Sewer Shark

Digital Pictures?

Sewer Shark. Now there is a videogame you never wanted to hear about. Goes down as one of the worst games ever, period, in my opinion. Basically, listen to this... If for some fluke you actually have a copy of this game, burn it. Wait, first watch the intro sequence. Then burn it.

So let's talk about the intro sequence, which I for one HAVE watched. Before I burnt the game that is. The game boasts the "great" live video, with real, yes real people as actors! Yeah, go put in Halo, I'll bet you don't see REAL PEOPLE in Halo! You know why? Because real people suck! Who would want to see real people in a video game? Surely not me! But in all seriousness, the idea of having real people in a videogame could be cool for certain games. But in order for it to be taken seriously, you need more than just 2 of the worst actors ever, some choppy framerate, and a set that looks like an abandoned Q-Zar arena. Wait, this game also has a flying puppet robot. Darnit, it HAS to be good now. So why watch the intro sequence, you are wondering? Well, if you have friends, then if they are over while you watch the intro, you can make the absolute best MST3K ripoffs while mocking the show. In all seriousness, if they had hired soap opera actors, the acting would have been better.

The game starts out with some woman mocking the camera, who is supposed to be you. At least I think it was a woman, for the choppy frame rate and 16 colors of the scene make it hard to tell. Then she leaves, and a man starts to make fun of you. Then the robot puppet makes fun of you.

At this point I quit playing. When the actual gameplay came on, I cried like a middle school boy who just realized that his dreams of screwing the school hottie are as close as his chances of winning the lottery and while carrying the money home, being struck by lightening, twice. Wait, that didn't make any sense. Ok, needless to say, I cried.

Now then, the ratings, which won't help you decide whether or not to play the game at all:

Ratings on:

Graphics: 3 - If you call actual people shown in a choppy frame rate "good," then give it a 10. I don't though.

Sound: 2 - Trust me, you don't wanna hear it. You don't even wanna hear the "INcredible voice acting."

Controls: 2 - Just like any first person shooter without a guncon, it S-U-X sucks.

Style: 3 - If crappy storylines and bad games overall do it for you, then by all means go ahead and buy one.

1st hour: 2 - Fun, no wait it isn't. Quit now while you are ahead.

2nd hour: 0 - Stopped playing.

#1 reason why I hate this game: - You get it free with the Sega CD, that means most people will at least try it once!

Yeah, he's cool and Can you see what is going on? Cause I can't either.

Hawke now ends another bad review.