Run Like Hell

PS2

Interplay - 2002

Ok. Run Like Hell. A game that has been postponed many times. "To get it perfect" they said. Well, if you ask me, perhaps they should have kept working. Or maybe they should be running like hell when everyone realizes such a bad game this is. (Wow. That last sentence was "Crap-tastic." Remind me never to say stuff like that again.) Moving on.

First off, I hate this game. It is games like this that first begot this website, and the whole idea of ripping on, er I mean reviewing video games. Put in the DVDROM. No wait, don't, please don't. But if you did, by accident of course, you would see an awful introduction with the most stereotypical characters since Bad Dudes. The main character, whatever-the-crap-his-face-is, looks like any movie star along the veins of Last Action Hero. He, weirdly enough, is married, or at least got a partner of some kind, for this woman looks too much like a man for me. Her boobies are larger than his head, and her nipples poke out of her spacesuit pretty impressively, since she's probably wearing at least 4 layers due to the cold climate of the spaceship they are on. Or maybe because of the cold climate. Needless to say, it is unrealistic and a tad annoying. The scariest part though is her hips are smaller than mine and her shoulders larger. Enough about her. It's bringing back bad memories of 3rd grade and child molesters.

So let's talk about the opening. Stereotypical man begins by quoting Shakespeare, something that seems a bit strange to be doing in the future, especially for a miner/taxi driver or whatever he is from the future. Aparently Shakespeare must have been cryogenically frozen and thawed out the day before, performing his most famous lines from plays. Either that or Stereotypical man just watched "I Love the 1600's Strikes Back" just before his opening speech. But he continues to quote Shakespeare and then has a dream where he's chased by a monster. Then he wakes up very excited, a little too excited if you catch my drift, and tells his man-wife about the dream. She turns into a monster too, or something, and he wakes up again, supposedly in the real world, even more stimulated. Yes in that way. Yes I know it is gross. You don't have to tell me. Hey now, I was the one who had to watch it. I'm just saving you the trouble of having to watch that. Trust me, it was gross.

Finally we play the game. To sum this up quick, because I am getting tired of remembering all that awful game, it plays just like any shoot-'em up. Any. You choose the basic kind, with basic hunt for the passwords, it is just like it. You auto lock on enemies, and you get lots of ammo to shoot them. You run like you have crap in your pants, or perhaps something else, since he just woke up from his happy dream, and you shoot Aliens ripoff enemies that can block laser beams with their arms.

But here is the best part. The game is called Run Like Hell, correct? Well how come Stereotypical man never runs like hell? He can defeat every enemy pretty easily, he has lots and lots of bullets in his gun. So why even call it Run Like Hell? Why not "Kill the Enemies with your Gun" or something that actually describes the game. Especially because Stereotypical man cannot run worth anything. Personally, if I made this game, this is what I would do. First I would limit the bullets to not much, ala Resident Evil. Second I would add a "Run Like Hell" button. This button, when pressed, causes the character to run in an arm-flailing motion away from whatever enemies are near, really really fast-like. Now that is originality right there.

What liked: Umm. Shakespeare was cool.

What disliked: Quoting Shakespeare. The game. No "Run Like Hell" button.

What to expect: Every shoot-'em up game made ever. Not fun.

What not to expect: a "Run Like Hell" button.

What's so different from this and other games of it's genre: ... different?

Ratings on:

Control: 7 - auto targeting enemies makes this quite easy.

Graphics: 2 - Hideous man-wife is scary, and so is Stereotypical dude having nocturnal emmissions.

Sound: No comment

Style: 0

1st hour: I quit.

5th hour: n/a

1st week: n/a

5th week: Don't even ask me to pick up the game off the ground for you.

#1 reason why I hate this game: No "Run Like Hell" button. Well that and everything else.

by Hawke