WHY HAVING THE LAST NAME MOLER SPELLS INTERMINABLE DOOM
When asked to write a personal dissertation, one topic clearly popped into my mind. Why having the last name Moler guarantees a lackluster and somewhat twisted outlook on life. Clearly the last name Moler is probably the most hideous word that can be spoken, I mean just say it right now, I know that my stomach has turned into a knot and I am suffering from uncontrollable bowel movements. Now some of you may not be suffering yet, but give it time soon you will feel a horrendous pain in the side of your gut reminiscent to the pain of a claw shrimp attack. Now if you think a claw shrimp attack is bad just imagine meeting a Moler in person. *SHUDDERS* Now this may seem harsh but the truth can be harsh, I know its true but I shouldn’t say it. Now there is only way to avoid a Moler confrontation and that is to commit suicide. It may seem drastic but it’s a necessity, with the thick hide and abnormally large calve muscles a Moler can clearly put a moratorium on your life. With a hide so thick that it can repel bullets coupled with ultra powerful calves the Moler is a force to be reckoned with.
Why Moler equals Satan. Now it is clearly obvious that Satan and Moler have the same amount of letters but there also some subtleties that I want you to notice. The vowels are located in the exact same position- coincidence I think not. Also I would like you to notice that the distance between consonants falls at odd numbered intervals. 7 - 9 - 5. Clearly this can not be explained and thus proves my point that Moler equals Satan.
Now lets look at the roots of the word Moler, we will do this by breaking the word down.
Mole - hideous looking skin creature, or mammalian that burrows under ground ER - statement made when not knowing the answer. So Moler clearly means a mole that is confused. A confused mole, now we are definitely doomed for life. Can you imagine confused moles burrowing underneath of us. Think of the children oh please wont you think of the children. Now with confused moles burrowing around we are in for some serious trouble, but we don’t have time for that. . . . . . . . . . YET !
Now for those of you who still doubt that Moler is the worst name be sure to tell EVAN why in an angry and hate filled email at IAMNOTANUMBER783@msn.com
Thank you - JACO PASTORIOUS
**** The views expressed by Jaco Pastorious on this web site may not necessarily reflect the views of the web site staff and administration. But they probably do anyway.
