The "Sun"
Evan Lusky
10-29-02
Many people believe that the sun is a giant ball of gas 1,391,000 kilometers in diameter. However, they could not be farther from the truth. The sun is actually, if you take the time to look at it, about the size of a quarter. Somehow though the greatest misnomer of all time has spread to almost every person on this planet. It seems almost unfathomable that anyone would think that the sun is a huge ball of gas, yet almost everyone does. Hopefully this myth will be dispelled by the truth of this paper.
The sun, here after reffered to as "the sun", can be completely blocked out by simply placing your hand over it. How then could it possibly be 1,391,000 kilometers in diameter. Think about it. We all know 1,391,000 sounds like a made up number. That alone should convince the average person. However for some, this still may not be enough. Some people have made the argument that the "sun" is actually millions of miles away from the earth and that is why the "sun" appears to be so small. But I would argue that these people are morons. I bet they have never even been to the "sun". In fact, one could scarcely hope to visit the "sun" just as much as one could hope to visit anything else which was less than an inch in diameter, the entire concept is absolutely ludicrous. Have they visited the "sun"? I submitt that they have not. Another common argument is that an object the size of a quarter could never heat the entire earth, but really, is the earth that hot? I mean, what about "winter"? Or Antarctica? Try making the heat argument when you are standing in negative 90 degree weather and it's so cold that you have to cut open your only mode of transportation and sleep in it's gooey innards. I think everyone would agree with me when I say that the earth is really not that warm. In fact the true purpose of the "sun" isn't to heat the earth at all, its real purpose is to emit ultra photon rays which keep me and a few others from reaching our true potential or "level 2". My solution? We, mainly I, must destroy the "sun". It is really the only option.
But before we get into the actual destruction of the "sun", I think I should first explain why so many people believed the horrible lie that the "sun" actually helps us. You see, the problem is, if I was to reach "level 2" I would finaly be able to realize all of my potential. If this were to happen I would actually be able to convince people of there stupidity. Also I would be able to dismantle the commercialist american society and take down big buisiness once and for all. That is why onmicorp, the secret global coorelation of all things evil traveled back in time in order to create the "sun". "They" then proceded to spread propaganda about this usefull "sun" and some sort of heliocentric universe. Naturally most human beings, due to an unequalled level of ignorance, believed everything and thus modern society was born, and of course it is common knowledge that modern society sucks.
So therefore, we have all been lied to, and since any decent human being hates liars, it should only be natural to want to destroy the "sun". But somehow there are still some who might say "YOU WANT TO BLOW UP THE SUN? THAT'S INSANITY! STOP THIS MADNESS AND GET BACK TO WORK, AND FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PURE, PUT ON SOME PANTS!!!" but in response I would like to say that they forgot to put quotation marks around the word "sun". And then I would laugh at them with my friends friend monkey Cletus. Unfortunately, the "sun" isn't going to be an easy target to destroy. As you recall from being convinced in my earlier paragraph, the "sun" is about the size of a quarter, making it very small. But a figure if we, or I, fire almost all of the worlds nuclear weapons at it, I'm bound to hit something. The nuclear wasteland created from this display of my awesomeness may be horrible and terrifying, but its a consequense I think we can all live with, or at least those of us who arn't instantly vaporized by the blast, they won't be alive at all; and maybe no those who have been turned into horrible cockroach human hybrids and other monsters. Oh, or those who suffer from horrible radiation caused diseases. The point is, I can live with the consequenses.
In conclusion, if you not have been convinced of my point of view in this paper then you are obviously someone of little intellect and not very capable of decerning the truth, and probably mostly ugly. I pity you. Yet, I also envy you, because if the old addage is true, you must be one of the most blissful people ever. As for the rest of us, we know that the "sun" is definitely the size of a quarter, and unless you have actually gone to the "sun" you should not even try to prove me wrong, because I am much much better than you. You can not even comprehend how much better. It's uncomprehendable. What I am trying to convey here is that I am so awesome that it makes my teeth hurt. So logically the "sun" is bad, corporate America is worse, and I am the ultimate solution.
