Acquire/Activision - 1998

      When people think of stealth games, they think of Metal Gear Solid. However, the enlightened few think of Tenchu, the original sneaky game. Not only did it come out a full year before MGS, but it is a much better game.

      Although you cannot pick your butt or tie your shoe in this, you also never need to push more than two buttons at once. There is one button for attack, one for items, and one for sneaking. The most complicated procedure was sneaking because you had to hold the button down. I realize you may be confused about this so I will use interpretive dance to explain it . . . . . . . . . . ow . . . ow . . . POP! . . . medic.

      The graphics and sound in this game were horrendous. Try to imagine a 3 year old with one eye making clay models of ninjas using only his mouth, while his 5 year old, mentally handicapped friends do the voice-acting with all of their teeth knocked out. Luckily, those lisping, mumbling wads of clay are very, very sneaky.

      No, really, I think you underestimate the sneakiness. These guys have about four different stealth kills each. Not only that, but they can creep along walls and use all sorts of sneaky items. AND THE ROLLING! Oh, the rolling. Those fellas roll everywhere. And do you know why? BECAUSE IT'S SNEAKY! Ninja fact: rolling is sneaky, even if three people watch you do it.

What I liked: Stealth kills. The sneaking was really fun, too. Basically, it was cool just being a ninja. The controls were very simple (walk, sneak, kill) so it was a lot better than Metal Gear Solid.

What I disliked: The fighting. Hands down, feet down, butt in the air, was the worst part of the gam- wait, no, let me start over. What I disliked: The voice acting. The voices were among the worst in any game and you couldn't skip movies, this means that you had to re-watch the movie every time you die. The fighting was the second worst thing because it was just "block, block, block, attack." However, to its credit, ninjas aren't supposed to fight, that is a samurai's job.

What to expect: Metal Gear Solid, but good. If you haven't played MGS, then expect a lot of waiting and watching. You are a ninja, thus you must be stealthy and senselessly violent.

What not to expect: Fast gameplay. The guards use tricky patterns like walking in lines and rotationing. As a result, you can't just run up to them.

What sets it apart from the genre: It is set apart from stealth games because you are a ninja, set apart from ninja games because you are stealthy.

Ratings on:

Controls: 7 - Jumping and turning are very sketchy.

Graphics: 4 - Sooooo bad. Each person is a jumble of polygons. I think the fat people are actually wearing skin colored inner-tubes. Thank goodness it's usually night-time.

Sound: 3 - Sound effects were bad, voices were worse.

Style: 7 - Brought sneakiness to a new level. Too bad the presentation was horrible.

2nd hour: 5 - Curse you well-guarded checkpoint. Running really fast doesn't seem to work.

5th hour: 8 - Took A.D.D. pills even though I'm not afflicted. They gave me an extra long attention span.

1st week: 9 - The slower you go, the more fun it is.

2nd week: 8 - Beat it. Still fun to go back and play.

#1 thing I hate about this game: The fat lady(?) that says, "It's in my belly. You're not going to get it."

by Sundu