<Intro Voice>
When last we left Grey he had just been blasted by Celine Dion -
No, not short at nor hit by a deathray, Celine sang. Yes, the bad thing.
Anyway, that was just a short time after Janet Jackson flashed Grey -
There is no good way for Janet Jackson to flash anyone, though blinding them with bright light is probably the better alternative.
Anyway, between Celine blimmin’ Dion and Janet freaking Jackson Grey’s in pretty bad shape.
Doctors say he’ll recover, and he’s got partial sight and hearing as it is, however he’s still not a hundred percent.
Between that and a lack of either a Greymobile or a Troutmobile Grey is being lead out of Canada by Blackbird.
With a slight detour as I understand.
And now, somewhere on the edge of Canada, which is about the only interesting part of Canada really . . .
<End Intro Voice>
So how much longer do you think you'll need me to lead you around?
What?
How long do I have to keep doing this?
Oh, doctors said it’s a hysterical reaction more than anything, so only another week or so and I'll be fine.
Great. Just what I always wanted, to be Grey's seeing-eye-Blackbird.
What?
I just said that your father appreciates the Dixie Chix for their music and their hairstyles.
Yeah, I think I’d like some ice cream too.
Okay, so this isn’t all bad.
What isn’t all bad?
Well, in the course of waiting for you to get all bandaged up I actually found someone who’d like to meet you.
Someone wants to meet me? I must be deaf.
It’s gets worse. She’s very interested in seeing you.
Now I know I didn’t hear that right.
No, really, someone, a female someone, was interested in the description I gave of you.
What?
I said that a girl liked what I said about you.
How badly did you lie?
I didn’t lie, I just creatively omitted certain details.
I don’t think that’s better.
I’m getting a girl to see you.
I forgive you.
That’s better.
Huh?
Never mind.
Huh?
Here she is.
Who? Where?
Hello.
Grey, Avril Lavigne. Avril, Grey.
Who?
He hasn’t heard of me?
I’m sure he’s heard of you, it’s just that he’s a little injured at the moment.
Injured? He looks fine to me.
That’s because Janet Jackson and Celine Dion leave no physical scars.
He’s got a point there.
That doesn’t mean he shouldn’t recognise me on sight. I’m Avril Lavigne. I’m famous.
He can’t see all that well.
That’s no excuse, he should still know it’s me.
What did she say?
She’s apparently having some sort of fit because you don’t instantly recognise the great and famous -
And talented, and stunningly beautiful, and original -
As original as everyone who came before her?
Of course. The original and completely unequalled Avril Lavigne.
What was that?
How much of that did you get, Grey?
I heard something about a popular singer claiming originality. You’re sure I shouldn’t be waving about The Mighty Trout?
I’m beginning to think so.
Wave about the what? I didn’t agree to anything sick or twisted.
Beyond what was in that recording contract of course.
Of course. How else am I supposed to maintain my fame?
I think you should ready that Mighty Trout, Grey.
Huh?
Oh yeah, that fish that you mentioned, I’d like to see that.
Keep this up you’ll be getting your own special view of it.
What did you say?
Hey, you peaked my interest with it. I’ve heard of some guy knocking off my competition with a fish and I wanted to meet him. Maybe give him a little specific direction.
What?
What?
I may be the single most talented musician of the day and represent everything that is the youth of America, if not the world, but I’ll admit, sometimes even I need some help.
That’s all you wanted to see Grey for? When I first told you about him you looked like you might have been interested in him on a more personal level.
What?
Why would I want to do that?
Because he’s an interesting and worthwhile being?
What was that?
That thing?
Are people talking about me?
Well . . . Okay, maybe I was reaching a bit.
People are talking about me, right?
So what’s your problem with me?
Guys?
What do you mean?
First of all you bring me here because you, for some unknown reason, believe that I will find this thing physically attractive.
I don’t hear my name. You’ve got to be talking about me.
Secondly you drag your half deaf, half blind and totally dateless loser friend here to meet me, me now, keep in mind just who the important person is. So clearly you wanted something from me but now you’re all hostile and stuff. What’s up with that?
Well, Grey would probably say something about your presumption of importance and talent where none was deserved, and go on about how you’re as original as every other pre-packaged Barbie Doll of a female "musician", however I’m not Grey. I just think you’re a bitch.
What?!
What?
Okay, maybe bitch is too strong. A limp, damp paper towel stuck to the buttocks of humanity maybe.
You can’t call me that?
I heard that. What did you say?
Grey, get The Mighty Trout ready.
Why? Who’s here? It’s not Bill Gates again is it?
Not quiet.
Huh?
There he is Grey!
What? Bill Gates? Here?
<THWACK>
Did I get him?
You got her.
Her? Wait, a girl liked me?
Uh, not quiet.
A girl almost liked me.
I suppose.
And I Thwacked her with The Might Trout?!
You can do better, Grey.
No I can’t!!
You’re right, you probably can’t, but I’m pretty sure that people will appreciate this anyway.
<Intro Voice>
And so Grey is lead off into the sunset by Blackbird, Mighty Trout held high and sinking into a dark depression, sure to encounter stupidity again!
Oh yes, and Avril Lavigne’s plans to eliminate other singers to make herself more popular remain completely unworkable. Yes. Completely.
<End Intro Voice>
