Star Fox Assault

Gamecube

Nintendo/Namco – 2005

Mmm...anthromorphic* goodness. Star Fox returns from the cheesy Legend of Zelda rip-off, with a brand new crew, pimped out Arwings and Great Fox, and a brand new enemy to fight that isn’t Andross (seriously, Nintendo ISN’T like Capcom [only Mega Man and Mega Man X players will understand that joke]). Now Star Fox consists of Fox McCloud, Falco Lombardi, Slippy Toad, and Krystal (blue fox girl). Star Wolf has also been changed a bit, for the better (they don’t have Pigma anymore, though. That made me sad).

So, the game begins with the remnants of Andross’s forces attacking Fortuna. You as Starfox, go in to stop them, and find out ex-Star Wolf, and nephew of Andross, Andrew Oikonny is controlling them. Stage 1 boss is a cheap Andross clone (very easy, no fear kids). But...once you beat him (and he shouts “Uncle Annndrooos!!!”)...a big bug like monster bot comes in...and that’s where you get to learn the story.

So, this game is a little mix of Star Fox (64), and Star Fox Adventures. Sometimes you’re in the Arwing, sometimes you’re on the wing of the Arwing (or, in one case, the Wolfen), and sometimes you’re in the Landmaster Tank, and occasionally, running around on foot with your variety of weapons. All of which are really fun. I don’t, however, like that Star Wolf not only broke up, but you only fight them one time, AND they help you against the aparoid-infected General Pepper AND aparoid queen.

OOPS! SPOILER!

Oh yeah, if anyone complains about how Krystal is “suddenly” a pilot and can speak English, look at the back of the box. “Several years since disaster was averted on Dinosaur Planet.” That means that it could have been two years, five years, maybe even 10. That’s long enough to teach someone English, and basic skills in aerial/ground combat. Also...they have done something...something that shocked and amazed me...

SLIPPY DOES NOT SOUND LIKE A 12 YEAR OLD SCHOOLGIRL GOING THROUGH PUEBERTY!!! (I never played Star Fox Adventures, and I don’t care to, so I don’t know if his voice was changed then or what.) Ahh...bliss.

You know who else is cool? Peppy. Peppy is so damn cool. He’s like 2873 (in hare years...probably, like...4 in human years), and can pilot an Arwing...AND crash the aparoid-infected Great Fox through a barrier blocking the path to the aparoid queen, AND make it to an escape ship RIGHT BEFORE the thing explodes to bejeebus and back.

OOPS! MORE SPOILERS!

What Liked: How everything...and I mean EVERYTHING got pimped out and remade, including character models, music...and some other cool things.

What Disliked: ...getting medals on Mission 3 is REALLY hard.

What to expect: Arwings are back in business.

What not to expect: The awesome quotes from Star Wolf...like when you did a loop in Star Fox 64 and you were being chased by Wolf and he was like “What the HECK?” like he was absolutely ASTOUNDED by the fact you did a loop.

What's so different from this and other games of it's genre: Animals...EVERYWHERE!!!

Ratings on:

Control – (9): 3 different modes. 1 basic control, 1 more suited to those used to FPS’s...and 1 that is really...really crazy looking and that I’m afraid to try...but everything responds.

Graphics – (10): Oh man...I nearly shat my pants when I saw how good all everything looked. The Arwings were no longer white battleships...they were MECHANICAL DEATHMACHINETRAPS!

Sound – (10): They remixed Starwolf...and man...wow...I also love how Krystal sounds like a Brit.

Style – (10): ANTHROMORPHS! ANNNTHROMORPHS!!!

...in SPACE! With LASERS!

#1 reason why I hate this game: “Uncle Annndrosss!!!” was only uttered once.

by Tim, who one day wishes to be a fox in space, piloting a gigantic deathmachinetrap.

*Anthromorph is an animal with human-like traits...like the ability to walk on hind legs alone and handle heavy weaponry. (Editor’s Note: Duh!)