<Intro Voice>
And now, somewhere in Paris, France . . .
What?
What else am I supposed to say?
That Grey's still looking for Jar Jar Binks?
That it's been about a month since Grey loosed a better looking, non-speech impedimented Jar Jar on the world to join a boy band?
That Grey and Blackbird have still failed completely to find and stop Jar Jar?
That time after time after time these two keep running into who the hell knows else when they should be focusing their efforts on finding and smashing Jar Jar?
I mean come on, if this operation were run effectively then they'd have Binks by now and would have thwacked him into next century.
Yes I know that's a form of hostility towards future generations, but hopefully by then they'd have the tools to destroy Jar Jar.
Actually, why doesn't Grey just destroy Jar Jar?
What do you mean The Mighty Trout doesn't have those sorts of settings? Grey doesn't have to use The Mighty Trout!
He does?
Why?!?!?
"It's in the title"?
Good grief, tell whoever's in charge of this operation to start using their whole ass.
Anyway, as I was saying: Now, somewhere in Paris, France . . .
<End Intro Voice>
Right, here we are, France, one of the few places in the world where Jar Jar Binks could find safe haven.
And coincidentally enough, far, far, far away from Melissa Joan Hart.
Never speak her name again, thank you very much.
Fine, fine, but mark my words we'll wind up in the United States again.
We're in the country that still loves Jerry Lewis comedies. Where would Jar Jar be safer?
The country that spawned Jerry Lewis comedies, maybe?
It's still worth a look.
All right, all right.
Hang on, you!
Me?
Yes you, are you Jar Jar Binks?
Brilliant questioning.
Do I look like Jar Jar Binks?
Maybe.
I, you blithering fool, am Bridgette Bardot.
Who?
I'm the brilliant international actress.
Huh?
Wait, I know who you are.
There.
She's not important.
What?!
You're just Bridgette Bardot. Not Jar Jar Binks.
I am so important! What I've done is important! What I still do is important!
Like what?
I'm Bridgette Bardot!
Yes, that doesn't exactly tell us what and why you're supposed to be important.
Supposed to be?!
Well, you're Bridgette Bardot, it's not like you've been in the public eye much lately.
But what about my movie fame?
What was the last movie you were in?
I was -
In the last five years.
Well, I, uh, was, er, played, uh, the, er, very important, uh, role, um, of, er, well . . .
That's my point. Either celebrities stay in the public eye or they drop off the face of the Earth. There's no middle ground.
But I was a famous actress!
Maybe. But how do we know that?
For all we know you were just a model.
Or just someone with looks who had her picture taken frequently.
How is that different from being a model?
A model gets paid. What I just described means that you were out for attention.
I am out for attention now though. I have an important cause!
What?
I'm Bridgette Bardot; I'm going to stop the world from wearing fur, and maybe eating meat.
Oh crud.
What?
She's one of those people.
So?
What do you mean "one of those people"?
It's no good, I've already faced Peta and dealt with them.
So?
It's getting repetitive. I prefer to stay fresh and new.
Excuse me, but I am more important than Peta.
Right.
I am the one who brings all the publicity to this issue. With me around the crusade to end the horrific consumption of animals will succeed. We will bring the world of the vicious carnivores to an end.
Excuse me, but we're omnivores.
Meat is meat, fleshrender!
I think I kind of like being called a flesh render.
Doesn't matter, she's not worth the effort.
Not worth the effort?! I'm the last defender of the animals!
Right. So that means chickens?
Yes!
Cows?
Yes!
Sheep?
Yes!
Foxes?
Most assuredly!
Leopards?
They should not be made to suffer for fashion.
See, not worth it.
How does any of this mean I'm not worth it?
You're out to save animals.
Yes, I keep telling you that, but you seem to think that saving animals does not grant me a measure of respect.
And fame?
Well, fame helps.
You're not worth it because you're not helping animals. You're just helping the cute fuzzy animals. Or rather the cute fuzzy animals that won't tear you to pieces.
What?!
Chickens, cows, sheep, all harmless. So would any leopard that they'd use in a publicity photograph.
What difference does that make?
First, I don't see you crusading for sharks.
They're not being turned into clothing.
No, they're being turned into soup and hunted down because people think they're dangerous people eaters. They're not. Second of all I don't see you cuddling up to wild tigers that are known people eaters.
Well . . .
Finally, if you had been serious about saving animals you would have kicked up some sort of stink about the new Matrix movie.
Why?
Morpheus, unless I'm mistaken, is wearing some sort of Alligator jacket.
He is?
Really?
It looks like it. Kinda dark green, lumpy in all the rightish places. No one said anything about it.
Well, uh, it was hard to tell, easy to miss.
Right.
Grey, doesn't everything you've stated mean that Bridget Bardot here is stupid?
Hey!
Well . . .
Come on, I still need the practice.
But Bridgette Bardot?
What about me?
<TwAAArrrk>
I didn't say you could do that.
It's not like it counts.
I suppose. For future reference keep your left elbow up and twist more at the shoulders than the waist.
<Intro Voice>
And so Grey and Blackbird, with Mighty Trout swinging high, head off into the sunset, sure to be lynched if they don't get Jar Jar Binks soon.
It is so a fair comment, every day brings us closer and closer to WoodBinks or Jar Jaraid or something horrific like that.
<End Intro Voice>
