<Intro Voice>
Do not ask me how we got here, we just got here.
After last week's attempt at a Christmas special it was decided that Grey should have another chance, even though it's after Christmas and is really more of a New Years thing.
Why are we giving him another chance? Well, partly it's because his name is in the title. There's also the fact that The Mighty Trout needed another week or two's recuperation.
I don't see anyone giving me recuperation. I'm supposed to be on holiday and still I'm here.
Oh well. Anyway, somewhere in a graveyard . . .
Wait, graveyard?
<End Intro Voice>
I for one genuinely liked the beginning. It was good to see that it both was and was not Smegol's inherent corruptibility that made him susceptible to the power of the One Ring.
What do you mean?
Well, but for a few quick moves it could have just as easily been Deagol who had the ring and killed Smegol.
I suppose. I would have preferred that they skipped that entire bit and tried to fit in Christopher Lee's bit.
They could have cut down on the ending for that.
They cut down on the ending as is. Not as much as I expected, at least they got all the important elements.
I don't mean that they should have removed stuff. I'm just thinking that they could have cut down on the weepy bits, the long pauses and the nearly endless self-congratulations.
That did drag on for quiet a bit.
Blame it on Liv Tyler, the elf for every wet dream.
That's a bit harsh, isn't it?
You're the fanatic, you tell me.
I think it added a much-needed romantic subplot.
It added a pretty face in elf ears. It's worse than Japanese cartoons in playing to fetishes.
Look, even I understand that they had to change a few things to make the movie commercially viable. You can't expect someone to just transfer all three books of Lord of the Rings onto a movie reel and think that everyone would like it.
I have no problem with that. It's just that I prefer omissions to additions.
Fine, fine.
I presume you're also unhappy about the treatment of Legolas and Gimli?
Not really, if essential parts had to be cut, I suppose it's better than some.
And I thought you were a fanatic.
What's wrong with Gimli and Legolas?
Gimli's stuck being comic relief and Legolas is a smug elf git who prances across snow while other trudge, mounts a horse backwards and tiptoes up a fragging great huge war elephant.
He's an elf, he's supposed to do that sort of thing.
Well it was annoying.
Fine. By the way, Grey, what are we doing here in a graveyard digging up a grave?
Oh, this is another attempt to get the Grinch.
The what?
The Grinch. The guy who tries to spoil Christmas. You told me that I had the wrong guy last time, so this time I figured I go right to the source.
I'm afraid to ask, but what do you consider to be the source of the Grinch?
Take a look at who's grave your digging up.
Doctor Seuss. Why am I surprised?
Because you don't think ahead enough.
Grey, first of all, the Grinch is out there no matter what you do to the remains of Doctor Seuss.
I've got to try anyway.
Secondly, I'm pretty sure that Doctor Seuss was a pseudonym.
You can't be sure and neither can I.
Finally, and I'm not sure I can stress this enough, the Grinch is a fictional character. He does not exist, he is not real, and he is not out to destroy each and every Christmas. Even in the story he realises the error of his way.
He was faking his redemption and he's had the story made so people don't think he's real.
Just when I think I know what sort of paranoid maniac you are, you go and surprise me.
Gee, thanks for the flattery. Now get digging!
Who's out there?!
What!
Grey, I don't think we're the only ones here.
Stunning deduction Blackbird. Who else is out here?
Me.
And me.
And him.
So that's what, four of you?
Uh, yeah. How many of you are there?
Nine.
Prove it.
No.
Great, Blackbird, just great. Who are you and what are you doing in a graveyard?
Who are you and what are you doing in a graveyard?
Nice to know we're not the only one's going nowhere fast.
Wait, I think I see someone . . . Chad Kroeger?
Uh oh.
Wait, Nickleback are out here? Why?
We could ask you the same thing.
But we're not because we're polite.
Right, sure. You know we could take care of you quiet easily.
I'm not so sure.
Why not?
Because you're the third set of people we've run into here tonight.
What?
How many people are there out here?
Not us.
We're not here.
We are.
I think we are.
I have an idea Grey. Is anyone else here to dig up Doctor Seuss?
Great Blackbird, what's that supposed to do except -
No.
No.
No.
How about you guys?
No.
Then how about we all just go on with out business.
Sounds good to me.
Grey?
I don't know.
Come on Grey.
All right. But you'd better watch yourselves Nickelback, you're still cool, but form the looks of your new music video you're in danger of slipping and becoming a boyband.
We'll be good.
Honest.
Very well then. Anymore brilliant ideas, Blackbird?
How about we go and get something to eat while I explain to you why this is a bad idea.
Fine. I hate trying to rob a grave when there's a crowd around anyway.
<Intro Voice>
What the hell was that?
Never mind. And so Grey and Blackbird trudge off into the darkness, sure to be robbing graves in the name of Christmas again!
I'm glad that's over.
<End Intro Voice>
