Red Faction II

PS2

This was the greatest, worst, squishiest, jiggliest, ugliest, lemony scented, miniature, supine, highfalootenest, greenest, table-esque, strip joint is closed game I've ever played. The opening particularly caught my eye. I never knew that midgets could USE rocket launchers to such great effect, especially with one in each hand. Although it doesn't have much bearing on the acutal plot, it is fun when the main character beats other people with severed limbs - which limbs you say? I can't spoil EVERYTHING, can I?

The acutal game itself is like a cucumber. The outside is all bumpy and oddly hued, but when you bite into it you're like 'man, is this really a cucumber or did I buy carrots again and leave them in the refrigerator until they were bloated and green?? After the first two or three bites, perhaps you throw the cucumber at a passing car.

The graphics, however, left something to be desired. Yes, you can blow everything up, but what about the LOVE? I was dissapointed at the limited amount of costumes for the enemies. And I would prefer it if they all didn't wear THAT. THAT is disgusting and should not be allowed in a video game. it's so . . . I don't even know the word for it's so vile, and I won't speak of it anymore. Furthermore, the 'Severed limb cam? was a nice feature, but NOT worth all the hype.

What really disturbed me though was the plot. After a while, I just got tired of hearing 'eek! a severed head!? and just got really creeped out instead. It was as predictable as a dog with some sort of jiggling rodent hung in front of it. Of COURSE it was the assistant! jeez!

What liked:?I can fly! I can fly! OH NO! MARTIANS!!?

What disliked:inability to equip severed limbs as weapons.

What to expect: Severed limbs.

What not to expect: Someone who won't have a limb severed.

What's so different from this and other games of it's genre: Let me put it to you this way: If Mars didn't need women so badly, this would be like masturbating.

Ratings on:

Control: 8: I'm still mad about the limbs.

Graphics: 5: Oh puh-leeze! that is sooo last 5 minutes.

Sound: 7: ?ouch ouch my eye? gets me every time

Style: 5: boom. sigh.

1st hour: 8: Who needs limbs? not you!

5th hour: 5: I can't dismemeber a body once it's dead . . . (sniff)

1st week: 7: I've discovered all the secret weapons and the final boss's mercy cry is like an evil symphony ringing in my ears in the blackest bowles of - ooh, lunchtime!

#1 reason why I hate this game: Near Midget pornography has no place in videogames. do you hear me?!! NO PLACE!!!

by Freeohio

Editor's Note: FreeOhio has problems. He has never played Red Faction 2, nor has he heard of it. Please, if you ever see him, punch him in the face for me. - Hawke.)

Red Faction 2 Counter Review

Even though Bizarre, and wholly incorrect where the fact are concerned, FreeOhio’s review is not that wrong. I think. I’m not really sure what he is trying to say.

First off, I HAVE played this game. I’m not really sure why they called it Red faction 2, because this game has about as much relation to the first Red Faction as it does to Half-Life. You are not on Mars, you are not mining, and you are not fighting for freedom. There is a Red Faction representative, but he is very whiny, and is summarily killed about half way through the game (yea!). The plot of this game is to kill the evil dictator, once you do that someone else takes his place, can you them kill his replacement. Plus there is a little of the ‘evil corporation creates an evil virus’ theme the Voliton loves so very, very, much (see Red Faction and Descent 3). There are also some really annoying bosses. I don’t mean they are hard; they just taunt you about being weak and cowardly while the hide on a balcony and their goons attack you.

As for the game play, the GeoMod engine seems more limited than the original. (I should note that I played Red Faction on the PC and Played RF2 on the PS2). You can only blow up what the programmers want you too, no more random blowing holes in the floor when you are bored. I probably missed a lot of power ups because I got tired of wasting ammo on indestructible walls. The Vehicles did make a little more on the scene, unlike the token appearances in the first one. In fact there are two pointes were you can climb into a little Giant Killer Robot, which always will score points with me.

RF2 also has a few gun types that let you use two at once. This also scores points with me. However, you have this very unusual and useful skill. You can reload your gun one handed, while still shooting the other. Which means if you time it right, you can fire continuously until you are completely out of ammo.

So what do I think of RF2? Eh. I found it in a clearance bin for 7 bucks, and I think it was worth about that. RF2 has a simpler plot, and shorter game play than it’s older brother. If you are bored, and looking for a cheap shooter for the PS2, Red Faction 2 is the game for you.

By Banthor