like an aluminium can.
< sigh > I suppose I should have expected this.
Expected what?
Okay, so you're driving the biggest, most powerful thing on the road. Why?
Duh, it's big and powerful and shiny.
But it's powerful because it's a four-wheel drive. Why don't you drive it where four- wheel drives belong?
Where's that?
Off road. Fording rivers. In the mud and dirt through forests and deserts and rocky mountains.
What!
But that would mean it wouldn't be shiny!
It's what people with real four-wheel drives do.
Those hideous monsters!
Bastards! How could they do such a thing to this poor, beautiful machine?
Poor, beautiful machine? It's damn near an armoured vehicle! It's supposed to be able to go off road and handle rough terrain! What the hell else are you supposed to do with a powerful vehicle?
Take care of it! Nurture it, you don't actually --
Use it?
Well . . .
So as far as you're concerned an SUV is a big, shiny thing you polish and take tender loving care of?
It is a Sports vehicle.
It's a Sports Utility Vehicle.
So when do you use the Utility part of it?
Well. . .
They just put that in there so the acronym has three letters, right?
You do realize that these big, powerful vehicles-
Don't forget shiny.
< sigh > These big, powerful, shiny vehicles are so massively fuel inefficient that they're pretty much the source of the present fuel shortage.
Well, they are powerful.
That doesn't come without a price.
< sigh > You just don't get it, do you?
Get what?
Here you are with a massively over powered, oversized, fuel guzzling vehicle that you use for cruising around placid suburban roads where this massive piece of machinery serves no purpose other than to inflate your own egos!
So?
That's it, I give up. Time to try something new.
Really, does that mean you're leaving?
You see this?
The fish?
This is The Mighty Trout.
And?
You're going to get an up close and personal inspection of it.
No thanks.
We'd rather polish our nice big SUVs.
That's it.
**THWACK**
**THWACK**
< Intro Voice > And so Grey leaves the SUV owners and marches off into the sunset, destined to encounter stupidity again! < End Intro Voice >
